AN: sorry for not updating guys, been working on another story via a tumblr prompt, which spiraled into a whole story instead of a lo let one-shot 0-0 here's a very short chapter of filler to fill ya over until I can get around to writing a whole big chapter. Self-harm warning and a small bit here to give insight later in the story. But keep it hush-hush! Only you and Sollux know about this spoiler, so don't tell Karkat!
You are now Sollux Captor. You're staying over at your best friend Karkat's house tonight to help him with some homework when you stumble upon a journal marked 'fucking bullshit'. You chuckle at the name and flipped it open to the first page. You don't worry about Karkat coming in and discovering you delving into a possession of his, as he's currently caught up with Kankri, getting a lecture nonetheless about proper hosting skills. Whatever. You start reading the first entry:
"My name is Karkat Vantas, and I'm only writing in this stupid thing because Kankri says it's 'therapudic'. He wants me to 'write about my feelings and express my emotions'. What a load of bullshit. But anyways lets just get this over with. You already know all about me so I'll cut to the chase. I get bullied at school...well...more than bullied. I've come home with broken bones before from beatdowns behind the school. I just don't know why I'm hated so fucking much. I already hate myself enough without all those human asshats fucking up my feelings and everything. Kankri says I have anger issues, and I can't control my mouth, so that's why I get beat up all the time. Hell, I get beat up so goddamn much I had Equius offer to teach me how to fight. EQUIUS OF ALL PEOPLE. But I reuse all the time. I don't want that sweaty fuck anywhere near me, let alone teaching me some fucked up form of fighting when it won't do anything against those dumbasses."
You stare confusedly at the rest of the blank page. It seems the entry stops there and picks up at another date, two pages behind the last. It's written in a different pen;
"I uh...well. First things fucking first, writing all this crap down is kinda helping me keep a clearer head. So maybe Kankri can do something fucking helpful once in his goddamn after-life. Anyways, I tried something I hadn't ever done before...I saw Rose doing it last night when I went to Kanaya's place to pick up Kankri's extra sweater she made for him. And I gotta say...it's fucking strange and disgusting, but it helps ease up on the pain. I feel like I can breathe easy right now. I only actually made seventeen of them. Which surprises me now, even though I spent twenty minutes bandaging my wrists and cleaning the cuts."
You notice the lettering get sloppy on the last part, and your throat clenches up when you conclude reading the entry. Your best friend in the whole universe...is *hurting* himself!? Wait...there's more to the entry on the backside-your stomach does a flip. Written in bright red ink-or what you hope is ink-is the phrase; "I HATE MY FUCKING BLOOD COLOR" all across both blank pages. He WROTE in his BLOOD!? Sickened, you try to put the notebook down but you just can't. You flip two pages again and start reading the next entry.
"Kankri wanted me to start journaling again. It's been a solid three months since I last wrote in here. I'm almost half fucking tempted to rip out those last few pages. Get rid of any evidence I actually had feelings about something. The cutting's gotten worse, I think I'm addicted. My arms, both of them, are just a fucking mess. I can't ever not wear longsleeves anymore, the scars are so bad. They're up and down my legs, on my hips, my collarbone, anywhere and everywhere just cuts and scars. The bullying hasn't gotten any better, it's gotten worse. They ended up beating the shit out of me twice within a month at least. I've tried talking to someone, Sollux, about it...but I'm honestly afraid that stupid fuck is gonna try and be a hero and stop them. I just don't want him getting hurt because of me. He's...already died twice and all...I can't see him get hurt anymore.
I have to cut this short. I don't wanna get blood all over the paper."
You bite your lip hard and close the book up, sliding it back to where Karkat had it shoved. Frantically, you start searching for the razors. You have to get him to stop you can't-your eyes come to rest at the doorway, where Karkat is standing.
"What the fuck are you doing going through my shit?" The red-blooded troll narrowed his eyes at you, and you immediately feel your face heating up in embarrassment. 'Did he see you reading the journal?'
"I, uh, was mething around with my penthil and threw it acroth the room. Can't find it, mind helping me?"
The Cancer heaved a sigh and rolled his ruby-colored eyes. "Alright fine, I'll look over here," he turned his back to you and you used your trusty psiioniics to pick out a pencil from your open binder and set it silently on the floor by Karkat's foot and you resumed your rummaging. With a jab to the side with said pencil, Karkat delivered the utensil with a smirk.
"It was right behind you, asshat,"
You chuckled softly and grabbed it out of his hand. "Oh thut up."
Hiding your rising nausea, you sat down next to your friend to start on the homework, your eyes searching every second you could for a glimpse of Karkat's wrists at any given moment. You honestly hoped that the journal wasn't true, but you knew in your gut that your friend was sitting there now all cut up to hell, and he was probably going to cut himself up even more after you left. The thought made you sick. You'll make sure to give those kids a major ass-whooping after school tomorrow for bullying Karkat for so long. Hopefully it all goes well.