disclaimer- i own nothing :)

summery - envy decides to visit a certain alchemist at night and perhaps have a little fun as well. This is boyxboy. Don't like? Don't read.

Oh the joy of life, she grinned to herself.

The young blonde woman was attracting more attention than she had bargained for. Envy found himself cursing his need to have a beautiful face.

He had decided to go for a female version of Eric. See if he could freak Ed out. However it seemed this female version was a little too appealing to the male populace. A quick glance around the cafe and almost every male, except Ed, was either peeking or out right staring. It was rather annoying actually. what with ed being the only one's attention he wanted. envy could have scowled but stayed in character, and pouted. this small and insignificant act, sparked a surprising and in Envys opinion, annoying as hell, chain of events. First being Roy Mustang, who confidently strode up to Envy, standing directly in his view of Ed. This small act alone pissed envy off. here he was enjoying eds clear confusion and out right self examination over his and 'Erics' date tonight, and this bastard had to come over and ruin the show! What if Ed started pulling his hair in frustration? or some bizarre behaviour? Envy doubted it, but still, he was missing it!

Without waiting to hear what the self imposed fun killer had to say, Envy stood.

"save it for someone who cares, and thanks for ruining my lunch" the blonde woman glared at roy before sending a slight wanton look in Ed's direction. She turned on her heel and strode out of the cafe, and in to the throngs of people outside. Roy staring after her in apparent shock.

Ed stared in to space, nothing around him seemed to even exist. He tried multiple times to think if he had ever met Eric before. When he really, really thought about it, there was something awfully familiar about Eric. but for some reason, came up short every single time. Which was frustrating the hell out of Ed, who could remember even the most complex of theories at the drop of a hat. Why was remembering this one man so hard? eventually giving up trying to remember him, Ed turned to his date tonight. should he go? Did it mean he was gay if he went? Not like he had a problem, sure he had always assumed he'd find a girlfriend, but now that someone had shown interest he wanted to go. He wanted to put himself out there, and be with someone, romantically. What if eric expected something?

"Oh my god! i have no idea" Ed muttered to himself.

He'd never been on date before, had never even given it much thought. But now that he'd stumbled on it, he had to know. He had the sudden urge to run back to the library. but what if someone saw him? and it got around that Ed had had to research how to date. That would be too humiliating. Ed was resolved to just wing it, I mean how hard could it be?

Pulled from his musings as Roy took the liberty to sit in the seat opposite Ed. Who found it unexpected and unwanted.

Glaring at Roy "What do you want bastard?"

"Why Ed thats so hurtful" his tone mocking.

"Pshh like you have feelings."Ed smirked

"What was that? Its so hard to hear you from up here" Roy sounded aspirated, and Ed's eye twitched.

He would not let that conceited ass get to him. Today was different. He didn't have time to play mind games with the colonel. He needed a game plan for the date tonight! Then a unwanted thought occurred to Ed, the colonel never talked to him outside of head quarters, unless of course he was doing something sneaky with potential to threaten his rank. and the timing with his run in with Eric was a little too coincidental. Then again he had a habit of over analysing things….or so Al said. so Ed lit it slip away, no need to think depressing thoughts today.

Roy was kind of upset that Ed didn't blow up, but for what he wanted to know it was best the boy hadn't stormed off. Clearing his throat he started again.

"You wouldn't happen to have had an… encounter with a lovely blond recently, would you Full metal?" the woman had been an exceptional beauty, and Roy was never denied, but the look she had given Ed was enough to rouse his suspicions. Had Ed turned her down? The boy was about as social as a rock. No that would be insulting to rocks…

Ed's mind was in over load, that one simple thought from before had suddenly burst into a thousand ideas, each crazier than the last, though right now, nothing seemed crazy to Ed. had Roy set this up? Get a laugh when Ed turned up to the date? Or even if he didn't go, he'd be teased forever about being asked by a guy. That… that complete…..ASSHOLE! how dare he do this to him! Ed was seeing red, he was so angry and hurt, that his feelings ment so little. That he was so easily fooled into thinking someone had finally taken an interest in him!

Ed stood up abruptly, which startled Roy. Ed glared down at him, and Roy could tell this wasn't one of their usual games. Ed was really pissed. No wait, let me rephrase that, Ed wanted to skin him alive, and watch him bleed dry kind of pissed, one that was in Roy's opinion, was not a good time to be within Ed's grabbing range.

'I never thought you could sink so low, I thought even you had some human left in you." If Eds words could dig any deeper Roy would be dead. He had said it so coldly Roy couldn't even begin on what to say. but it turned out he didn't need to. Ed swept out of the cafe without glancing back. Roy silly watched after him. Ed must really like that girl, Roy thought to himself. Just as he was about to leave the waitress came over with Ed's iced coffee. Though it turns out that since Ed had left, Roy was left to pay for the beverage. Grumbling the whole way back to HQ about stupid kids needing to learn to pay for stupid drinks that are colder than any sane kind of drink should be.

Envy had changed to an ordinary brunett guy, and calmly wandered back into the cafe. He noticed immediately that roy had joined eds decided to sit close enough to hear their conversation. Seems in the 3 minutes he had been gone he had missed something. Ed got up angry about something and stormed off. Roy was stepping into Envies territory, and he didn't like it. It was his game to play with Ed! Not this old coots! Envy decided a little intervening would have to happen, he didn't want Roy to ruin his game for him any longer. He followed Roy at a safe distance then changed to a nondescript soldier when entering HQ.

Ed wondered up and down familiar roads, just letting his mind go. he thought about what the colonel had said, what it ment for Ed, and the things he had realised about himself today. Completely losing track of time, Ed just wondered on.

Envy sat in the male toilets, shut up in a cubicle. He sat thinking about his plan for Mustang. it would be dicy, and quite a few risks, but if he could pull it off successfully… oh that would be brilliant. Envy stepped out as Alphonse Elric, working up a hysteria as he quickly made his way to Mustangs office. Glad to see that everyone was still out on their lunch breaks envy ran in to Roys office and slammed the door shut. Breathing heavily, and a violent blush in place, envy stepped closer to Roys desk. Who looked up curious and a bit alarmed.

"Alphonse whats wrong?" Roy got up to approach Envy.

"col- i - well…. you see…." struggling to form a sentence Envy cast his eyes around nervously.

"I need your help" Envy stammered looking at the floor.

"Of course, Alphonse, it must be a pretty big problem. Now tell me what is it?" Roy could be compassionate, it was just Ed made Roy react like a teenager.

Alphonse looked up and steeled himself as he stepped into roy's personal space. to say Roy was confused should be an understatement. Before Roy had time to react Envy jumped onto Roy, pushing his body against the older mans. Fastening his lips to Roys. Roys brain was nothing but white noise, not quite understanding the situation. But when he did, he realised that there was a tongue in his mouth. a 14year olds tongue! Roy hastily pushed al away.

"what on earth are you doing?" Roy tried to stay calm. He really did. But its a little hard when he felt he had just stolen a boys innocence. And what if it got out! He'd lose his job! And be called a pedophile! Not to mention a slow death at the hands of Ed!

"Im so sorry colonel! i just… i couldn't say it! Winry said…. she said I should practice… kissing…." Envy trailed off. Inside he rolled his eyes, as if he would ever need to practice!

Roys eyes softened. The poor boy, was probably out of his mind with worry. Having the girl he likes tell him that.

"But why did you choose me Alphonse? Surely there was another you could have chosen?"

"Well… everyone knows how you are with the ladies…. and… and I couldn't do it with a girl… i'd feel like I was cheating. Im sorry colonel…" Envy said with the saddest puppy eyes he could manage.

"Well, in my expert opinion…" Roy shuffled his feet uncomfortably "You are very good at kissing. Perhaps you should try asking Winry what she likes? gils all like different things. its best to just ask her." Roy couldn't believe he was still standing. After that speech Alphonse had better dang leave. Roy didn't think he could take much more of this!

"Really!" Al seemed to perk up. "Thank you so much! I knew I could count on you!" he seemed to deflate "But could we… you know… keep it a secret?" Envy turned his pleading eyes to Roy, begging him silently.

Of course Roy had no intention of letting this get out! He had to make sure this event was erased!

"Sure Alphonse, it would be a disaster if anyone would find out. I would lose my job, you'd be put through trials and therapy, and what would everyone think? And your brother?" Roy knew it was low, but everything was riding on Alphonse keeping his mouth shut and this never being known. He knew Alphonse was an honest kid. But you never could be too careful with something like this…

"You can just tell Winry you thought about what she said." Roy tried to smile assuringly but he was just to out of it to really know or care.

Alphonse left soon after, but not before thanking Roy and promising not to tell anyone, over and over. Roy slumped into his chair. Today was a mess. And now all he wanted to do was curl up at home and drink himself into forgetfulness. who would have thought Alphonse could be so destructive? because roy mustang was sure his life had just gone up in preverbial flames.

Roy let his head hit his hard wooden desk.

Oh he was so going to hell.

sorry for the grammatical errors and what not :/

will update soon, most likely weekends :)

long live edvy :)