Chapter Three, Primeval Match . com
"Tonight we will be handing out the results to the romantic matches," said Jess.
The canteen yelled and hollered.
Jess waited for quiet. "We achieved these results by using two approaches: a more traditional questionnaire method and a newer, somewhat controversial approach."
"What's the controversy?" asked a tech.
"Jess doesn't buy it," said Connor, walking over and smirking at her.
"He…suggested that the questionnaire may not be reliable."
"Right," said Connor. "You can manipulate the answers."
Jess frowned. "I disagree, but for the sake of keeping the peace, we used both."
"My approach," said Connor, "Uses biological data, like a person's physical makeup, to predict how that person will choose a mate. Then a match is made to a person who fits the criteria."
"I don't get it," said Vale.
Bilson laughed. "Do you care?"
"Heck no! Reveal to me my ladies!" Vale winked at Nicole. "Good luck."
"Are you for real?" she asked, sipping the champagne.
Vale smiled widely and shrugged. "I can't even always tell."
Nicole laughed. "OK, that I believe."
Jess shook her head, laughing at the lieutenant. "I'd like to point out that this is just for fun. These results should not be taken too seriously."
"So if you match up with the Captain, ladies," said Vale, "keep in mind that Jess looks frail and sweet, but I've gotten on her bad side before. My advice to you is, don't."
"That is good advice," said Connor.
Everyone laughed.
Jess blushed. "These are in alphabetical order," she said, handing out the A names. "On each paper you will find two lists, the top one is the list of compatible matches according to the questionnaire answers."
"Which will not be as accurate as with my method," said Connor, smiling.
Jess shushed him. "Do not influence them," she said. "The second list comprises people that are supposedly compatible based on Connor's system."
"Hey!" he cried, as Jess giggled. "That's just rude," he said.
Jess had reached the B names, and before she handed his to Becker, she began to read it.
"I beg your pardon," Becker said, wrenching it from her manicured hands. "How about some privacy?"
"Becker, I'm your girlfriend."
"Right, which means he no longer gets any privacy," said Matt, smirking. Emily hit his shoulder.
"But I just…" said Jess, trying to glance at the paper. "I'm just curious."
"Sure you are," said Becker, skeptically.
"You haven't already read his?" asked Abby.
She frowned and glared at Connor. "He locked me out." Connor laughed.
"Really?" asked Becker. "You?"
"It is his computer system," she said, continuing to pass out papers. "Occasionally he gets the upper hand."
"I just wanted everything fair, that's all," said Connor.
"So you didn't sneak a look at Abby's?" asked Jess.
"That's different. We're engaged," he said.
"Why did you include established couples?" asked Emily. "It seems…foolhardy at best."
"Violent and deadly at worst," said Matt.
Emily eyed him. "Perhaps I should read your list."
"Let me read yours."
"Of course," she said. "I am not inexperienced with matchmaking. I do not however hold it in a very high opinion."
"Keep that in mind," said Matt, handing her his lists.
"It's all just fun," said Jess. "It's like…when you take a quiz in a magazine or read your horoscope. You're interested, but you're not serious. It's like that."
"Right," said Matt, watching as his girlfriend read his compatible matches. "Interesting."
"Get anyone good?" asked Connor.
"Matt has been matched with me," Emily said, "according to Jess' method."
"See? Perfect," said Jess.
"The other list…"
"Mine," said Connor.
"Has matched Matt with Suzanne from the menagerie, Private Yates, and…"
"And?" asked Jess.
Emily looked at Connor. "Abby."
"You're kidding," said Abby, chucking. "No offense, Matt, but no way."
Matt smiled. "I agree."
"It probably considered them compatible on the basis that they can both kick butt," said Connor.
"That's biological?" asked Jess.
"Oh, yeah," said Becker. His troops all backed him up.
The canteen laughed.
"There is an even more intriguing name on his list," said Emily. "Jess."
"Me?" she asked with surprise. Then she looked at Matt, who winked at her. "I…I don't…I mean…you're nice and all…"
"Jess, calm down," said Becker. "Fun, remember?"
She blushed and laughed embarrassedly. "Right."
"No offense, Jess, but you're a little too bright and happy for me," said Matt, winking again.
She giggled. "I agree." She sighed with relief. "Connor, what was your system thinking?"
Connor was at a loss for words at first. "It's scientific!"
Abby laughed. "I'm sure it is, Conn."
"They're both young and fit," said Connor.
"Excuse me?" asked Becker.
"I'm not trying to fix them up Action Man, I promise," Connor said. "I'm just trying to explain how the software might come up with seemingly strange pairs."
"Connor," said Jess. "Relax. It's fun, remember?"
"Yeah, sure. It's…scientific, though. Honestly."
"Moving on," said Jess, passing the papers around. "Here you go, Bill."
"Thanks Jess," said Billson. "Let's see."
"Yeah, let's," said Vale.
Bilson read the top list and smiled. "Jess' questionnaire did not pick any soldiers. That's a relief."
Jess giggled.
"Speak for yourself," said Vale. "I think your system is flawed, Jess. Read Connor's science one. We have to be matched there."
Bilson glanced at him. "I'm a bit scared," she said. She began to read the last list. Suddenly she blushed and looked instinctively at Becker, then Jess. "It's all a bunch of…nonsense."
"You were matched with Becker, weren't you?" asked Jess.
"No big deal," said Nicole.
"Actually, it might give credibility to Connor's method," Jess said. She hushed her voice. "You did…I mean, you were…"
"I fancied him, Jess. You can say it. It's OK."
Becker smiled sympathetically at her. He then took Jess' hand.
"It's also over," said Nicole with a smile.
Jess sighed and giggled. "Of course it is."
Nicole smiled.
"Now that pairing makes sense," said Connor. "Both of them are soldiers, physically fit, have the same lifestyles and moral values…"
"Conn, sweetheart, shut up," said Abby. Connor glared at her and she nervously glanced at Jess.
"It's fine, Abby. I'm OK," Jess said.
Vale began to chuckle rather devilishly. "Well, well. Look who else is a match for the lovely Nicole."
Nicole moaned.
"Sorry," whispered Connor. "Please don't take it personally, or out on me."
Nicole was actually laughing, though. Vale was hamming it up a bit thick. "I've been telling you, Nicki. It's destiny."
"Shut up Vale," said Nicole.
"You matched with him?" asked Jess, grabbing Nicole's list. "Oh, that's so great!"
"Isn't it?" agreed Vale.
"It's a mistake, obviously," said Bilson coolly.
"It's science. Tell her Connor."
"Leave me out of it, Vale," he said.
Becker laughed. "So much for the credibility of Connor's technique."
"What?" asked Vale. "I'm telling you, it's in the cards for us."
"Why don't you tell her more about the fab evening you have planned?" suggested Jess, honestly thinking they made a nice couple.
"Oh," said Nicole. "You mean the evening that's not specified for any woman in particular, but is part of some sick 'winning' of the valiant Vale?"
"Yeah, that's exactly what she meant, right Jess?" asked Vale.
Becker laughed. "It sounds a bit trashy that way Bill."
"Let me sell it to you," said Vale, flagging a member of the canteen staff to bring them more champagne.
"I'm not going to get drunk," said Bilson.
"No worries. You'll still be impressed by my plans," said Vale.
Jess shook her head. "Moving on," she said, "because I'm getting a bit worried about the lieutenant…"
End of Chapter Three