Jasper feels his return to normalcy and he feels a rush of fear as he looks at the cell. "No," he whispers to himself as he sees the remains lying in the corner. "NO!" he roars, backing himself as far back as possible into the corner. He wishes that he could cry, he wishes that the sadness he's feeling could leave his body some way – that he wouldn't have to hold inside what he's done. He wants to die, he knows it the second he identifies the pieces of the mangled body in the cell with him. "Alice…" he shivers as he whispers her name softly. "Alice, I'm so sorry…"
"Well look who's back," one of the beings who forced him into this approaches the cell.
"You," Jasper grabs the bars, snarling at the being. "You did this!"
"No, Hale," the being shakes his head. "I believe that you did this."
"You made me do it!" Jasper glares. Usually he's calm, collected, but now malice is pouring through him. "This wouldn't have happened if you – WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!"
"I've gotten it," the being shrugs. "You're free to go."
"What?" Jasper is confused as the door to his cell opens. Two of the masked beings wrench his arms behind his back, dragging him from the cell. "What are you doing?" he struggles against them, not sure of what they'll make him do next…and he really, really doesn't want to hurt anybody else.
"We're letting you go," the being shrugs as they drag Jasper up the stairs. "So I suggest you be kinder to us."
"You made me kill Alice," Jasper seethes. "I'll never be kind to you."
"We'll see," they shove Jasper out into the snow. "Now get out of here before we make you kill someone else."
"Fine," Jasper begins to run. He's halfway home before he stops. He can't go back there.
I killed Alice, he thinks, his heart racing. His head is spinning, and more than anything he wants to feel sick – he's disgusted by what he has done and he wants to feel it. I can't go home, I can't face them, he shakes his head. They'll find you, Jasper, you know that they will. He closes his eyes, he wants the voices to leave his lead, he wants to be able to think freely, clearly, but his mind is crippled with contrasting thoughts.
"Why?" he falls to his knees, sinking deep into the snow. "Why kill her and spare me?" he shouts. He doesn't believe in god, he never has and he never will, but right now if feels good to have someone to blame for everything. He doesn't fear eternal damnation because he's already living it. "How can you be so cruel?" he screams his question. ""People praise you constantly and all that you do is cause pain and suffering!" His breathing is ragged and he still wants to cry, but his screams don't make him any more human and he is still unable to produce the tears he so gravely longs for. "All I do is cause pain and suffering," he whispers.
He doesn't know how long he stays on his knees in the snow, it does not impact him physically, it can't because he is already ice cold. He doesn't remember killing Alice, he doesn't recall tearing her body limb from limb, the last thing that he remembers is biting Jacob, killing Jacob? But he knows that he killed Alice, he knows that it was him because it's there in his mind, weighing prevalent on his conscience. I should have been stronger, he thinks to himself. Carlisle – Edward, even Emmett would have been able to restrain themselves. Now Jasper is just trying to make himself feel more guilt – he knows the power of werewolf's blood, he knows that no vampire can resist the side effects of the blood: not himself, not Carlisle, not Emmett, not Edwards – not anyone.
"What do I do now?" he whispers softly. "Where am I supposed to go? I can't go back." He squeezes his eyes shut. You can't hide from them, Jasper, he thinks. They will find you, and when they do, you won't be able to lie to them – you won't be able to hide anything, Edward will know, Edward always knows…the only way to avoid that is to not think about what you've done, and that's impossible. He shivers – not because he's feeling the cold, but because he is feeling fear; he's alone, he's confused, and worst of all, he's a murderer.
Even if they understand, even if they know that I couldn't control myself, even if they tell me that it's alright, I'll still be able to feel their emotions, their disappointment, anger, hatred… Jasper shakes his head. There is no going back, he has lost his place in the Cullen family, he is on his own now, and he can only think of one place that he can go where the Cullen's will not find him - the Quileute reservation. If he hides there, the Cullen's won't find him – they aren't allowed to go onto the Quileute land, then again, neither is Jasper. If the Quileute find him, they will spare him no mercy, he killed Jacob, didn't he? They will rip him to pieces and Jasper can not help but think how much he wants that – to fall subject to the same fate as Alice. No, he thinks. No matter what happens, you will never feel as Alice did, and he's right about that, because even if the Quileute tear him to shreds, he will not be dying at the hands of someone whom he loves – someone who is supposed to love him.
Slowly, Jasper gets to his feet. He wonders, as he moves towards the reservation, how long he will be able to hide on the land before he is discovered and destroyed. He thinks that if he careful and stays hidden well that he might be able to last a few days, maybe a week. He expects to be found at some point, he knows that it is inevitable, but what he doesn't expect is to be found by Jacob.