A/N: I have a fairly new poll on my profile page—what is your favorite bromance and/or slash pairing for BTR? Do you want me to start my Carlos/Logan Horror/Humor story now? The one that was the other option in a previous poll about what I should do for my next project? The reason I ask was because there was a huge discrepancy in review count for this story. The first chapter got 21 reviews. The second chapter got 8 reviews. I don't write to get tons of reviews, but still, if you don't want me to continue this, just say so.

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. This is only written for entertainment purposes a.k.a. not for profit.

Til I Forget About You

Dissension

I had asked Kendall, James, and Carlos to come to the living room for a "band meeting." What I really wanted to talk to them about was the possibility of me going to New York City with Camille in a few days. I wanted to kind of test the waters and see how they reacted. I hadn't made a decision yet one way or the other; this was merely hypothetical.

The three of them were seated on the orange couch in the living room. I was standing before them. I dreaded doing this. I was anxious about doing this. My hands were shaking, so to keep them from noticing, I stuffed them in the front pockets of my jeans. My knees wobbled, but I hoped against hope that they didn't notice that as well. I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

"What would you guys say about me going to New York City with Camille…theoretically?" I asked.

Carlos and James turned to Kendall, who looked offended by what I was asking. I braced myself for what might be coming next.

"Are you joking me? Not too long ago you and Camille got into a huge fight that everyone at The Palm Woods was talking about, and now you want to go to New York City with her?" Kendall replied, incredulous.

"Okay, first of all, the two of us patched things up. You all know how I suck at holding grudges for too long. It was actually pretty surprising that I was mad at Camille for three days considering how the longest I've ever been mad at any of you is an hour. Anyways, second of all, I didn't say I was going to New York City with Camille; I was merely asking how you guys would feel if I did," I answered.

Once more, James and Carlos looked at our unofficial leader, Kendall. He stood up from the sofa. I was trying to get a good read on what he was thinking or how he was feeling, but he remained completely stone faced.

"Do whatever you want, Logan," Kendall commented offhandedly.

He brushed past me perhaps a little rougher than necessary. I had to catch myself before I toppled over. I removed one of my hands from my pocket and held it out in front of me in a 'don't go' gesture.

"Kendall," I said glumly.

However, he didn't respond. He didn't even look at me. Instead he headed straight to his room. I was surprised when I heard the door close softly; I fully expected him to slam the door or something. I turned back around to face James and Carlos, who now were the only two people still seated on the couch.

"What's in New York City?" James inquired.

"Camille's filming for a major motion picture there. She got the female lead," I responded.

"How long will it take to film?" Carlos asked.

I had a feeling they would ask this question. This is the one question that I dreaded giving an answer to. This was the deal breaker. It didn't seem like James and Carlos were mad at me like Kendall was…yet. My answer to Carlos' question might just change that though.

"I don't know exactly, but it could take six months to a year," I answered.

James and Carlos exchanged worried looks with one another. I couldn't bear to see the expressions on their faces, so I opted to stare at the floor.

"Look, I haven't made a decision yet," I said.

"Then why does it sound like you're asking us for permission to leave?" Carlos replied meekly.

Upon hearing what Carlos said, my heart broke. I felt my eyes start to water, and it wasn't long before my vision was blurred by tears. I felt like the worst friend ever. I wouldn't blame them if they were mad at me. If I were in their position, I would be mad at me too.

"Please don't make this harder than it already is," I begged.

"I don't want you to go," Carlos stated matter-of-factly.

I tentatively walked over to Carlos to reassure him, give him a comforting hug, something, anything, but I was taken aback when he wriggled out of the way.

"Don't Logan. Just…don't," Carlos said, tears in his eyes and his voice.

He stood up and walked away from me. He joined Kendall in the bedroom, softly closing the door behind him.

I clasped a hand over my heart. It hurt so badly. It was one thing for Kendall to be mad at me, but Carlos too? It was too much. I was having difficulty breathing. I couldn't see straight. I couldn't think straight.

This couldn't be happening. It was only hypothetical too! I knew they wouldn't take the news well, but I never imagined it would go this badly. The thing was, I hadn't even made a decision yet. Although, it looked like the decision would be an easy one; it looked like Kendall and Carlos and probably even James too were making my decision for me—they didn't want me here.

"Are you okay, Logie?" James asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

In spite of everything, I laughed. It wasn't a lighthearted laugh either; it was more of an unsettling laugh.

"Do I look okay? Why does it even matter? Aren't you mad at me too?" I retorted, before sniffling.

"Hey, look at me," James instructed as I continued to stare at my feet. "Look at me."

I reluctantly lifted my chin up so that I was looking James in the face. He gave me a small, sympathetic smile.

"I could never be mad at you…at least not for longer than an hour," he joked, but the joke fell flat.

James frowned.

"I just don't understand. You've been friends with us since pre-Kindergarten. You've known Camille less than a year. How could you choose her over us?" James asked.

I felt like curling up in the corner in a fetal position. The overwhelming feeling of guilt was crushing me. It was official: I was the worst best friend in the world.

"I'm scared, James. I feel like if I let her go, she won't come back; she'll walk out of my life forever. I can't let that happen," I admitted out loud.

"So you much rather walk out of our lives?" James replied.

"James, that's not fair."

"Exactly! Which is why Kendall and even Carlos are mad at you. Which is why I'm trying so hard not to be mad at you too."

Here I thought James was the only one who wasn't mad at me. Come to find out, he was on the brink of being mad at me. I woke up this morning with three best friends. From the way things looked, in a matter of moments, I would be left with no best friends.

"No James, I meant that I don't want to walk out of your lives either, so don't try to put words in my mouth, and make it sound like I'm saying something I'm not," I said.

James removed his hand from my shoulder. He turned his head away from me, picked a spot on the wallpaper, and stared at it intently.

"Whatever, Logan. We'll be fine without you," James commented.

"You or the band?" I asked.

"Both. It's not like we'll be losing someone important."

My jaw dropped. My eyes stung with tears. I always knew where I stood as far as my position in the band was concerned. I was the least respected, most expendable, most replaceable member. James, Griffin, and Gustavo thought Wayne Wayne would replace me. They used me as ghost bait because if something had happened to me, oh well, it's just me. Knowing all of this didn't make hearing James say it any easier.

"So you won't replace me?" I asked hopefully.

"No. Unless we're desperate for someone to sing backup vocals and harmonies, that is," James answered.

Without saying another word, James left me standing alone in the middle of the living room as he walked away from me, and went to join Kendall and Carlos in the bedroom. I sank to my knees, buried my face in my hands, and cried. This felt like some horrible nightmare. I just wished I could pinch myself and wake up and this all would never have happened in the first place.

XXXXX

I knocked on the front door to Camille's apartment. She opened up the door, and though initially excited to see me, she frowned when she saw the shape I was in. She no doubt saw that my eyes were red and puffy. She no doubt saw that I was sniffling practically every other second. She no doubt saw the myriad tear tracks all over my face.

"So the good news is I'm coming with you to New York City. The bad news is Kendall, James, and Carlos hate me," I blubbered.

Camille pulled me in for a hug. She stroked the back of my head with one hand. With her other hand, she rubbed small circles in my back. All the while, she gently shushed me. I felt like such a crybaby. I felt all alone.

"Logan, they don't hate you. They'll come around. You'll see," she replied.

I pulled back, and looked at her, my eyes glistening with tears.

"You weren't there. They hate me. They've never been as mad at me before as they are right now," I responded.

I kept thinking to myself that I had no reason to stay here anymore. I used to have three reasons to stay—Kendall, James, and Carlos. How quickly that changed. Thanks to James' not-so-subtle reminder, I realized that singing wasn't my calling. I may have a career in it, but it was probably because I was riding the other's coattails. Were I a solo artist, I wouldn't even have a career in the music industry.

"They just need some time. The four of you have been best friends for far too long to let something like this come between you," Camille stated.

"Yeah…that's what I thought too," I sobbed.

Camille pulled me back in for a hug, and resumed trying to comfort me as best as she could. Anger, frustration, disappointment, hurt, betrayal, sadness, rage, confusion, guilt. All of those emotions flowed through me.

I hated the predicament I was in. I hated having to choose. I hated choosing. I was an indecisive person by nature. According to Carlos, it's one of my weaknesses. My lower lip quivered as I thought about Carlos.

I couldn't stay though. What was I supposed to do? Go up to them and be all, "April Fool's! I was just kidding! I'm not going anywhere!" They already came to terms with the idea of me leaving, if 'came to terms' is even a fitting expression to use. They wanted me to go. They didn't want me to stay.

I really didn't want to leave like this. I always envisioned that if I were to leave, I would be on good terms with the three of them. I never thought I would be leaving with them being mad at me. I was saddened by the fact that no one really said goodbye to me. I was saddened by the fact that no one said they would really miss me. Of course, I didn't say any of those things either, but then again, they didn't really give me much time to say a whole lot of anything.

Camille didn't have to be in New York City for a few days, but maybe we could fly out early. Maybe we could fly out tonight. I really couldn't go back to Apartment 2J and possibly face Kendall, James, and Carlos again. I still had to pack somehow though. Other than that, I had no reason to go back to Apartment 2J.

"It's okay, Logan. You're not alone. You have me. We'll get through this, you and me, together," Camille said.

To Be Continued…

A/N: Wow, so that was a difficult chapter to write. Now for some shameless self-promotion. I wrote a one-shot titled "Brotherly Love" based off the episode 'Big Time Sneakers.' It contains spoilers for the episode if you have yet to see it. It's a James/Logan bromance/romance fic. I made it ambiguous on purpose. It's basically about what happens after the episode, but it still references events of the episode, which is why it is spoiler-ish. It is also categorized as humor because that is my comfort zone when it comes to writing. Anyways, I'm shutting up now. Drop me a review if you want.