Wow, okay, so... I am SO sorry this took so long. I actually had it finished the day after I posted the last chapter. But I'm moving again, so I haven't had internet, and I probably still won't have it for a few days.
How am I posting this now then? Ah, well, where there's a will, there's a way my dear readers.
Random Library Kid: Hey! C'mon, lady! Give someone else a turn!
Pleading Eyes: DON'T CENSOR MY ART! Ahem.
Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope ya like it! And a special thanks to ForTheLoveOfSugar. There, I said it. Now stop hounding me. Haha, just kidding. You know you're amazing, you don't need me to inflate your ego.
Chic-Wakko:
Other Brother
The Warners looked around the lot, expecting an eruption of applause for their performance. Instead, they were greeted with terrified and confused WB employees, lingering in the doorways and peeking out their windows in horrified curiosity.
Wakko surveyed the lot, watching as every person he made contact eye with shrunk back or let out a short yelp. "Didn't they like our song?" he asked, scratching his hat.
"Hmm, they probably just didn't understand it." assumed Yakko.
"Whoa," Dot said, putting her hands on her hips in amusement, "dumber than advertised."
Taking a glance around, Yakko's eyes caught sight of a familiar face breaking into a cold sweat up in highest floor of the tallest building on the lot.
"TP!" Yakko called, waving excitedly at Thaddeus Plotz; CEO of Warner Brothers studios.
Plotz pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his brow in response. This couldn't be happening… it was a nightmare!
"Hey, let's go up and pitch our song to Plotzy." Yakko said, already starting off towards the office.
"Aww… like a business meeting?" Wakko whined, his ears drooping low in a farce of depression. "But we just got out. Can't we have a little more fun before we get to work?"
"Now sibs," Yakko said, turning back to his siblings reasonably, "remember the whole reason we escaped? We have to convince the studio to produce a musical starring us! Which I'm sure won't be hard, who could resist this face?" Yakko put his hand to his chin, admiring the feel of his own features.
"But I've got all this pent-up energy!" whined Wakko.
"I know, I know. So let's get this over with quickly and then we can play the rest of the day, alright?" Yakko said.
Wakko nodded grudgingly and followed.
The Warners waltzed right into the office, whistling and skipping as they did so. So far the day was shaping up pretty much as they had expected.
Until, unexpectedly, Yakko's eyes fell upon Plotz's new secretary; a pretty young woman with a low cut-top and high-cut skirt. Oh heck, everything was cut in just the right places! How was such attire even work appropriate? Not that Yakko cared about dress codes at the moment. In fact, at that moment he was thinking dress codes were made to be broken.
"Hellooo secretarial nurse!" Yakko howled, suddenly remembering his brother Wakko when he heard Wakko's voice quote the exact pick-up line.
Damn, he had forgotten all about Wakko! He was going to cramp his smooth style, and just when he was about to make a new impression on a new lady friend.
"Um, Wakko?" Yakko said, suddenly feeling very cunning. "You know, I can probably make this pitch myself. So why don't you just go out and run off some of that energy like you wanted to?"
"Oh, that's alright." Wakko waved him off, hovering over the secretary. "I'm starting to like it here more."
"But I insist!" Yakko grabbed his brother and ushered him out the door. "You don't have to stay here just for my sake. Go on, have fun! Be young! And please restrain yourself; that means no mallet or anvils!" Wakko struggled, but with his longer legs and stronger arms, Yakko managed to get him out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him.
Sometimes it was convenient being the oldest.
"Ahem." said Dot, tapping her foot indignantly. Oh yes, he had almost forgotten her too. "You know you're not fooling anyone."
She was too clever for her own good. She had to go.
"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." Yakko said, feigning offended as he ushered her out as well. "Now, why don't you go make sure Wakko doesn't get himself into too much trouble, hmm?" SLAM—the door was shut in Dot's face before she could make a comeback. But through the door, Yakko was almost sure he heard her mutter an annoyed "Boys… go fig!"
And now to woo his lady…
"Hey, beautiful." Yakko said charmingly, turning on his own cute act. "When you get off work, you want to come by my place and see my zipper collection?"
The secretary, a sharp-eyed young woman with her dark hair tied back messily into a tight bun, only raised an eyebrow, not even bothering to look up at Yakko. "You have a zipper collection?" she asked skeptically.
"No… but if you come by, I'm sure we could find something for you to unzip!" Yakko said, wagging his eyebrows.
"Hmm, as tempting as it sounds, I think even I couldn't zip your mouth shut." The secretary bit back, her attention still focused on the papers on her desk.
Yakko's mouth hung open dumbly for a second before what had just happened sunk in. This little secretary had just zinged him! Him! Yakko friggin' Warner! And when he usually would have been prepared with the perfect comeback, Yakko suddenly found himself at a loss. Mostly because he hadn't expected any brain function from this girl, and partly too because he didn't have his sibs rooting him on as he usually did.
Yakko suddenly felt a bizarre feeling rush through him. He looked at this girl and he felt… annoyed! Totally and utterly annoyed! And now that he got a good look at her, he realized that he didn't find her beautiful at all! She couldn't even pass for pretty! She was the very epitome of plain. And she had such a rude demeanor, and the suit she was wearing didn't fit her at all, and…
"Oh, yeah?" Yakko blurted out, suddenly finding his voice again. "Well, you're so plain that the rain in Spain stays mainly in you!"
He crossed his arms triumphantly and awaited her response, prepared with at least a dozen more verbal counters of his own. Her little surprise attack might have caught him off guard, but she was no match!
"I'm not arguing with you." She said, stifling a yawn of boredom, still refusing to look up at him. "Now, if you don't have an appointment, I suggest you sit down over there because it's going to be a long wait." She pointed to the row of chairs on the far end of the wall.
Now Yakko was beyond annoyed. He was downright irate! But he couldn't humiliate her in a verbal spar if she refused to participate, and he could hardly mallet her into submission; seeing as he was here to convince Plotz that he and his siblings were capable of more than just loony violence.
Arms crossed indignantly, Yakko stormed over to the chairs to the far wall. Not because he was being obedient, but simply because it was the furthest spot in the room from that stupid, rude, plain secretary.
Sitting down with a harrumph, Yakko wished he hadn't sent his siblings away so hastily. Times sure had changed in their absence.
But while Yakko sat, glaring daggers at the secretary, he was naïve as to what Plotz was up to behind his office door. The panicked CEO had heard the Warners come in loudly, as they always did, and was busy with making several frenzied phone calls; phone calls that did not bode well for the Warners.
Meanwhile, Wakko and Dot weren't faring especially well either. After being kicked out of the office, they had initially thought to run around the lot like in the good ol' days. But without anyone chasing them, the game soon became pointless and dull. It felt even worse—when they attempted to think up a game of their own—to realize that Yakko was always the one with all the ideas and that neither of them had any idea what they should do for fun.
In desperate boredom, Wakko and Dot had settled with wandering around the lot in a zombie-like fashion.
And then, to their delight, something interesting looking rolled into the lot! It was a large van with a picture, of a man wielding a mallet over a small animal of rodent persuasion, painted on the side.
"What's that?" asked Wakko, tilting his head in curiosity.
"Burbank Animal Control?" read Dot off the van. "Hmm, wonder if an accountant snapped and got loose in the lot."
"Well whatever it is, it can't be all bad." Wakko said with a naïve smile. "Anything with a mallet is okay in my book!"
"Since when do you own a book?" Dot muttered.
"C'mon, let's go see!" Wakko said, suddenly bouncing.
"No." Dot said reasonably. "We should wait for Yakko first."
"Yakko isn't here." Wakko argued, pursing his lips in a self-important fashion. "That makes me the oldest brother. Which leaves me in charge! And I say we go check it out."
"And who can argue with that logic," Dot replied, "or lack thereof?" She added under her breath.
"Hurray! We're going to see the va-an! We're going to see the va-an!" Wakko said in a sing-song voice as he jumped onto said van.
"The heck?" said the man inside the van, scratching his bushy mustache with one finger as he stepped out, slamming the van door shut behind him.
"Boing-y, boing-y, boing-y!" chanted Wakko as he gleefully bounced atop the van.
"What the—?" The man, dressed in a grey jumpsuit which read 'Hector', scratched the matching grey cap on his head as he checked the top the van. Empty, the source of the noise had vanished. "What was that?"
"Excuse me, Mr. Man?" called Dot, hiding her hands behind her back and fidgeting on her toes adorably. Hector the exterminator turned around, jumping a foot in the air in surprise at her sudden appearance. "Whatcha doin' here in our pwetty widdle lot?"
Hector the exterminator gulped, reaching into the van window and groping around inside desperately while keeping his eyes fixed on Dot. "L-l-looking to solve a p-p-pest problem."
"Oh, weally?" said Dot, her voice rising up to an adorable but painful pitch. "What kind of pest?"
Hector the exterminator continued to grope around the front seat desperately, his entire arm and shoulder now wedged into the window, but he refused to take his eyes off Dot. "The chart says it's an unidentified animal. Some kind of weird puppy-kitty-bunny-monkey cubs." He explained, mostly just hoping to keep the strange creature in front of him distracted.
"Hmm, weird puppy-kitty-bunny-monkey cub?" Dot said, feigning pensive. "You mean with big floppy ears like a bunny?" she said, gesturing to her own ears.
"Uh…uh… uh-huh."
"With large, padded puppy paws, like these?" Dot said, holding up one of her fluffy white feet.
"Yessir—erm—ma'am—erm—you."
"And thin, sleek, kitty bodies; like this?" Dot said, running one hand down her hips; as the other went behind her head, putting her in a modeling pose.
"And with evolved monkey hands, like these?" Dot said, putting out her hands daintily, as if expecting a manicure.
"Mmm-hmm?" Hector the exterminator hummed, his fingers brushing against a stainless steel handle between the seats.
"Nope, never heard of anything like that." Dot said with a shrug, walking off, satisfied with her comedy bit.
"Gotcha!" said Hector the exterminator with relief, having finally found the net he had been groping around for, and throwing it over Dot. Hector the exterminator took in several heaving breaths to calm himself as he scooped Dot up and tied off the open end of the net; preventing escape. "Geez, no one warned me you'd talk!"
"No one warned me you were a fanboy." Dot said, struggling with the netting. "Seriously, infatuation is a problem. You need help, dear."
Hector the exterminator paid no mind to Dot's protests, funny as they were, and slung the net over his shoulder as he walked around to the van's back. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a bundle of keys on a ring, and unlocked the large double doors to the van's cargo area. With a grunt, he unceremoniously dumped Dot into the barred cargo area and slammed the doors shut.
With an effort, Dot managed to untangle herself from the net. Outside she could hear the jingling of keys as Hector the exterminator locked the doors. A sudden rush of panic washing over her, Dot rushed over to the barred window and stood up on her tip-toes to peer outside.
Gripping the bars, Dot shook the van doors with as much strength as she could muster. The doors clanged, but remained firmly shut.
Well, she could always make herself appear elsewhere, couldn't she?
Oh, but she had never done it without her oldest brother's prompting before! Come to think of it, she had never even considered trying it. Well, better late than never. Dot closed her eyes and focused, trying to remember exactly how it always started. The second and third steps were clear in her mind, but the first step seemed to be escaping her.
No good, she couldn't do it. Dot inhaled suddenly, realizing she had been holding her breath, and opened her eyes. Nope, she was still trapped.
She was trapped! The reality of her situation began to sink in. Someone had called animal control on her and her brothers, and they had caught her!
Gripping the window bars nervously, Dot peeked back outside.
And there was Wakko!
She was about to call out and ask him how to cartoon her way out, when she noticed he seemed to be talking to someone. No, not talking, arguing.
"Look, I-I-I'm just doing my job!" said Hector the exterminator, clutching a broken handle with a torn net in his hands. Wakko seemed to have taken a bite out of the offending net, and Hector the exterminator was sweating bullets in response.
"And I'm doing my job as an older brother!" Wakko replied indignantly, poking his finger into Hector's chest. "Now let her out!"
Dot smiled in spite of her situation. Wakko may not have been brother of the year, and sure he was more likely to inspire disgust or annoyance rather than sisterly affection from Dot, but he had his moments. Like now, as she watched him argue away with a man who had been sent to nab him, all to protect his younger sister.
Dot smiled softly, her eyes half-lidded, as a snazzy saxophone blared lazily in the background, accompanied by a lilting piano.
"And now, Dot Warner in a song of devotion to her beloved brother. No, not Yakko. The other one." said a disembodied announcer.
"I'm usually right
He's usually wrong
But he doesn't care
He'll bob along
He loves me so
That other brother of mine" Dot sang, the suddenly materialized pianist helping her up onto the piano, where Dot sat, now wearing a glittering evening gown.
Never mind where the lounge piano and jazz pianist, or the saxophone and the cool cat playing it, had come from. Nonetheless, they were suddenly there and Dot used them to her full advantage to enhance her jazzy ballad.
"Sometimes I smile
Sometimes I pout
But he follows 'round
With his tongue sticking out
He loves me so
That other brother of mine"
Dot lay down over the piano, hugging herself as she rolled onto her back, then back on her belly, winking at the pianist.
"He's got some screws loose
Doesn't have my cute caboose
And I know he isn't that smart"
Dot sat up and turned to face the barred window, looking out at Wakko who stood out there with his arms crossed in defense of his sister.
"Oh, but look at those eyes
Always filled with surprise
Besides, we can always give him
A much smaller part"
Dot crossed her legs, putting one hand on her chest as she sang breathlessly.
"And if you knew him like me
I know you'd agree…"
Dot stood on the piano, putting her arms out to the non-existent audience in a sweeping motion.
"What if the world
Started talking smack?
Why, he'd be right there
To give it a whack!" Dot enacted a whack, swinging too hard and losing her balance, falling off the piano and hitting the floor hard.
She stood up quickly, patting down her disheveled fur and ears, and continued her song as if nothing had happened.
"He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny, silly, wacky
Brother of mine"
Outside, Wakko was still arguing heatedly with Hector the exterminator. Normally he would've pulled out his mallet and ended this a lot sooner, but Yakko had specifically asked him to restrain himself.
"Besides, we're supposed to be here!" Wakko said. "You better let her go right now, if you know what's good for you! This instant! Don't make me get the lawyers out here! We're under contract, you know! They see this and they'll… you know what I mean?"
"I know what you mean." said Hector the exterminator nervously, not sure what to make of the appearance of another puppy-kitty-bunny-monkey thing.
"You know what I mean? They'll sue the pants off you, that's what! Good thing it's me here and not them. Just imagine what they'd have to say about all this!" Wakko continued threateningly.
Dot smiled as she watched the confrontation approvingly, leaning against the piano, her head resting back on the top.
"He loves me so
That other brother of mine"
"What exactly are you children?" asked Hector the exterminator, gripping his destroyed net more tightly.
Wakko smiled as he jammed his thumb into his own chest, thrilled to know the answer. "We're the Warner Brothers! And she's the Warner Sister!" He pointed to the van in explanation. "You probably haven't heard about us, the studio's been keeping us under wraps for years."
Dot looked up, her eyes wide in concern. No, Wakko couldn't be that dense… could he?
"I know he isn't that smart"
"That's right! Had us locked up in that tower until today." Wakko prattled on. It wasn't very often that people listened to him. Yakko usually did most of the talking, so it was nice to have someone listening to him, Wakko, for once.
"Really?" Hector the exterminator pulled out his order sheet, detailing what his job requirement for this lot was. "But, I mean, what kind of animals are you supposed to be?"
"We're not really any sort of animal." Wakko felt like he was really on a roll today! He was a real talker too, who knew? "We're living cartoon characters. Pretty amazing, huh? No one's been able to duplicate it ever since. We're just special like that. So now I'm sure you realize why it's so important that you let my sister go, seeing how valuable we are…"
Dot screeched, pushing the saxophone player over in her rage, panting heavily in fury.
"Now, he shot off his trap
I can't stand that sap!"
Dot pointed to Wakko in outrage, whirling on her accompaniment, who stopped playing and winced in fear.
"Look at him go
Letting our secrets fly
If he even had one
Then his brain I would fry!" She raged on, ripping her evening gown off, revealing her normal pink skirt underneath.
"Yep, nothing like us in the whole world! Why, I bet one of us alone would be worth unholy amounts of money. Too bad no one can figure out the secret to how we were created. I tell ya, if anyone ever did, they'd have it made. It's probably impossible, though. Unless someone were to maybe capture one of us and perform a lot of insane medical tests." It seemed once you got Wakko going, there was no stopping him, much like his brother Yakko. But unlike Yakko, Wakko was not so selective with his words.
Dot gripped the window's bars, yelling through them as loud as she could over Wakko's chatter.
"Now I'll end up on eBay
Selling for one ninety nine!"
Wakko seemed not to hear as he continued with his steady stream of blather. "But hey, even that has no guarantee of working. We don't exactly follow the rules of anatomy. Well anyway, nice chatting with you. Now can I have my sister back?"
Dot stormed over to the piano, flipping it over in her anger, squishing both her accompaniments with it. Still not satisfied, she snatched up the saxophone and proceeded to smash it against the wreckage that was once a piano.
"That scummy,
Crummy,
Dummy,
Ex-brother of mine!"
And as Dot's final note rang out, five more Animal Control vans drove in, circling Wakko. Five nets were thrown over him, and the struggling Warner was thrown into the back of another van.
"Dot!" he called out as the vans sped away, out of the Warner movie lot, "I'm sorry…" he whispered, even though she was too far ahead to hear.
Gasp! The plot thinnens! I know I've made Wakko come off as a bit of an idiot so far, and I'm sorry. But I promise it's for a reason. Since this part of the fic is "ChicWakko", he needs to be the one to develop... besides, this isn't a fic to be taken seriously. It's just an excuse to throw song parodies together.
I promise someday I will write a serious A! fic and actually put some effort. Just... not right now. (shifty-eyed)
Now then, review replies!
ForTheLoveOfSugar: Ah, so you finally READ it, instead of just hounding me for a special thanks, huh? Haha, no, actually, thanks so much for inspiring this fic. Even though you insisted that I NOT write it, and to write something better instead, I still thank you for inspiring it. You'll like it better later. Really.
KitchenSink: Yeah, I'm not one for songfics either. But this idea was one I couldn't pass up, and I decided to take the risk. Thanks so much for giving my story a chance! It means a lot to get a positive review from one of the A! fanfiction giants. (I mean that in the best sense, honestly.) As for keeping within the confines of what's mainstream, you have a good point, and I may just have to do that. Thanks for the tip and I really hope you'll continue to enjoy the story.
dth1971: Hahaha. Well if anyone needed a comeback musical parody, it was the Warners. As for Slappy getting a musical comeback, I don't think it would work. Simply because she'd get sick of all the singing within the first two minutes. Ah well, that's what her characters about. Thanks so much for the review!
acosta perez jose ramiro: No, thank YOU for you reviews! A reply is the least I could do. Your encouragement means a lot to me and my little fic... or is that my little fic and me? Hmm... (Goes off to ponder the question)
The Middle Warner Sibling: The Middle Warner Sibling? THE The Middle Warner Sibling?! Reviewing my little fic?! Eep! (glomps) If I was a Warner, I'd want YOU to write about me... No, wait! Don't call security! I'm sane, I promise! Ahh! (runs)
DancesWithCorpses: Yes! I was hoping that would be what set this story apart from just another songfic, which usually just get the lyrics skipped over. It seems to have had mild success, and I'm pretty happy about it. Incedentally, I happen to have this sharpie. And seeing as you are an amazing fanfic author, would you mind signing my braaaain? Maybe some of your genius will rub off on me. No, not security again! Don't call them! AHHH! (runs)
YakkingYakko: Oh my Yakko! I seem to be getting all the stars of A! fanfiction here! YES! I'm like those talentless people who get famous just because they party with celebrities! I love your stories! They're all like real A! scripts. In fact, I think I'll go review them as soon as I have my own internet back.
looneytunecrazy: Yes, parodying Disney songs is tempting. I'm just not sure if the Warners will cooperate, seeing as they're WB. Well, we'll see. Thanks for the review!