We run because we fear pain.

We fight because we fear death.

We live because we fear eternity.

I cling to you because I fear myself.

Chapter 3: Loth Me Sweetly

"Those are the cakes right?" Celena asked as she led Haseo through her school.

"Yes. I made them fresh this morning. Did you pick up the extra stuff I asked for?"

"Mostly." Celena answered. "Although I couldn't get the liquor you asked for obviously. We wouldn't be able to use it anyway."

"Oh…Well its okay. I can make do. Besides, I already have it in this cake so it's okay."

"You didn't use too much right?" Celena asked wearily as she stared at him. He shook his head innocently and after a moment of watching him, Celena continued through the hall. "The classroom we're using is right at the end here. It has an oven, a small fridge, and it's stocked with cooking tools and stuff. The way it works is that ideally we bring the ingredients in and everyone pairs off into groups of 4. They make smaller batches of what we brought in, and while that's baking in the oven we eat the stuff we already made. Then they get to divide what they made up into fourths and take that home with them."

"Okay."

Celena paused and looked at him again. "Are you okay? You seem kind of nervous."

"He's just shy." Dorumon said from his partner's digivice. "Just give him a few minutes and he'll be fine."

"Aniki…" Haseo mumbled as his face turned pink.

Celena smiled and said, "Relax. The guys in the club are all pretty tame compared to some of the other clubs. You don't have to worry okay?"

"O-Okay."

Celena gave an encouraging nod and Haseo gently returned it. He let Celena guide him down the hallway and they stopped at the last door. There was a lot of room between it and the door to the left and it was proven to be a very large room when Celena slid the door open and walked inside. She moved to the big desk where Lo was sitting. It had a small sink installed in it and a long counter. There were a lot of drawers filled with cooking utensils, bowls, and pans. Up along the back wall, between the two windows, was a large oven. She turned to the teacher sitting further away, a laptop on the desk before her. "We're ready." She said with a smile.

The teacher closed her laptop and turned to Celena. She had light blonde hair and light green eyes. She wore a pink blouse with a red jacket over it and had a matching skirt. She looked quite young, and in fact this was her first year teaching. "Is that your guest?" she asked as she looked to Haseo. He stared back with a look of shock clearly written on his face. Lo elbowed him in the rib, making him squeak.

"Yes ma'am." Celena answered with a nod.

Her teacher smiled a little and nodded. "Go ahead then. Just everyone be careful to not make a mess."

"Okay!" Lo declared as she turned to the mass of twenty students before her. "Pair up into groups of four if you haven't already so we can start! There will be enough tools for each of you to use, provided you don't attack each other again."

"I thought you said this was one of the saner clubs." Haseo murmured.

"To be fair, it was Lo herself doing the attacking and she was mostly kidding."

"And now it makes sense."

"I don't have a partner." One of the kids said. He was a tall teen with sun kissed skin and dark brown hair. His eyes were light chocolaty brown. His school uniform was a little disheveled but he had a very laidback look to him. "Mind if I help you guys upfront?"

Celena did a quick head count. "Huh. He's right. Yeah sure, if there's nobody else you can come up I guess. That's okay right?"

"What you're asking me?" Lo grunted. "I don't care just so long as we get cake."

The boy grinned as he walked to the front and turned to Haseo. He offered his hand to the boy and said, "My name's Atarashii Haruki. Nice to meet you." Haseo hesitantly took his hand and squeaked when the boy's hand tightened like a vice around it.

"Haseo." He answered quietly.

"Right then, let's big." Lo said and cleared her throat. She then proceeded to go into a thirty minute tirade explaining the very long and boring history of strawberry shortcake and shortcake in general. The rest of the club watched her animated movements as she continued to explain the history and began making large notes on the board behind them. Lo rambled and rambled as she continued to present her facts on the delicious treat until finally turning to the class and smiling. "Everyone get that?" she asked with a smile.

Haseo turned to Celena. "Half of that was wrong. Shortbread, known as shortcake there to avoid confusion with another confection, was made in the United Kingdom in,"

"Cooking time?" Haruki asked hopefully.

"Now that the informative part is done, yes. Its cooking time!"

"But I,"

Celena chuckled a little and said, "Just drop it for now Haseo. Not even I'm here for that stuff. We're all just here to make tasty treats okay?"

"Okay…" Haseo paused when he noticed Haruki and Lo staring at him expectantly. "Huh? O-Oh! Right! I guess I'm on next. Uh, okay sure." He traded places with lo and Haruki moved beside him. "W-Well uhm, this isn't the best recipe but since Celena was gathering the stuff I didn't want to inconvenience her by making her get a ton of extras so this is a rather simple recipe and it won't taste quite like what I brought in but I'm confidant you'll all like it anyway and this really isn't too hard to make so it should be easy for all of you and,"

"Dude, stop." Haruki said as he put a hand on Haseo's shoulder. Haseo shut up and started panting lightly.

"I…right…sorry. So, uhm, anyway we need exactly 2 cups of flour, 3 Tbs. of sugar, 3 tsp. of baking powder, 1/2 tsp. each baking soda and salt, 6 Tbs. of unsalted butter, 2 Tbs. of solid all-vegetable shortening, and 2/3 to 3/4 cup of buttermilk. So I guess we'll pass the stuff around so all the groups can get some? We need to mix all of the dry ingredients into the bowl first. Oh, and Celena please turn the oven on to 450 F."

"Got it!"

Haruki opened a bag of flour and dipped the measuring cup into it. Haseo gasped when he was about to dump it in and grabbed his wrist. "Ow! Hey, what the hell!"

"That's too much." Haseo explained sternly. "Scrap the top off with a butter knife so it's exactly even." Haruki grumbled as he followed Haseo's instructions and then tossed it into the bowl. Haseo gasped again as a light cloud of flour poofed up around the bowl. "Careful! You'll lose precious flower!"

"I don't think it matters that much." Haruki grunted.

"No!" Haseo insisted, though his voice never really got much louder. "It must be exact. That's the key between being a cook and being a chef."

Lo frowned. "I thought the difference was whether you graduated from cooking school or not."

"What do we add next?" Celena asked as she tried getting things back on track.

"Huh? Oh, sugar." He watched as Haruki dipped into the bag of sugar with the teaspoon and gently dropped the contents into the bowl. He did this three times and passed the bag on before giving Haseo a sarcastic smile. If he noticed Haseo ignored him and gave a genuine smile in return. "Okay, we just continue adding the dry ingredients one at a time until they're all in." Everyone continued adding the ingredients and then passing the bag on to the next group. Eventually it was all in the bowl and ready for the next step.

"We slice the butter into small, ¼ inch width pieces and drop it in. then we used the beater to stir it up." Haseo continued. Haruki did so with Haseo analytically watching him slice.

"We've only got two beaters." Celena said. "But we've only got four groups so it shouldn't take long. So do you have this whole recipe memorized then?"

"That's right." Haseo said with a nod. "A good chef has to have all of his best recipes committed to memory." The rest of what he wanted to say was drowned out by the two egg beaters starting up. They whirred loudly as they mixed the ingredients together. "Make sure it's on the lowest setting and be gentle!" Haseo cried over the noise. "With dry ingredients like this, it's easy to send a lot of it into the air with the spinning beaters! Be sure to add the shortening in as you mix!" It took a few minutes but eventually everyone was finished mixing their ingredients so far.

"Is it supposed to look like confetti?" Haruki wondered as he peered into the bowl full of little flecks of dough.

"For now. Next we add buttermilk until it's more like bread dough. We don't want it to be like cookie dough, we want it to be solid and pillowy like bread dough." Haseo gently began stirring as Haruki poured the milk in. "Slower!" he snapped which made Haruki flinch.

"Man you're a bossy little guy." Haruki grunted. Celena and Lo looked at each other blankly.

"Okay, now we need to cover the cutting board in flour and knead the dough." Haseo said as the dough formed the right consistency.

"I can do that!" Lo announced. Haseo gasped as she poured the flower onto the board in a large lump. "Uh, oops. Little too much huh?" Haseo helped her scoop it back into the bag as Celena began kneading the dough. "How long do we do this?" she wondered.

"It should be soft, but firm enough to hold together." Haseo answered as he gently guided the flour off of the board and into the bag with a dry towel.

"I think it's good?" Celena guessed.

"Okay then, everyone fill their pan with it. We need it to be about one inch thick in order for it to cook to the level we want." Haseo moved over to the oven and opened it. He gently slid each of the pans into it one by one and closed it. "With this recipe we have about 15 to 20 minutes for them to cook, and ten minutes for them to cool."

"Right. Cake time!" Lo cheered.

"Not yet, we need to make the filling!" Haseo insisted. "Everyone start chopping the strawberries. We don't need too many for each really. Once their sliced, cut them in half vertically as well and put them into the plastic container." He watch as Haruki cut the strawberries and let out a sigh.

"What?" the taller boy snapped.

"They're not even. Make them even!" Haseo complained.

"Not everything has to be perfect you know." Haruki grunted, though Celena noticed that he was trying a bit harder to cut the little fruit more evenly.

"Yes it does." Haseo answered. "The kitchen is a place of order. It is a perfect haven where masters perfect their skills. Every ingredient must be measured precisely, and things should not be cooked or chilled a second longer than they have to be. Everything has to work together in perfect harmony. Just like in relationships, you can't have too little or too much of one thing. Everything must be spread out evenly to create the perfect dish."

"I get it, I get it." Haruki griped. "What next?"

"We add some sort of liquid." Haseo answered with a smile. "I asked Celena to pick up some juice from the store yesterday. The idea is for the strawberries to be mashed and soaked in the liquid with some sugar. It will pull the juice out and since we're using orange juice instead of water it'll have a nice little tart taste too it as well."

"Got it." Haruki said as he tossed the strawberries into the bowl and began mashing them furiously. Haseo cried out in horror, which only intensified when Haruki poured half the bottle of juice into the bowl. "Like this right?" he grunted.

"No, no, no!" Haseo cried. "We use a little bit of juice. It's meant to pull the flavor of the strawberries out, not drown it. And ideally we need larger chunks than this. Oh this is a disaster." Haseo lamented.

"Relax." Celena said as she put a hand on his shoulder. "Everyone else is doing fine and they look like they're having a nice time."

"That might be because you and Haruki make a good comedy dup though."

"…no helping Lo."

"Alright." Haseo said with a nod. "Cover the container with the lid and let it sit in the refrigerator for thirty minutes or so." Everyone marked their lids with a marker first before putting them all in the refrigerator.

"And no we have cake!" Lo cried.

"No, now we make the cream." Haseo corrected.

"Uh, no." Celena interrupted. "Sorry. I had to get regular whipping cream. They didn't have," she double checked the list. "Mascarpone at the store."

"Oh. Well then yes, cake time." Haseo said as he moved to the three containers. He unclipped the sides on one and opened the container. He very nearly dropped it onto the cake when he was met with applause by the students. The cake looked absolutely stunning. The two layers of cake looked light and fluffy, and the white cream on top was swirled in such a way to create a bed for the strawberries on top. A red syrup had been drizzled over the top of it which had splashed down the sides of the cake and dried to form what looked like a red glaze. It smelled very strongly of strawberries, but there was a hint of orange and a little bit else coming from it. Haseo expertly cut the first cake into eighths and slid one piece onto a plate to reveal the light pink ripples going through the cake itself and the center layer of cream was actually chocolate. He gently slid it onto a paper plate which was immediately snatched up by Lo. Haseo continued to slice more pieces and hand them out to everybody, revealing the two other containers held two identical cakes.

"Haseo this is so good!" Lo cried. "Give me more! People are absent, I'll eat theirs!"

"Lo, stop it." Celena chided. "You can take home some of the extra."

"YES!"

"This is really good Haseo." Celena said with a smile. "And it looks beautiful! How long have you been doing this for anyway?"

"About five years." Haseo answered with a smile. "I have a lot of fond memories of cooking for my older brother and our friends. Everyone would always look so happy when they ate. In that moment it didn't matter what was happening in their personal lives or what we were going through. They were happy to just sit down and enjoy themselves, and my food gave them a reason. I…I really miss those days."

Celena smiled at Haseo and set her plate down before gently hugging him. "I don't really understand what happened, but I can see why your friends were so happy."

"Awwwwwwww, she likes him~!" Haruki giggled. Celena pulled away and stared at the boy in confusion. "You better ask him out quick Celena, or I'll get to him first. I like guys that can cook! I've always wanted to, but I can never ever get things right. Not like Haseo can." You grinned as he took a bite of cake. "Haseo your cream is delicious."

"Oh my." Haseo squeaked as his face turned strawberry red.

"You…wait a minute! Liquor!" Celena cried in horror. "You used that liquor for the sauce for the strawberries didn't you?"

"Yeah but nobody else seems to be affected." Haseo answered as he looked around at everyone else.

"I'm fine." Lo grunted. "No more or less drunk than usual."

"That's bizarrely disheartening actually."

"Shut up Celena."

"This is impossible, he can't be drunk." Haseo said sternly. "There is no possible way this little bit can make a guy his size drunk."

"I didn't eat anything today." Haruki giggled. "I had to skip lunch to make a make-up test!"

"That still doesn't explain it." Haseo insisted. "Haruki, stop letting the placebo effect work. You are not drunk."

"Can I have a hug?" Haruki asked with a grin.

"Haseo, maybe you should take Haruki out for some fresh air." Their teacher suggested. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about this. Just take care of him okay?"

"Y-Yes that's a good idea Haruno-sensei." Haseo agreed. "Come on Haruki, let's go out back." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of paper. "Here Celena, this is a list of instructions for finishing everything up."

"Got it." She said with a nod. "Be careful with Haruki okay?"

Haseo nodded and guided Haruki out of the room. He looked around the hallway and saw a door leading outside across the hallway in front of him. He led Haruki, who was clinging to him quite tightly. "You're adorable Haseo." He said with a grin.

"Th-thank you Haruki but please calm down."

"I'm serious. You seem nicer than those other guys. You're not…" he trailed off for a moment as his eyes refocused a bit. "You're not as scary as the other ones. I feel kind of safe around you."

"We've hardly known each other for thirty minutes." Haseo argued.

"Love at first sight." Haruki slurred with a grin. "Heh, or maybe I'm just desperate."

Haseo pushed Haruki outside quickly with the door swinging shut behind them. The area was out behind the school. A fair distance away was the soccer field, but it was empty as according to Celena practice had been canceled that day for unknown reasons. Unknown to Haseo at any rate. Judging by the cigarettes butts on the ground this was the faculty's pseudo smoking area.

"I'm glad we're alone." Haruki said with a grin.

"Stop it Haruki, you're just a little tipsy. Somehow. Just take a deep breath and maybe the stuff will work its way out of your system." Haseo insisted.

"Not really." Haruki said with a wider grin.

"…What?"

"I faked that." Haruki said with a shrug. "Was I that good? Weird. I thought I was over doing it a bit. You're right by the way. No way a little bit like that would affect me."

"Why!" Haseo cried in disbelief. "Why would you do that!" He turned back to the door and pushed at the handle but stopped when it jammed. He paled a little and tried again.

"Ah, yeah. These doors lock automatically. I tried catching it before it closed but you pushed me away from you too hard. We'll have to walk the long way around."

"Oh." Haseo sighed.

"Before that though, I wanted to take to you about something." Haruki said as he got a little closer. "I know it was wrong of me to do this whole drunk charade thing, but I needed to get you away from them. You seem like the shy type when you're not cooking."

"What are you talking about?" Haseo wondered.

"Were my 'drunken' passes not clear enough?" Haruki asked with another grin. Haseo blushed, suddenly feeling like cornered prey. He backed up farther against the door on instinct. "I think you're cute and wanted to ask you out on a date. Go see a movie or have dinner or something. I had to get you out here because I knew you'd be way too embarrassed with all those people in there."

"I-I…y-you…a-a-and me…?" Haseo stammered incoherently. He blushed bright red when Haruki giggled.

"Yeah. You and me. On a date. This Friday. Or Saturday if that's better."

"W-W-Why me?" Haseo murmured as he brought his hands up to his face. "I don't understand. Why would you ever want to ask me out?"

"You're cute, you're fun to tease, you're a good cook, but you've got backbone when you're passionate about something. You're shy and wimpy, but I can feel something else in you. A hard, iron core. A sharp edge under all the snowy fluff. Like a little cat, cute and fuzzy but you have sharp claws."

"A-A cat? Interesting analogy."

"So is that a yes or a no?" Haruki asked with a warmer smile this time. Haseo looked at the tan boy and, despite his heart still beating like mad, managed to smile a little too.

"It'd be my first date." Haseo mumbled.

"I'll teach you everything you need to know. I've been on plenty of dates." Haruki offered. "Come on, please?"

"I-I-I'm sorry but I can't. I just…it feels wrong."

"Why?" Haruki asked as a frown crossed his lips. "Do you already have a boyfriend? A girlfriend? Celena right? Yeah I thought so."

"No, nothing like that!" Haseo protested, perhaps a little too loudly.

"What then?" Haruki asked indignantly. "You're straight right? Figures. All the good guys are either straight or taken."

"I am," Haseo paused for a moment and looked down for a moment. "Undecided. I'm not sure what I am." He gasped when Haruki took his hands in his own, the taller boy smiled widely. Haseo frowned as he looked at him and despite himself he began to feel oddly sorry for the taller boy.

"Then we'll figure out together!" he said eagerly, or perhaps the better word would be desperately. "One date, that's all I ask! Please?"

Haseo opened his mouth but stopped. He left it open like a fish gasping for air before slowly shaking his head. "I'm sorry." He said as he began to cry softly. "I can't. I'm not ready to date. I don't want any romance. Please, I know this sounds weird but I just can't. It's still too strange."

Haruki backed off and let out a little chuckle. "Come on." He said with a sad smile. "You sound like I'm asking you to strip down and do it right here. I get it. If it means that much to you then sure, fine. I'll lay off. Sorry for tricking you okay? Just stop crying? I don't like seeing cute guys like you cry like this."

"Yeah." Haseo whimpered as he dried his eyes on his sleeves. "Sorry. I know this must all sound odd but I'm just not comfortable with dating yet. Maybe some other time okay?"

"Sure." Haruki agreed with a little sigh. "I get it."

"People like us are always getting shot down." A calm voice echoed around them. Haseo's eyes widened immediately and he pushed Haruki behind him. "People always act so mean to us don't they? How many times have you been rejected? How many times have you been made fun of? Everyone else acts like we're monsters just because we want to be loved!"

Haruki looked up and asked, "Who are you?"

"Don't!" Haseo insisted. "Run! Get out of here and leave this to me!"

But neither the voice nor the boy paid him any mind. "Someone like you. Someone whose been scorned more times than they can count. Someone fed up with this love and all of these happy couples! Why must I be the one to suffer! Why isn't there anyone willing to love me! They lie and cheat to get out of it! They lie through their teeth to avoid people like us! I have a girlfriend! I'm not into guys! I just can't right now! It's complicated! Bullshit!"

Haruki gasped and grabbed his chest. Haseo turned to him but he was knocked away by the boy as he stumbled forward, crying out in pain. A blood red aura surrounded him, burning like flames. "No more!" the voice continued. "I'm tired of being ignored! I'm tired of being rejected! I'm tired of being alone! Let me in Haruki! Admit it! You feel the same way! You hate them all don't you! The ones who belittled you! The ones who laughed at you! The bastards that rejected you!"

Haruki let out a soft gasp, his arms dropping to his side. Haseo ran to him but the red flames exploded and intensified. They surrounded Haruki as they floated into the sky. The boy cried out in pain as the flames engulfed him completely. It crashed to the ground and knocked Haseo back. The pale boy forced himself up, but gasped in horror at the sight before him.

"I'm scared." His voice quivered with each word. "I'm scared of being alone. I don't want to be alone anymore! Why won't anyone give me a chance!" Behind him were tattered red mouth wings that hung limply on his back. His body was covered in tight black armor with flames flickering on the edges. His face was covered up completely by a black mask, blinding him from the world. At the end of each wing was a long chain attached to a large weight, the chain wrapped around his wings and arms to bind him down.

"Emotions, so easily twisted. I am Shadramon Fear Mode. I see you too are afraid of being alone. Don't worry; I'll end your suffering for you. You won't have to face these horrors alone any longer."