Be Good

Emily Kinney

Jelsa

Can you believe that a single gunshot could destroy you?

Destroy everything on your wake?

Destroy the one you've loved.

I saw her staring at me with that curiosity when she first saw us, saw me.

And I thought that she's just a Suicidal girl when one of my people found her cutting her wrist. I already saw her: an emotional and overly pathetic country girl, who's weak and couldn't even protect herself.

I didn't mind her that much.

I never cared for anyone else.

Since, witnessing my sister's death.

But when I had witnessed the death of her boyfriend, it's like all of his responsibility was transmitted to my shoulder.

I couldn't explain his death to her.

But she has the right to know.

I eventually told her; however, she just stared at me with these uncertain eyes. She never spoke a word, not until she embraced me. I was surprised. I didn't expect that kind of gesture. And also for a girl who just lost her boyfriend.

"I hate goodbyes." She said.

There was a disaster that forced me and our group to separate. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with the same country girl.

And that same country girl made me pay a game of 'Never have I ever'.

Which she told me the things she never did or have done.

And her unseemly accusations ricocheted my past behavior. I was mad. I was infuriated that she thought of me like that.

I unexpectedly lash out my anger at her. It was that kind of feelings I didn't want to set free, I would always lockup my emotions.

But she embraced me once again, and I immediately remembered the first time she held me like that, like she somehow understood me.

That night was new.

Like a rebirth of my soul to change for good.

To change because of her.

But faith was never been good to me, never releasing me of this shattered life.

They took her away.

I ran as fast as I can. I was already too late and I vowed to look for you.

To find you.

But that gunshot.

That gunshot that's bullet went through your head.

I pulled the trigger to Avenge your death, and it was all too late. The blood was staining your shining hair, and decorating your pale skin face.

I never thought I would cry again.

Seeing your limp body on that floor made my heart ache.

Why did you do that?

Why did you sacrifice your life?

It made no sense when I overheard you telling that officer of "I get it."

Why?

I carried you unto my arms, the same I did when the time you injured your feet.

You were so happy when I carried you into that house, and now I didn't even see your smile.

I never got the chance to tell you that you're beautiful.

Your eyes, your face, and your smile.

You're everything.

And I regret not telling you all of that: even how majestic your voice was.

You were always the group's Nightingale.

Our songbird.

And now, all I see is your blank expression. It was fast of how death's facade already darkened your unlikely image. The dull look when I gazed at your lifeless body.

You Are never gonna see Anna!

You are never gonna see Hiccup!

And you are never gonna see Merida or Punzie!

And it seems I had cursed her.

I remember the day when her and I had fought, saying things that I had never meant to say and venting out my anger at her.

And when I saw your sister crying and screaming when she saw me carrying a blood-soaked, immovable and Lifeless body of the one who own the brightest of hair which she grew up with.

You are never gonna see them ever again!

I felt so horrid. I blame myself for the words that I already unleashed from my mouth.

And I never even told her the real words I wanted to say. The hidden affections whenever I see her, hear her, and feel her.

It all broke when that gunshot ripped her existence.

It broke my existence.

That one act of stupidity caused your Bravery and I already knew that you have changed so much; from a weak girl to a strong, empowering and strategic woman. But why did you have to leave me like this?

Leaving me and my heart, grieving for your departure, never to return again.

"When you care about people, hurt is kind of part of a package."

Do I really care about you?

Or something more?

I would honestly say that I never cared for anyone like how I cared for you. It was something different from my sister, different adoration.

I did hate Goodbyes too.

But I never had the chance to say Goodbye.

I'm sorry for the past,

I have failed you, but I promise to be good.

I'm wishing you well, and let me say these words; you were NEVER just a dead girl.

I have learned to care because of you.

You told me not to give up.

But I don't know how to cope the pain within your absence, you went away and it seems my happiness stray too.

I had learned to love because of you.

It was all because of you.

Thank you, Elsa.

UNKNOWNYMUSE:

Reference! Yes, I'm still grieving for Beth's death.