Songs of Winter

A Chronicles of Narnia Sonfic Collection

Chapter Three

A Message

AN: This is one of my favorite songs and I'd been thinking about it for a long time. Aslan speaks to Tumnus, and Tumnus cries out to him, for Lucy. (You may sense the love as platonic or not; I purposely tried to make it seem somewhat ambiguous, so it can go either way.) The writing is slightly choppy, because I thought it would fit Tumnus' shy, simple personality.

My song is love; love to the loveless, shown.

And it goes up – you don't have to be alone.

It was winter in Narnia, the coldest winter it had ever been. The snow fell silently, quieting and stilling everything in its path. Narnia had never seemed so empty, and its creatures had never felt more alone.

Tumnus the Faun was one of these creatures. Isolated in his small cottage at the edge of Lantern Waste, he was holed up by himself, with only stories and dreams to pass his days until he died. No other Animals other came to see him, save the occasional visit from Beaver, whose stories of the one they called Aslan seemed distant and unreal. The faun was too consumed with other thoughts to hold onto any hope that there even was an Aslan. He had heard stories as a child, when times were good and there was sunshine. But now… Fear chilled his heart worse than any icicle, as he was struck daily with the notion that she was at his door, ready to kill him for any minor offense.

The first time he saw the White Witch, she almost seemed beautiful, in a cruel, violent sort of way. But when she took him by the horns and gripped his tail, her eyes bored into his with an intensity and fury he had not known before. He was too frightened to speak when she commanded him to obey her, and so he lost his long, beautiful tail. Though he hated her, he could not bring himself to defy her.

Sometimes, he looked out the window and saw a tawny streak flash run through the trees, or a patch of green shooting up from beneath the snow. But he was too afraid of disappointment to hope, and he was too proud of his own life to be strong.

He returned to his home in disgrace, his tail short and his wit shorter. But his lack of pride was less evident than his lack of hope. He lay in anguish, the pain of his lost tail eclipsed only by his loneliness and worry.

The first time he really believed in Aslan was when he saw Lucy Pevensie's face.

It was the most wonderful thing he had ever seen. It gave him hope that maybe someone out there really was taking care of him; maybe his distrust of the Witch was truly justified; maybe help was on the way. Maybe Beaver was right. Maybe the Lion really was real.

Maybe he didn't really deserve to be alone.

And then, she was gone. As suddenly as she came, she had to go. He could have died for almost betraying her, and he could have died knowing that she would never see her again. And, in fact, he really almost did die.

Your heavy heart is made of stone

And it's so hard to see you clearly

You don't have to be on your own,

You don't have to be on your own.

My song is love,

My song is love, unknown.

I'm on fire for you...

You don't have to be on your own.

The first thing he saw when he was woken from his stone slumber was her face. Not even Aslan's, but hers. The experience was not unlike than the first time he had felt himself awake from his despair. Her face was like the sun, illuminating within him happiness and hope again. It was like he was a young Faun once more, discovering new things and living without fear. His new zest for life, for Lucy, and for Aslan woke in him a flame, where before there had only been ice and pain and fear. He could have won battles that day. He had never felt more alive than when he so nearly escaped death.

He realized, deep down, that he had always believed in Aslan. His faith had wavered and hidden, and he was ashamed for quaking so in the face of death. But he remembered all the things that Beaver had told him, and treasured them. The fact that Aslan had died for Lucy's brother made him feel all the braver for doing the same. It was like they had something in common, and it strengthened him.

Aslan talked to him, before the coronation. He even thanked him. He thanked him! Aslan told Tumnus that He realized how much he had struggled, and was glad that he had finally made the right decision. He was glad that Tumnus had taken care of Lucy, and He promised that she, too, would take care of him; just as He also would forever. When Aslan left that night, Tumnus was at peace.

Life was so beautiful. Everything was sunshine and joy. Though Aslan had gone away for the present, he still could feel Him, and His love. He spent days, weeks, months at Cair Paravel, drinking in Lucy's friendship like it was the finest of wines. It pained him greatly when he had to travel to the north. But to make it up to her, he told her stories – her smile made it all right again – about the white Stag. He wondered what Lucy would wish for, and he wished her a safe journey after her heart's greatest desires.

But then, suddenly and painfully, she was gone once more.

And I'm gonna stand and wait,

Not gonna leave here till it's much too late.

On a platform I'm gonna stand and say,

That I'm nothing on my own…

And I love you, please come home.

He was not completely hopeless. There was always some remnant of belief that Aslan would bring Lucy back to him. He held onto it until he was a frail old Faun, when his tears glistened on a white beard like fresh snow falling on a meadow. Aslan knew things, after all, that he would never know; and he took comfort in this. Aslan's great wisdom and mercy were boundless. But Aslan did not return, and neither did Lucy.

Someday, though, he kept telling himself. Someday, he would see her again. Someday, he would tell her everything. Someday, things would be happy again. Someday…

My song is love, is love unknown.

Got to get that message home.