It was a moment she rarely experienced, being in Elliot's arms. But, today… today… Olivia made the conscious decision of opening up to his warmth. His warmth. It had been everything she had craved since that night over a year ago. She needed his warmth. When Lewis had been holding her hostage in her apartment, she had hoped and begged for Elliot to show up at her doorstep. She knew it was farfetched, but she refused to bury the desire.
She had just spent an unlimited amount of time praying for his presence, not necessarily for this particular moment, but in general. Olivia never expected to return to the waiting room to discover him. In her mission to retreat from ICU, Olivia was desperate for a sign of comfort. She suspected it would be from Fin or from Brian. She never expected to make eye contact with Elliot Stabler; but, currently, she literally stands corrected.
Her arms are constricting. He can feel her hands grasping a strong, unbreakable hold to the back of his shirt. He doesn't know when it happened, but her hands eventually slid from her face and wrapped around his body. Standing to the left of the waiting room doorway, Elliot maintains a strong clasp around a weakened Olivia Benson. He had expected a fight. He had expected her to push him away. When he saw her turn towards the hallway after spotting him, he immediately rose. He was not going to let her run. He came down here for a reason. He had heard the words on the other end of the phone conversation clearly and allowed no doubt to pass through his mind. He immediately rushed to be with her, only hoping she would allow him to comfort in this particular way. He knew he was selfish. He wanted nothing more in this world than to hold her and he was thanking God for allowing the opportunity to arise. But, Cragen had just passed and Olivia was truly hurting. He could feel her pain, the grief, in her grasp and in her sobs knocking into his chest. He wanted nothing in this moment other than to comfort her fully, to take her pain and sorrow away completely, and replace it with the love and respect she rightfully deserves. He begins to slowly sway the two. It's a soothing mechanism. He did it to all his children, but he knows Olivia is no child. She's a grown adult. Allowing one arm to leave her waist and travel up her back, Elliot reaches her cropped hair and begins to thread his fingers through the tresses. Lowering his head to her shoulder, Elliot turns his head so his mouth meets her left ear. And there it was, his voice. A voice she had missed, a voice of comfort. Whispering declarations of her safety and his presence, Elliot continues his ministrations through her hair and on her lower back. The swaying has continued through habit; it's the ultimate multitask of comfort. Elliot Stabler was comforting Olivia Benson.
Olivia Benson was receiving comfort from Elliot Stabler. Elliot Stabler had his arms wrapped firmly around her. She held him firmly in her grasp. Olivia realized she had no feeling in her fingers because she held onto his shirt, as if it were a lifeline. She was sobbing against his chest. Her head, her face, was nestled firmly in the crook of his neck. He mouth was so close to her ear. He was talking to her, reassuring her. "It's OK. It's OK," he repeated, throwing in the occasional, "I'm here. I got you, Liv, I got you." She reveled in the feeling of him holding her… of holding him. He was a lifeline. His murmurs were nurturing, his hold empowered her, and his swaying soothed her in ways she had never experienced. Elliot Stabler was holding her. Elliot Stabler was comforting her. And then it dawned on her. Elliot Stabler was holding her.
He was only here because he was guilted into it. Finding her bearings, Olivia unclenched her hold on his shirt and quickly brought her arms to the front of Elliot's chest. Raising her head and pushing the man away, Olivia physically retreated from his presence. Her face said it all. She couldn't hide it from him, no matter how hard she tried. He was always capable of reading her like a book. She was always capable of reading him like a book. Instantly noticing her discomfort, Elliot realizes he had been selfish. He should have known she would only allow him to hold her for so long before she came to her senses.
"Liv…." Elliot started, but Olivia interrupted him. "Cragen told me he had you called." Knitting his eyebrows together, Elliot shakes his head in confusion. "What? No. Cragen didn't call me." "Then who told you to come down here?" "I called him." She heard over Elliot's right shoulder. Peering around her former partner, she sees the stoic and unwavering expression on Fin's face. "You called him?" She asks. "Yes." Refusing to venture further down that road in fear of Olivia exploding, Fin turns his gaze away from the pair of eyes attempting to bore holes through his body. Noticing Fin's attention will never return to her, Olivia drops her gaze back to the face of the man before her. Inhaling sharping and instantly kicking herself over the action, Olivia feels herself begin to waver. His scent. She can smell him. It's a smell unlike any other. He's not wearing any cologne or aftershave. All she can smell is just him.
No, no. Stopping herself, Olivia straightens her stance once again and braces herself for battle. "I… I need to go." Before Elliot can react, she's swung the door open and has made her way throughout the hallway, heading for the main exit. Elliot is practically in a sprint to catch up with her. He gets to her just before she reaches the sliding glass doors. Grabbing her elbow and jerking her back to him, Elliot calls out to her.
"Liv!" Avoiding his gaze, Olivia keeps her focus on her shoes and answers him. "Elliot, I can't do this. I shouldn't be doing this." "What? Why?" "You know why Elliot!" "No! I don't Liv! So, you should tell me!" "This isn't us! We don't do this! I don't do this!" "Olivia…." Elliot starts but is interrupted by the Chief of Detectives. "Sergeant Benson, I want to send my condolences," Chief Muldrew states while extending his arm to Olivia. Taking in the appearance of the once partnered pair, Chief Muldrew continues, "Cragen had the hospital contact me. He had me retrieve his living will and testament. And he wanted to discuss the future, more importantly your future before he was wheeled into surgery." Glancing towards the woman beside him, Elliot acknowledges the fear etched on her face. Deciding to speak for her, Elliot asks, "Which is?" Turning to the retired detective, Chief Muldrew decides to venture into business in the lobby of the hospital. "I was going to order you to my office in the morning, but seeing the circumstances…." Sighing the Chief continues, "Cragen believes you are the best possible replacement. I realized you haven't even been sworn in as Sergeant yet, but Cragen's been on my case about this for years." "Sir…" Olivia attempts to interrupt, but fails. Chief Muldrew holds up a flat hand to stop the Sergeant before him. "Lt. Howard from Bronx Narcotics is up for promotion of captain. Instead of taking a lateral into SVU and then stepping into captain, she's agreed to be an interim captain at the 16th and to help prepare you for the lieutenant's exam and duties. Then she will train you to step into running the unit."
Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. Cragen had eyed her for being captain for years and had convinced the Chief of Detectives she was the best choice. And now, here stood Chief Muldrew before her, practically stating she had no other option. They even brought in a lieutenant whom she had admired her entire career. Olivia couldn't breath. Her focus was beginning to tunnel again. She had just witnessed the death of her captain. Her former partner has stepped back into her life and her Chief was telling her that her future had already been written.
He saw it. Elliot saw it. Olivia was on the verge of panicking. Stepping forward and attaching a gentle palm to her lower back, Elliot speaks for his silenced partner…. for his former partner. "Chief, can she have some time to take this all in? Decide if this is the path she wants to take?" Nodding in agreement, Chief Muldrew steps forward and lays a hand on Olivia's shoulder. "The hospital should be contacting you about funeral arrangements. Cragen wanted you to handle those as well. The City will be paying for the service. Just pick the funeral home, casket, and other details and we'll take care of the payment. An attorney should be contacting you as well." At that, Chief Muldrew departs from the pair and abandons the hospital.
Olivia can't talk. She can't even move. She feels Elliot's hand on her shoulder and hears his words that only come across as mumbles. She works up enough strength to tilt her head to look down at his hand on her shoulder. She raises her gaze to meet his eyes once again and she has to fight back the tears. Swallowing to clear her throat, she decides to speak. "What did you say?" She asks Elliot. "I asked if I could take you home." Shaking her head no, she adds, "I don't think that would be a good idea." "Liv, I don't care about you living with Cassidy, you're in no state to drive. Just let me help you." It wasn't a complete lie. She wasn't in any state to drive, but he did care about her sharing a home and a life with Cassidy. He cared about it a lot, actually. She deserved better. He knew she was settling. She had even once stated to him that she was comfortable with Cassidy. Of course, this conversation was at the beginning of the relationship. Seriousness and commitment was the furthest from her mind. But, things clearly change. Elliot is severely aware things have changed regarding Cassidy because of his actions and he needed to explain. He wanted to explain, but now was far from the appropriate time.
Bringing his attention to Olivia's current state, he knows she's pondering his offer. "Come on, Liv. I'll drive your car to your apartment and I'll catch a cab back here to grab my car."
"Oh, Sergeant, I'm glad I caught you! I need to know of the funeral home to release Mr. Cragen's body," Dr. Charles called from the long hallway. Noticing the tension between Olivia and Elliot, Dr. Charles abruptly stops her movements. "Captain Cragen." "Of course, Sergeant. Have you thought of a funeral home?" Turning to Olivia, Elliot decides to step in and offer his opinion. "I can have Fin call Melinda to see if she can hold Cragen's body until we pick a funeral home." Removing her eyes from the doctor, Olivia sharply turns her head at one defining word. Noticing she fully took in his statement, Elliot can't help but release a chuckle. "Liv, I'm going to help you with his funeral. I meant it when I said we." "No." "Liv." "Send Cragen to Frank E. Campbell Funeral Chapel over on Madison." "Will do, Sergeant. Do you want the funeral director to contact you or Mr. Stabler?" Dr. Charles asked. Olivia opened her mouth to respond, but Elliot beat her in answering the doctor. "Have them call me." Nodding, Dr. Charles turned and left the two to their privacy. Keeping her head raised, but avoiding eye contact with Elliot, Olivia explains her answer. "That's the funeral home where my mom's services were held. They were caring and professional." "I remember. They'll do Cragen justice. Besides, they're large enough to hold his services." Elliot responds. "Come on, Liv. Let's get you home." "Fine, but you're not driving my car." Elliot chuckles his concedement and escorts Olivia to his awaiting vehicle.
"Elliot, I don't think that's a good idea." "Olivia, I will walk you to your door." Refusing to argue with the man before her, Olivia only hopes Brian isn't home. She's too tired for his possible reaction at seeing Elliot appear at the front door with her. She knows he won't approve of allowing Elliot to drive her home, but he could have done it himself. It's not like she hadn't called him. She had called him 14 times to be exact and each one was sent to voicemail. He was ignoring her and she didn't understand why. In the elevator ride to her floor, she could feel her blood boil. She was mad at Brian, she was mad at her own self for allowing Elliot back in this quickly, and mad at Elliot for having the audacity to think he could just waltz back into her life as if nothing was wrong. Exiting the elevator and striding towards her door, she was preparing her plan of attack. If Brian was going to overreact to Elliot's presence, she was going to turn this into a full battle. Besides, she was still angry at his actions from the night before.
Sliding the key into the locks, Olivia opens her apartment door up to Elliot. Knowing he had followed her in, she quickly scopes the apartment for Brian's presence and can hear the shower running. Oh, this is going to be a lovely surprise. "Look, Liv, I know you're uncomfortable. Let me head out before Brian walks in here." "No, please stay. We need to plan Cragen's funeral anyway." Turning her back to Elliot and walking towards the wine rack, Olivia opens a cabinet and places a wine glass onto the counter. Pouring the glass of chardonnay, she speaks. Elliot barely hears her, but he can make out the desperation in her tone. "I need your help." "Yeah, yeah, sure. You got it. I'll help ya." "Would you like a glass of wine?" "Uh, yeah, sure." "Wait," Olivia quickly adds and turns to the refrigerator. Opening the door and reaching into the bottom shelf, Olivia bends over to retrieve a beer, Elliot's drink of choice. Elliot can't help but stare. Olivia's backside, aside from Olivia's entire being, has always been one of his weaknesses. Fin was even aware of the fact and had called him on it multiple times. Noticing her posture straightening out, Elliot tears his gaze from her ass and pulls his eyes to her face. Turning around to face Elliot and letting the fridge door shut with a thud, Olivia offers up the beer. Elliot looks down to retrieve the offering and smiles. It's his favorite beer. It's a Pabst Blue Ribbon. Olivia used to mock him for his top choice of beer, stating PBR is the cheapest of tastes. But now she has PBR stocked in her fridge. He cracks the can open and takes a drag. Making eye contact, Elliot smiles behind the beer.
The two share a content smile while failing to notice Brian enter the living room. Staring into the kitchen, Brian feels his blood pressure instantly rise. "What's he doing here?" Olivia was so caught off-guard by Brian's presence and statement, she allows her wine glass to slip from her hands and shatter on the floor. Quickly setting his beer on the counter, Elliot bends to begin containing the glass shards. Staring at Brian, Olivia has yet to state a word. "Well? What's Stabler doing here?" From the floor Elliot offers up the reasoning for his appearance. "I'm here to help Liv plan Cragen's funeral." "Cragen died?" "Yeah. A couple hours ago," Olivia finally speaks and instantly turns her back to Brian in an effort to conceal her tears. Bending down to the cabinet under the sink, Olivia retrieves a handheld broom and dustpan. "Here. Let me." She states as she turns to the crash site to help Elliot. "No, Liv, I got it. Go pull up the funeral home's website and we can start looking at caskets." "Okay," Olivia says and steps over the glass with ease and ventures to the other side of the kitchen counter to the barstools.
Walking up behind her, Brian drapes his left arm over Olivia's shoulders and stands to her right. Brian leans in to place a kiss to her head and Olivia jerks her head away. Brian can't help it. "Oh, so because he's here I can't kiss you." "That's not it, Brian." "Oh, yeah? What is it then, huh?" "I just…." "You just what? Huh, Liv?" Finally turning the chair and her body towards him, Olivia asks, "Brian, why are you so upset?" "Seriously, Liv? You don't know?" "Is it because of Elliot? He's here to help with Cragen's funeral?" "No, Liv." Brian responds and then turns his back to Olivia. Wiping a hand down his face, Brian releases a sigh. "Why'd you get so mad at me last night?" That was it. Game on.
Picking up Elliot's abandoned PBR, Olivia picks it up and shotguns the remaining contents. Hearing the slam of the aluminum can, Elliot makes the conscious decision to stay crouched on the floor of Olivia's kitchen. Turning so swiftly, Olivia knocks the barstool off-balance but it doesn't tip over. Standing her ground and strutting towards Brian, he instantly knows he's crossed the line. She's done and ready to fight.
"You really have no idea what you did wrong?" "No!" "We have not been able to have sex since Lewis…." "Yeah, I'm aware," Brian interrupts. Glaring at him, Olivia refuses to back down. Marching up to him and poking one finger to his chest, Olivia continues her steps, and pushes Brian into the back of the couch. "I said I wanted control. You said I could have control. For the first time in months, I wanted to have sex, but I had to control it. I needed to control it. And you know what you said to me? 'To trust you.' You told me to fucking trust you, Brian! And I did! And it was the biggest mistake I could've made! You abused my trust and quickly took control from me! You ripped my control right out from under me and kept telling me it was OK! Well, you know what? It wasn't OK and it never will be!"
"If you're going to use that one time against me, then I don't think we should continue this. You clearly don't trust me, Olivia! I'm not your precious Elliot fucking Stabler! The bastard can walk in after three years and just lay claim to your life and you let him! Huh? You trust him though? Huh, Liv?" Finding his nerve and his power, Brian begins to back Olivia into the bar at his words. Leaning over her and yelling just as loudly as she did, Brian loses all perception of reality. Noticing her quietness, Elliot quickly stands and takes in her appearance. He knows she's disassociated. It's now his duty to protect her.
"Cassidy! You need to back down!" "Excuse me? And who the fuck do you think you are to step to me in my house?" "I'm her friend! Now, back off!" Turning to look at Olivia, Brian sees the coloring has drained from her face. Backing up, Brian lays a hand onto her left forearm, and he has no time to brace himself. Olivia sent her right arm flying into a hook, connecting with his jaw. Olivia lands multiple hits before she hears Elliot calling out to her. Coming into focus, she sees a bloody and bruised Brian before. She starts to panic, but then it comes to her. She had a flashback. She went back to a place she has been so desperate to forget. Looking Brian straight in the eye, Olivia conveys everything she needs to, but still feels it necessary to verbally relay the message. "I want you out." "Yeah, that's not going to be a problem," Brian quickly adds with a scoff. He retreats to the bedroom and reappears with a packed bag. Olivia doesn't allow herself to ponder on how he packed a bag that quickly. It was as if he had already prepared for this moment. She hears him open the door and with the slam, she knows he's gone.
Olivia stands in her living room for an undetermined amount of time before Elliot speaks. "Liv, come on. Sit down." She obliges. The two sit in silence for several minutes and then Olivia speaks. Clearly her throat, she prepares her voice to relay her greatest concern to the man sitting beside her. "El?" "Yeah?" "Where do I go from here?" Not being able to grant Olivia with a truthful answer, he does what he trusts best. He places his left arm around Olivia's shoulders and pulls her into his left side. As soon as her head is nestled at his shoulder, Olivia allows her tears to fall once again. Needing further comfort, Olivia's right hand reaches for Elliot's right. Acknowledging her need, Elliot takes the liberty to entwine their fingers. He turns his head and places a gentle kiss the to top of her head, only to hear her mumbled, "We shouldn't be doing this? We haven't talked about anything." "I know. We'll talk. Let me help you for now." Nodding, Olivia allows his embrace to tighten. It's a comfort they both hope to last, but know the road will only be long and rugged.