I should go.
As I repeat the mantra over and over in my brain, I find my body simply doesn't want to move as I peer carefully through the window for any signs of Catherine. Even the slightest glance of her makes me smile, and makes my pulse race just a bit. I wonder idly what would happen if it was me kissing her instead of Evan in that photo booth. Would I be able to keep it together, or would it make me turn into the monster I knew I could be?
You can never do that, Keller. You and Catherine can never be together. Lock those feelings up deep inside and never let them see the light of day. Haven't you already caused her enough trouble?
I had. Since Catherine had figured out I was still alive, I had caused her nothing but trouble. I had put her in danger numerous times. But I need her. I need her so bad it keeps me awake at night just thinking of her face. I've been watching out for her seven years now, trying to keep her safe and alive. I've felt an attachment to her since the night her mother was murdered by the same organization I was trying to avoid.
I don't know when my feelings changed into more, and as hard as I try to deny them, they are always there. Cat has made it into my heart somehow, and I want to be with her. I know I can't, though, and that's why my heart and my mind are constantly at war with the other. My heart tries to make me believe we could make it work somehow, while my mind is constantly reminding me that I am absolutely a horrible match for her. How can I be with someone when I could turn into a monster every moment we are together? I could harm Catherine in the blink of an eye, with very little effort, and that is something I am not prepared to do.
No, Evan is definitely the kind of man Cat needs. He is successful and stable, and they seem to get along well. Obviously Catherine likes him, since he wasn't the one that had initiated that kiss earlier. With a small sigh, I stand, leaving the gift I had brought with me on the window sill. At least Cat would know I had been there on her special day, whether I could be a part of the festivities or not.
I'll always be there for her. No matter what I do or where I go, I will keep her safe.