Author's Note: The prompt this time was 'In the past Emma has had a myriad of different jobs to keep her head above water, one of them was working in a dance/strip club. Ruby wants to surprise her boyfriend/girlfriend (whatever suits you) and asks Emma for a lesson in lap dancing. Bonus points if Regina walks in on them.' I don't own the song used.

"So have you thought about it yet?" Ruby asked as she set down Emma's dinner order on her desk.

Emma glanced up with a small frown. "Ruby –"

"Oh come on, Emma, please. I really want to learn."

"Why is it," Emma asked as she dug out her fries, "that you always drag me into these things?"

"What have I dragged you into?" Ruby asked, sitting at her own desk and trying to play it cool.

"Oh, let's just make a list shall we? There was the dunk tank –"

"Which made us tons of money and got you up close and personal with Madam Mayor."

"And the kissing booth –"

"Please, Ems, you gave me a raise after that one."

Emma sighed as she took a bite of her grilled cheese. "Why did I ever tell you that I used to be an exotic dancer?"

"Because you were pretty wasted." Ruby laughed. "It's nothing to be ashamed of Emma. Hell, I'm asking you to teach me. Please?"

"Hiring you as my deputy was the worst idea ever." Emma huffed, which Ruby knew meant yes. She clapped her hands gleefully. "I don't know where you expect me to teach you. We can't exactly do it at my place, or yours, as I'm sure our roommates wouldn't approve."

Ruby grinned. "We've got plenty of space right here, and a night shift with nothing else to do."

Emma still looked skeptical. "Please, Emma. I really want to do this for August. I've got to show him that I can be exotic and worldly. And you're my lemur."

Emma blinked and shook her head. "I don't even want to know what that means. Fine. We'll do it tonight."

"Really? You mean it?"

"Ruby." Emma's voice was a warning.

The younger woman threw her arms around Emma. "You're the best!"

"I'm gonna regret this." Emma sighed, but Ruby paid her no mind, already pushing desks back to make room to dance.

"Alright, first things first – you have to establish some ground rules when it comes to lap dancing. In a club, it's pretty easy because the rules are usually already in place from the management. In your bedroom, this is not the case. So you become the management."

Ruby looked intrigued at this idea. "Okay. So what ground rules should I set?"

Emma smirked. "No touching. At least not for August. You can – and will – touch all you want, but it's off limits for him. If he does touch, you instantly end it. He'll learn pretty quick to follow the rules. And if he doesn't," Emma pushed Ruby down into the chair they'd moved into the center of the room, in front of one of the cells, to practice with and quickly used two silk scarves to tie her hands to the chair, "this will teach him a lesson and turn him on all at the same time."

Ruby's eyes widened just a fraction, but a wicked smile slid across her face. "No handcuffs, Sheriff?"

Emma laughed. "Handcuffs offer a little bit more movement than the scarves do. Plus, scarves don't typically leave marks." She tugged on the knots and allowed the scarves to fall.

"Now, the next most important thing is music. You have to pick a song that you like, that's going to make you feel sexy, and that also allows you to feel comfortable. If you're uncomfortable, it isn't going to be fun for anyone."

Ruby grinned as she pulled out her iPod. "I already kinda picked a song."

She showed the screen to Emma, who nodded at the choice. "Nice." It was a typically Ruby song, but it would work well for her.

"Okay, so we got ground rules, we got music, what next?" Ruby was practically bouncing in the chair as she looked at Emma with expectant eyes.

"Well, I'd say wardrobe, but I think you got that covered." Emma laughed, looking Ruby up and down.

"Are you saying I dress like a stripper?" Ruby pouted.

"Are you saying you don't?" Emma retorted with a raised eyebrow. The brunette didn't really have a reply, to which Emma laughed. "I'm just saying that you know how to work an outfit and shouldn't have any trouble in that department, Rubes."

"Okay." Ruby couldn't keep the smile from coming back on her face. "So now we cover the dance?"

Emma nodded. "Now we cover the dance."

She took the iPod from Ruby and then quickly adjusted the younger woman's body in the chair. "Remember, no touching. Hands on the armrests only. Also, you want to make sure that he sits with his legs open, so that there's a v," Emma moved Ruby's legs to show her "that's your dance space."

"And this is yours, spaghetti arms." Ruby shot back with a smirk. "Dirty Dancing, get it?"

"I got it." Emma deadpanned.

"Oh lighten up, Ems." Ruby smacked her ass with a grin. "We're supposed to be having fun."

Emma just rolled her eyes. "Okay, so, the secret to a good lap dance is that it needs to come off as spontaneous and not rehearsed. The more it seems like you practiced, the more of a turnoff it is for a guy. He wants to believe that it's special – just for him – and that it's his reactions that are dictating your moves. Which, in most cases it should be. But you also need to have some moves at your disposal. So… the basics."

Emma stepped back so that she was out from between Ruby's legs. "It's always good to start dancing just out of reach. A lap dance is probably 98% about the teasing. So you start off easy, moving your hips, unbuttoning your shirt a little, taking down your hair."

Emma demonstrated, shaking out her hair and teasingly popping one button on her shirt as she sashayed her hips back and forth to the rhythm of a song that wasn't yet playing. Ruby had her eyes glued to Emma, taking in everything.

"Once you've done that for a little while, then you move in closer." She stepped between the brunette's legs. "This is when the fun begins. You step up the teasing a little bit more by touching yourself when you dance. This reminds him not only of how much he wants to touch you, but that he can't. Drives them crazy every time."

Emma popped another few buttons on her shirt and then began to very lightly touch herself, running her fingers over her neck and down her chest and stomach. Her fingers teased around the waist of her jeans, but then ran back up. "Tease like that few times, then actually start to rub. Pretend you're putting on lotion." Emma showed this, using both hands to rub over her body. "But make sure to take your time. Guys love that."

Ruby offered Emma a sexy wink. "I don't think guys are the only ones."

Emma laughed. "Finally, you really push his buttons by getting up close and personal. This is when you can start to touch him, but he can't touch you."

Emma moved in even closer and grinned. "It helps if there's something behind the chair to hold onto," she said as she grasped the cell bars that just happened to be behind her, using them as leverage so that she could lean down towards Ruby, her breasts right in front of the other woman's face. She lifted herself up and down a few times to demonstrate. "Guys flip their lids over that move. It's also the one that makes them try to touch the most, so be ready."

Emma released the bars and moved her hands to Ruby's shoulder, caressing them and sliding them down over her chest before moving back up to grip them tighter. Holding on, she lowered herself between Ruby's legs and then back up, opening her legs when she got into a crouch before closing them when she raised back up. "That one works pretty well too. And what guy can resist a little bending action?"

Emma turned, but made sure she was looking over her shoulder, keeping eye contact with Ruby as she bent down, still moving her hips, so that she was shaking her ass quite sexily in Ruby's face.

"Damn, girl, you must've made some good money." Ruby breathed when she turned back around. "Hell, I want to pay you right now."

Emma winked. "I did okay. Now, that's usually all the farther I went, but with this being for someone that you want to go all the way with –" Emma used her legs to push Ruby's closed, straddling her lap and slowly lowering herself down, hands on the brunette's shoulders as she began to grind her hips, "you can have even more fun."

Ruby's hands instinctively moved to Emma's waist. Emma abruptly stood up, a wicked smirk on her face as she swatted the hands away. "Uh uh. No touching, remember?"

Ruby let her head fall back with a laugh. "Seriously, woman, you're killing me here. And I'm not even that into you."

Emma shook her head and laughed as she started to button her shirt back up. "So, you think you got it?"

Ruby studied Emma and bit her lip. "Will you show me to the song?"

Emma sighed. "This was supposed to be a lesson, not an actual lap dance, Ruby."

"It is a lesson! And it's been super helpful, believe me. But I just –" she looked Emma up and down, "want to see how it's really done. You said I couldn't practice too much. So please will you show me?"

"I am never drinking with you again." Emma proclaimed as she moved over to the iPod docking station that Ruby had set on the desk and hit play. The sound of Britney Spears' If U Seek Amy pulsed throughout the station. It was loud enough that it drowned out the sounds of high heels on the tile floor.

Emma moved back over to Ruby with a sexy smirk fully in place. "Are you ready to have some fun?" She purred, her hands settling on Ruby's legs and pushing them apart. Ruby nodded slowly, but her eyes were focused behind Emma on Regina who had just entered the office and was stopped cold in the doorway.

"Good. Now, I only have one rule," Emma held onto the arm rests, popping her ass out and arching her back as she whispered into Ruby's ear, "you can look, but you can't," she ran a finger over Ruby's arm, scraping lightly with her fingernails, "touch."

By the time she finished with her introduction, Britney was done with her 'la la la's' and started to sing, so Emma moved back, her hips already moving in time to the beat. Just like she'd shown before, she began to unbutton her shirt, completely unaware that she had an audience besides just Ruby. In fact, she was only vaguely aware of Ruby, her past abilities taking over her body and shutting down her mind just like always.

She shook out her hair and shrugged out of her shirt, allowing it to drop to the floor without a thought, already stalking toward Ruby. Her hands went to work, sliding over her body, squeezing and rubbing in places, biting her lip as she did. She let out a few breathy little moans in tune with the 'oh's' in the song as she grabbed the bars behind Ruby's head, moving up and down, letting her hair tickle Ruby's cleavage while her own cleavage dangled enticingly in front of Ruby's face. Her hands slid up and down the bars too, in a motion that would've been sure to get a rise out of any man watching.

"Ha ha he he ha ha ho" Britney sang and Ruby whispered, "Em," as she watched Regina's eyes flash before the mayor moved forward, but Emma ignored her, dropping down in front of her with a saucy wink.

"Love me hate me

Say what you want about me

But all of the boys and all of the girls

Are begging to if you seek Amy"

"Emma." Ruby tried again, but the blonde shook her head, planting her finger on Ruby's lip. "Uh uh. No talking either."

"Love me hate me

But can't you see what I see

All of the boys and all of the girls

Are begging to if you seek Amy"

Then she slowly began to turn, keeping her eyes on Ruby, who was still looking beyond her. Emma bent over and wiggled her ass, finally breaking eye contact as she moved to stand back up. It was then, as she moved Ruby's legs back together and straddled her, her hips moving in a grinding motion along with the 'la la's', that Emma caught sight of Regina.

The music cut off when Regina angrily stabbed the iPod and Emma's legs suddenly went to Jell-o. She nearly fell off Ruby's lap and would have if the younger woman hadn't grabbed her hips and held her tight.

"I think touching's allowed in this case," Ruby whispered in her ear as Emma stuttered out, "R-regina."

"What the hell is going on here?" Regina's voice was deadly and Ruby couldn't help but gulp. She was well aware of the mayor's feelings for the sheriff – and vice versa – even if both of them were doing their absolute best to deny them. But with the murderous look in her eyes, Ruby knew that Regina would kill first and ask questions later, and Ruby would probably be the first to go as she was the one encroaching on Regina's territory.

"It's not what it looks like!" Ruby exclaimed quickly and then let her head fall on Emma's shoulder at just how ridiculous that sounded. Regina looked even more pissed – if that was possible – at the familiar gesture. "I mean, actually, it is what it looks like, but not really."

"Smooth, Rubes," Emma sighed as she stood up from Ruby's lap, grabbing her shirt and holding it in front of her chest.

"I asked you a question, Sheriff Swan," and damn, they were back to the venom inflection of her title again, "although with this completely inappropriate behavior, I doubt you'll hold that title for long."

"Whoa, Regina, wait a second." Ruby protested, hopping up beside Emma, which was apparently also the wrong thing to do based on the way Regina glared at her. If looks could kill, Ruby would most definitely be dead by now. But she valiantly pressed on. If she was gonna go down, she might as well go down in flames. "Emma was just showing me how to lap dance, so that I could give one to August. There's nothing going on here," she motioned between them, "I swear."

Regina's eyes narrowed as she looked between the two women. "And why was Emma qualified to show you?" She spat out Emma's name angrily, mocking Ruby.

Ruby looked like a deer caught in headlights as she looked between Emma and Regina, afraid to answer, but terrified not to. Emma saved her.

"I'm qualified," she said with a sigh, "because I used to do it for a living."

"Ex-excuse me?" Regina practically choked on the words as she stared at Emma.

"You heard me, Regina." Emma said, keeping her gaze and her voice steady.

"You were a stripper?" Regina's voice was hoarse.

Emma bit her lip for a second before walking toward the mayor. "I prefer the term exotic dancer." She stepped around Regina and the brunette quickly turned to face her so that her back was now to Ruby and the chair.

"People paid you to –"

Emma moved closer to Regina, causing Regina to step back. "Dance for them. Yes."

"And take off your clothes."

Emma smiled, continuing to move forward until Regina was just in front of the chair. "Not all of them." She dropped her shirt and reached out gently pushing Regina back, so that she was sitting in the chair.

Ruby grinned. "I hope you brought your wallet tonight, Madam Mayor. Because this," she hit a few buttons on her iPod and the song started to play once again, "is gonna be the best use of your money yet. Trust me."

With a wink, Ruby grabbed her jacket and headed out of the station, stopping only briefly to glance back at the sheriff and the mayor. She watched as Emma swatted Regina's hands away when they started reaching for her hips. "Don't make me tie your hands, Madam Mayor."

"And Emma thought she'd regret this," Ruby smirked as she left. She'd get the iPod back tomorrow. August could wait one more night. Regina couldn't.