Building Fires

Emma

It grew cold as the sun set on Wonderland. Emma had hoped that things like hunger and temperature changes wouldn't be an issue, but apparently, a land dominated by magic was in some ways no different from Storybrooke. Emma shivered and found herself wishing she was wearing something heavier than her red leather jacket.

"We should probably start a fire," Snow White said. "I know it's dangerous, but we can take turns staying awake during the night."

"Well, I hope you have matches," Emma said, "because I, for one, didn't grab a lighter on my way to the hospital with Henry this morning." Saying his name made Emma think about her son. Was he okay? Was he safe? It was maddening that she couldn't be there to protect him. "Don't worry, kid," Emma said silently. "I will find a way back to you."

"You don't know how to build a fire without matches?" Snow White asked.

"My foster parents didn't exactly take me camping," Emma said and then regretted it the moment the words left her mouth. "Mary Margaret, I didn't mean...I just...," Emma sighed, "I forgot you were my...um...you know..."

Mary Margaret looked away. "You forgot I was your mother."

Emma felt her heart jump at her words. This was the first time Snow White - the first time anyone - had said that Emma was her daughter.

"Yes," Emma said suddenly feeling vulnerable, "I'm sorry for mentioning the past. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad."

She looked into Emma's eyes, and Emma was once again struck with the feeling that this person was no longer the Mary Margaret she had come to love over the past couple of months. This was Snow White, and through some crazy twist of fate, this was her mother.

"Emma," she said, "you have nothing to be sorry for. I want to know about your childhood - whatever you're willing to tell me. I want to know how you became this amazing, wonderful woman. I adored you as a friend, but I have to admit that knowing that you're also my daughter makes me prouder than I could have ever imagined." Her eyes began to fill with tears. Snow White looked away from her daughter, trying to blink them away. "You should also know how devastated I am that I have had so little part in helping you become who you are today. For that, I am so sorry. I can't help feeling like it's my fault."

Without meaning to, Snow White struck a nerve, and for the second time that day, Emma backed away from her mother.

"It is your fault," Emma said, just then realizing that this was the woman who had abandoned her. Emma felt twenty eight years of anger, betrayal, and hurt suddenly rose to the surface, and she couldn't bury it if she wanted to. "Who places their newborn child into a magical wardrobe knowing it will send her into an unknown world completely alone? You want to know what my childhood was like? It was hell."

"I understand," Snow White said, suddenly not daring to look at her.

"I'm sorry, Mary Margaret - Snow White - whatever the hell your name is, but I don't think you do understand. How could you? You had two parents who loved you, and then you had a step-mother who at least pretended to love you. For crying out loud, you were a princess. You grew up in a freaking castle. I was lucky to have a roof over my head. Believe me; my foster parents and social workers reminded me of that often enough."

"Emma, I -"

"No, I'm talking. I waited for you for twenty-eight years. The least you can do is have the decency to listen to me now."

She nodded. Emma saw but could not process the pain in Snow White's eyes.

"I thought you left me to die on the side of the road like I was garbage. Do you have any idea what that does to a little girl...what that makes her think about herself? If my own mother thought I was trash, then I thought that I must be." Emma heard her voice crack as she forced herself not to cry. "So, why, Snow White, did you do it? How in God's name if you loved me could you do that to your own daughter?"

"The curse -"

"I don't care about curses or prophecies or saviors." Emma hated that she could hear herself about to cry. How many times had she cried growing up because of the woman standing in front of her? "Don't you get it? I was the one who needed a savior. I needed you, but you weren't there. No one protected me from abusive foster parents or perverted foster siblings or a biased world. No one held me or told me I was a good person. So I waited for my parents to come save me. I waited my entire childhood for you, but you never found me. Now I know that you didn't even look."

Emma knew that if she said another word, she would start to cry; so she stared at Snow White and waited for her response.

Snow White motioned with her hand to give her a moment. Emma could tell that she was on the verge of tears; so she decided to give Snow White some space.

"I'll go try to find what I think it takes to build a fire, but I'm not making any promises."

Emma walked away from Snow White as quickly as she could without actually running. She was only a couple yards away when Emma heard her start to cry. It didn't take long for her cries to turn into sobs which then turned into wailing. No matter how far away Emma went, Snow White's cries pierced the chilled, night air.

"You are not going to make me feel guilty," Emma said aloud even though no one could hear her. Emma knew she was only fooling herself if she thought she could stop caring for Mary Margaret. It was human to care, and whatever could be said about Emma's origins, she was undoubtedly human, and if Snow White's cries were evidence of anything, then she was human too.

Emma set down her pile of twigs, branches, and leaves and then sat on the ground with her back against a tree. She stared blankly at a patch of strange looking grass. Here she was alone in Wonderland with her newly found mother, Snow White, and all Emma could think about was how much she wished she could talk to Mary Margaret. She had always been the one that helped Emma make sense of her life, no matter how complicated it got. But Mary Margaret was gone forever, and in her place was the woman Emma had spent most of her life searching for. How was that for ironic?

Emma covered her face with her hands are started to cry. This wasn't how life was supposed to be. Damn Snow White and Prince Charming and their magical wardrobe, and most of all, damn Mary Margaret for leaving her to face this mess alone.

Emma couldn't be sure how much time passed, but when she finally looked up, she realized that the night sky was pitch black.

"Well, this is just great," Emma thought to herself. "Now I'm lost."

"Mary Margaret!" Emma called out. When she didn't get a response, she yelled, "Snow White! Where are you?" Emma couldn't help but feel a little ridiculous. Mother or not - she was calling out for a fairytale character.

"I'm over here!" Emma heard Snow White call.

Emma walked towards her voice and then called out again, "Where are you?"

"Behind you," Snow White said. Emma jumped. How had she gotten to her so fast? Emma spun around expecting to see Snow White. Instead, she found herself face to face with...