Severance
He slept alone that night, and the night that followed, and the night after that. A week passed and still the same reaction from her. The hysterical response of his wife when he saw him nude on the bed once again was enough to prompt him to dress and sleep in the living room until he finally sorted this all out. The light of the morning doused the darkness from the inside of the house and greeted him, casting orange glows on the peaks of his face and shadows on the hollows. Sitting on the edge of the couch as he tapped the heel of his foot so quickly the entire leg trembled, he bit the nail of his thumb to the flesh, ignorant to the pain and metallic taste of blood in his mouth.
His silver eyes trained to the floor and brow furrowed so deep they almost touched, he pondered over the many questions that aggravated him because he couldn't pinpoint their answers. Why was she acting this way? Was she pretending? Maybe she purposely planned all of this to get back at him for… he pushed the thought out of his mind. Did she know? How? Panic set in his gut, accompanied by the sickening feeling grabbing hold of his insides. The answers couldn't be farther away from him, while the questions continued to pile on. But at the moment, all he cared about was the welfare and stability of his wife, all which seemed to have crumbled like shards of ice on solid pavement.
Just then, he heard his voice called, snapping him back to the world from his mental quarrel.
"Aang?"
His eyes opened wide like if he were punched in the gut as he eagerly rose from his seat, brushing the dust out of his clothes that was never there to begin with.
"Katara, how are you hon-"
"Please" she demanded with a nervous quiver in her voice, the shake in her fingers apparent even in their interlock, "Aang I'm just not, I'm still not used to hearing you, seeing you…" she struggled to finish her sentence, unable to find his gaze.
The way she spoke to him was distant and almost cold; he couldn't put his finger on the right word. Then it came to him, indifference was what he heard. It slightly angered him, witnessing her acting this way while he's going mad trying to figure out what's wrong with her. It was then he decided he's had enough of this, now was the time to put his wife to the test and see if her ailment was legit. He'd worry about the possible repercussions later.
He breathed in deep and exhaled agitatedly, "What's your deal, huh?" he lifted his hands and let them fall, slapping his hips simultaneously, "Why are you doing this to me? It's been over a week Katara. I know this has been extremely hard for you, but did you stop and think what it did to me too? All of it?" He bit his lip to keep the tears from spilling and watched her with a bitter scowl.
The young water bender stared at him troublingly. She appeared to have been crying, her eyelids puffed and red with dry streaks that drew paths down to her jaw. But she no longer looked distressed, now enraged by his accusation. "What are you playing at? Do you think I'm mocking you? Heh, how do I know it's not you who's playing a trick on me!" Her neck lunged and voice broken and raspy with fists balled back.
The young Avatar swallowed as he gazed at her, marveled by her hurt, and for a moment he felt relieved, but still fuming, "So you're not pretending?" he asked.
The morning flow found had found her, settling in the delicate features of her face and protruding contours of her body. She wore a flowy, blue dress with endless rounded creases which cascaded down past her feet. The neckline stretched past her shoulders, while her wavy tresses dressed her bare upper chest. However, the only adornment that truly mattered to him, her betrothal necklace, was nowhere to be found. The sight forced his scowl to fall and surrender to gloom.
Her eyes burned and stung as new tears began to seep from her eyes and fall, but her expression was still as serious as when she entered the living room, "If this truly is the reality I awoke to, then you should know by now to take my word and trust me when I say that I have no idea what has happened to me." She frantically gestured and pointed to every direction in her view, "T-this, this, all of this. It-t's hard for me to imagine that this and those…and you." she sounded almost appealed but repelled by the idea as she skimmed him up and down, "How can all of this be mine if I don't remember living it?"
They fell silent, him analyzing her and her analyzing him. Who to trust? Neither of them knew.
The young Avatar slowly approached her. The bottom of his robes dragged on the icy floor as he strutted, intently gazing at the ocean blue spheres before he finally stood before her. He raised his hand and hesitated from her flinch, but drew the courage to reach for her face despite her expressed objection. Her eyelids scrunched in a wince like if he were on the verge of killing her, but the way his eyes hooded while he caressed her cheek and grazed her cheek proved otherwise. She drew a deep breath and exhaled her tension as she eyed his lips.
"If, to the fullest extent of your abilities, you're being honest with me," he earnestly pleaded, "Then I assure you that you had my word from the very beginning."
She watched him in awe as his gaze shifted from her own to her lips, still in disbelief of the man who stood in front of her, and how amazingly handsome he was. Those broad shoulders toned and sculpted along with his tender, yet manly voice. Could this really have been Aang? Was she really still talking to the scrawny, goofy kid who made farting jokes with her brother typical conversation? What an amazing thought that this man, this beautiful, gorgeous man was all hers, but this, the knowledge of such a reality that accompanied him was all just too much. She felt his thumb wipe her tears as he smiled tenderly, his eyes creased cheerfully.
His hands moved gracefully to hers, grasping them in his hold as he took a step back.
"I took a week's leave from my regular council meetings to tend to you. You may not remember anything that's happened as of recent, but you're still my wife, and it's my primary duty to care for you when you absolutely need it. I will tell you everything you want to know in due time, and Yugoda will visit you periodically for the next few weeks. She set sail from the Northern Tribe a fortnight ago, so she should be arriving any day now."
Yugoda, her she remembered. The sweet, old healer that taught her everything she knew about medicine and spiritual therapy. At least there would be someone she can talk to that's recognizable. The water bender then watched as the young Avatar's expression shifted to stern determination.
"If it gets to the point that we need to abandon the Tribe any time before that, Yugoda will follow us wherever we go until we figure out what's wrong with you." he paused as he longingly gazed at her beauty, "I know it must be difficult to see your surroundings on the verge of changing but…it'll get better Katara, I promise. I will make everything better for you." He pressed her hands onto his lips and kissed them fervently before he whispered, "I don't know what happened to you Katara, but I won't rest until I find out."
It was midday, and the sun had become so unbearable that work in the community had been canceled for the remainder of the day. Water now covered places where there was once ice, dreadfully near its approach to the Tribe, ready to swallow it whole. Most people were already packed and ready to depart when the time called with the exception of a few families here and there, one of those families being her brother's, who always chose to do things at the last second. Packages and bags riddled his entire house, on sofas, tables, chairs and corners- typical Sokka. It looked as if some things would never change, but that was until she caught sight of his wife and old friend. Barely recognizable without her make-up and headdress, she took a seat next to her sister-in-law, who she didn't have much of an issue getting used to seeing in adult form.
"Your father wanted me to tell you that he loved you before he left to the Northern Tribe. It was nice of him to go and help people move some of their things, that trip can be daunting." said Suki as she handed her a tea cup filled near the rim with Jasmine tea.
Katara smirked and accepted the offering gratuitously, "Thanks Suki, I really appreciate you telling me." her smirk transformed to a warm smile, eyes squint as she stared down at the hot, swirled liquid, "Dad's always been that type of guy to help people, his title as Chief really suits him well. Going to have to check on Gran-Gran in a little while though and make sure she has everything she needs while dad's away."
She nodded agreeably, "I'll come with you." She forced a weak smile as she analyzed Katara like a science experiment.
"Thanks." was all Katara said.
There was a brief silence, which the young water bender used to take a sip of her tea before she shakily placed it on the coffee table in front of her.
Her sister-in-law then perked her head upward, "So, you're not sleeping in the same bed?" asked Suki.
She shook her head timidly; hands cupped together and rested on her thighs, "Well, I still sleep in the bed, but he doesn't."
Her sister-in-law eyed her with a puzzled look on her face, her arms now crossed, "Oh? And why's that?"
She bit her fingernail and cringed, "Uh, well I'm kind of…scared."
The young water bender watched as the former Kyoshi warrior's lips curled slyly, head cocked to the side with an intrigued look in her stare. "Scared?" she guffawed, "Scared of what, him? He's not going to eat you Katara, at least if you don't give him permission to."
Katara couldn't help but giggle. This was the Suki she remembered, bold and not afraid to tell it how it was. The few differences were only her hair, now dulled and intricately woven in a single braid down to the small of her back and her facial features a bit spread out. Her cheek bones looked fuller and her lips a bit paler as well, but she was still Suki.
"So, how have the healing sessions been going?" asked Suki.
The young water bender groaned and rolled her eyes, "Hahhh, still nothing. They searched my mind in and out, but they didn't find anything. It was as if my memories were literally stripped from me."
"It's really strange that they were unable to find anything." speculated Suki, her chin rested on the crease that divided her thumb and index as the disturbing news sunk in.
"I know." agreed the young water bender as she shut her eyes and recollected her last meeting with the local healers, "I know everyone's been refraining from telling me any information of my life since that day, only tad bits here and there, just until they were able to grasp some memory they could feed into so I wouldn't be forced into it and potentially cause more trauma. But I never thought it'd require so much time…and so much of my power." Her chin sunk to her chest, her eyes barely open.
Suki watched helplessly as her friend tried to decipher herself like a lotus cube. She looked so dejected, and the exhaustion displayed in the bags under her eyes and hunched demeanor was bothersome. To top it all off, she heard she hasn't eaten since the day she awoke. Why did this have to happen to her friend, of all people? She'd never hurt anyone, why her?
"Well, in retrospect, at least you were spared the memories of the dumb things your brother has done for the past eight years." her chuckle was weak and edgy as she shrugged her shoulders; arms bent and palms face-up.
Katara tried to conjure a smile, but could only find the energy to smirk, eyelids dimmed halfway and her breath shallow. There was next to no room for laughter in the little energy she had left in her reserves, "I'm just so tired, Suki. All of this brain dissecting is making my head hurt, I just feel so drained from the tip of my head to the soles of my feet."
The humor in Suki's expression suddenly dissipated as quickly as it appeared, her hand lifted and rested on the water bender's shoulder as she leaned towards her ear, "Katara, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do."
The thought touched a nerve in the confused water bender, forcing her head to jerk to her friend's direction as her lip twitched. The remark was a bit eccentric which was typical coming from her old friend, and she knew Suki only meant well. But there were many things in her mind at the moment, many things that she didn't want to do, or be, that she knew would strike a major chord on everyone she knew and loved. She exchanged glances with her and if only briefly, allowed Suki to take notice of the agony in her gleaming, wandering eyes. There had to be an answer to all of this, there just had to be.
Suki immediately noticed her friend's distress. Her gasp was sharp before she immediately wrapped her friend in her arms and pulled her to her chest. She pawed her hair gently and rocked her as if she were cradling a newborn babe. Although Katara was buried beneath her, rendering her face unable to see, she heard and felt her harsh weep escape her as clear as day.
"Shhhhhh, shhhhhhh, its ok honey, everything's ok. You're going to be fin, you just wait and see."
Her profuse coos were drowned out as the young water bender's weep morphed into stronger sobs within the former Kyoshi warrior's hold, so strong that her body jolted with every deep breath and gasp, clutching her sister-in-law's arms so tight she feared she would escape if she even momentarily loosened her grip. Her entire body shook from the overwhelming feel of hurt and guilt she harbored within. Then she muttered under her soft, fragmented breath,
"I just, I don't know if this was all played right Suki. Did I make the right choice, or did I end up making the biggest mistake of my life in marrying him."
She felt as Suki's consolation and rock came to an abrupt halt. It finally came out. After having spent the time since she woke trying to figure it all out, the real reason to her inner turmoil, and it was blurted out by a mere comment meant to comfort her. Of all the things it could've been, the focus of her misery was the idea of being married to Aang, who at the time of the day of Black Sun, she only saw as a little brother. Never mind the fact that there was a complete time lapse which shot her straight to adulthood, or that her home resembled a catastrophic dystopia on the verge of being abandoned, her childhood being left to rot; No, it was all irrelevant.
The whole idea of it riveted spams through every nerve ending in her body, rendering her frail from the sick feeling that penetrated into her head and stomach. She felt unworthy of anyone's sympathy, and in reaction to what she had done, she pushed her sister-in-law away and curled into a ball, eyes completely shut as she proceeded to find solace in herself for what she had confessed, wondering how long she's been ignorant to her selfishness.
But she felt delicate hands curl onto her shoulders once again before they rubbed against her arm skin. How long has it been since she felt such comfort? The last she remembered a grasp like that was from her mother. With her eyes still closed, she pictured her mother standing before her, gorgeous and exactly as she remembered her. The background was an endless white void, her mother embraced in its foggy, bright splendor as she held her hands out, beckoning for her to follow. She could barely reach her, almost touch her, but she felt the pull of reality yanked her back. She lurched forward; her eyes shot wide and her gasp so deep it was as though she were submerged in water. When she finally took sight of Suki's face, Katara wished she left with her.
It wasn't disdain that greeted the young water bender, but rather the most difficult expression one could face: pity.
Suki's face was contorted with dejection, a pout crimped together with eyebrows curled high and a tilt to her head. There was an inner struggle that reflected in her deep brown eyes, like a battle of will and Katara sat destitute in the front row, powerless to stop it. Yet she remained silent, which made the young water bender incredibly uncomfortable. She stared back expressionless, but she wanted badly to beg and plead for her to say something, anything to spare her the taste of the torture of being in the loudest mute she would have to endure when she gathers the will to tell Aang the truth, but she knew it was best to stay hushed and not cause further animosity.
"Katara…you know you have to tell him." she insisted as she frowned somberly.
The idea of having to tell Aang something so potentially life-changing and grim was disgustingly heartbreaking she felt pins and needles drill into her chest, the thought of his possible reaction alone made her want to regurgitate, "No, Suki." she objected hastily, "I-I want to try something."
The former Kyoshi warrior raised an eyebrow, "Try what?"
The befuddled look she received from her sister-in-law made her question even herself, but she returned it with an ardent gaze permeated with certainty, "I want to try and make it work."
Suki drew in another deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose as she nodded disagreeably, "But you basically gave me the impression that the idea of being with him repulsed you."
She bit her lip and mentally cursed the Spirits for giving her the ability of being so easily perceptible, "I don't know, maybe if we try something, perhaps do things that everyone claims we did together, it'll trigger something, a memory, maybe."
The stun that emanated from Suki's expression only spelled one thing: An epiphany.
"Oh my goodness…" she rose from her seat and reached for Katara's grasp, her mouth gaped, "That…might actually work!" Her glee had finally returned with a vengeance, each corner of her lips threatened to touch her cheek bones as she beamed straight, white teeth at the young water bender., "And I'm probably not allowed to tell you too much, but judging by how happy you were before all of this happened, I'd say you most certainly didn't make the biggest mistake of your life when you became his wife."
Elated by her friend's response, she couldn't resist the contagiousness of her smile, and she soon found herself with a similar grin etched on her lips. "I really hope this works." her lips pressed. She meant every single word she said, both deeply excited by what she proposed to do and terrified out of her mind of the consequences should it backfire. Could she relearn to love him? Only time would tell.
The eerie glow of dusk blanketed the horizon, signaling straddlers of all ages to return to their homes, yet the cool air of incoming night was so inviting that it drew the people of the Southern Water Tribe out of their homes to breathe in the chill they were all too familiar with, and would miss deeply when the time came to leave it all behind. The ground ahead was as black as the night that pushed the remnants of day away, on the cusp of engulfing everything into darkness.
Away from it all as they overlooked the frozen tundra from a cliffside, the young Avatar stood in awe of the spectral sight, feeling just like the evening sky- on the verge of being consumed by the hopelessness riveting his mind, soul and body. Accompanied by a very close confidant and outstanding healer who hailed from the Northern Water Tribe, she agreed to meet with him despite the long and exhausting trip.
"Her loss of memory had to do with the trauma she endured as I'm sure you probably suspected, but usually memory can be easily retrieved after just a few hours of healing sessions and a few drops of Spirit Oasis water. I don't understand why she hasn't fully come back yet, it's baffling really."
Yugoda then bent over and opened her medicinal bag, rummaging within its contents while the wind struggled to lift her weighty hair. She took out a plastic model of a divided head with half of a brain and a pointer out, placing the tip of the pointer on the very top front of the model's cerebral surface as she circled around the area, while the young Avatar intently paid close attention, "The frontal lobe here is where all memory is stored for the long term. We have taken this entire part and combed it Aang, even examined the rest of her mind and still came up with nothing." she concluded darkly.
His stone grays trained forward, he breathed in hard; the air felt like cold vapor which tickled his nostrils, "So what you're telling me is that her memories aren't where they should be? Not anywhere, just completely gone?" he folded his hands behind his back, standing gallantly as the wind flirted with the skirt of his robes.
She took the plastic head and delicately placed it back in the bag, followed by the pointer before she once again rose, her posture straight and her expression unchanged. "Precisely, young Avatar."
Aang allowed the troubling information to sink in, but it was so much to swallow, and he found himself spiraled and stuck in his own personal sea of sorrow coupled with fire and brimstone and crying children.
"A lot on your mind son?"
He nodded, "I've tried everything that's been thrown at me to make her better Yagoda. I clipped a piece of her hair, burned it and tied it to a black opal as instructed, I soaked her head with saltwater mixed with drops of water from the Spirit Oasis, made her eat strange plants and fungi which made her vomit, made her DRINK the Spirit Oasis water, cleansed her and the house with Sage, I even paraded in the nude a couple of times under direction of the healer mind you, to see if it would wobble out any memory she had, making MYSELF look like a completely fool and she's still not getting it. *Sigh*, I guess I'm just frustrated is all." he released his bitterness in the form of a rant.
"Well, wasn't that a daily routine for you both? The idea does seem far-fetched, but it's not like you have many options to gamble with." Her eyes glowed a deep orange as the sun radiated its final light for the day.
"Yes, it was," he blushed at the thought, "But it's usually not such a good idea if the other person isn't in accordance, get me?" he didn't mean to sound so harsh, but the question was silly, and he had little patience for dumb questions at the moment.
Yugoda understood his grievance and didn't question his tone, but smiled sympathetically as she pressed her hand on his shoulder, "I know you both have been through much Aang, more than what many people ever see in their lifetimes; which is why you need to give yourself time as well. You may not realize it young Avatar, but you sound as though you're just as upset with her as you are frightened of her condition."
If he had any tears left in him, they would have fallen as soon as she finished her sentence. Truer words have yet to have been spoken to him since the incident, and it was touching to see someone understood what he was going through as well. She understood.
"It's just…why would you she do this to me? Why would she want to leave me that way? I feel so hurt from all of this and I'm doing all that's in my ability to fix her, but this is just so much…and even if she were somehow miraculously made better, it still wouldn't explain why on Earth she would do something like that. Katara would never, EVER try something so ridiculously selfish."
"People do ridiculously selfish things in the midst of their grief." she pointed out.
"Yes, but something just doesn't sit right with me. Like the answer to all of this is right in front of me, but I can't see it…or touch it."
"I know many of the local healers, your friends and family have been telling you that she attempted to take her own life in the midst of your loss. Keep in mind that this may be true. However, I too feel that there's a small possibility that something else was in the works that night, more of a hunch or a, a gut feeling per se." she attempted to find the right words to describe what she felt.
He pivoted his head to her direction, eyeing her curiously, "What do you know, Yagoda?"
She glared at him from top to bottom, not sure exact what he meant by that question, "I know nothing about what's happened to her." she assured, "But…I do know a few things about her 'symptoms', and I can assure you that I have yet to see anyone enter through my doors after being on the brink the way she was and return without an ounce of recent memory left in her cranium." she hissed.
The young Avatar couldn't believe what he heard, bewildered and desperate to hear more, "What do you suspect?" He returned her glare with his own as he waited for her response.
She fiddled her fingers, "Well, I don't want to be an advocate of conspiracy theories but…" her guard dropped, worry now the expression in her face as she hesitated to continue.
Aang's eyes widened as all the optimism in the world flooded his senses and filled him with hope, even if just a glimmer, and turned the rest of his body towards her, "Please Yagoda." he pleaded with hands balled together in front of him, "I need to know the possibilities, every possibility."
The healer shied away, reluctant to share such dire information especially if was for the sake of mere theory. But what could it hurt? Aang would probably pester her continuously until she told him anyway. May as well.
"Well, I know of an old saying, a very old saying that originated in the Fire Nation, how one can 'get lost in the darkness'. I don't remember all of the words, but the phrase was more of a parable, but some swear by it literally."
His attention was fully snared and grasped, and the healer held the reigns, "What does it mean?" he asked.
"Well, it's a phrase originated and commonly used in the practice of the craft, you're acquainted with knowledge of the craft right Aang?"
Of course he knew. Originated in the Fire Nation, few people practice the old ways and had since developed a bad rap for being insinuated in being connected with evil. He knew a few practitioners personally and thought they were very friendly, he knew better than to ask anything personal that pertained to their religion.
"Yes, I know."
She delved further into her explanation, "The craft doesn't necessarily deal with evil Aang, only the practitioner has the ability to warp his or her own magic to do either good or bad. The phrase I told you about is part of a moral message, which conveyed that one could easily become consumed by the very magic they practice if they're not careful. Messing with the wrong types of entities could bring about unimaginable consequences to the poor soul who tries to use magic for personal gain at the expense of others or to hurt other people."
She cleared her throat as the young Avatar allowed himself to absorb every single piece of information that escaped her lips, "But there are others within the craft's circle who believe that those who practice the black arts of the craft, or evil arts, have the ability to eliminate one's memory completely or at the very least up to a point, thus rendering them 'lost'. This memory would in turn be placed in something of a void, thus, getting lost 'in the darkness', but I'd rather not talk about such things." The thought of it rattled her immensely.
"I don't understand." He looked bemused, eyes askew and his lips partially parted, "What does this have to do with Katara?"
"It was common practice amongst those who practiced the evil craft, to seek revenge and get back to those who did them wrong. It's believed that such people don't even exist anymore, since a black art practitioner hadn't been seen in over a millennia, but it's reckoned they're out there still, quietly carrying on their rituals away from the scrutiny of the public." she halted for a moment, "The reason why I'm even telling you this Aang, is because Katara has shown some symptoms of what's called within the circle as being 'seized' or 'partial possession', where the possessed will temporarily lose touch with reality and do things that aren't in their nature to do. After-effects of such possession include dramatic memory loss. In light of her uncharacteristic behavior, coupled with the inability to retrieve her memories, the thought popped into mind. Any enemies that you or Mrs. Katara have had at any point in your lives?"
Now he understood, "Probably too many to count. How would I know where to start a search like that without potentially hurting my image or even worse, ostracizing people from me and Katara?" he asked dimly.
She chuckled, "It was just a theory, mere speculation, nothing more. Who knows? This could all be symptoms of-" she paused for a moment, her cheer dropped and her eyes skimming around at nothing "Don't put too much thought into it young Avatar. I'm sure we'll have Katara well in no time." she reassured.
But the subject had already peaked his interest despite having it complicated the matter at hand, and he was so far gone in the very possibility that he refused to drop it, "So how do you know all of this?" he asked.
"Well, let's just say that some of my healing techniques aren't exclusively Water Tribe." she winked and leaned closer to his ear , lips blocked from view by her varicose-riddled, wrinkled hand, "Best not let that slip out of your tongue, otherwise it'll be my job." she warned with a kind grin.
He noted her curiously as he wore a scowl beneath his grateful façade. Lips straight, he focused on the final rays of sunlight as they disintegrated in the horizon. He wondered if she knew anything about what's happened to Katara. Then it hit him; no, she couldn't. Someone with something to hide would never entrust anyone with such vital information.
Either way, he truly was thankful for the information he's received. The idea terrified him, but the possibility was minute, yet it was there, it nipped and gnawed at him like a teething puppy. Perhaps the answer to Katara's ailment lied in Yugoda's suspicion, now his own. But for now he was going to try to use her methods and would resort to 'extend his search' for answers only when he has exhausted every resource he had. Who knows, maybe he would have the chance to dismiss the whole thing as mere fairy tale, one less possibility down, which in turn would lead him closer to the answer he desperately sought.
The young Avatar nodded and smirked, "I wouldn't dream of it."
Man, I love suspense...