Disclaimer: Iris is written for personal motivation. No infringement on characters or situations is intended.
Note:I am aware that Director Sheppard did not start this early in the programme, but this is an AU fic!
Gibbs and Kate drove in relatively silence to his house after having had a minor dispute about where they should go to discuss the situation at hand. Kate had believed that due to the professional nature of the briefing they should go to their office to use an interview room and had been more than visibly surprised when Gibbs drove in the opposite direction towards his house. Gibbs merely uttered "bourbon" and "basement"in response to Kate's protests; throughout the remainder of the drive Gibbs kept looking to Kate who was concentrating on looking nonchalant, despite her insides doing back flips; she knew Gibbs was going to be pissed at her, he'll probably have her transferred to an NCIS office in the Antarctic, but she hoped that she'd be allowed to stay with the team long enough to see Ari get what he deserved.
Gibbs pulled up into his driveway and turned off the engine, he looked to Kate who didn't seem to realise they had arrived; he tentatively reached out to touch her shoulder and when she jumped in response to his touch, he withdrew his hand and exited the car. He waited until Kate had done the same, before locking it and turning to walk to his front door, a million and one questions running through his head about Ari, the details that Kate knew and had shared with the FBI and what contact she had had with him, but the main question being "Have I really hurt Kate that badly that she's repulsed by my touch?"
Kate followed Gibbs at a much slower pace, mulling over the circumstances that had led to this moment; her actions and equally her in-actions, her lies and betrayal, and her collusion with Ari that has led her to question who is really is and who she really wants to be in the dead of night when she hasn't been able to sleep and has been sitting at the dining table consuming her fourth cup of strong black coffee. For months Kate wanted someone – anyone – Gibbs, to ask her what's wrong, why she looks and feels so terrible, why she hasn't had a proper night's sleep in months and has dark circles under her eyes, and why she's scared of her own shadow; but no, her strength of character and the need to keep her secret wouldn't allow her to admit this. When Tony did ask why she looked terrible, she replied maybe it was his aftershave making her gag; when Abby asked about the dark circles under her eyes, she replied that her neighbours had been keeping her up at night; and when Ducky commented that she appeared "rather jumpy", Kate mumbled that it must be the caffeine she has consumed whilst the team worked for their fifth consecutive night. Gibbs said nothing, asked nothing, commented nothing; he was there, knew the concerns the other team members had but did nothing; he was ever watchful, trying to catch her out at any given moment, but Kate knew this and had become as crafty, she was playing him at his own game; maybe that's why she never slept, Gibbs through his apparent silent indifference made her question who she was.
Instead of being led to the basement as she had expected, Kate found herself in Gibbs' living room and directed to the sofa; Gibbs took her coat and went to the kitchen to make coffee, he recalled Kate had stopped taking milk and sweetener on her coffee, so didn't bother to search his fridge for milk that was still in date. When he returned to the living room and gave Kate her coffee, she looked at it and then looked to him "you noticed"; "I notice more than you think Kate".
Gibbs allowed Kate to settle within his living room, they sat together in silence preparing themselves for the emotional storm that was brewing; Kate asked to use the bathroom remarking that she won't try to escape out the window, she just wanted to wash her face. Gibbs gave her the directions, and noted that Kate took the envelope that had been left in her car with her rather as well as her handbag; Kate saw the brief look of hurt on his face as she left the room with the envelope and knew that he thought she didn't trust him not to look inside, but she pretended not to notice, she couldn't take the chance that he would open it before she had had a chance to explain what had happened.
When Kate returned she saw that Gibbs had made them both fresh mugs of coffee and rustled up a few sandwiches all of which were sitting on the coffee table; she lifted a sandwich and began picking at it for a few moment, with her eyes focused on the bread, "He approached me, I was on holiday and he turned up at a cafe where I was waiting for my friends. He told me not to try and cause a scene as his people were close by and he would escape unscathed but wouldn't be certain that the people sitting at the tables would be left unhurt; he had been watching me since the incident at autopsy and had been waiting for the right moment to contact me, when he thought I'd be ready to hear what he had to say. The day he took me to the farm, that was for purely business purposes – to be seen to be following his mission; but he said he knew that at that time I wasn't ready to hear him. I didn't know why he thought that day would be any different from the rest until later that evening; he didn't stay long at the cafe, he knew my friends were due at any moment; he left but not before leaving a note that had a time and address on it, if I wanted to know the truth I had to be there, alone."
Kate lifted her eyes to look at Gibbs; he had been sitting rigid staring directly at her, she could see his jaw had locked and his fists were balled, she pre-empted the question she knew he would ask "I don't know why I went, even now I still don't understand; Fornell and the..."
"You phoned the FBI then? Why the bloody hell did you do that? You're allegiances should be to your own agency, your team, to me. Why didn't you phone me? Why did you do this to us – don't you see the damage Ari has been able to cause, he's come between us; the agency could have protected you, I could have protected you if you'd let me."
"I did try to phone you Gibbs, I tried to phone all of you but nobody was there, nobody answered; I got the Director, she told me that you were on a carrier and there was a communications blackout in place and she didn't know when it would be lifted, I told her what had happened and she contacted Fornell; they told me to meet with Ari."
"The Director knew? The blackout only lasted 3 hours, I could have been contacted, why wasn't I informed?"Gibbs couldn't believe that his former partner would have held back such vital information, he had noticed how much more driven she had become about her work but had she really changed that much or was there more to it? He could have been contacted very easily, she had spoken to him for an update about their case as soon as the blackout was lifted and never indicated that there was a problem to be dealt with, a terrorist to be hunted. She deliberately put Kate's life in danger, and that was unforgiveable; he remembered the dream he had had the morning before Kate had disappeared, when he walked into the morgue and unzipped the body bag. No! He wouldn't allow that to happen, he was responsible for Kate; their hearts had beaten as one in the dead of the night when they shared her bed, he felt her heart beat which mirrored his own and whilst it had scared him that night, now it gave him the determination and resolve to fight for them. The only body bag he would be unzipping in the immediate future would be Ari's; Ari would have the bullet through his skull, not Kate.
"They wanted me to find out what he wanted, what he was up to; the CIA wasn't keeping them informed about Ari as they had been promised. The Director told me that by going to Ari I would be getting him out of our lives forever – I just wanted him gone, he's done enough damage and inflicted enough pain, physically and emotionally; I want my life back Gibbs, I want to be me again."