Bonnie laid his head against the headrest of his bed as he read over lyrics to a song he was writing. He was listening to miscellaneous favourite songs of his as he did so, reading and re-reading with the riffs of those songs in the back to see what style fit best. He usually did this type of thing when he couldn't decide by himself what it was going to be.
But he couldn't help but start singing along to the songs. He had no idea what was going on outside of his own little world, and he was happy. He didn't have to deal with his feelings towards Madelyn and only had to think about what he was writing or listening to.
His listening session was interrupted by his text tone. He reached for his phone in his pocket, and upon viewing the text he threw his journal on the table halfway across the room. He hastily stepped out of the room and down the hallway. The text got his blood going and he was a bit fearful. It was sudden and short.
He knocked on the door and Madelyn stepped out, shutting the door behind her and pressing her back to it. He grabbed her hand and lightly tugged on her to bring her closer.
"Are you alright?" he asked her, placing his hands on her shoulders.
"Yeah, I'm fine. He was just getting a little too handsy and I didn't appreciate it. I'm not sure whether or not he was trying to be so pushy, but he just was," Madelyn explained. "It's not common that he will, but it feels like he pushes his limits sometimes. I don't like that about him."
"Then why do you put up with it?"
"Why do you think I texted you? I don't wanna put up with it anymore. When he's not pushing his limits, he can actually be pretty sweet. Usually knows what to say and everything. That and he's like you, in the fact that I'm afraid I'd lose him as a friend if I were a bit too harsh on him."
"You need to find what you want. Freddy will be just fine no matter what choice you make. He has a thick skin, things between you more than likely won't change."
"He doesn't really have thick skin as he'd have you believe. There are many things that get to him even if he doesn't show it. It's another situation where I'm a little afraid of what he'll do to himself as if I were too harsh on him it would push him to the edge."
"Looking from the outside, I'd say I understand. But when did I break down last?"
"Months ago… Do you really think he'll be okay?"
"I'm sure of it. And if you're still unsure, you can talk to him later when things cool off."
"That's not a bad idea, Bonnie. I'll talk to him about that later. About how that's why the reason we just couldn't be."
"Has he forced you into anything?"
"Not yet, but I feel like it would've headed that way had I not gotten your attention and used you as an excuse to get out. Hey, is it alright if we start sleeping together again? I just don't like the thought of not having someone there with me."
Bonnie smiled. "Of course. I know exactly how you feel. You get used to it, and then it goes away so suddenly and it doesn't feel right."
"I'm a little worried about him, but I think he'll be fine at least for the night."
"Well, for now, we both need sleep, and you can't sleep standing around here. Well, at least not comfortably."
Madelyn giggled before reaching for his hand as they wandered back into Bonnie's room. They shared an embrace as they sat on the bed and got back to their routine. Bonnie wasn't too adventurous and merely pecked at her cheek as his hands sat comfortably at her hips. She smiled and pushed him over so he was laying down and she was on top as they embraced again.
He rolled over, pushing Madelyn beside him as they entangled themselves, ready to fall asleep at any moment. Bonnie pulled Madelyn closer and the two grew silent. He kissed her forehead after a slight hesitation. She snuggled up under his chin and he smiled to himself. Throughout their relationship, he felt as though he'd done nothing but meddle. This worried thought slowly brought itself back up. He already felt like he guilt tripped her once and he had been determined to not be the one to tear them apart. He didn't like to meddle as it wasn't his business.
He pondered asking Madelyn what she thought about his actions, and whether they'd informed her decision at all. He wanted his relationship with her to be genuine as it'd been before she left him for Freddy. What kept him sane was the fact that she was totally honest with it, he never had to wonder about it. But now paranoia filled his thoughts.
"Madelyn, I‒ I wanna ask you… did my words or actions inform your decision to leave Freddy?" he asked bluntly.
"Not particularly. You kinda just pointed out things that I had already realised, nothing really all that new. I just kinda realised on my own that I didn't want it."
Bonnie went quiet, his eyes holding a worried expression. He stared blankly at the wall as he remembered watching her leave his room those few months ago. It had been hard to let go, but he knew he had to. He couldn't hold Madelyn forever, no matter how much he desired to. He closed his eyes and pulled her ever closer.
Freddy woke up the next morning alone. He sat up too quickly and felt his head blasted with sharp pain.
"Fuck," he whispered, "what happened last night?"
He knew that there was no one to answer him, as he imagined that he'd gotten dangerously drunk or something last night. He slowly let himself stand and dress. He didn't know if he could handle going out to the bright stage lights, but he was going to force himself anyways.
He stepped into the halls where Bonnie and Madelyn were speaking.
"Y'know sometime ya just gotta let go and put your feelings out on the floor," Bonnie stated. "Hey, Freddy."
"Hey, Bon, what're you two up to?" Freddy asked in reply.
"Just talkin'," Bonnie replied casually.
Madelyn turned around to meet Freddy's face.
"Mornin' Freddy!" she said with a chipper voice. "Even after last night, I hope you're feeling alright."
"Yeah, I'm fine, just have a massive headache," he explained. "I don't remember exactly what happened, heh. But I'm betting it was bad based on the fact that you weren't there this morning."
"Yeah, I didn't feel the safest… But I've been thinking we need to talk. Preferably alone."
"There's nothing you can say to me that you can't say to Bonnie," Freddy told her. "No matter what it is, you don't have to be secretive about it."
"It'd be better if we talked about this in private, trust me. I promise that it would be better."
Bonnie gave Freddy a concerned look, telling him with his expressions to follow what Madelyn said. The brunet began to internally worry about what was to follow, and it showed in his expression. "Al- Alright," he stuttered. If it was this serious he couldn't imagine what it could've been. He'd enjoyed the past few months, and he hoped that whatever happened last night wasn't about to be the last straw. They stepped silently into his room, and Madelyn sat on Freddy's unmade bed.
"This is going to be hard to say," she sighed. "But I know I have to. For my sake and yours. So, it's coming down to picking a side, as I've given both you and Bonnie a chance, right?"
"Yeah," Freddy agreed, knowing exactly where things were going next.
"Well, I've enjoyed these last few months with you no doubt, but I think that we just weren't meant to be. I hate to use the word 'test,' in this context, but this really was just a compatibility test after all. I've been with the two of you for around the same amount of time, and I feel him being more of a pull. I've just been closer with him for longer, loved him for longer even if I hadn't been with him longer. I just can't be with you, and I hope you can understand."
"I- I guess I understand. But, was it something I did? Because if it had to deal with last night, I- we can work through this. I can change whatever it is you want. I don't want to lose you."
"I know you don't. But, I want you to look me in the eyes as I say this. Sometimes things just don't work out, and I think that I'll be in a better place if I'm with Bonnie. As I said, I've known and been closer with him for longer, we've talked a lot more. And if you think that his mental state is what's swaying my decision, then I wouldn't have given this a shot in the first place."
"I wasn't really going to point the finger at him. No matter how much my mind tells me otherwise, I know it's my own fault."
"It's not even your fault. You haven't done too much to push me away. I just enjoyed my time with Bonnie more because I'd always known what was on his mind, always loved him for all the little things he did that everyone hated. Maybe that sounds a bit backwards, but his little quirks always stuck out to me a bit more than anyone else."
"But I can imagine last night must've been a factor. I know he was probably the one who got you out of there while I was none-the-wiser."
"He was, but I knew that was only an extension of his kindness. But hey, this doesn't mean we can't still be friends. I still care about you, and I'm fine if we have conversations now and then. I'm gonna go now, but I just want you to know this comes down to my feelings and where I feel the pull. It's nothing specific to do with you or him."
"Alright then. Guess we'll talk then."
Madelyn stood and walked towards the door. Before opening it, she hesitated a moment before she looked back at Freddy and smiled. He smiled back and said nothing. No matter how much he was going to miss the relationship that they had, he knew it was for the better in the end.
She stepped out, closing the door behind her as he stood. He continued to hold his tears in and they began to burn. But he wouldn't allow himself to cry, because it was her decision at the end of the day. Maybe it wasn't better for his sanity, but it was better for the person he wanted to make happy. If he backed off he knew he'd be doing what he wanted to all along.
He tried to tell himself that things were going to be okay when he knew he wasn't exactly ready to let go. The past few months had been the best he'd ever experienced, and he never wanted it to go away. But Madelyn had made her choice, no matter how much he felt hurt by it. It'd probably hurt Bonnie more when she left him, now that he thought about it.
Who had been there when he rejected Bonnie? Madelyn. Who had been there when he was ready to die, seeing he and Madelyn so happy together? Madelyn. She was always the one who helped him through his toughest times. Freddy was always insistent on relying on himself for strength. That's why he said nothing when he found out about Bonnie and Madelyn becoming an item initially.
It also then occurred to him just how much Bonnie had loved Madelyn. How much he wasn't afraid to show it when he got the opportunity. Those memories rang in his mind, remembering the day that the group had an argument. He hated himself for remembering that only now, as he'd made it obvious just how happy Madelyn had made him.
He also hated himself for having the mindset he did at that moment. Bonnie might've gotten that way because of what he'd said to him, as well as other things. Maybe that night that Bonnie had admitted to him was the night that put him over the edge.
Freddy guessed that now he had Madelyn and he'd be okay. To think the sixteen-year-old kid who walked in over a year and a half ago that Freddy hated for getting the job simply because he was young and stupid was now a close friend of his and someone he cared about. Yeah sure, he'd sorta disliked Bonnie up until this point, but they were still pretty close. Definitely not as close as he'd thought, though.
Meanwhile Bonnie and Madelyn let themselves be alone, but they weren't expressing their love for each other necessarily. Madelyn was feeling still unsure of the situation.
"I'm still not sure if that was the right decision, but I do know that I love you more than I did him," she explained.
"Then you made the right choice," Bonnie assured her. "You chose the one who made your heart feel stronger."
"Well if I'm really, that red-headed waiter was the one who made my heart feel the strongest," Madelyn said jokingly. "Maybe I should go back and flirt with him."
"I mean, if you feel that way," Bonnie said with sincerity. "Things'll suck, but whatever."
"You know I'm joking with you about it."
"Yeah I know, but thinking about if it were to actually happen, I think that it'd be weird."
"Why would it be weird?"
"Well, it's probably because I don't know him. I knew Freddy so I was okay with being second to him. I don't know that waiter guy, and to be outdone by a total stranger would kinda make me feel weird. But this got from zero to a hundred real quick, so let's just move on."
"I don't know why, but I just kinda regret leaving him"
"In time you'll get used to the idea of it. But I won't be upset if you decide to rethink your decision. It's your life, and if you feel as though you shouldn't have left him and should go back, then that's fine."
"You know you'll be upset though."
"I can hold back my feelings if you feel the need to be with him. I don't need you to be there for me all the time, it just reassures me that I'm not alone. It makes me feel better about myself ultimately, but it shouldn't be a reason for you to be honest with yourself and go out and find who you love in the end."
"I'm still very unsure about either option. I don't like the idea of leaving you out in the cold, but I also don't like it for him."
"Well, it's not exactly something that can be avoided, sorry to say."
"I guess I'll just let things play out for now then."
Madelyn sighed before leaning on Bonnie. She was still a little sleepy. Bonnie moved her hair from her forehead and kissed her. Each was unsure of something, whether that be decisions made or words said but one thing was for certain: they loved one another. And that wasn't hard to say, especially when they'd been together prior to Freddy becoming part of the game.
Madelyn had always and always would love Bonnie. No matter what was going on in either of their lives, no matter where their relationship went, she'd always hold a little bit of love for him in her heart. Bonnie had always felt the same way and she knew that. He was crystal-clear about all of his intentions, feelings, thoughts, and everything else. There was nothing he wouldn't be willing to share, for better or for worse. She liked that about him. No one else would wear their hearts on their sleeve like that.
Maybe it was just because he trusted her so much, as they'd known each other for so long. They had come onto the job at the same time, though not being familiar with one another quite yet. They'd still known each other at least a little bit, prior to being hired. She didn't think they'd get so close, but it happened. They sat there silently enjoying one another's company.
Bonnie, however, had always had a slight attraction to her since they met at first. She was the odd kind of beauty that Bonnie loved so much. Her white hair paired perfectly with her pale skin tone, which had given her a cold feeling. But he loved it. No one had been bold enough to go with that sort of thing, and it intrigued him.
Madelyn yawned, her consciousness slowly trying to pry itself away from her body. She made it stick though because she'd awoken from a good eight hours of sleep not three hours ago.
She slowly began to remember when her feelings for Bonnie started to come into play. It was around the time he confided his feelings for Freddy in Chica and her, and it was such a heartwarming moment. They both knew that he didn't stand a chance, but they wanted to see him try. Some would've considered it sadistic, but they figured Freddy would've gone along with it.
She'd always kept that a secret from him though. He'd never know that they knew he'd fall but pushed him anyway. He'd probably hate them both for it, just for the simple fact of how hurt he had been on that day/ Madelyn hadn't even needed words to tell her just how crushed he was. It was obvious in his broken expression, defeated voice, and weary eyes that night. It hurt her just to remember that.
She sort of regretted letting him go on thinking he had a chance, but it eventually brought them together so it wasn't all doom and gloom. The poor guy didn't deserve that though, and she hated the feeling of guilt that came along with it all.
She had to brush it off though. If that thought remained for too long she'd find some reasoning to share it, and she knew very well it could end up starting arguments and fights she didn't want to happen.
"So what now?" she asked.
"I dunno. I guess we can just be us for now," he responded. "I guess I finally don't have to spend a night alone writing music."
"Speaking of, how much did you write about me? I'm curious."
"Oh lord, a lot more than I care to admit. I'm not proud of myself for being such a prude about it."
"You may have to play them for me someday. Can't just leave what you've written to rot in that notebook. They have to come out of there sometime."
"Well, the problem with that is that a lot of them are really childish on my part. I wrote those about feeling betrayed and remorseful. Some are there about trying to move on but struggling to grapple with the idea that you're gone. There's only one that really accepts the whole thing."
"I still want you to play them for me. It sounds like you have a lot of good material, or at least too much to waste."
"I dunno. I'm not proud of most of them. If anything I would be better off playing songs by other bands and artists I listened to along the way."
"You could do that. I think that would be fun."
"Soon enough I might."
They sat there silent for a moment, letting everything sink in. Bonnie entertained the thought of going ahead and playing something, but simply passed as it was growing late. There were still some things he did need to get off his chest and talk about, though. He figured he could at least talk about one of the songs.
It took him a moment to think of one in particular, but once he did he knew exactly what he was going to say.
"I'm not up for playing one now, but I sorta wanted to talk about it and what it means to me. Maybe in the morning I'll get up and play it. But, it's one that's really special to me. It wasn't just there for me when I missed you so much, it's been special since junior high to me. Friends I made would always betray me, and it would always tear me apart every time. Less and less each time, but it was still always an intense time."
"Interesting. Friends aren't always the greatest of people, but I guess that depends on who you pick."
"I suppose. I'm just glad to be working among all of you. I've got the best people to be around."
"I'm glad that worked out for you. I know it's worked out pretty well for me."
Bonnie smiled knowing he was included in that. He pulled Madelyn closer, kissing her forehead. She blushed and they were each silent.
Meanwhile, Freddy was staring out of the window in his room towards the sky. It occurred to him that he could've done things differently, and he and Madelyn would've ended up together. But even with that thought, he realised how much of a dick move that would've been. To not only reject Bonnie but take the one he began to love. He would've essentially killed that friendship.
He supposed it was better off this way but was still very unsure. On one hand, he still loved Madelyn nonetheless, but on the other, he'd probably not only wreck a friendship but a life. He knew Bonnie needed her to keep himself sane, but he wondered what could've been.
He tried to tell himself it'd all be okay and things would work out, but was that really the best idea? If things would work out, what would that mean for everyone? How would that individually affect their lives? He guessed it was better he just let life take its course. Not like he'd change much as it was.
He looked further to the sky for answers, as if God himself would come down and give him a look into the future. He wanted that. He wanted to know how life would turn out, and he could prevent it if things didn't turn out well, or accept it if everything was fine.
It was such a scary thought, to imagine a world where everyone turns out miserable in the midst of what seemed to be an amazing time for them all. But he was getting off-topic in his own mind. That baffled him. He was brought out of thought by a knock at his door.
"Come in," he called in reply.
The door opened to reveal Chica. His blue eyes followed her as she closed the door behind her and sat down next to him on his bed.
"So I'm guessing things fell out with Madelyn?" she asked.
"Yeah," he sighed, "but it was for the better I'm realising. It would've been a shitty thing for me to not only reject Bonnie but to also take the one he loved away from him. I'd be a terrible friend if I had done that."
"I'm glad you've come to terms with it. I think Madelyn and Bonnie were cuter together anyways, but that's just me. Anyhoo, I wanted to check up on you to see if everything was alright. I haven't heard from Bonnie in a while, and I figured I'd come to you or Madelyn to see if he's okay because I haven't even seen him around."
"He's probably hiding in his room. Can't blame him after all the shit I've done."
"Hey don't beat yourself up over it. You liked her, and you're allowed that."
"I get that, but had things turned out differently, he wouldn't really have anyone he could talk to. Yeah, you're there, but as I know it you two don't really talk that much."
"That's true. I'm also glad that you understand how things were working out for other people. I can name a lot of times where I know have suffered because no one thought about how something was affecting them, and I hoped that wouldn't happen again here."
"You seem to have been through a lot, haven't you?"
"Yeah. It's just the people I hung out with throughout life and what they were always up to, really. I've never really had depression or anything like that."
"It's not fun being depressed, I can tell you that much," Freddy said with a light chuckle.
"I don't imagine it is," Chica said giggling. "But, I wanted to make sure everything was okay with you and Bonnie. I know you guys have had your disagreements, and you've never particularly liked Bonnie. But I feel like you two should be getting along."
"It was good to talk to you briefly. Brought me out of whatever the hell I was thinking of because even I don't know where my mind is."
"I'm gonna be on my way. You know where to find me if you need to talk, so just seek me out there."
"Will do."
Silence washed over the room once again as Chica stepped out. He supposed that Madelyn and Bonnie worked out better as a couple than he did with Madelyn. Maybe that was mainly because his relationship with her was a lot more one-sided than with Bonnie. He could tell she didn't really wanna be there but gave it her best shot for his sake. He admired that in her.
He thought about Chica. She was always a bit more astray from the group but always seemed much more chipper and upbeat. Maybe that was her nature, maybe not. He just wondered how she could be so distant from her friends and still so happy.
He shrugged it off and went back into his thoughts, not sure where they were meant to take him.
Bonnie and Madelyn's lips collided, eyes closed in total bliss as they made out in the dark. It was all calming down, and they were happily together once again. Though not without it taking a toll on others, that didn't matter to them at the moment. Everyone understood this was just something that couldn't be tampered with. They were perfect for one another and they would be hard to split up.
Though silently not all that okay, Freddy knew that he couldn't be with Madelyn even if Bonnie wasn't there. It'd be wrongful of him to try his chances when it was plainly obvious she wasn't interested.
Chica had known for a long time that they were perfect. To see Freddy with Madelyn was something she knew would die down quickly, though it took a little longer than she expected. Either way, there was no way they could see anyone else.
Bonnie was downright not even ready to give an attempt to find someone else, even before Freddy and Madelyn split. He was more caught up in his thoughts wanting his suffering just to end.
Madelyn was the only one who'd been on the fence. She wasn't sure what she wanted, she just wanted it. Bonnie had been that something for a while but she felt that Freddy came along when it was beginning to feel a bit stale. She was no longer sure what anything was anymore, but she knew it that this was blissful.
Even if she wasn't totally sure what she wanted, it was clear that there wouldn't be any replacement for it anytime soon. She loved Bonnie and hoped that her feelings from before the time apart didn't come back. It'd not only devastate Bonnie but her as well. He was special and there was no denying that he was perhaps all she'd ever want. Or at least she hoped that he was enough for her. She didn't want to change her mind, but she didn't know how she'd feel in even a month's time.
Bonnie knew that Madelyn was everything he ever wanted or needed, and he never wanted to let go of her again. It had been torture on his sanity, and he had a hard time watching her be with someone else. Maybe that was a sign of obsession, but he didn't care. Madelyn was the only person that made him feel worth something. He'd never been what someone looked for, but rather all the opposites. Because of that, he'd never felt so great. He never wanted the feeling to end.
He didn't want to go back to being depressed and alone all the time, even if the solitude had its benefits. The cons much outweighed those pros of being alone, and it was suffocating to him.
And Madelyn knew that. He'd always come to her about it, about how he always felt. She always tried to be there for him, because she knew he had no one else to go to. It was clear that the bottom line was that he needed a friend to be there for him. He sure as hell wasn't going to get that with Freddy, and likely not Chica. Sure, Chica did care about him, she just didn't know how to be there for him as a friend in quite the same way.
Madelyn stopped the bliss to apologise for everything, knowing full well what it could've meant if things went differently. She felt the need to apologise for it all.
"Bonnie I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when I was with Freddy," she whispered. "I feel really guilty even still."
"Don't feel guilty," he returned, "you don't need to."
"Yes, I do. I left you drowning without anything to keep you afloat."
"I learned to swim just in time. I could've made it had you not changed your mind. Sure I wouldn't be the happiest person ever, but if you were more happy with Freddy I would've been able to respect that."
"Even still, I know how you've felt for so long, and I brought that back. Loneliness isn't fun and I subjected you to it. I'm so, so sorry."
"It's okay. I've been alone before, I could do it again. No matter how much I don't want to admit it, I could live if you chose Freddy over me. It wouldn't be the greatest time of my life, but I wouldn't end it all just because I wasn't the one you found yourself loving more. Your feelings are yours, and I'd rather that they stayed yours."
"I guess I understand. But I still worry for you and your sanity, Bonnie. If I could say anything for certain, I know that type of decision would destroy your self-esteem as well. Sanity, self-esteem, mood. All of that would be at an all-time low for you. I couldn't bring myself to do that."
"You're making it sound like you're only here tonight because of those facts. Which breaks my heart even more."
"I swear that isn't the reason. I love you Bonnie, but I don't wanna know for sure what would've happened if I didn't."
"I still feel as if my emotions are what's affecting your decision. As if you just want me to be happy and you're fine giving up what you want if it means that I'm not going to jump off a bridge. I don't want things to be that way."
"Look, it will never be that way. I promise you. I'm just expressing that, I would never want to see you upset. It breaks my heart to see you that way."
"I can say the same for you. I hate seeing you so worried about me. I'd be fine if you weren't there. At least, physically fine."
"I guess," Madelyn sighed. "Just know that I love you, and I don't want you to go away."
"I'll keep that in mind," he replied, kissing her forehead. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight Bonnie."