.
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Seeing Sheppard the next day is so disconcerting. It is weird how natural he seems, as if nothing has happened between them. Rodney joins in the act and serves Sheppard some acerbic barbs. The Major serves right back, bantering easily, seeming to enjoy himself. It unsettling how comfortable this man feels intruding into Rodney's life and personal space.
In public, Sheppard appears to have no special interest in Rodney. He doesn't treat him differently. It's like it never happened. It probably won't again. Rodney loses track of Sheppard after work and spends the evening catching up with Carson over dinner.
When Rodney gets ready for bed in his quarters he thinks about Sheppard. He has the stupid thought maybe Sheppard will come for him again. Rodney feels excited by the idea then kicks himself for being so pathetic. He won't come, even if he does, Rodney vows to send him away.
Yes, the man is sexy and he makes Rodney cum like he's never cum before, but the price to his self-esteem is too high. After Alex, Rodney had thought that was the last time, the last time he let someone use him and make him feel low.
But here he is 6 months later, giving himself to the first man that wants quick fuck. No, Rodney won't do it. He turns on his pillow with resolve. Then he hears a soft knock. It can't be. The knock comes again. All Rodney has to do is leave it unanswered, but his body feels like it is not his own. He feels himself rise and walk to the door without any internal struggle. He has no willpower at all.
And there he is. The sexy pilot, leaning into the door frame with an easy smile. His eyes are clear tonight, sober and sparkling with desire.
Sheppard opens his wide pouty lips, "I couldn't stop thinking about you all day."
Rodney gulps. Sheppard has been thinking about him? He moves back to let the man into his room. Sheppard closes the door behind them and starts to take off his clothes. Rodney stands awkwardly before he thinks to do the same.
Oh God. What is this man going to do to him tonight? It doesn't matter. Whatever he wants, Rodney knows he will let him do it. He shivers. Then he feels Sheppard stand behind him and run his warm hands up and down Rodney's chest. Though Rodney has always thought his chest his least attractive feature, he submits to the attention.
"I couldn't wait for tonight," Sheppard says as he rests his chin on Rodney's shoulder.
Speechless, Rodney has butterflies in his stomach. Sheppard's hands play lower along his belly, finally reaching for Rodney's hard and ready cock. His knees go a little weak as Sheppard's sure hands grip the shaft. He nudges Rodney toward the bed and lays him down on his side.
Sober Sheppard seems more certain of what he is doing. He props Rodney's head on a pillow and moves his legs open at just the right angle for Sheppard to fuck him on his side. He lubes his cock and lies down next to Rodney. His fingers gently play and wet Rodney's hole. Breathing heavily against Rodney's back, he moans as he places his cock against Rodney's entrance.
He doesn't force it, but gives it to Rodney in inches, working his way in. Rodney feels light and fluttery, he likes this softer approach. One of Sheppard's arms is wrapped around the front of Rodney's chest, holding them close together as Sheppard grinds slowly up into him. It feels amazingly good. As the cock hits the parts of Rodney that felt bruised earlier, the sensation changes to one of a pleasurable ache.
As the Major works his way up, deeper and deeper, Rodney clutches at his arm for support trying to take in the entirety of the massive cock. Sheppard lets Rodney hold onto his arm, seeming to be okay with this small amount of intimacy.
Then Sheppard moves his other hand onto the soft flesh between Rodney's hips and presses back, arching Rodney's ass even closer. Rodney feels them together both breathing heavily in satisfaction. Sheppard moans with desire as he begins to circle his hips, making small thrusting motions.
Gasping, Rodney feels his body melt; it feels good to let the Major do whatever he wants to him. It feels so damn good. The movement starts to rock more deeply, thrusting lightly in and out. Sheppard presses Rodney's chest firmly into himself and starts to play with Rodney's cock. He begins lightly, dancing his finger around the base and balls, then teases the tip.
Finally John's strong hand takes ahold of the length and strokes him. Rodney flutters as the cock inside him moves faster and with more intensity. He groans and trembles under Sheppard's movements. What has this man done to him? He can't think straight.
Sheppard winds the tension up higher and higher until Rodney is out of control, moaning and muttering incoherently. He takes Rodney over the edge, screaming when he cums. Then Sheppard drives deep into Rodney's ass losing control himself.
"God. Fuck. McKay!"
Still holding onto one of Sheppard's arms, Rodney doesn't want him to go. This time felt almost tender, almost close -at least compared to what it had been. But Sheppard sighs and pulls away, leaving Rodney alone on the pillow.
This time Rodney doesn't feel quite as ashamed as he hears Sheppard getting dressed and leaving. He doesn't know why he wants this man so much but he will take what little he can get. Tonight felt so good, he has to admit to himself that he isn't going to be able to say 'No' to this. He will let Sheppard take him, take control, regardless of how much it terrifies him.
.
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The next week and a half is a confusing jumble of activity. Everyone is so busy trying to prepare for the expedition, even if they don't know whether or not they will be allowed to go. It all depends on whether the IOA will allow them to use up a big chunk of the ZPM energy that powers the chair weapons platform.
During the day, Sheppard is always the same with Rodney. Lightly bantering, detached and amused by his surroundings. Then at night, he comes for Rodney, sometimes rough and hard, sometimes more careful. Rodney can't predict the moods; just that Sheppard will come to him, wanting, and ready to fuck.
He feels thoroughly used, yet enjoying it. Sheppard fucks Rodney like he's never been fucked before. Usually it is raw and purely sexual. But some nights, when Sheppard is almost gentle, Rodney lets himself imagine it could develop into something more. A silly fantasy that fades when Sheppard abruptly takes his leave.
Rodney knows Sheppard just wants to cum, and when Sheppard is finished, he is done. But Rodney has come to crave the time he spends with the man, even at work. Though they snipe at each other frequently, it feels familiar, like they are buddies, almost.
When Sheppard tells Rodney that Elizabeth has asked him to join the expedition to the Pegasus galaxy, Rodney's heart skips a beat.
The idea of having Sheppard near him, not having to stop whatever this is -it sounds too good to be true. Rodney gushes and tells him that it is the opportunity of a lifetime and that he should say yes. Sheppard looks pensive and unsure.
"Look," Rodney tells him, "I know you kind of like Antarctica and all, but this is the sort of thing that most people don't even get to dream of doing. Only the very best and brightest have gotten the opportunity-"
"Whereas, I got a lucky gene." Sheppard cuts him off with a sardonic smile.
"It doesn't matter why." Rodney continues, "You should really consider that this is an amazing opportunity."
"Okay," Sheppard smiles again, this time more amused, "maybe I will."
.
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Later that day, Rodney is walking down a corridor by himself when sees Sheppard walking toward him with a strangely dangerous expression on his face. As he gets closer to Rodney, he stops in front of him.
Rodney raises his eyebrows.
"I'm coming to Pegasus." Sheppard growls, "Just have to get my stuff from McMurdo."
His eyes narrow at Rodney, then he looks around the hall tactically. Rodney wonders what Sheppard is looking for and turns to see himself.
Suddenly Sheppard's strong arms grab Rodney around the waist. He opens a nearby door and peers into the small dark storage closet. Pulling Rodney in, he shoves him up against the wall and he bites his neck.
"Ahhh." Rodney cries out, "Wh-What are you doing?"
Pushed flat against the wall, Rodney hears the Major unbuckling his pants.
"Wait. I-" Rodney is anxious; Sheppard has never been like this before, "I don't know if this is such a good idea, I-"
The two of them wrestle a bit as Rodney struggles. Sheppard keeps him pinned as he drops his drawers; he is fumbling with Rodney's pants now.
"No," Rodney isn't able to put up much of fight and protests instead, "Wait."
Easily holding both of Rodney's hands with one of his, Sheppard he uses his other hand to finish undoing Rodney's pants.
"I know you want it." Sheppard whispers, "Tell me you don't want it and I'll stop."
Panting from the struggle, Rodney tries to think. Of course Sheppard knows he wants it. Sheppard knows he can take Rodney however he wants, whenever he wants. Rodney is as shaken by this realization, as he is by Sheppard's sudden attack. He lowers his eyes silently to his pants around his ankles.
When Sheppard pulls down Rodney's boxers, he is completely hard.
"Now." He leans into Rodney's ear sounding satisfied, "Tell. Me. That you want it."
"I," Rodney swallows, his face warm with shame. He whispers, "I want it."
Roughly spinning Rodney around, Sheppard leans him against a low shelf. He grabs and squeezes Rodney's pert, full ass, playing with the cheeks and slapping them.
"Mmm. So tight McKay. So fucking tight."
Sheppard rustles with a small bottle. Oh thank God, he brought lube. Quickly lining up his target, Sheppard spreads Rodney's cheeks and pushes in.
"Ahhha!" Rodney cries out.
"We just gotta be quiet." Sheppard holds his hand over Rodney mouth as he thrusts his way into the tight hole.
"Mmph-Mmph. Ohhm. Mmph."
Rodney's cries are muffled. Unprepared to be taken this fiercely, he whimpers into the Major's hand as he pulls in and out of him, deep and fast. His eyes water and he moans against the shock of penetration, hoping that the pain will pass soon.
"-Mmgh –Mmph-Uhgg –Ughh -Mmm"
As Rodney stretches, his muffled noises become less frantic. Sheppard reaches for Rodney's wilting erection and pulls on it. There is pleasure but it has a sharp edge to it. It is all so intense. Sheppard wants to cum fast and he is trying to take Rodney there with him.
The scene of it all, humiliating at first, is now turning Rodney on. He gives in and sags into the shelf, letting Sheppard have complete control. He hates that being used turns him on, he feels so helpless with Sheppard fucking him like this. But Rodney cums fast into Sheppard's hand.
"God. So hot." Sheppard rasps as he turns his full attention to penetration, "Your ass is so fucking tight."
Driving deep, Sheppard rides the orgasmic ripples; his body shaking against Rodney as he swells and releases, spurting his cum into Rodney's ass.
"Ahhhhh. Oh. So fucking tight." He pulls out releasing Rodney's hips.
"I'll be gone for the night at McMurdo." Sheppard quickly pulls his clothes on before closing the door behind him.
That had been hot. But Rodney feels bare, conflicted. He just wishes he and Sheppard were closer. It feels so weird to let somebody he hardly knows have all that control over him.
Sheppard probably thinks Rodney is as pathetic as he feels. He knows Rodney will let himself be used. For some reason Rodney lets himself hope that there could be more between the two of them, that he could be closer to this man. Still, he's glad to have a night off. Rodney is so sore now and doesn't think he could do it again tonight.
But that night when Sheppard doesn't come, Rodney misses him. Not just the sex, but having someone interested enough in him to want to spend time with him. He hates how pathetic he is.
.
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After flying back the next morning, Sheppard acts casual and aloof. Obviously Sheppard didn't miss Rodney. The day is unspectacular and Rodney finds himself retiring early. Afraid that Sheppard won't come, he is relived when he hears a knock at the door.
When Rodney lets him in, Sheppard smiles but his eyes look serious. Instead of stripping right away, Sheppard sits on the end of the bed. Rodney follows him and sits nearby, waiting.
"I got my stuff." Sheppard turns his face to look at Rodney.
Perplexed, Rodney answers, "That's good."
"It's just," Sheppard shifts his weight on the bed, "I wasn't planning on leaving here. At least for a long time."
"I think you made the right decision." Rodney smiles.
Sheppard furrows his brows like he is uncertain but nods. Then he gets up off the bed. Turning on the bedside lamp and the overhead light off, he stands by the door taking Rodney in.
What does this guy think of him? Rodney feels insecure and small. Sheppard breaks his gaze and pulls the lube out of his pocket, placing it on the nightstand. Then he begins to strip.
This part Rodney knows; he takes his clothes off even though being under the light is making him feel awkward. But Sheppard looks at Rodney as if he likes what he sees.
Rodney starts to turn over, but Sheppard's hands stop him and roll him onto his back.
Kneeling over him on the bed, Sheppard takes Rodney in again with his eyes. Rodney shivers a little under his gaze. Sheppard's heavy palm touches Rodney's chest; he stares at it, moving both his hands over Rodney's chest and stomach.
Then Sheppard lifts one of Rodney's arms that are plastered to his side. He rolls his fingers up and down the length as if there is something about he enjoys. He releases Rodney's arm and runs his hands over Rodney's cock and then down his legs.
He examines one of Rodney's legs in the same way he did the arms. Rodney has always felt self-conscious about his scant amount of body hair, especially on his legs and chest. But Sheppard smiles in a way that eases his insecurity.
As Sheppard folds his legs up into a bent position, Rodney understands. Sheppard wants to take him from the front. Looking thoughtful for a minute, Sheppard then uses his easy access between Rodney's spread legs to play with his cock.
Closing his eyes, Rodney lets himself relax. Sheppard is taking his time tonight, he is not demanding. He nurses Rodney's erection before wetting his own cock with lube. Then he lifts Rodney's legs higher than he was expecting.
Surprised, Rodney's eyes go wide as he feels his legs being lifted over Sheppard's shoulders. Sheppard gazes down at him and smiles softly; the expression on his face almost seems tender and Rodney relaxes again. Sheppard positions himself to enter but leans forward so that he is looking down at Rodney's face. He watches him intently at he begins to push his way inside.
As the head begins to breach him, Rodney's mouth goes wide and his breath hitches. He is hyperconscious now of the faces he is making. He bites his lip and inhales sharply as Sheppard sinks in.
Little gasping noises keep escaping him each time Sheppard drives his cock deeper. It feels intense, but it doesn't hurt, Sheppard is watching closely and making sure he doesn't go too fast. Rodney feels so exposed and vulnerable. Pulses fluttering, like some sort of current radiating through each time Sheppard moves inside him.
And Sheppard is watching him, seeing how much he moves Rodney, seeing how he can make Rodney feel. Sheppard keeps the pace slow and steady, sensing just the right timing needed to keep Rodney's eyes rolling back in his head. Rodney can't fight this. He surrenders to Sheppard as he always does, letting himself be lifted into pure ecstasy.
He feels bared with Sheppard staring down at him, so strong and intense; Rodney can't read the expression. His eyes flutter up and back again. Sheppard seems to know just when Rodney is ready for more. Thrusting harder in and out, Sheppard uses the lift he has on Rodney's legs to pump into him.
Rodney cries out in pleasure. He is completely under Sheppard's dominion and Sheppard has discovered just how to use Rodney's body, to play it like an instrument. As he gasps and moans, he can hear Sheppard moaning too.
God. His cock is so hard and Sheppard isn't even touching it. Rodney feels like he could cum just from this. He loves this feeling of John's cock moving inside him. Rodney hasn't let himself think of him as John before. But he wishes he could call the man who has so much power over him by his first name. Oh. John is touching his cock now. Oh. It's too much. He is cumming-
"Oh God! John!" Rodney screams out without thinking.
Sheppard's cock swells inside him. He shudders and groans, finally letting go of Rodney's legs as he pulls out. Catching his breath, Sheppard leans back to the end of the bed for a minute resting on his hand.
It feels like Rodney has broken some kind of unwritten contract by using Sheppard's first name. He hadn't meant to. Rodney watches him anxiously. Without meeting his eyes, Sheppard pushes himself off the bed and collects his things.
This time Rodney watches him get dressed. He is surprised by how shaky and nervous the other man appears. Sheppard is always so confidant but the look on his face now is almost fearful. Carefully keeping his eyes averted, Sheppard's hands seem to tremble as he pulls his clothes back on. When he is finished he leaves without a word.
For some time Rodney lies there unmoving, wondering what could possibly be going in Sheppard's head. Whatever it is, there is a lot more to the story than Rodney knows.
Tonight, at least for a while, it seemed they were close in a different way. But now Sheppard is gone and he feels lonely and unlovable again; disgusting for wanting sex with someone who only wants to use him. Rodney just came harder than he ever has in his life, but Sheppard doesn't care about him. He knows Sheppard isn't mean; he just didn't care for Rodney that way.
And Rodney likes Sheppard so much, whether it is fucking or just talking at work. Rodney wants to be around him whenever he can. It scares him how much he wants this man. It is pathetic and stupid. Looking down at his pale hairless body, Rodney feels contempt. Why would anyone feel anything other than disgust for him?
He tries to keep the darker thoughts away, the ones at the edge of his mind. But the sound of Alex's voice crowds into his mind. Rodney curls himself into a ball and tells himself to calm down.
Nothing good will come of remembering the past. He can't let it ruin the little bit of pleasure he has been able to find since then. Rodney forces himself to stand; he cleans up and puts on some fresh boxers. Feeling a little less vulnerable now, he turns off the light and curls back into a ball on the bed.
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