"When your potion has turned a dark shade of blue, add the chopped mint leaves and stir a few times."
Snape was making his tour around the classroom, checking how everyone was doing and occasionally giving instructions for the Wolfsbane potion we were brewing. At the end of the lesson my concoction was muddy brown, whereas Hermione's was a perfect burgundy color. Snape hung over my cauldron, not seeming impressed at all.
"We will have to remedy that, Potter", he muttered, "Meet me here instead of at the dungeons this evening."
I had a sinking feeling. Occlumency and potions tonight. That didn't sound very promising.
…HP/SS…
The Occlumency lesson that night was a bit shorter than usual, but went well. Snape had paid me a compliment again, said I finally got the determination he wanted to see.
"Now Potter, as for the Wolfsbane potion…"
Snape set me on gathering ingredients and explained how I should chop the leaves and herbs in the right way.
"Your potion wasn't burgundy, Potter, because you didn't let the mint leaves simmer long enough before you added the lemon drops. Exactly ten minutes, less won't do."
He watched me work for a while. When he seemed satisfied with my progress he sat down behind his desk and pulled some paperwork to him. I couldn't help but notice he rubbed his temples as if he were tired. Maybe the Occlumency lessons were asking a lot of him too. I felt a rush of sudden fondness for the man. After all, he seemed to be giving up all of his spare time to teach me. He'd been an arse last time, that's true, but then again he'd also really listened. Snape had put his finger on the sore spot, telling me I had to stand up against my uncle. I couldn't hate him for that, could I? Not when he was so obviously right.
"Maybe next summer," I thought hopefully, "I won't even have to go back to the Dursleys. Now I'm of age perhaps I could make Grimmauld Place my home."
The house of my dead godfather Sirius wasn't exactly a paradise, but at least I felt more like home there than at the Dursleys. I could invite my friends there and I'd have a place to go to during the Christmas holidays. I was on the verge of asking Snape if he thought that was possible but then he snapped me out of my reverie when he harshly yelled my name.
"Potter! What are you doing!"
I looked up, nonplussed.
"I don't know, sir."
Snape raised his eyebrow. He seemed very angry.
"You don't know, do you? You dimwit! You were going to add the lemon drops, Potter. What have I said about the lemon drops?"
I shrank. Dammit, dropped the ball.
"That the mint leaves have to simmer for ten minutes before the lemon is added, s…sir."
"Indeed Potter", Snape said fiercely, "I can smell from here that those ten minutes haven't passed yet! What is the point, Potter, in me teaching you when you won't listen?"
Snape stood up from behind his desk and while he strode over to me he pushed back his sleeves rather angrily. I froze. I knew that gesture from uncle Vernon.
"He's going to hit me!" I thought alarmed. Instinctively, out of years of habit, I threw my arms around my head and ducked. A few seconds passed, but the blows I'd been expecting didn't come. I slowly realized I had overreacted and brought my arms back down. Very carefully I chanced a glance at Snape. I didn't expect to see the look of hurt on his face. He was standing there, frozen, like he couldn't believe what had just happened. I dropped my gaze, feeling a little ashamed. I heard the small intake of breath and a moment later Snape's hands were crushing down on my shoulders.
"Potter", he said and I could hear the irritation in his voice, "Stop being a wimp. Fight back!"
He shook me once, twice.
"I'm sorry", I muttered.
Snape snorted angrily and hit me in the face.
"No you're not", he breathed, "Fight back!"
He punched my shoulder and a sharp stab of pain went through it. I knew what he was getting at, making me angry. But I couldn't possibly fight Snape. He continued to push me and punch me though, kicking me in the ribs, pulling at my hair. I thought he would eventually stop; only he didn't. He'd worked me back to the wall of the classroom where I couldn't possibly escape and kept on riling me up. In the end I couldn't bear the pain anymore so I drew back my fist, hating myself, and hit Snape straight in the face. He toppled backwards and nearly fell to the ground. I would have found it comical if I hadn't felt so disgusted at what I'd done. Snape held a hand to his eye and cursed. He was breathing heavily, supporting himself on a desk, but still managed to croak out: "Finally I can be proud of you."
I broke then, hearing those words. I gave a few sobs, clenched my hands into fists and screamed at him. I lunged forward and punched his shoulder, tried to hit him in the stomach. But instead of defending himself he crushed me to him in a fierce hug. I didn't know what to do. I let out my rage with a groan and unthinkingly threw my arms around Snape. It took a while for our breathing to slow down. It was Snape who released me eventually and while he held my gaze, he nodded and muttered: "Proud of you."
He took out his wand and pointed it at me. I was surprised at myself I didn't flinch back.
"Reparo", Snape quietly said, and immediately the pain in my ribs and shoulders was gone. He then pointed his wand at his flaming red cheek and repeated the spell. The bruise around his eye vanished.
"Come", he said while returning to his desk, "I need to show you something."
…HP/SS…
As I sat opposite him, still feeling rather shaky, Snape explained that he would teach me to read his mind.
"Why?" I asked intrigued.
"As I'm sure you can imagine, during a fight it can be quite useful to know your enemy's thoughts." Snape said, "I think it is only fair that I teach you. I also feel a bit guilty for invading your privacy so much these last few lessons. I thought it was time we'd switch roles."
I nodded a bit confused. Snape would let me read his mind? I wasn't sure what to think of that. He asked me to pull out my wand, so I did.
"You remember the spell, I assume?
"Legilimens…" I said, nodding.
"In the beginning eye contact is crucial. The same determination as with Occlumency is needed. You need to really want it, because I won't be making it easy for you to read my mind. Do you understand, Potter?"
"Yes."
"Good", Snape said, "Do you think you're ready?"
I nodded, becoming nervous. Snape gestured for me to proceed, seeming a bit nervous himself. I pointed my wand at Snape, looked him in the eye just as told and whispered: "Legilimens."
It was easy, like cutting into butter. I nearly fell into his mind and had barely time to wonder why I didn't feel any resistance at all, when I took in the scene in his head. We were in the potions classroom. I saw myself standing over a billowing cauldron, working on a potion, it seemed. Snape was standing next to me. I frowned at the sight.
"A few drops of lavender oil now Harry", I heard Snape say. I saw myself add the oil to the steaming cauldron.
"Now stir", Snape commanded softly. I did as I was told. After a while Snape came to stand behind me. When he put his hands on mine to help me stir, I realized with a jolt I was in Snape's fantasy. It felt like my stomach dropped, yet I couldn't look away. I watched as Snape's hands pushed my sleeves up. He slowly started stroking my arms, while the steam billowed into both of our faces. I trembled when I saw Snape close his eyes and put his hands on my belly while slowly exhaling against my cheek. My stomach clenched. Snape breathed a few words into the other Harry's ear then, loud enough for me to hear and shake me to the core: "God I love you."
I gasped and tumbled out of Snape's thoughts. A moment later I was out of my chair and stood trembling in the middle of the classroom.
"What was that?" I asked, speaking more to myself than to Snape. He didn't give me any answer. I felt like an idiot. I really hadn't seen it coming.
"But…" I stuttered. I shook my head.
"But you hate me", I said hoarsely, "You've always hated me. I don't understand."
I looked up to see Snape shaking his head at me. I could see it in his eyes then, a certain look. I really had been blind. Snape got up, and stated quietly: "Let me make you wiser then."
He slowly walked over to me and it took everything I had not to run and hide behind a desk. Honestly, I was scared shitless. My knees started to give way and my foot twitched, betraying how much I wanted to bolt for the door. Snape smiled when he stood in front of me. He carefully lifted his hand to brush his finger against my cheek.
"You're very brave", he said.
He searched my eyes, checking if I was going to scream perhaps and then slowly leaned in. Snape brushed his lips against mine, once, twice, and then he was kissing me in earnest. They were slow kisses with enough space in between to let me breathe. Snape kept his hands to himself the whole time. I didn't know what to feel. I was shocked numb. True, his breath was warm and the skin of his cheek was soft, but then again I asked myself: "Are you really kissing Snape? Really?"
But I couldn't tear myself away. I just let it happen. After a while I began to feel faint and I realized I'd been holding my breath. I slowly exhaled and inhaled again sharply. I noticed a spicy, herbal fragrance on Snape's skin which I found amazing. Before I knew what I was doing, I'd knotted my fingers in Snape's long dark hair and cupped his face with my other hand. I found myself pressing fiercely back into his kiss, grunting. Snape broke apart from me then and I was left completely breathless. He gazed at me for a moment, holding my hands in his own, eyes dancing with joy. He gave me back my hands then, took a step back and a brief grin flashed across his face when he said: "You are dismissed, Potter."
I wasn't sure I'd heard correctly, but before I could ask "I beg your pardon?" Snape had turned and resumed his seat behind his desk.
"Tomorrow evening, same place, Potter", was everything he said, "Don't be late."