Just a quick note: The italics are a dream and the bold is a diary entry.

I don't own Vampire Diaries.

CHAPTER 3

I got home around 11 that night and went straight to bed. I was exhausted and fell asleep instantly. As soon as I drifted off, I began to have a very vivid dream.

It was summer and there was a warm breeze in the air. I was probably 10 years older and was wearing a sundress, running through a field of wildflowers. I was chasing a little girl. She was laughing and saying 'You can't catch me!" over and over. I finally caught up to her and I scooped her up into my arms and said "I got you Lexie!" and started tickling her. The sound of her laugh filled the air and it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Then I heard another voice holler out to us saying "What are my two favorite girls up to today?" I turned and saw Damon, also looking about ten years older. I put the little girl, Lexie, down and she ran to Damon. He scooped her up, gave her a huge hug, and said "Guess who I love more than anybody else in the world?" and Lexie answered "Me and mommy!" with a big smile on her face. Then Damon kissed her on the cheek and turned towards me. "How is the love of my life feeling today?" As he said this he placed his hand on my stomach. It was then that I noticed the bulge. I told him I was feeling great and placed my hand on top of his. In this moment, I felt like my heart was going to burst with happiness. I felt like I was on top of the world and no one could ever take that feeling away. Damon leaned in to kiss me and...

I woke up with a jolt and sat straight up in bed. Where did that dream come from? And why did it have to end right before Damon kissed me? I knew I was never going to get back to sleep so I decided to grab my diary and try to make sense of some of the feelings I had been having recently.

Dear Diary,

I don't know what is going on with me lately. Stefan and I broke up. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I feel like ever since we started dating, all these horrible things have happened and I just feel so guilty about it. Plus, we don't have fun together. Everything about our relationship is drama, either that or something straight out of a horror movie. It seems like the only fun I have had since I met Stefan have been the times I have spent with Damon.

Damon. He is really the source of all of my confusion. He came to my room a few weeks ago and told me that he's in love with me. He was so genuine and heartfelt. It was hard to believe it was actually Damon standing there, pouring out his soul to me. Then he kissed me. It was the most amazing kiss I have ever experienced. EVER. I feel so guilty saying it, but it put all of Stefan's kisses to shame. Damon pulled off my necklace and tried to compel me to forget afterwards, but he didn't know that I had a vervain bracelet on so I remember it all. And I can't stop thinking about it. It's all I think about day and night. And now even in my dreams, apparently.

I had a dream of Damon and I with a daughter and another baby on the way. We were so happy and in love, and ten years older than we are now. I have no idea why I dreamt that when I know it isn't possible. But I can't help but wonder if maybe it is. If humans can be turned into vampires, surely there is a way to turn vampires into humans...I'll have to ask Bonnie about that one. Not that it matters anyway, Damon would never willingly give up being a vampire. So why am I even thinking about this? And why am I imagining it with Damon and not Stefan? I can't even blame it on my subconscious mind like I can with the dream. I am wide awake and I'm still thinking about it with Damon. And feeling sadness at the fact that it will never be a reality. How did this happen? How did I go from being hopelessly in love with Stefan and thinking that we would be together forever to completely forgetting about him and constantly thinking about his brother? Oh. My. God. I've turned into Katherine. I'm just like her. Loving both brothers, turning them against one another over their love for me. What have I become?

I awoke the next morning to a noise at my window. I looked over and saw Damon sitting in the tree knocking. I motioned for him to come in and then I laid back down. I was so nervous to see him, I didn't know what to do or say. I could feel my heartbeat increase and my face blush. This is new. "Since when do you knock?"

"Well, I wasn't sure if we were back to the point in our relationship where I'm allowed to just come in when I please" he said in a somewhat sad tone.

I looked at him and instantly sat up in bed. He looked horrible. Skinny and pale, much more pale than I had ever seen him. He looked like he hadn't eaten in days. "Damon, what is wrong with you?" I asked with my voice full of concern.

Damon looked at me and our eyes locked, just like the day at the Grill. We were both silent, searching for answers from one another. He didn't speak so I finally reached out and touched his face. "Damon, please talk to me. You look like you haven't eaten in days. What is going on?"

"I'm having a hard time with being selfless." He let out a dry laugh and looked down at the bed. My emotions were running wild. I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I didn't know if I should tell him I remember or not. I decided to just play dumb.

"What are you talking about? Since when does Damon Salvatore care about being selfless?" With that I gave him a playful nudge, trying to lighten the mood a little.

This seemed to snap Damon out of his funk a little. "You're right, I don't." The sadness I saw moments before seemed to vanish before my eyes and Damon instantly switched back to his normal, snarky self. "So, since you allowed me back into your bedroom does this mean you are done hating me for killing your brother?"

And we're back to normal. I let out a deep sigh, frustrated to see Damon acting this way. "I never hated you Damon, but I'm still mad at you. And I don't trust you anymore. If you want us to be okay, you need to make things okay with Jeremy first."

This seemed to catch Damon off guard. He wasn't big on atoning for his sins and I could tell he was not happy about this stipulation. He was silent for a minute, apparently pondering what to say or do next. He finally spoke up and said "Wouldn't it be easier to just compel you both to forget?"

There he goes again, wanting to take the easy way out. How did I ever think he could be different? "You should go Damon. And if you try to compel either one of us, I will never forgive you."

With that I turned and walked out of my bedroom, slamming the door behind me to prove my point.