Chapter Three --- Under Better Circumstances
A/N:Hi again everybody, hope you've been liking the story so far!!! Here's a longer chapter, finally. Thanks to my great friend, Emzer92, who reviewed and gave me loads of good feedback today in school! But special thanks to the brilliant csiwendy07: not only did she review, but she's been really sweet, offering to help out with the whole stuck-in-the-middle (no pun intended) thing! Thank you sooooo much, and I mean that sincerely. See, if the rest of you would just review, you'd get a little mention too…
Also, I've been asked by Shabbs the Corruptor to remind everybody who reads this about the CSI:NY Fan Fiction Awards 2009. Please start making nominations for your favourites, and for more information you should check out the forums…..
Love as always,
Ciara
x x x
Time passed as though in a dream.
Don felt as though he was watching events from outside himself. Stella got him some clean clothes while Mac talked to the doctor in a hushed, tense tone. Danny went to call the guys in the lab and then to break the news to Angell's parents. His normally tough bravado was nowhere to be seen, replaced by a haggard, resigned expression of pain. Lindsay sat with Don the entire time, rubbing his arm and speaking in the sort of soft tones people use around sleeping babies or the terminally ill. She was saying all sorts of things which were evidently intended to comfort him, but his brain didn't seem to be working properly and they were failing miserably.
"I need to see her," he repeated over and over again, as though saying it would somehow make the doctors ignore protocol and let him in, even though her parents were miles away, stuck in the same frustrating New York traffic which had prevented him from doing what he had told himself he would do: make her safe. "I need to see Jess."
"I know," Lindsay murmured, her voice all stuffy and adenoidal. "But you know they have to let her parents see her first. It's only right. They'll be here soon, I promise." Her youthful features were distraught as she gazed in dismay at his stricken face.
"And then I can see her?"
"We'll see," she hedged, her lips pressing together nervously. Don knew she was worried about him, which was ridiculous really because he was alive, talking to her, unscathed when Jess was… not. He forced himself not to think the word which would make him wake up from this dreamlike sensation and realise that everything was truly, irreversibly real. He could still feel the patch of skin where she had last touched his cheek burning red-hot.
"Can I see her when they're done?" he insisted resolutely.
Lindsay sniffed and said again, "We'll see."
"Detective Angell's parents are in with her now," Mac murmured to the others. "They've identified her formally and done all the necessary paperwork. Now they're just spending some time with her, coming to terms with everything that's happened."
"I just can't believe it," said Stella shakily, clasping Mac's hand for comfort. "What happened? What was she doing? One minute she was on her way to join me at the crime scene, then she's calling to tell me she's been sidetracked and is running late. Next thing I know the call is going out that she's down. What the hell is going on here?"
"I think Don knows something, but he won't talk about it. Or- or he can't." Lindsay had her arms around Danny as she glanced sadly at their friend, sitting in his chair, oblivious to anything around him, a shadow of his former self. "I had the invitations to the christening in my bag," she said tonelessly. "I don't even want to think about it now."
"Don't worry Montana, we can postpone. I think it might be better for everyone, under the circumstances."
"I-It's not just that Danny. I'm really, really worried about him."
"He's grieving, Montana. It's normal."
Lindsay nodded tearfully and Danny ruffled her hair affectionately. "I should go call the sitter," he murmured. "Tell her we'll be late. We should be here for Flack. You want a coffee?"
"Y-yes please, my usual." She squeezed his hand gratefully.
"Got it. Mac, Stella?"
"I'm good thanks, Danny," said Stella.
"Me too."
Danny strode over and put his hand on Don's shoulder, more gently than he normally would. "You want anything buddy?"
Don didn't even notice him standing there. Danny smiled sadly and walked away towards the tiny hospital café. Despite his reassurances to Lindsay, a prickle of unease stabbed at his conscience, and he prayed silently that his friend would get through this.
"Mr Angell, I'm Danny Messer, we spoke on the phone."
"I-I remember." The man's voice was shaking.
"I'm so sorry for your loss. Our loss. Jessica was part of the team."
Don looked up at the mention of her name to see a balding, middle-aged man pumping Danny's hand. His face was glazed with tears and heavy lines ploughed furrows across his brow. Behind him stood a woman who could only be Jessica's mother. She looked just like her daughter. Her face was dry; her grief was beyond tears.
"Jessie talked about you all the time," she whispered, looking around at them all. "Detective Taylor, Detective Bonaserra." She looked at Danny and Lindsay, curled into each other, united in sorrow. "She was so happy for you two. The M&Ms, she used to call you."
Lindsay smiled a watery half-smile. "I-I didn't know that."
"Detective Flack." Mrs Angell tripped dazedly to his side. "You made our little girl so very happy. I'm only sorry we couldn't have met under better circumstances."
Don blinked furiously up at her. All he could see was Jess.
"Mr and Mrs Angell," said Mac solemnly. "Your daughter was a very talented, valuable member of the police force. She was a credit to you, and I am honoured to have known her."
"T-the doctor said she died in the field," Jess's father stammered. "Is that true?"
"Yes. She died trying to make New York a safer place for people to live."
"That's something."
"It is?" asked Stella.
"That job was everything to Jessie. If she had to go, that's how she would have wanted it to be. Knowing that she died for the sake of others doesn't make it hurt any less, but it makes me even- even more- I'm sorry- even more pr-proud!" Mr Angell sobbed. His wife put her thin arms around him, her own eyes shimmering with suppressed emotions that would eventually spill over despite her best efforts to stay calm.
"Detective Flack? Detective Flack, you can go see Jessie now. To-to say goodbye. The doctor said you wanted to."
"You sure you're up to this?" Danny asked, kneeling in front of Don.
"I need to see her. I need to."
"Alright buddy. We'll be right here. If it gets too much for you, you come right back here to us, OK?"
Don didn't even acknowledge him, just got to his feet and walked away.
"You see terrible things in your line of work every day," Mrs Angell whispered to Danny. "Why should this be any harder?"
"Because it's not the same. Not when it's someone you know, who you care about. Not when they're one of your own, because you never figure that one of the team will go down, you always think you'll be there to make it better if anything goes wrong. It's harder because you can't anticipate what it does to you. Trust me, I know better than most."
So that's it for another chapter! Ideas? Suggestions? Comments? You know what to do. Push that little button down there, you know you want to……
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