Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Castle Crashers or any of the associated characters therein.
Beta: Chizune, T-R-Us
"Ahh. Me thought...me thinks you were Boss Naruto at first….but...stupid old men call you...now me know...You Boss Naruto!" This, of course was said as it brandished it's axe, stomping towards the boy with all the weight of a two year old.
"...Eh? Augh!!!" He threw his hands over his face to defend himself, waiting for the strike through the head that would never come. And then it all hit him at once…"Boss!?"
"Yeah! Yeah!" It spoke in a voice that was a mix between a small child and a squealing rat. "Wait! No...no!"
"Eh?"
"Noooooo! Boss! Pleeeeeease no destroy meeeeee!"
"Huh? No, I'm not gonna…" Of course, it was doing all of its squealing with its axe planted firmly at Naruto's neck.
"You not?" It released a deep breath, a shuddering, wet sound. "Good. I kill you if you try! Until you my boss you just MEAT that I eat! Like deer! 'Cept tall!"
"I'm not gonna try to kill you!"
"Not yet!" It lowered the axe and pointed a pudgy, accusatory finger into the boy's face. "Not yet!!! And if you not become boss, I never give you channnnnce!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Iruka watched with all the curiosity of watching…well, a tiny axe-wielding maniac threaten his favorite student, but made no move to defend the boy.
"This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, Ibiki."
The older man gave a grunt in response. "Well...I told you that it could speak."
"But that thing is clearly insa-!!!" Iruka started to shout, but simply cut himself off, and shook his head. He would not give himself a hernia trying to explain logic to an interrogation specialist with screw holes in his head. "Please. Please stop talking now."
He'd have to trust that Naruto had paid attention during his remedial diplomacy class.
Ibiki raised an eyebrow at his old student when Iruka suddenly began laughing.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Wait!" Naruto held up both hands. The first rule of diplomacy was…was...CRAP! What was the first rule of diplomacy!? What the hell did that even mean!? "Uh…can I be your Boss?"
"Noooo!!!" It squealed, in its horrible rat voice. "You Boss to allll Barbarians! We…we…what Nin-Boss say?" It began scratching its leathery chin. "We...offering to almighty Boss, but Boss have to have meeting with other boss!"
"Soo...all I have to do is say yes...and I'll be the boss?"
"Yesssss! Then Barbarians follow Boss for life!"
"Oh! Seriously!? Well hell yes then!"
It nodded sagely, its hand still on its chin. "So, you boss now?"
Naruto nodded smugly. "Yep, I'm the boss now."
"I seee…" It threw itself to Naruto's feet. "I soooooorry for threaten you! I no mean it! I...I confused by perfect hair and perfect teeth and...and pretty Gary-Stu eyes! You like movie, boss! MOVIE!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Iruka gave a sigh of relief, and slowly stood to his feet….
Whif…..Thunk!
And promptly sat back down.
"He has really good aim." Iruka warily eyed the axe that had buried itself into the wall where his head once was.
"Weeeee no done talking! Fooool!" It yelled from the room, another axe already in it's pudgy hands.
Ibiki gave an approving nod at the little man. "For the good of Konoha, right Iruka?"
For the second time that day, Iruka gave a world weary sigh, and kept watching a monster no taller then his knees grovel to Naruto.
That is to say, he watched until the tiny man vanished with absolutely no warning. No shunshin smoke. No afterimage. It was just gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
He stood to his full height, an impressive 6'5". "When I arrived to investigate a suspicious sighting named by Chuunin Umino Iruka, I, along with genin Uzumaki Naruto, found an intelligent being no taller then two feet wielding an axe. It attacked Iruka, and myself but allowed Uzumaki Naruto to approach. The being offered the abilities of its tribe to Konoha, if Uzumaki-san agreed to meet with the 'boss'."
"Ibiki, Iruka." Sarutobi Hiruzen spoke in an even voice that was normally reserved for those presenting him with reports from his Konoha special forces. The ANBU. "It is normally unspoken, but I want you all to know that I hold your opinions and work to the highest regard."
"Yes sir…" Ibiki responded. This was not the response that he wanted. As the lead interrogator and torture specialist, everything he said should never have been disregarded. The smallest crack could ruin the greatest foundation...and so it was for the smallest secrets and the greatest ninja village.
"Yes sir." Iruka just gave a nod. Having worked with the most infamous genin for three years offered the chance to come up with some pretty creative speeches when speaking to Naruto...so...yeah, he was pretty sure he'd heard this speech before.
"So-!" Hiruzen barked, snapping the jounin and chuunin back to attention. "I want to let you all know how irrefutably irritated I am that you two walked into my office, used my ink and parchment, wrapped it in a scroll, put it through encryption who are still laughing...and ultimately brought it to my desk, all for the sake of a prank created by Uzumaki Naruto."
"But…"
"Hey…"
"Gentleman." His fingers laced together, and his elbows rested onto the desk. "I have killed people for less."
"Aaah…"
"I really don't…"
"Misinformation costs my village both yen and loyal ninja every year, and you two…some of my most trusted ninja, stand before me with a waste of my time and materials for no other reason than for your own personal amusement?"
There was an awkward pause, as Ibiki and Iruka managed to feel ashamed and ...justified at the same time.
"Get the hell out of my office. Now."
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!" It roared, nine tails of terror whipping around its sleek, fiery body. "Foolish humans! I am as far beyond you as you are beyond the fowl of the air!"
"Humans and birds aren't so far apart, Kyuubi." Like a child scolded, Minato spoke quietly. "We're stronger than you think, we fly higher than you know...and we are more dangerous than you'd hoped!"
When the beast laughed its terrifying laugh, its volcanic breath ripped buildings asunder, and sent friendly shinobis flying through the air as crimson ashes.
Yet even in the face of that, Minato Namikaze, the fourth hokage, stood his ground. Standing atop the great toad boss, Gamabunta, his eyes showed no fear.
Cause the fourth ain't afraid of anything!
"Very well, fearless human. Show me your power...show the potential of your kind!"
"You asked for it, you bastard."
It was that day, that Minato Namikaze revealed his true power to all those present. A power so horrible, yet glorious in magnitude, that he had sealed it deep within himself.
"I hid my true power to keep myself level with those I competed with...no challenge, you see." Minato said, his head held high despite the whipping torrents of wind surrounding his body. "And because such power will rip my soul from my body...but that is a small price to pay in order to defeat a glorious being such as yourself and protect my home."
The great beast, the Kyuubi stiffened. Such power was even greater than his own! "I see. Well done...I see your potential, and I accept my death."
It was that day that the Kyuubi lost his life. And the Yondaime, using his power provided by the will of fire, destroyed the Kyuubi in one fell swoop. One swing of a triple bladed kunai as he leapt through the air, and was momentarily rendered invisible by the glare of the silver moonlight and then did as gravity demanded.
He dropped down onto Kyuubi with all the force of a meteor.
The Kyuubi was afforded a moment of extra peripheral vision before dissipating into a cloud of crimson chakra, and becoming one with the Gaia again.
"Neh, Iruka-sensei." Naruto clapped the book closed, and furrowed his brow. "This book...it was cool and all at first, but now that I'm done, did the fourth really grow sudden super chakra abilities and destroy the Kyuubi with his chakra kunai?"
"No. He used a famous sealing technique to fuse the Kyuubi into his own stomach, thus causing the Kyuubi to evaporate." He murmured as he worked at the grade book in front him, absent-mindedly rattling off the "official" answer that all ninja had memorized. It was spoken more in reflex then anything else, requiring little more thought then breathing.
~It is to be considered that the following, in some capacity, will have a reasonable life span in keeping with the shinobi lifestyle: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Aburame Shino. Therefore, I recommend that these three be waived the genin exams, and be placed in-
"Wait a minute...why are you still here, Naruto?" He didn't bother looking up. Too much to do, and the Sandaime had demanded the report as soon as he had finished up in class.
Iruka received that order twenty minutes before class ended.
Yes. The Sandaime was still angry at him.
Two weeks later.
"Yeeeeah….hey, Iruka-sensei? I can't go home right now." Naruto raised an eyebrow, and looked down at his desk for an answer. It offered none. "Kami...I wish I were...okay, there's another one in my room..."
Iruka calmly placed the pen down, and pressed both hands against the desk. He could feel a single grey hair growing in his head. "Fine. Meet me there."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Iruka-san, you are either a glutton for punishment, or you are really very serious." Sarutobi Hiruzen leaned forward, elbows planted on his desk. "So then, I take it there is something you desire to tell me that has something to do with the reports that I asked for not being on my desk?"
"Yes sir. There's another small man in Academy Student Uzumaki Naruto's apartment."
"Is there? Would you care to tell me why you didn't simply notify ANBU?"
"...Because it was something I wanted you to see first, Hokage-sama." Iruka spoke strictly in a monotone voice, his face the very image of a stoic ninja.
"You cannot expect me to come running to your aid based on your wants, chuunin Iruka. Explain this situation further."
"Hokage-sama, please don't make me. Just...just look into your all-seeing crystal. Surely you will see what it is I speak of."
The two simply stared at each other for a long while. It was an awkward moment that neither man was comfortable with.
The hokage wordlessly activated the all seeing crystal, and his eyes widened for a moment. "Iruka, what-" He stood to his feet again. "Meet me there." And then he vanished in a shunshin.
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - -
This time, it was a ninja. One from the traditional times...Naruto had seen it once or twice in the old books. Predecessors to the new world, they dressed in black or dark blue. The shadows were their ninjutsu, and their favorite weapons were the ones that made death look like an accident. They were assassins, and this one looked no different, save for his tiny height and his forehead protector.
The forehead protector sat blank and rusted beyond repair on it's head, covering the eyes of the small beast.
Its mouth remained the only part of its body uncovered...and all that revealed were two rows of smiling teeth.
And because it remained hidden in the shadows, that was all Naruto could really make out.
"Uzumaki." It's voice sounded like the ragged patches of wood that made up Naruto's floor. "You accepted the Barbarians into your fold...that's quite an honor for us."
Naruto nodded very slowly. He had been standing in the doorway ever since he'd returned home.
"We came here to fight, you know."
Naruto nodded again. Very slowly and very calm. If he reacted swiftly, the strange tiny ninja man might suddenly do something crazy…like...like anything a really small ninja might do.
"We'll be watching you now." It moved for the very first time, picking at its teeth with something very sharp, and very shiny. "We came here to fight...to find battles...it's what we live for. And we think you will have the biggest battles...you know why?"
The academy student nodded, and then shook his head and then nodded again. ...That voice…
"Its something I always say...the bigger the army, the bigger the war. The stronger the general, the bigger the army." The tiny ninja gave a sniffle, rubbing at it's nose with it's other hand. "Just say yes and promise to live a life of battle...a life of combat. Become the Warlord Uzumaki, and I swear our allegiance to you forever."
"Th-there's no way!" The genin-to-be snapped out of his reverie and stomped his foot angrily. "I ain't gonna be a warlord or whatever you said!" He pointed at the tiny being. "I'ma be hokage! Watch THAT!"
"Very good Uzumaki...very good." The ninja picked at his teeth again. "But either way….you'll spend your life fighting. People like you...people like you spend their lives in war."
"People like me?! What the hell is that-"
The little ninja scoffed. "Oh, you know! You know exactly what you've got insi-"
Naruto had little idea of what happened, only the sudden rush of wind, a trail of blood running down his cheek, and a plume of smoke trailing from the tiny ninja's shadows.
A piece of wood with a kunai emerging from the bark slowly rolled from the darkness, a single piece of paper hanging from the blade.
"Naruto, try not to listen to the words of mad men, hm?" Sarutobi Hiruzen marched in behind the boy, resting his gnarled hands on his shoulders. "Did he harm you Naruto-kun?"
"Nah…" Naruto muttered. His eyes locked on the broken piece of wood. "What took ya so long, old man?"
"I needed to see what he was offering…" Hiruzen said simply, and guided the boy out of the room by his shoulders. "Come, I'll buy you some ramen tonight." However, Sarutobi's thoughts drifted off to darker places.
'Who was he? And how did he know about…that? And what about the ability he may have gained from them?'
This would require thought...and tomorrow, action.