Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.
A/N: Hey guys, here's another chapter for this little fic. I had actually planned to post them a day apart but my birthday was Thursday and lots of festivities caused delays. I'm still counting this as my birthday weekend so here's the 3rd chapter as a present to all of you and here's to being 25.
Beckett doesn't get to see him that first night. By the time he's out of surgery, it's past visiting hours and Alexis and Martha are the first to see him. She stands out of the way; she waits in the designated area. She sleeps - what little she can - in a position that has her ribs burning and she deals with the pain lancing through her just so she can be there for him bright and early.
It's not really bright yet when she finds her way into his hospital room but the sky is lightening up just enough to outline him in gray. Or maybe he's just that pale. Her hip pops when she takes the first step toward the bed, she grits her teeth and takes another. The limp isn't permanent but it's still a nuisance. The throb will probably fade without any lasting pain but Castle…he isn't as lucky.
His hand…crushed. It's heavily bandaged. Her eyes linger on it as she steps up next to him. He's sleeping, breathing softly and she drops into the chair knowing Alexis or Martha pulled it next to the bed and they're probably on their way back from the cafeteria. She doubts they went far but she wants just a few moments alone.
You want more than a few.
She does. The voice in the back of her mind is right. She wants more than stolen glances and accidental touches. She wants more than the hesitance she feels reaching for his bandage-free hand. Her lips part when his tighten and his name rolls off her tongue.
"Castle," she whispers and then huffs out a laugh, wincing as the cut on her lip pulls. "Why am I whispering…"
It hits her when she leans closer and has to breathe in heavily, she should be in a bed right next to him. Between the discomfort her ribs cause with each small move and the twinge of her hip reminding her of the escape, she knows she should at least be at home taking it easy. Yet, she can't bring herself to leave him.
Instead, her fingers slide over the back of his hand, curl under to give a squeeze. He squeezes back and she watches as his eyes struggle to open. Only one completes the task, the other too swollen and her chest tightens. She didn't leave him by choice but she still left him there alone. She doesn't know what they did to him.
And so much like their partnership, she doesn't know how to fix this.
"Hey, Castle." Her thumb stokes over his knuckle, just as softly as she speaks.
"Hey."
"Nice shiner. Makes you look rugged." The smile they share is weak and she bites the inside of her cheek when he exhales slowly.
"You okay?"
"I'm not the one wearing the hospital gown. I'm fine." Except for the ribs, the bandaged wrists and the aches from various parts of her body. The bruising on her cheek is also a reminder of what they went through and most likely the reason he's staring. "But you -"
"Already got the rundown. I'll be fine too."
It's a lie. One she sees right through because she just told the same one. She got out and he didn't. He was tortured and she was supposed to be blown to pieces. Now they're here and she doesn't even know what to say to him.
"Castle, I watched them take turns hurting you and I couldn't do anything to help."
"You found me." His lips tug upward and something calms in his gaze. Something that's been brewing for weeks. "They told me you would burn, I remember that part."
He's leaving things out and she doesn't know if he doesn't actually remember or if he's heavily medicated and just confused. By the way he swallows and the twitch of his hand beneath hers, she'll bet he remembers more than he's admitted to anyone.
"Almost did. The building was rigged to blow, every exit point but they forgot the ventilation shaft." The ache in her hip flares as if she needs a reminder of the crawling, the wrong turns, the desperation to get out and the drop she endured to be free.
Her name leaves his lips the same time his leaves hers and this time her smile is genuine when she nods at him to go ahead. He grows quiet instead, his mouth closes and he looks down at their hands - at her hand still clinging to his. If his face wasn't a swollen red and purple mess, she's pretty sure he would be frowning.
"Kate," he murmurs and pauses. He's the writer with the words but for once she steals them. She interrupts because she lied, she lied and she can't be polite and let him go first this time.
"I need to talk and I think you should listen." She just wants him to listen and she wants him back. She wants her partner when he heals. "I didn't know if we would find you in time and I need to say this before I…before I talk myself out of it."
She pulls her hand away from his to wipe her palms against her thighs as she ducks her head and tries to calm her racing heart and nervous stomach.
"You okay?" he asks once more and she feels the tug in her chest.
"You've asked three times and I should be the one asking you. I'm okay, Castle but I have to be honest…my therapist is in for it." She holds her breath as the words echo in her head and for a moment she wonders if she really said them aloud. But then he's shifting in the bed, wincing in pain and she knows she did. "I've been trying to move past that day, trying to accept everything that happened."
"Everything?"
"Yeah. I lied to you and I think maybe you suspected." She looks at him, really looks and waits for the fallout. It doesn't come.
"I know." That's when she realizes that it already has and her stomach twists. She waited, she waited and he's been tortured for days. This is the wrong time to be having serious conversations.
She reaches for his hand again and this time he turns his until their palms kiss.
"I'll stay until Alexis and Martha get back. We can continue this once you're out of here?"
He could say no. They haven't been on the greatest of terms. She won't be surprised if he doesn't want to talk. Then again, he's always one to surprise her and the brief nod he gives loosens the knots in her stomach.