EPOV

"Roses? Really?" I gave a panicked look to James who just laughed. "What does he think he's doing?"

I was still in disbelief as James put his feet up on our coffee table and picked up one of the twenty cards that had been stuck into the rainbow of roses that now took up my living room. They had been quite the surprise when I walked in and saw my name on the first card. I had turned around and went to the office immediately after seeing James wasn't home. The rainbow started at plum shaded roses and went all the way to sinfully crimson ones that were so tightly budded, they'd continue to bloom for several days. Mrs. Cope, the manager of my town home complex, just gave me a wide-eyed look as she told me the florist made her let her in when I'd asked why my living room looked like a set for engagement photos.

When Jasper had called earlier in the day to tell me I had a gift arriving, I had purposely blown off his call, expecting it to be some "Oh, I'm sorry I can't make it for coffee" and an asinine excuse. I had not expected his gentle drawl (from going to college down south, I assumed) and the whispered "I hope you don't mind, Edward, but I wanted to apologize for my presence startling you the other night at dinner. I thought a small token would be nice. Oh, and you might desire to wear comfortable shoes on Saturday."

A barking laugh pulled me from my thoughts. "Oh, Edward, I think he's in love." James cleared his throat and began to read, "'She couldn't find green roses the shade of your eyes; these mint ones were the best we could do. Nothing compares to the intensity of your eyes, and I cannot wait to look into them again.' What a fucking douche-bag. Please tell me you're not going to have coffee with him."

With heated cheeks, I faced the kitchen, giving my roommate a view of my back; I did not want him to see my blush. Despite the dull ache that remained in my chest from how Jasper had treated me, a part of me missed the friendship we had started twelve years ago. He was still so handsome my heart sped up just looking at him. It had taken everything in me to not climb into his lap at the restaurant and beg him to explain what I had done wrong, as he was obviously interested in men now.

His hair was a darker shade of blonde, with some sun lightened pieces from being outside, and just a hint of pale strands at the temples where his natural coloring would camouflage going gray for some time yet. Jasper's blue eyes still gave off a calm, almost lazy feel, but when he snapped to attention, they could look into your heart. I wasn't ready for anyone to see inside of me. James and I had lived together ever since college, and he barely knew what was going on in my head. I was over the pain of losing Riley, as much as one is ever over that type of sudden loss, but I'm not certain even twelve years had been enough to remove the pained stain Jasper had spread across my soul. At thirty, I had yet to find some "great love of my life" or whatever shit James was spouting about his lay of the week. Most Friday nights found him bringing some new girl home, or guy if he was drunk enough, and by Thursday, it was over. On Monday, she was the love of his life; by Wednesday she was clingy, and Thursday... Yeah, when Thursday evening rolled around and James had not called her/him back, I was giving some new person a tissue and apologizing for my roommates latest asshole move. It's not that my roommate is a bad guy, he's just... very passionate for a short period of time.

When James asked me for a second time if I was going to have coffee with Jasper, I shrugged and walked to the deep yellow roses that reminded me of the delicate gold of the morning sun. Six bouquets of those decorated the bookcases. Fingering a blossom, I whispered my response. "I think I am, James. It has been twelve years. I know that I'm not the same person I was then; he probably isn't either. I'm not expecting to become friends out of a single cup of coffee, but it would be nice to know that he's doing well."

The soft bubbling sound of James' chugging his beer was background noise to the beating of my heart. "It's not like I actually have time for a boyfriend anyway, James. The school," where Jasper had also sent roses, "can't afford to keep me much longer with all the budget cuts. I'll probably be moving to the Chicago area to look for a new job." My parents were looking into the suburbs anyway. It would be nice to stay close to them.

He nodded, let out a rather rude belch, and sat up to spin the bottle cap on the table. "And this Jasper lives in Rockford, so what's the difference? He's driving over an hour to come see you. That means he wants something besides just catching up, or he'd have done so at dinner and gotten out of your life, again." It would have done no use to argue that Jasper works in Madison, so I held my tongue. I was halfway down the hall, ignoring my roommate, when he called after me, "Ya know, at least with Jake, he was honest about his intentions; he wanted a fuck when he was horny and a body in his bed when it was cold out. This guy is going to hurt you, Edward. You've only had two, maybe three if you didn't tell me, dicks up your ass. I think it's time you go find someone new. Jake's occupied, and even if I drank enough to not care whom I was fucking, you'd never let me, so it's time to get you laid. Jake's tried for months, Dem tried to hook you up with this cowboy-turned-sort-of-ex, and well, I think you should at least ride the cowboy again so you can get some. Then, we'll doll you all up in some leather, eye liner, boots, and a silky shirt, and you'll find a dozen or more men all willing to make you their boy toy. You can have your pick of the world, Edward, if you just open your eyes."

0o0o0oo0o0o0

My eyes were barely open as I sipped my coffee. I had been up until after three convincing myself I shouldn't go. My brain was still playing some grand soundtrack of my heart's demise as I showered, shaved, put on the black dress shirt over a white undershirt, pulled on a nicer pair of jeans, and my favorite Oxfords. By the time I was in my favorite booth at the back of the coffee shop, my heartbeat was so loud my nay-saying thoughts were drowned out completely.

"There you are!" I choked into my mug as Jasper jogged up the three steps and slid into my booth. I hadn't even heard the bell above the door. "You look nice." His hand jutted out across the table and dropped a flower in front of me. "It's a hot chocolate calla lily, or so Alice tells me. It was pretty and I thought you'd like it. She didn't have enough to fill your home with, so I had to make do with roses. I hope you liked them; you didn't call to say anything."

"I...um..." I was speechless. "Thank you." My whispered reply earned a soft smile. "James was amused by the flowers, as well as your notes."

The sparkle in his eyes dampened a bit. "James?" The cocky smile fell as well. This was too much fun so I continued down the path his thoughts had gone.

"Yes, we live together; we have for years. He was at work when your florist manhandled her way into our home and set up a mini greenhouse in the living room. They were quite pretty, but I'm not much into flowers, unless they're part of the botanical garden. I prefer things not be killed solely for my enjoyment."

His lips curved into a Cheshire Cat grin. "So, you did enjoy them."

My lower lip stung as I sucked it back between my teeth and bit down to prevent a shy smile. When I had my response under control, I lifted my eyes to his. "You obviously wanted us to have a chance to talk and catch up, so I have provided it. How have you been?"

Jasper held up his finger and slid out of the booth. His long legs looked endless as he strode across the room to the pick-up counter. While he flashed a smile at the barista and tucked a dollar or two into the tip jar, I smelled the delicate fragrance of the blossom he'd brought me, and did my best to hide my pleasure in the small act. This single flower meant more than all the roses. Jasper came back, carrying a tray with breakfast sandwiches, his coffee, as well as a sealed carafe. "Here, eat. You're too thin."

I shrugged as a plate was pushed across to me. "I eat enough."

"James should feed you more then." He bit into the croissant, and buttery flakes of dough soon littered his shirt and the table. "It's his duty and shit. You take care of each other."

I'd played the unwitting game for long enough. "Do you make sure your roommate is eating? The only time James cares if I'm eating is if he wants me to cover his half of our rent until his check clears."

"Actually, I do have to make sure Laurent eats. Otherwise, he'd think coffee was breakfast, a Diet Coke and a handful of chips was lunch, and a slice of cold pizza is supper. I try to leave food out where he'll find it before I head to work." Jasper went quiet as he took another bite of sandwich and then sipped his coffee. "He's the musician who played the street party venue, Laurent I mean. We've been roommates since Alistair and I parted ways. I needed someone to pay utilities while I finished up the last of my schooling. My loft was already paid for," he added as an afterthought.

We talked a bit about our jobs, mine as a music teacher and his as a professor and researcher. Things were as easy as they had ever been before that one day. We seemed to just fall in step with one another. Conversation ebbed and flowed around eating, drinking, and even as I put my notebooks and graded homework back into my bag and followed Jasper down State Street. The day was cool, with autumn finally making its presence known, and regret wormed its way down to my hands as the wind chilled them. A heated squeeze claimed my right fingers and Jasper grinned. "It's a bit cooler than I expected; let's go in to Shakti to warm up."

He didn't let go of my hand, and even pulled me into the sweetly oppressive air of the shop. When I fidgeted in an attempt to get free, Jasper clung tighter. "Are you trying to get away from me, Edward?" The husky tone he used made me feel like I was looking into the eyes of a panther on the prowl. "Do you want to get away?"

No, I don't. "You don't actually have me, so there's nothing to get away from." My words ached with my lie. He'd already caught me in his web.

Jasper turned, his eyes narrowing as he looked into my eyes. "I don't know what you've been through since high school, but I know that I have never once forgotten you, Edward. Every guy I've been with has been me trying to make up for however I fucked up things between us."

I pulled my hand away, my skin burning and bones rebelling as he tried to keep me there. "However? Really, Jasper?" I moved up closer so we were nose to nose. My whisper hung in the air, drifting on the incense. "You fucked me and then pulled away once you were done, as if I was something dirty. It was my first time, Jasper, and I was used as you tried to figure out if you were into guys, girls, or both. So, however you fucked things up? Seeing as you hadn't managed to figure that out yet, I'll let you keep thinking about it."

Gemstones in the spinning glass case vibrated as I stomped toward the door, and patrons looking at the various bumper stickers gave me dirty looks as Jasper yelled my name. I was in front of Himal Chuli when lean arms wrapped around my chest, stopping me as if I was trying to pull two adults with each step. Heated breath tickled my ear in an intimate caress. "For twelve years, the look in your eyes as I disappointed you has haunted me every time I've made love or just fucked. I was falling in love with you, Edward. I was confused and worried, and had a thousand and one thoughts going through my head, but I never ever was using you."

I was set free long enough to take a step away, and he countered, sprinting to be in front of me. "Dammit, Edward! You. It's always been you." I barely registered stinging pain as he pulled my hair and our lips met.