A/N: Alright, first of all, thank you all for the response. It's been overwhelming and overwhelmingly positive. I was like "yeah gonna try my hand at that" and bam! So again thank you all. Second of all, shout out to theriku260 who writes "From Academy to ANBU", which was one of the inspiration for this. Go visit her story. Thirdly, I have a poll up on my profile. The question is, do I use Japanese or English for military ranks? Yeah, everyone can't be taishou (which means general by the way, according to the Wikipedia article on the "ranks in the imperial Japanese army"). Lastly, I hope you enjoy reading this just as much as enjoyed writing it.
When Naruto left the training ground and went back to his rundown flat, his knuckles long healed, two cardboard boxes were waiting for him outside his door. One was labeled "keep" and had a folded piece of paper inside, the other was marked "throw".
Obviously, for his relocation, Naruto deduced quickly.
The blond took the piece of paper and read the message. "Keep only what you absolutely want to keep. Discard the rest, especially whatever is orange. Dragon."
Naruto sighed. It was not like orange was his favorite color or anything and he did not pride himself as a fashion connoisseur but people dissing the orange so gratuitously was unacceptable. Maybe he still had some of this superb orange dye with glitter. The blond smirked; that would do perfectly and Dragon would come to love orange. Or learn to live with it at least. His smirk turned to a mischievous grin and Naruto rubbed his hands. He had a plan forming already.
ANBU or not, he was going to have his fun.
Satisfied with his decision, the blond turned to unlock his door to find it open. Immediately, his brow rose along with his guard. A very untalented thief was out; Naruto had nothing worth stealing. An unannounced visitor would have waited outside for him. The blond entered his hallway carefully, all senses in high alert. Until he heard a slurping sound he was awfully familiar with. The boy sprinted toward his small kitchen-living room.
"Hey, whoever you are you don't touch… My… Ramens?"
Seated around his table were three Naruto replicas slurping on Naruto's emergency cup ramens.
"'llo boss!" One exclaimed in-between two mouthfuls.
"What do you three think you're doing?!" Roared Naruto in response.
The three startled shadow clones all turned to the original.
"Hum… Eating ramens?"
Naruto facepalmed. "You're clones! You don't need to eat!"
"How'd you know that? And ramen is good!" retorted one clone and his tone brooked no argument.
"Yeah, boss! And look how long we lasted! We're due some ramens!"
Naruto sputtered and flailed his arms around before he sighed. What did one answer to that? The original blond was rubbing the back of his head when one fact hit him. "How are you even inside?"
"Well, we have the keys of course," answered one clone in a deadpan tone.
Naruto frowned. "Oy, I'm not kidding. If you broke the lock-"
"Nah boss, we have the keys," insisted one, fishing for something inside his pocket and dangling in front of him what was indeed keys. "We're copies remember?"
"Yeah, you're copies of… Me… Wait a second!" exclaimed the original boy, his eyes wide in amazement.
Naruto darted to the practice target hanging on his wall and wrenched a kunai out. Taking the knife in a reverse grip, the boy crossed his fingers and molded some chakra.
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
In a now familiar poof of smoke, a fifth Naruto holding a kunai in the same position as the original appeared. Wide-eyed, the boy took the kunai from his clone's hand, letting the real fall to the floor, and nicked the tip of his index finger with the knife replica.
"Holy Flame."
Naruto turned to his three ramen-eating replicas. "This jutsu… Is amazing, 'ttebayo." The blond whispered excitedly. The three clones respectively nodded, shrugged, and slurped noodles.
Suddenly, Naruto flipped the cloned kunai and hurled it toward his target. The knife bit in the wooden plank like any normal knife before poofing out in smoke, leaving a very real cut behind. Jaw slack, he turned again towards his clones.
"So I don't copy only myself but what I carry?"
The four clones made a show of thinking for a few seconds.
"Well, isn't that obvious boss? I mean, we appear with clothes," supplied the most recently created clone.
"Yeah well, that's because I pictured you all wearing some. I didn't want to beat Mizuki-teme naked," retorted the original.
All four clones rubbed the back of their head, chuckling in an eery chorus. That would have been very, very embarrassing.
The original blond watched as his four him chuckled in a synchronized manner. If it had been anyone else but him, he would have definitely been weirded out. Naruto shook his head. He had to test the limit of the copy. He had to test the ability to copy itself, in fact. What if he could duplicate only a kunai for example? That'd be priceless on a mission if supplies were to run low. Or just simply to make sure supplies would never ever run low in the first place. The boy nodded; he needed to re-open his manual on jutsu theory (the only theory book he would ever willingly open, with the one on sealing) and find some more advanced material. The Academy handbook was desperately thin.
That would be the "then", it was time for the "now". Naruto ignored the fact his fourth clone was fixing himself a cup of instant ramen, the bastard, and turned to the three he had sent on a mission. The Hokage had revealed some stuff but the boy was ready to bet there was more.
"So, what did you find? About mom."
The clones looked at each other and eventually one rose from his chair.
"You sent me to the Archives," said the clone before falling silent.
Naruto waited but the clone was not speaking. "And?"
"And nothing boss. Nothing in what's accessible to a genin anyway. And before you ask, there are no other Uzumaki files in the Public Archives."
The blond muffled a curse and sighed. The old man had told him his mother had many enemies and had been a jinchuriki before him but what could necessitate burying her identification file? People in Konoha, civilians and ninjas alike, were registered and had a file recording various information deemed important. Their birth, or the date of their move in, their graduation from the Academy if it happened, their wedding and their death were among the things that were noted. One could access the files, provided they had a valid reason. Looking for a family member was an acceptable request.
But some files were considered too important to be publicly accessible and required signed permission from the Hokage Tower after a case study.
The blond facepalmed. He hadn't thought his mother was that much of a secret. Sliding his hand down his face, Naruto rested cupped his chin and thought. The boy jerked his head up suddenly.
"You didn't think about looking for our own file, did you?"
With a bit of luck, if Naruto had reached this conclusion, his clone had done the same. To his dismay, the clone shook his head. He hadn't.
"I did but there is nothing either."
He had. Naruto sighed as his dismay increased just as the reason for it changed. He couldn't even access his own file. Which, as far as he knew, was illegal. Fire Country had laws, 'ttebayo!
Except if his file was deemed an S-ranked secret. A state secret, one confirmed by the Daimyo himself. The kind of secret only the Hokage or the Daimyo could give access to. Naruto groaned. His life was a pile of secrets and until yesterday he hadn't been aware of it.
Or his file and his mother's were lost during the Kyuubi attack but Naruto doubted that, for some reason. His mother's, that would have been believable but his? Simply impossible, as the file, if it existed, would have been created simply after the attack. And it would have been too easy and his life apparently didn't do easy.
The boy wondered for a second if Dragon was in trouble for revealing the name of his mother. Considering the ANBU was still alive today, he was probably fine. Naruto was grateful for the tidbit of knowledge and did not want the guy, whoever was under the mask, to be punished for it.
Maybe Naruto would not dye Dragon's stuff in glittering orange, after all.
The boy focused on his two other clones. "And the library?"
One of the clones shrugged. "Not much on the Uzumaki clan. For all intent and purpose, it doesn't exist anymore. They ruled over a place called Uzushiogakure, a small village, no idea where it is. They were known for their red hair and their fuinjutsu. The crest on Konoha's flak jackets is theirs."
"Red hair," muttered Naruto. "It matches with what the old man told me." The boy rubbed his eyelids when another thought hit him. "Why don't we have red hair?" The boy asked his clones. Had the old man lied to him, again?
"'Cause our dad was blond and we got it from him?"
The boy mulled over his clone's answer. "Possible. Urgh, so much secrecy, I don't even know if they are worth uncovering," sighed the blond, mildly annoyed.
Was it worth it? Good question after all. His parents were dead if the old Kage were to be believed. His mother almost certainly was, at least. So what good did knowing about them do? The boy had no idea if he had any kind of legacy to uphold. Probably, given the number of secrets, it was buried under but was it a legacy he would want to uphold anyway? Being Kumo's boogeyman did sound cool but Naruto wasn't sure it was supposed to be a goal in life.
As I side thought, Naruto wondered for a second if his mom had left him some money behind but dismissed it. If the Hokage had taken twelve years to begrudgingly given him her name, it would take another twelve years before Naruto would see the money, if there was any.
So what good did knowing do? Not much. And there were many things the boy wasn't sure he wanted to know. Not knowing was hurtful but knowing for sure would not necessarily help. Not if the truth was horrible. After all, Naruto still had no idea if his parents had sacrificed him willingly or not to be a jinchuriki. His grandfather's outcry at the idea that the fourth had killed them kind of disproved the theory but the other was possible.
His mother supposedly loved him. Was he the jinchuriki only because he was the son of one? Maybe the clan heirs were not a viable alternative? What did holding a Bijuu even mean and entail anyway? Naruto sighed. Was there a choice to begin with?
And why, by the Flame, had his status been revealed? If the Kyuubi rampage was a premeditated attack, why was the Hokage thinking about when he revealed Naruto was a jinchuriki? That was just asking for someone else to attack again, in a time of grief and uncertainty at that. Naruto's eyes widened; was he a bait? Did he even contain the beast?
Or he did and his parent simply had been people whose faith in the village had been complete. Complete and blind. Much like the Fourth's and his grandfather's had been before the villagers revealed they were assholes, treating one innocent little child who bore a demon inside him like the Plague. Even if said child had no say in the matter.
Naruto grabbed the original kunai he had let fall on his floor and hurled it at his target practice. The knife split the wood and buried itself in the wall behind. The blond was breathing raggedly. He did not want to be angry but it did not mean he was not. To think he had longed for their acknowledgment. To think he still longed for it, in some way or another.
The blond sat back down on his sofa and exhaled before he breathed in deeply, holding the air inside his lungs, puffing his cheeks. Losing himself in conjectures was useless and didn't help. Especially considering the current state of his temper.
But what if-
"Argh! Curiosity is definitely the worst of humanity's flaw!" Screamed the blond suddenly, startling the "youngest" clone.
The three oldest only nodded, apparently not surprised, features set in a picture of seriousness. "Yup, we came to the same conclusion," offered one.
"Yeah, yeah, finish your ramen and dispel," Naruto answered, waving his hand at them.
"E'en me?" asked the youngest, in-between noodles.
"Especially you."
The four clones nodded in unison and they hurriedly finished their ramens before dispelling. Naruto felt his left eye twitch and a weird pain throbbed behind his skull for a second. The blond took a moment to consider the sudden headache. He had noticed the same thing happening after dispelling the little army of clones he had created to tenderize Mizuki. The pain had been head splitting then and lasted for maybe a minute or two, he wasn't sure. He had ignored it because he was more worried about Iruka's wounds
Just now, the pain had been mild and it had already disappeared. Dispelling shadow clone somehow caused a headache, with intensity and duration related to the number of clones. Naruto nodded and took a mental note of it. He had to test it. Or ask about it even. With a bit of chance, he wasn't the only one who knew the jutsu.
Or he was because it was kind of supposed to be a forbidden technique. Naruto frowned. He had to ask his grandfather. He was loath to ask anything from the old man right now but if someone knew about the shadow clone, it was The Professor.
He'd still ask his future ANBU colleagues first.
Naruto shook his head and rose from his couch. Asking himself questions he did not have the answers to in an exercise of pointlessness could wait. Right now, he had two boxes to fill.
The sorting was quick; Naruto's possessions could be summarized to a pair of green goggles, a toad-shaped purse, his personal notebook about fuinjutsu, and a collection of orange jumpsuits plus various other shirt and shorts he rarely wore nowadays. Most of the clothes were too small for him anyway.
With a heart-wrenching sigh, the blond dumped his jumpsuits in the biggest box of the two. The one labeled "throw". The boy cried fake tears for a minute in remembrance of his trusty, comfortable, warm during winter cool during summer, all-around awesome orange garments. He then proceeded to try and see which shirts and pants were still fitting. ANBU or not, he'd probably need some clothes for civilian life.
After maybe ten minutes, Naruto was done with playing fashionista and was wearing a fresh green, short sleeved shirt and a pair of cream colored pants. The blond observed himself in his bathroom mirror for a few seconds.
Maybe the orange jumpsuit did do him a disservice, after all.
With some civilian clothes neatly folded and away in the "keep" box with his goggles, his trusty nightcap, and his fuinjutsu notebook, the boy the gathered the "rest". His soap, towels, pajamas, his Academy manuals, with which had had no idea what to do, and everything he had accumulated over the years, and it did not account to much, found its way in the "throw" box. Honestly, if ANBU was providing him with what he needed, there was no reason to keep bargain price stuff. Especially his towels, they were terrible: old, rough, and itchy; he really didn't like them.
Naruto sighed at the sight of his empty flat. It was, hopefully at least, his last night he'd ever spend here.
"New job, new me." The boy chuckled tentatively.
It felt dry on his tongue and bitter in his mouth. He had not been happy in this rundown apartment but it was his apartment still. He had lived here for nearly as long as he cared to remember because he did not care to remember what came before. Living here was unpleasant but it was also freedom. A lonely kind of freedom, the kind of freedom which was absolute, without limit, and paid in full. No one to tell him when to go to bed, no one to tell him to do his homework, no one to tell how to eat properly, no one to explain his own body to him, no one to answer his questions. Naruto had had to make do, somehow.
Hopefully, the next place would have a little less freedom if it meant it was a little less lonely.
The boy shook his head and wiped from his eyes the tears he refused to shed. He had no time for such depressing thoughts. Dwelling on them would not do him any good and would not change anything anyway. Naruto balled his fists and stretched his face in a smile. He was joining ANBU. He was going to become an awesome ninja. He was going to be okay.
"You called for me, taishou."
The individual who had just spoken was cloaked and masked, like all his peer. The mask he was wearing was in the shape of a tiger. The eye holes were underlined in red, it had two claw-like whiskers on each side, a crescent around the left eye and a flame under the right one, all in the same red color. Various other markings, of different colors, were also visible. Whoever was hiding behind the mask was a member of the third company, the buntaichou of an ANBU squad, a ninjutsu and close-combat specialist, and a veteran of many campaigns.
"I did Tiger," answered Dragon from behind his desk. "Sit." The shadow added, designating a chair.
Wordlessly, the operative obeyed and settled in front of his commander.
"Your squad has been lacking a member for a while now, Tiger."
The soldier nodded. There was no need for an answer, apart from what politeness dictated, so the ninja went for a terse "indeed".
"I do believe I have a potential recruit for you."
The silent operative stood still for a second before he nodded again and inched forward slightly. Normally, recruits were introduced to their potential squad leader by the company's zentaichou. For the commander of all ANBU to introduce the recruit directly was highly unusual. Not unheard of though.
"His name is Naruto Uzumaki," said Dragon. "You might have heard of him." The commander added with mirth in his voice.
Tiger nodded. Everyone and their mother knew Naruto Uzumaki. The ANBUs were never tasked with catching the brat, it did not mean they did not know or hear of his exploits. Some of his traps were actually frequently discussed by the members of the "Recluse", as they apparently were downward vicious. Tiger had never interacted with the boy obviously and he personally had no opinion on him.
"You know what he is, of course."
The operative nodded once again. Everyone and their aunts, but not their children, knew Naruto Uzumaki was the jinchuriki. Which was strange, as jinchuriki were supposed to be trump cards and final weapons in wartime. Tiger shrugged internally; it had been revealed long ago and it was not his place to question the decision of the higher-ups. Tiger and his squad had had their fair share of the "keeping individual Uzumaki safe" kind of missions.
"If I may, commander?" Asked the operative in a distorted monotone.
"Go ahead."
"What prompted his scouting?"
"The facts he has quite the potential. He was the one responsible for the break-in and the momentaneous disappearance of the Forbidden Scroll."
Tiger rose his brow discreetly, not that anyone would notice given his mask, and kept himself from whistling. The boy was behind the breaking? It was impressive. Impressive but not enough. The kid was barely genin. Not to mention he had kind of stolen the Forbidden Scroll.
"He is no traitor, I can assure you." Dragon said as if reading the mind of his soldier. "In fact, he even helped uncover and apprehend one."
Alright, for a not even genin that was definitely interesting.
"And he learned the Shadow Clone Jutsu in less than an hour."
"I'm sorry?" asked Tiger slowly, his tone measured but with an undercut of skepticism. It seemed his earing was failing him.
"You heard me well, Tiger. He learned the Shadow Clones in an hour. He used self-developed fuinjutsu-based genjutsu to conceal himself during his break in, got in in the most insane way possible without using a shred of his chakra, and helped us catch a traitor. That alone is worthy of interest. But I've had the boy monitored for a while now and I can vouch for his potential." Dragon explained.
The commander joined his fingers in front of him and rested his elbows on his desk.
"You do not lead twenty chunin on a three hours chase and virtually kill seventeen of them by luck alone, Tiger."
"Virtual kill?"
"That is how we count the victims of those who fall in his traps during his pranks. Considering some chunin trigger multiple traps, it's not even an accurate measure. If those traps weren't harmless, we would have a shortage of shinobi."
"The chunin could trigger the traps knowing full well they don't risk anything," remarked the operative.
"No. Those traps, while not lethal, are nasty and they damage pride, clothes, and credibility. If the chunin could avoid them, they would."
"Could it mean some of our chunin are in dire need of remedial lessons?"
"That's not it either. We have observed and recorded the boy's process for setting traps and it's creative and vicious. He does not create a funnel that would easily be avoidable, no. He prepares a metaphorical minefield for his pursuers. And his traps are very elaborate. My observer reported the boy setting up traps within traps within traps. He sometimes willingly triggers the first layer, lulling his opponent into thinking that's all there is and they fall for the second layer. And once they are out, the third layer activates."
Tiger stayed silent for a second at the report. "He does sound promising," allowed the operative. "But it takes more to be ANBU."
"He is a hard worker, willing to learn, and extremely dedicated when interested. He just needs a guiding hand and someone to enforce discipline and control."
"And you would have that someone be me."
"You and your team, yes. For more reasons than one." Dragon said, his tone surprisingly gentle despite the distortion effect. "A team isn't complete without its fourth member."
"I'm at your command, Dragon-taishou, but my teammates will probably voice a complaint."
"It will be duly noted and ignored. Naruto Uzumaki will be treated like any recruit and if the boy does not make the cut, he will be outed."
"Very well, taishou. When do we meet him?"
"I will bring him to you tomorrow at the beginning of the first rotation."
"Hai. By your leave?"
"Dismissed."
The operator rose without a sound and exited the small office, leaving his commanding officer to his thoughts.
Naruto was walking around aimlessly in Konoha. Above him, the sky was bright blue with nary a cloud to shield the people from a brightly shining sun. The streets were full of people doing people stuff; what that was exactly, Naruto had no idea. What did the people out in the streets do? Didn't they have a job to be at? Chunin on patrol and older teams of genin doing chores, the blond understood but the civilians?
Graduation took place in April, a week or so after the beginning of spring, just so newly minted genin team could learn the meaning of hard work, under the rising temperatures of Fire Country's warm spring and suffocating summer, by doing D-ranked missions. The boy knew that because Iruka had told him once, in front of a bowl of ramen, that it was the hazing process reserved to genin. Also, it was explained during one of the Academy class, the one on missions, or so Naruto remembered. Apparently, D-ranked missions did serve a multitude of purposes but the blue-eyed boy had stopped listening after Iruka had said "painting fences".
The blond had to admit, he was kinda glad he was joining the ANBU. It meant no D-ranked missions in hot and humid weather; at least Naruto hoped it did.
The boy did not know what to do. It was three in the afternoon, maybe four and Naruto had no idea how he was supposed to keep himself busy. He had to admit that excitement was slowly rising within him and alongside it, so was anxiety.
Was he going to make the cut? Tch, Of course he was, 'ttebayo! Whatever test they would throw at him, he would pass, with flying color to boot.
"Just like you flunked the Academy exam three times," whispered all too sweetly a traitorous part of his mind.
Naruto shook his head. No way he was going to flunk anything. He was Naruto Uzumaki and he was awesome.
The words of Dragon rung in his head. "A ninja needs humility". The boy's head sunk before it shot up just as quick and he grinned. Naruto Uzumaki was relatively awesome then. And there was no way the ANBU test would be as stupid as the Academy one anyway.
"It will be many times harder," asserted the annoying little voice in his head.
Naruto sighed before he pumped his fist. Who was to say there was a test in the first place? They were interested in him because he had "talent" and "hard work"; surely whatever he would be put through would take that into account. It would simply make no sense otherwise. Reassured and with a spring in his gait, Naruto resumed his walk. Which was still very much aimless. It was at this moment his stomach growled. Very loudly.
Naruto looked down and grinned sheepishly, his right hand rubbing the back of his scalp. He had had one measly cup of instant ramen before meeting with the Hokage and Dragon, and said meeting had been exhausting. Added to that was the fact Naruto had gone to punch a training post for an hour and the blond was understandingly famished. It was time to pay a visit to his favorite place in Konoha.
"Here I come Ichiraku!"
The blond sped through the labyrinth formed by Konoha's streets and ended up twenty minutes later in front of a little, unassuming, noodle bar. Ichiraku's Ramen was inscribed in large red kanji on the flaps that half covered the entrance. There was a big paper lantern outside, greeting the nightly visitors with its warm light, lettered with the kanjis for "one" and "comfort". Ichiraku.
Naruto lifted one flap and greeted his two favorite persons in the world. "Hey Teuchi-oji, hey Ayame-nee!"
A man in his fifties with a fleeting smile, his eyes almost closed, and exuding bonhomie, turned to greet the enthusiastic blond. "Hello, Naruto! It's been a time!"
"A time", meaning Naruto hadn't visited for something like a week. The boy rubbed his scalp. "Eh eh, yeah, had to work for my exam, Teuchi-oji."
"Oh yeah, that's right! How'd it go?" asked the kindly chef.
Naruto hesitated a second before he remembered everything was a secret and settled for a short but efficient answer that would not have his first and only ramen provider executed.
"I passed!" Exclaimed the blond, pointing at his headband.
The cook smiled warmly and gave the boy a salute, tipping him his cook hat. "Well then, mister ninja, how do we celebrate that?" Asked the man with utmost seriousness.
"With one miso ramen large with extra pork, 'ttebayo!" Answered the blond with a blinding smile.
"One miso large extra pork comin'!"
"Dad, is Naruto here?" Came a distinctly feminine voice from somewhere behind the open kitchen.
"Hai, hai!"
A young brunette with her hair kept back by a white kerchief appeared, garbed in a white kimono and blue apron and holding some cooking gear. Much like her father, she had a constant fleeting smile but contrary to him, her chocolate brown eyes were open wide.
"Hellooo Naruto!" She greeted with a large smile once she saw the blond. "How is my little brother doing today?"
Naruto pointed once again at his headband. "Ninja!"
Ayame pumped her fist. "Hell yeah! Give me five!" The young woman said, her open palm in front of the blond.
Naruto lost no time and promptly slapped Ayame's open hand with his. "High five!" Said the boy with the same enthusiasm as his surrogate sister.
"Now now children careful," interrupted Teuchi. "We wouldn't want any accident to happen now, would we?"
Naruto and Ayame chuckled, the blond rubbing the back of his head. Teuchi was referencing an older day when Naruto and Ayame, both hyper for Flame knew why, had wrecked havoc in the little restaurant. It was a day dating back to when Ayame had not won her blue apron yet.
"Now, one miso ramen large with extra pork for you Naruto," said the cook as he slid a smoking bowl of edible goodness toward the blond. "Enjoy."
Naruto nodded and inhaled the steam rising from the dish. The first time he had ever tasted ramen, he was a lost little boy trying to find his way in Konoha under heavy rain. He had fled from the orphanage this day, he did not remember why, and the light and the warmth spilling generously from the little bar had exerted over his young self the same fascination a flame did over a moth.
The kindly old man had offered him a bowl of miso ramen after the kind older sister had helped him shower and change. He had not gone back to the orphanage; instead, the Hokage had given him his flat. Since then, Naruto was a regular of Ichiraku's.
Shaking his head to dispel the age-old memories -everything had happened so long ago- Naruto broke his chopsticks and adjusted them in his right hand.
"Itadakimasu!" The blond exclaimed loudly before vacuuming the content of the bowl.
"So Naruto, you have to tell me how it went," said Ayame excitedly over whatever it was she was doing in her kitchen.
Magic, probably.
Naruto slurped on the noodles and chewed on them carefully. As good as they were, they were slippery and could easily end up in the wrong canal. His mouthful gulped down, the blond looked up at his sister in spirit.
"Well, nothing much. We got a boring written test," began Naruto. "It all began as I jumped from the Communication Tower to the Hokage Tower."
"Then some shuriken throwing, pretty easy." The blond continued. "Then I made my way to the vault, escaping the vigilance of the patrolling chunin."
"Then what was it again… Oh yeah, stupid genjutsu escape test," said the boy, scratching his chin. "I picked a damn hard lock to pick in four minutes under the cover a self-made fuinjutsu. To think fuinjutsu didn't even give me extra credits, tch!"
"Then we all had to demonstrate our taijutsu." Naruto kept on going. "I then escaped with a very important scroll and fled to a little clearing where I learned one jutsu from the scroll."
"And to finish, the Academy Three, except this time I did not flunk the clone," finished Naruto brightly.
"To finish, I beat a traitor with my new jutsu and gave the scroll back. I probably saved Iruka-sensei and I learned I'm a jinchuriki. The unofficial version definitely sounds more awesome. Though nothing would have happened if I had used my brain in the first place."
"That's so cool!" Ayame exclaimed, interrupting the boy's train of thoughts.
Naruto smiled. "Thinking about dropping ramen and going ninja, Nee-san?"
The older girl laughed before she pumped her fist, stars shining in her eyes. "No silly, there is nothing that'd distract me from the holiness that is ramen!"
"Amen," provided Naruto, chuckling.
"Tch, insolent," threatened the girl, giving Naruto a mock glare before her smile returned. "Anyway no, I'm not going ninja but that won't stop me from finding ninja cool."
"And that's a mighty good thing! Who else would pick up the torch when I retire?" Teuchi joked from the side.
It was one hour and five more bowls later that Naruto exited the little restaurant, his stomach full to the brim, a wide smile on his lips, happy to have talked with the man he considered an uncle and the girl he saw as a cousin. Even if he had to lie to their face. The blond's smile faltered.
Naruto's eyes hardened. Well, he was a ninja now. He had accepted the hitai-ite and fastened it around his head. He had claimed for so long he'd be a shinobi and now that he was one, he had to act the part. And the businesses of a shinobi lay essentially with cheating and killing. He just really had not expected he'd lie so quickly, to people he considered family at that.
His life was complicated and he had chosen a complicated path. Or the path had been chosen for him, Naruto wasn't sure, and honestly, it did not change much in the grand scheme of things.
Now if only he could find himself a bright, preferably neon colored, orange board with a clear goal marked on it, that would be ideal. The previous one, with "Hokage" painted all over had gone out just last night and now Naruto threaded a path without much light to guide him.
The boy sighed and rolled his eyes. Now he was philosophizing in the middle of the street with heavy use of metaphors. If he did not know Teuchi had absolutely forbidden her to do so, the blond would swear Ayame had slipped some sake in his ramen. Again.
Or maybe the noodles made him sentimental.
"Urgh, how do I kill time again?" Muttered the blond. He had no time to set up a prank and he did not want to stuff his brain with more fuinjutsu nor risk some accident while experimenting with jutsu theory. It had been a long time since the blond had, well time, and time unoccupied made him dwell on questions that frankly weirded him out.
Who are you? What do you want to do? Why do you want to do it? What in the Flame were those questions, 'ttebayo!? And just as he was going to enter ANBU at that! Naruto groaned. He really had to find something to do to distract his mind.
A smile found its way back on his face as he spotted a small silhouette he knew well.
Three shadows were sitting around a small table; one was on the edge of a chair and the two others were resting on a couch. A small bowl of cashew nuts was at the center of the table.
"You called for us, Sarge?" One of the shadows sitting on the sofa asked. Her voice was distinctly female, young but not juvenile, not girly but without the rounder notes of maturity. A teenager.
"I did. The boss found us a recruit to break," answered the one on the chair. The voice was manly, deep but frozen in a monotone.
"Again?" The first shadow whined. "They keep sending them and they don't fit! We work well enough with three!"
"It might be the case but a team is comprised of four ninjas," chided the first shadow gently, her voice warm and womanly.
"Pff I know that." The first shadow answered again. "Doesn't change the facts."
"He will be submitted to the same process as any recruit. If he doesn't fit, he takes the boot." The man interrupted with a note of impatience. "Do not get your bra in a twist." He added with his voice back to his monotone.
There were a chuckle and a laugh.
"It's supposed to be panties," corrected the woman, in a tone that told she hoped to be helpful.
"Yeah, Sarge, it's panties, panties!" Laughed the teenage girl. "I don't wear a bra anyway." She declared with mirth.
"I see. I will try to remember it." The man spoke in the same toneless voice, completely ignoring the girl's claim, which made her pout. "Anyway, the Boss was clear, this is non-negotiable, so prepare to give a newbie some hell."
The two women shuddered. Their squad leader had most of the time a level of control on his body language and voice that bordered on psychotic, allowing only what he wanted to allow, and only when torture and training were mentioned did it slip outside of his grip. Also gardening, but that was neither here nor there.
"Alright, buntaichou. When do we receive him?" The older woman asked.
"Tomorrow at first rotation."
"So soon!?" The younger girl choked on cashew nuts.
"Do we know who he is?"
The man took a deep breath. That was where he knew the gears would truly grind to a halt. He mentally prepared himself and covered his eardrums in a layer of protective chakra.
"Naruto Uzumaki."
The apparent silence took the man by surprise and he ceased to modulate his chakra just in time to hear the teenager's cry of protest.
"What!? The squid is barely a ninja!"
The man winced slightly at the volume of the shout but said nothing, knowing his young teammate would express herself for a minute before he could speak. So the squad leader waited for the young girl to end her string of expletives.
"The fuck?!" Punctuated the teenager eventually, her breath coming short.
"I should wash your mouth with soap young lady," commented the woman.
"Pff, whatever Cat, you're not my mom."
The man rasped his knuckled on the table. "Attention please." He asked in his unchanging monotone.
"Hai."
"This squad is under my command and as long as it's under my command, we will obey orders. The Boss gave us the responsibility to haze the boy, we will haze the boy. And if we gain a teammate, all the best."
"Tch, as if."
"Don't dismiss the child before even seeing him," chided the woman. "That isn't fair to him. Everybody has a fair chance to join-"
"But he is just out of school Cat! He was in the same class as my idiot brother and he was second to last if not dead last!"
"A severe bias toward Uzumaki has been identified in his teachers," explained the man evenly before his voice took a more forceful edge. "And anyway, Boss scouted him himself so end of the argument."
"Pff, fine. He won't make it anyway."
"We shall see."
The spiky black hair gathered in a wild ponytail jutting out of the weird grey cap, the ever-growing blue scarf, and the yellow T-shirt with the leaf emblem on it belonged without a doubt to Konohamaru Sarutobi, antepenultimate youngest heir to the Sarutobi clan, son of Taiga Sarutobi, grandson of Hiruzen Sarutobi, honored son of the Leaf.
As someone close, or at least in theory, to the third Hokage, Naruto was familiar with the Sarutobi. They were nice people if a bit distant but much less than the rest of Konoha. They weren't all as spontaneous as the Ichiraku but they regularly had a kind word for him. They were probably the reason Naruto even tried. The blond had played more than once with Konohamaru much like Ichiro, Konohamaru's older cousin had played with Naruto. The blond knew the "honored son of the Leaf" well.
Naruto chuckled silently as he neared the little eight years old. The boy absolutely detested when people called him "honored son of the Leaf". The blond skulked and closed in on his target. The young Sarutobi was being sneaky, meaning he was up to something. Naruto let his right hand fall on the younger boy's shoulder.
"Hey Ko!"
The answer was immediate and did not disappoint. The boy jumped, whirled, and screamed at the top of his lungs. Naruto laughed.
"Boss, don't do that!" The young Sarutobi eventually exclaimed furiously, his dark blue eyes glaring at the taller blond.
"Ah ah ah, sorry but that was too tempting. And you need to keep awareness of your surroundings." Naruto answered in a learned tone. "So, what are you up to?"
The boy suddenly grinned a grin that should not have been seen on the face of an eight years old and giggled. Naruto sighed; he knew this face well. It was kind of a Sarutobi family trait.
"Who's the victim this time?" The blond boy asked, vaguely amused.
"Kurenai-oba. She made all the books disappear."
Naruto gave the younger boy a sideways smile. He knew full well what books Konohamaru was talking about. They were small, orange, perverted, and generally disgusted Kurenai Yuhi-Sarutobi, Konohamaru's aunt.
"And what are you going to do?" Naruto asked, mildly curious.
The boy rummaged in the folds of his scarf -Naruto could swear this thing was unnatural- and brandished a pair of silk panties and an assorted bra. The blond fought a slight blush at the sight of the rather risqué lingerie.
"She's with her friends at the Dango place. I'mma run around with it on my head!" the little boy exclaimed mischievously.
"You're so gonna die," deadpanned Naruto.
"Tch, she'll need to catch me," assured the brown-haired boy.
"She's a jonin, Ko. Even I don't outrun them." Naruto retorted. "Well, most of them, I don't." The blond added as a second thought. "Anyway, she'll catch you and I don't even want to imagine what she'll do to you."
Konohamaru's smile faltered and the boy shuddered. Shuffling with his feet, the young Sarutobi looked down as if shameful. "I… Didn't really think this through, did I?"
Naruto shook his head at the obvious conclusion. "No, you didn't. So how do make it better?" Asked the blond in a tone that was eerily reminiscent of one a teacher would use during a lecture.
Konohamaru replaced the lingerie in his scarf and took his chin in his hands. After a few second, the boy looked up at Naruto, his dark blue eyes asking silently for help.
"Alright, remember Ko, simplify the question. What's the goal?"
"To embarrass aunt Kurenai!" Exclaimed the Sarutobi.
"How?"
"By showing her perverted lingerie around!"
"What happens if she catches you?"
Konohamaru shuddered. "She'll place me in one of her genjutsu."
"Can you escape by running?"
"No."
"Then what's the question?"
Konohamaru pondered a few moments before answering. "How do I… Keep her from moving?" The boy hesitantly said.
Naruto nodded with a bright smile. "Good, maybe I'll manage to do something with you. Now, what do you propose?"
"A trap?"
Naruto nodded again, thoughtfully this time. "A possibility but again, she is a jonin. You'd need a damn strong trap to surprise her and keep her immobilized."
"Then… Then… Hum… I don't know." Konohamaru slumped in defeat.
The taller blond boy grinned. "Normally you'd be a bit young but there is another tactic."
The brown-haired child looked up hopefully. "Another tactic Boss?"
A mischievous glint shone into azure blue eyes, an unsaid promise of fun and embarrassment. "Have you ever heard the term "shock and awe" Ko?"
The younger boy shook his head frantically, his mind already sold on the idea, whatever it was. "Shock and awe" sounded absolutely awesome.
"Remember my special Henge?"
The Sarutobi nodded with stars in his eyes. Naruto had a special Henge thanks to which he had stolen their grandfather's hat numerous times.
"Let's alter it a little, shall we?"
One hour later and the two boys were observing a certain Dango shop from the low roof of a building across the street. Roof they had accessed thanks to Konohamaru's scarf -unnatural, really- and were now camping on.
"When are they meeting again?" Asked Naruto to his companion. Or was the boy his underling? Konohamaru did call him Boss after all.
"They should be here anytime no- Hey! There they are!" The Sarutobi answered in a shout-whisper.
And indeed, three women were settling down at the Dango shop's terrasse. One had long, flowing dark hair, peculiar red eyes, and a dress that frankly, Naruto could not explain. It was Kurenai, their target. Another, older by a few years, had spiky brown hair, fang-like markings on her cheeks, and was garbed in combat fatigues. A large dog -Naruto was certain it was more a wolf than a dog- trailed behind her. Her name was Tsume Inuzuka and her presence meant they were probably discovered already. The last woman was a purplette as old as the first, her hair tied in a high ponytail, her clothes could be qualified of open. She was Anko Mitarashi, the Snake Mistress.
Naruto cursed silently. The Inuzuka and Mitarashi were trackers, meaning they would recognize their scent. The blond balanced the pros and the cons of continuing with the prank and decided he needed the rush. "Alright, we let them settle down and relax, that'll bring their guard down. You have the rest of the plan?"
"Yes, Boss."
"Remember, when you feel it, you relax."
"Yeah, yeah, I know."
"It's important Ko. Otherwise, it doesn't work and you are caught!"
A few minutes later, the three women were munching on a variety of dangos and drinking, sake for two of them, juice for the red-eyed woman. Suddenly, two non-descript boys approached their table. Before any of the ladies could say anything, two voice chorused in perfect synchronization.
"Sexy Jutsu!"
A light puff of smoke later and before the flabbergasted women stood two very tall, quite muscular, and very naked men. One was a blond, the other a brunet, and if one word was to be used to describe them, it would be "hunk".
They had chiseled muscles glistening under a perfectly tanned skin, their hair were wild but in a very controlled kind of way. One was biting his lower lips in a suggestive manner while the other had a hand in his hair, flexing his biceps. Both were wearing a very, very risqué set of lingerie; red, laced, with small pearl and everything.
A small trickle of blood rolled from Anko's nose as the woman eyed the two pieces of eye candy, a stupid grin on her face. Tsume just exploded in uncontrolled, loud laughter. And Kurenai, poor Kurenai, had recognized her newest set of lingerie, one she hadn't even shown her husband yet and was inventing a new shade of crimson while trying, and failing, to not look at the two Adonis.
"Hello, ladies."
A trickle of blood escaped Kurenai's nose, much to her horror, and it was at this moment she jumped. With blinding speed, she jumped on the two impudent boys -she was a married woman by the Flame- prepared to slaughter them.
They were already running at top speed. The jonin gave chase, leaving behind one daydreaming Anko Mitarashi and one Tsume Inuzuka trying not to die from laughter.
Naruto and Konohamaru, under the disguise of their Sexy Jutsu, were running as fast as they could. Naruto nudged the Sarutobi and winked. The other boy nodded and slowed down.
Kurenai had quickly caught up to the two; they weren't fast enough to outrun a jonin. She was preparing herself to give them a beating they would remember in their next reincarnation when the boys willingly stopped. The jonin smiled wickedly. They had given up. Good.
"Ara, Yuhi-san, how are you?" One boy, the blond, dared to ask.
Kurenai cracked her knuckles. "You're in for a world of pain." She fumed.
"But what for, Yuhi-san? Didn't you pay us to put this show?" Asked the brunet cheekily.
Kurenai simply punched him, hard.
And the boy disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"What?"
"Bye, Kurenai-san!" Waved the blond boy before he, too, went up in smoke.
Wide-eyed, Kurenai whirled around once, twice, and then a third time to try and discover where the boys had gone. She was facing their last position, right in front of her, when she noticed a piece of paper floating in the wind. The woman snatched the note and opened it.
"Gotch'a."
Kurenai felt the red of anger color her cheeks. She had no proof, of course, but somehow this looked, smelled, and breathed like her nephew and his surrogate brother.
"Konohamaru Sarutobi!" The jonin roared.
On the other side of Konoha, two boys, one blond and the other a brunet, were panting heavily. Before they both started laughing hard, falling on their bottom.
"Ah ah ah! Did you see her face?!"
"Ah ah, yeah! And when you said… Ah ah ah, when you said hello ladies, ah ah ah!"
It took ten minutes before the fit of laughter the two boys were subjected to calmed. Panting, Naruto and Konohamaru looked at each other, wide smiles spliting their face.
"That was an awesome prank Boss, thanks for the help!"
Naruto smiled. "You're welcome Ko."
"Hey Boss, by the way, how did you do those bunshins? They were extra cool! And I didn't even know you could swap with a person!"
Naruto weighed the pros and cons of telling his younger brother that the substitution was actually a gamble brought forth by jutsu theory. He knew it was theoretically possible. He had never practiced it. He had bet on the fact that a shadow clone being pure chakra, it would compensate for the complicated mass exchange. He had been proven right. He would need to look into it, of course.
"I'm awesome like that!" Naruto eventually chose to say. Ko was his little brother, the blond had to maintain a certain level of awe after all.
"You sure are Boss!" Said Konohamaru with stars in his eyes.
"Right, right," answered the blond, eying the sky. The sun was setting. "Alright Ko, that was fun but you should run to Moegi and Udon. You need your alibi."
"You got it, Boss!" The Sarutobi said, rising from his sprawled position. Dusting himself a bit, Konohamaru threw a look at his big brother. "When do you visit?"
Naruto pointed at his forehead. "Well, I'm a ninja now so-"
"What the hell?! How did I not notice that?" Exclaimed Konohamaru furiously. 'I'm sorry bro! Well done!"
Naruto waved him off. "That's okay Ko, you were focused on the prank, which is good. A constant focus is half the success of a prank. Anyway, gonna be a bit busy but I'll find the time for sure."
The younger boy smiled brightly. "That's so cool bro. So cool. I can't wait to enter the Academy in autumn."
Naruto returned the smile. "Work hard and you'll get your headband in no time." Maybe even quicker than me, thought the blond.
"He he, I'll do my best Boss."
"I don't doubt it. Now shoo, go find the rest of your corps."
"Sure!" Konohamaru nodded with enthusiasm. "Cya Boss." The young Sarutobi whirled and readied himself to depart when Naruto's call stopped him.
"Oh Ko!"
The brunet boy turned back. "Yeah Boss?"
"Thanks for the prank. I kinda needed it." Naruto said gently with a fond smile.
Konohamaru blinked twice and shrugged. He had never seen his Boss like that. "Sure thing bro, anytime." The Sarutobi hesitated. "Anything else?"
Naruto's small smile turned into a grin. "Nah, you're free to go."
The younger boy nodded and sprinted off, leaving Naruto to his devices.
It took a minute for the blond to stand up. The prank, the rush of the chase, and the laughter had cleared his mind from all the stupid questions. They would come back obviously, Naruto knew that, but right now he felt lighter. Slowly, the blond walked back to his flat.
It was only half past six but the sun was already very low. It was still only the beginning of April after all and while the days were steadily getting longer, the night was still quickly there. Naruto loved Konoha in the evening. The streets were full of people who would glare at him, were he to dare walk among them, but he enjoyed it nonetheless. From the roofs, more often than not.
The evening was when people would end their working day and get out to enjoy the pleasant warmth of the breeze. Dressed in their finer garments, people discussed with their neighbors while the kids played happily. Masters of various craft gathered in bars to drink fancy wines while their apprentices did much the same but with simpler, cheaper beer. The air was filled with spicy fragrances of slowly cooking food that would be ready in one hour or so, waiting to be eaten, and for the more carefree citizens, stands sold food to-go. The paper lanterns hanging above the streets were set alight and bathed all in a cozy light.
Each evening, Konoha was a festival.
A festival Naruto had never been welcomed to take part in, of course, but even from the roof, it was a sight to behold. It was probably for the Konoha evenings that Naruto had not fled to some unknown part of the world, where people would look at him normally. He knew that were he to depart, he would miss the evenings because he was certain no other place in the world could compare. Probably.
And Naruto was not petty, at least he liked to think he wasn't. The laughter of the children, the warm greetings of the neighbors, the food waiting and simmering in a big pot: even if he hadn't really enjoyed all that, and to a certain extent he had, thanks to the Sarutobi and the Ichiraku, it did not mean no one was allowed to enjoy it. Konoha owed him big time but it did not mean they were forbidden to live and be happy.
Naruto would gladly fight if it meant protecting the evenings in Konoha. Or something like that.
Munching on a skewer of something, Naruto reached his apartment. When he opened his door, the boxes were magically gone and a note was pinned to his dining table. His heartbeat rose slowly as he took the note, mounting excitement making it go awry.
"Tomorrow at four in the morning. Dragon."
Naruto tightened his fist, breathed in deeply, and took a hearty bite of his brochette, finishing it. "Yosh!"
Tomorrow was a new day and tomorrow was a new life.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed. The punching, running, and general torture begins in the next chapter. Don't forget the poll, I'll keep it up until next week. 'member, I feed on reviews (though you can send ramen like someone did already).