In Her Eyes

by dragonflybeth

The story takes place in a flashback from Lili's perspective from when she and Yona were kidnapped by the nadai merchant, Tsubaru, and depicts their lives as slaves. There are two extra chapters that include the Kingdom Creation Myth and a glimpse of Su-won's thoughts.

3. Chapter 1-2

In His Eyes

I've never wished for her to just conveniently disappear. Because if she did, she'd take everything with her. Not just the sad memories, or the painful ones, or this feeling of indecision welling up within me that pesters me with each turn… but also the happy memories. All the times she turned and smiled to me. The smile that I'd always clung to. That smile that I couldn't look away from.

I was scared to see her angry expression. I was afraid to see her tears. Even more, I was terrified of her disappointment. But most of all, I feared the image that appeared in my dreams each night. To see her body and the blood pooling around her. It made my blood freeze. From that moment on, there was no telling what would happen. But I knew I would never be able to meet her gaze again. I would cease to breathe. And so, I clung to the sight of her smile.

And as I saw her smiling, as I saw her laughing, I laughed along with her. As I did, my heart lifted, yet, at the same time, felt just a little bit heavier.

My chest heaved and my body perspired, yet inside, my blood ran cold. And I was sure it pierced through my gaze as well. Why were the memories all coming back to me now? Now, as sword dyed in a crimson color lay in my hands. I made no move to clean the blade. I made no move to wipe the blood that had spattered upon my face. It was better for her to see me this way. Like a monster.

I'd known if for a long time. That when I became king, Yona and Hak would no longer be by my side. But those warm days always made me doubt myself, even just a little. But my right arm will soon be gone. As will the girl who gave me that warmth. By crushing them underfoot and casting them off, I will become emperor. And with that resolve in mind, I doubted myself no longer. In the end, even if it's God's will, even if it's destiny, I shall destroy it. So I watched, as the girl I trampled knelt before me. I watched as she looked at me with an expression I've never seen before. I watched as the light slowly extinguished from her eyes. I watched those tears I had always feared overflow and I just felt numb to it all. It was then that it occurred to me: Is that it? Is it all over? That was so much easier than I thought it would be. Yet somewhere deep inside, I felt something cracking; I felt something irreplaceable breaking. But I was so far gone, I couldn't even tell what it was anymore.