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Chapter 3

Beauty is something I had always had a weakness for.

It's strange to think that I, one who had never really cared about my outward appearance, seemed to have a strange obsession with anything attractive. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and in most cases, that is true, and I have always been able to seek out and see the beauty in everything; the beauty of fine clothes as a child, and hand-made toys, and the colours in my bedroom. When I was older, the beauty in the landscape, the waves on the sea, the sun meeting the horizon, the rolling hills spreading ubiquitously into the distance and then of course, Angelique, and her beautiful body and sharp face. Then Josette and the purest form of beauty she practically radiated in her smile, and eyes, and golden hair. After I suffered my hideous fate, I lost that sense for years. I had lost all faith in good and humanity when I was locked in that box, but it was something that never completely abandoned you, and when back at Collinwood, it all came flooding back.

Sometimes you do need to look closely to see something's value. Though dilapidated, Collinwood was still beautiful and after 196 years, it had possibly never looked more magnificent. And maybe it was the pure elation of feeling finally free that made me admit to myself that probably every woman I'd come across in my old home, apart from dear Mrs Johnson of course, was indeed beautiful. It was undeniable and unsurprising that I found Victoria beautiful, being the spitting image of Josette and with her pretty pale face and pristine outlook, it was something so innocent and honest I couldn't ignore it. Then there was Dr Hoffman, who (I'm afraid I can't lie) had quite the interesting look, but not unattractive, although it was obvious she wasn't bothered about how others perceived her, but her natural beauty showed through at some moments, when she wasn't drunk or complaining, which wasn't very often actually. And of course, Elizabeth. I was still trying to decide where I stood on account of Elizabeth, she was welcoming, and warm-hearted, and yes, she was beautiful, but she wasn't without a certain fieriness that I certainly admired. In fact, as women go, I could think of no one better to head up the Collins family, but if she wasn't a distant relative, then what would I think of her? Would I still admire her? Of course. Would I think her beautiful? Undoubtedly. Would I, perhaps, find her attractive?

Anyway I'm getting off the point.

As per my weakness for beauty, I decided to get the whole family involved in refurbishing the house to be exactly as it was in my day. They seemed mostly enthusiastic, they probably just wanted better conditions to live in, as when it actually came to getting started, I didn't have a great deal of help at first, but within a few days, renovations were well under way.

It was on such a day that I found myself stood in one of the ancient and untouched room of the East Wing, a music room that Elizabeth said she hadn't entered for decades. It was really quite a splendid room, I remember watching it being built, and it was a shame for it to slowly crumble as it had. I was contemplating what to do with it when I heard the door creak open.

"Victoria!" I said, smiling as she walked, in her usual subdued manner, into the room.

"Hey Barnabus, I was looking for you. I'm afraid Elizabeth's getting a bit stressed because Roger is apparently 'impeding the work of the decorators'. Either way, there was too much shouting, and you're usually so quiet."

I smiled at this, tensions had indeed been running high recently and with Elizabeth running the operation, it was no wonder she took it out on Roger who, to be frank, was less than useless at the moment.

"I am honoured by your presence, madam, and nothing would give me more pleasure than to converse with you."

She blushed lightly at this and smiled. Odd, I received that smile a lot these days, like there was some humorous joke I was missing. I assumed it had something to do with my way of talking...

"Where exactly are you from?" she said, trying to smother her giggles.

"Liverpool in England..." I had to stop myself from informing her that I had then moved here, and that this was my parent's house.

"What's it like in England?" She asked, moving to sit down on the dusty couch.

"In Liverpool, it was rather filthy. Vile place, it was. I was glad to leave. But in other part of the country, it is really quite beautiful, rugged and a little rough around the edges, of course, but beautiful none the less."

She looked rather mesmerised, and her wide eyes, so like that of dear Josette, seemed to urge me on.

"It is a highly rural place. Outside the cities there is effectively nothing. And, if one doesn't mind the rain, it is the ideal spot for quiet contemplation and thought. It is a great conductor of creativity, the English countryside, yet it is easier to build a business empire here in America, with more people and space. I would of course like to return to my homeland someday though."

"I would love to go myself," said Josette, I mean...erm...Victoria "New York was too big and scary for someone like me. But I can imagine England would be scary too...if I went alone..."

"Well if I ever get the opportunity, I shall escort you there myself, madam."

Her face lit up with a luminescent smile. I had obviously said the right thing. The whole act of conversing with her was rather surreal to me. It was like talking to my long lost love, only I didn't feel the same glow in my heart as I had done when in the presence of Josette. I do not doubt that Victoria would make a highly suitable partner, but that moment, I had an odd craving for excitement, for something different from the quiet and restrained personality of this creature. Not to mention how young she was, highly inappropriate age-wise.

Despite this, we sat and spoke pleasantly for a while. Her knowledge was limited, as though she'd been absent from the world, but she was so eager to learn I told her everything she asked. It was strange, I had lived too many years and she had lived too few. I knew so much from experience and she had hardly any. Still, she was a delightful woman in manner and character, if slightly bland, but I liked that in a woman. She certainly seemed taken with me, which I was rather smug about, and we had several things in common.

Yes, I could certainly live under the same roof as this girl. Whether I would feel the drive to try and re-kindle a lost love with my deceased wife's doppelganger was not apparent at that time.

After the workmen came in to inspect the room, Victoria left in search of David and Elizabeth entered to discuss what we were doing with the room. She looked rather exasperated, her usually pristine blonde curls had gained some extra volume and her blue eyes danced with fire. She was breathing heavily, probably regaining her breath after arguing with her brother over something or other. She stammered slightly as she tried to keep her temper in check.

"S-so," she swallowed "What's your plan for this room?" She crossed her arms over her chest and scanned the room, analysing every feature.

"Well it could do with some midnight blue on that wall-"

"DON'T TOUCH THAT! It's an antique! That is hand crafted mahogany!" she chided as a workman sat down on a chair that we had brought over from Liverpool with us. He bolted upright immediately and shifted awkwardly, as if looking for something to do.

She sighed again.

"I'm sorry, Barnabus. What were you saying?"

"Are you alright, madam?"

She gave a shaky laugh.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just a bit...agitated. No one is actually doing what I asked them to and it's as though everyone is just...against me today. It's probably just because this is the house of your parents and I just want everything to be perfect and if someone messes something up I'll blame myself and-"

"Elizabeth," I said, turning her to face me "Everything will be fine. There is no need to worry, I will oversee things this afternoon, go and calm down. You have been working admirably for days now and it's obviously getting to you."

She looked rather relieved and sighed again. Raising a slender hand to her face, she brushed a curl from her eyes and rubbed her brow.

"Maybe I am wound a bit tightly at the moment. I'm sorry, Barnabus, it's just you and Victoria and David and Angie and so much has changed. A household this big will certainly take some getting used to."

"You are doing phenomenally well at the moment, my dear, and we are all thankful. Now, go and sit down, leave this to me. If I make a mistake, I give you my express permissions to scold me afterwards."

She smiled at me and laughed quietly. Giving the room a quick last scan before admitting defeat, she turned to leave.

"Thank you, Barnabus. You're a life-saver."

As I watched her leave, my only thought was "Oh, if only you knew, I am quite the contrary, my dear."