Doing What Is Needed
by The Lost Girl
SPOILERS: DAO, with bits from DAA, DA2, The Stolen Throne, and The Calling…
SUMMARY: (See Summary Chapter 1 for full details) My own version of what happened after the Landsmeet, had the Warden chosen to spare Loghain's life; and convinced Anora to let Alistair live… Surana/Alistair, Zevran/Leliana, and a few other surprises along the way…
DISCLAIMERS: All the characters (well, at least, the important ones) in the story belong to David Gaider, Bioware, and whoever else has the rights on everything Dragon Age. Some quotes will directly be borrowed from the game or the books.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please keep in mind that I strongly believe that suicide/death is NEVER the answer. This is a work of fiction, and fiction alone. If you suffer from depression, or are having any kind of suicidal thoughts, I strongly suggest that you read something else, and seek help in your community (friends, family, psychologist, doctor, etc.). Thank you! : )
Doing What Is Needed
Chapter 3...
Later that night, though she knew she should feel exhausted after the day's events, Neria had found herself wide awake just 3 hours after falling asleep in Alistair's arms… She tried changing position, counting hallas in her head… But soon became so frustrated with her inability find sleep that hallas became snarling hurlocks… And it was all she could do to avoid tossing or throwing pillows at the tent's walls…
A little whine from the man at her side caught her attention, and she froze, delicately twisting around to avoid waking him… She smiled, all snarling hurlocks forgotten as soon as she saw him… The moonlight delicately shone upon his face, entering from one of the holes on top of their tent… And he looked so beautiful… She'd long lost count of the times she'd spent awake at night, watching him sleep…
Every time, she'd let herself forget that they were on the road, on an impossible mission, facing certain death (or worse fates) every day, and simply drink in the sight of him. Some nights, like tonight, he looked completely relaxed, at peace… His features so soft they took on an almost childlike quality… Her young prince looked so trusting, and oblivious to the hardships of the world…
And other nights, his whole body would be tense, shaking, sweating, his breathing erratic with a look of fear and pain on his face… The nightmares always seemed to be worse for him, though he would dismiss it quickly and deny it was too bad… So instead, whenever she saw it happen, she would gather him in her arms without waking him and try to soothe his distress away… Most of the time, her efforts would be rewarded as his whole body would finally relax, giving only a slight whimper from time to time…
She was a powerful healer, elementalist, and had recently discovered new abilities as an arcane warrior… And yet, for all the magic and powers in the world, nothing made her feel more proud, or filled her with more wonder than her ability to calm and comfort the man she loved through simple touch.
Perhaps love was, indeed, the most powerful magic of all… That would explain why it was the only thing that the great Morrigan, Witch of the Wilds, feared.
Neria wondered if Alistair would also wake from time to time while she slept… If he also held her in his arms at night, and tried to chase the bad dreams away… She liked to imagine that he would… And that it was why, ever since they became lovers and began sharing a tent, her nightmares had significantly decreased in both intensity and frequency. Maybe it was his magic at work…
Tonight though, he slept peacefully, and she was grateful that she hadn't accidentally managed to wake him. The day had been pretty hard on all of them, and Alistair had been the one to do most of the fighting on their way to, and back from the temple. The whole ordeal with Leliana and Zevran had also taken its emotional toll, and she was glad that Wynne had found the right words to lift his spirits.
She sighed, wishing she could take away his insecurities, and let him know just how much he was truly, deeply, unconditionally loved… And how much she, as well as the others, trusted him.
Behind each of his jokes, each of his smiles, there was always this wounded little boy who was desperate for love and approval, even from those who didn't deserve his devotion. A lost soul yearning to belong… And was she so different? Being a mage and an elf in Ferelden unfortunately meant that you had to make more efforts to prove your worth, or simply be considered as a person. Those who didn't look down on you feared you… Though this may suit Morrigan just fine, Neria didn't especially wish to invoke fear in the hearts of anything other than darkspawns.
And here they were… Elf and human… Mage and templar… Both having been denied a proper family and having been sheltered from the world from an early age in reason of the "threat" they may represent… She, because of her magic… Him, because of his royal blood… Both insecure and inexperienced in matters of the heart… Different yes, yet surprisingly alike in so many ways.
If Leliana was here, and could have heard her thoughts right now, she would be telling her stories about how the Maker wants his children to be happy… And despite the hardships, would always provide them with what they needed the most… She'd talk about soulmates… People whose souls were destined to be joined and had the innate power to recognize each other on any plane of existence. She said that when found, they would always find their way back to their mate, no matter what would try to keep them apart…
Was Alistair her soulmate? Did such a thing even exist? She knew that Alistair believed in the Maker, but not in the Chantry's teachings. Though he'd initially thought that Leliana was a religious zealot, and a little on the crazy side, he'd soon warmed up to her vision of the Maker's love and benevolence. Leliana's Maker was a comforting, loving presence who guided his children through life…
Whereas the Chantry, of course, would have you believe in some scorned God with this huge superiority complex that would only dare look upon mankind again if he was worshiped through the Chant of Light all over Thedas.
As a mage, she knew that a world existed beyond this one… She'd entered the Fade on many occasions, and she knew, as well as the spirits knew, that something else existed both beyond their realm and theirs. Her last meeting with Niall had given her hope that wherever the souls of the deceased traveled to after their physical body perished, it was a place of love, and peace. During the few hours they'd been trapped in the Fade together, she'd seen the young ill-fated mage go from disillusioned and desperate, to peaceful, hopeful, and resigned as his body neared death on the physical plane. At the very end, he had been calm, and ready to move on… She could only hope that wherever he was now, he was safe, happy, and loved.
Like the dwarves, she also liked to believe that the souls of their ancestors were allowed to watch over their children, and offer them support and guidance on their earthly journey. Until such a time would come where they would be allowed to join them, and begin a new existence beyond the Fade…
And yes, she found herself wishing that Alistair was, indeed, her soulmate… That their love would allow them to find each other no matter where they were… Be it in life, in the Fade, or beyond… The very idea that this wonderful man with such a pure, loving heart had been destined for her was enough to make her whole being sing with joy. The concept that even if, one day, they were parted by duty or tragedy they would inevitably come together again brought her indescribable comfort.
Morrigan would call her a fool for indulging in such fantasies, but what did she care? As long as she didn't disconnect with reality, what harm would there be in a little dream and romance? At least Leliana would definitely approve…
The sound of a branch cracking caught her attention. And, after giving her love a gentle kiss on the lips, smiling as she heard a little moan of satisfaction escape his, she quietly snuck out of the tent to follow in the direction of the noise…
She saw Zevran standing guard just outside of Wynne's tent, sitting on the makeshift wood bench Sten had made with a few logs, a blanket wrapped tightly around his body. She was tempted to reprimand him for not taking more rest, especially after the stunt he'd pulled on them earlier, but then she noticed the deeply worried, almost desperate look in his eyes, and decided against it…
He probably wouldn't have been able to sleep anymore than she did anyway… And he did have the sense to at least keep his body temperature warm to compensate for the loss of blood… It was probably better to have him sitting out here quietly, than to send him back to his tent only to have him pacing like a caged deepstalker inside of it until he dropped. Then again, if that could convince him to sleep…
Hearing her approach, Zevran looked up and met her gaze for a few seconds... He quickly looked down, somewhat ashamed by the concern and compassion he saw in her eyes... He did, however, motioned for her to come and sit by his side, and tugged the blanket a little closer to his body, fidgeting with its rim...
They stayed like that, sitting quietly side by side for a few minutes, until Neria finally broke the silence... "Mind telling me what that was all about today?" she asked, her voice sounding a little curter than what she had originally intended. She saw Zevran recoil as if he'd been slapped, and immediately regretted it...
"I'm sorry, but damnit Zevran!" she said, the frustration she felt once again winning over her intentions... Well, she was hurt, scared, and yes, angry at her friend for what he'd put her through... Perhaps it was better to let it out then...
"Do you realise just how much you scared me? And the others as well? We care about you Zev... I care about you... You are just as important to me as Leliana, Wynne, or any of my other friends. You guys are the closest thing to a family I ever had. I can't fight or lead this group worrying that someone I love is going to drop dead on me because he was too preoccupied being noble to notice his own wounds! You may have saved Leliana's life, but you almost lost your own... A risk that could have easily been avoided if you'd just paid attention to what your body must have bloody well been screaming at you! Maker's breath, what's wrong with you?"
By the end of her tirade, the Antivan was staring intently at her, looking both sad and deeply surprised... He'd been yelled at and accused of many things in his life, but this was definitely new. Part of him wanted to panic, run, and get away while he still could... But he knew it was already too late... He could already feel himself giving in... He'd come to her seeking death, and she'd offered him life... He'd believed she would use him for her own benefit and dispose of him when she was done, and here she offered him friendship...
Oh, how he wished he could just laugh in her face, tell her that she was wrong to trust him, convince her to stay away, stay safe... Yet he found that he was unable to betray her, lie to her, even for her own good.
This was Neria's power... She put no walls between herself and other people. She held her heart in front of her for everyone to see. And while for most people, this could be considered a weakness and an opportunity for anyone wishing them harm... With her, it had the effect of completely disarming her opponents. She hid nothing for there was nothing to hide... She was who she appeared to be... And each time she hurt, you were the one who winded up suffering tenfold. There was no way anyone with a shred of a conscience left could ever fight it.
She deserved, at the very least, an honest answer... If she hated him afterward, so be it. He would leave and never come back, one way or another. But if she was to ever trust him, she had to know to whom she was truly offering her trust.
Unable to put up any more resistance, he sighed, and looked down at his hands... "Yes, I suppose it is time I tell you... You have been a good friend to me after all, there is no reason to be silent..." His eyes took on a pained look as he stared in the distance...
"There is a reason I accepted this mission in Ferelden, far away from home, and it had nothing to do with any thought that I might leave the Crows. Meeting you after all, was quite an accident." he paused briefly, taking a deep breath... "My last mission before this one... Didn't end well..."
Neria felt her heart get stuck in her throat... Every time Zevran had agreed to tell her stories about himself, his conquests, his past contracts, even his difficult childhood, he'd always been oddly cheerful about it. Dismissing any tragedy, acting as if not expecting more from life had protected him from ever getting hurt. And yet, the man sitting by her side sounded broken, hollow, his eyes betraying so much pain and guilt... For a moment, she felt like she didn't know this man, until realizing that he'd always been there, hidden just underneath the surface...
It wasn't the tragedies and the hardships in his life that the elf had tried to dismiss... It wasn't life that he had learned not to expect too much from... It was himself. He acted like there was nothing left for him to lose because he believed that he was already lost... How could she have been so blind to miss it?
She suddenly realized that Zevran had stopped talking, perhaps fearing her reaction. Finding her voice, she asked quietly "What happened?", hoping that the moment wasn't lost, and that he would continue opening up to her.
She was relieved when she heard him continue "You must realize that until that day, I was cocky and arrogant. I was the best Crow in Antiva, I believed, and I bragged about my conquests often... both as an assassin and lover".
"You mean you were more cocky and arrogant?" she allowed herself to tease him with an affectionate smile, letting him know that she only wished to help him feel more at ease. Whatever he was going to tell her, she wouldn't let him down.
Fortunately, it seemed that her friend picked right on it, letting out a small chuckle. "Indeed..." he conceded "...I was often told I was insufferable... right before I ended up in bed with someone. Such as it was".
His mood then grew slightly more somber again "One of the Crow masters grew tired of my boasting. My bid for an incredibly difficult mark was accepted, much to my surprise: A wealthy merchant with many guards and completely silent."
He sighed... This was the point of no return in his story... He knew that once he would have spoken her name, the Warden would have to know the whole truth. He'd already betrayed her once, and he didn't have it in himself to betray her memory.
"Taliesen agreed to be part of my team, as well as an elven lass named Rinna. She was... a marvel. Tough, smooth, wicked. Eyes that gleamed like justice. Everything I thought I desired."
Neria noticed his eyes had filled with unshed tears and his voice had broken a little as he mentioned Rinna... She carefully ventured a guess... "And you fell in love." she stated more than she asked. For a minute, she thought she had guessed wrong, but then he spoke... Neither confirming her statement, nor denying it either.
"Rinna was special. I had closed off my heart, I thought, but she touched something within me. It frightened me." he admitted, a shiver running down his spine.
"When Taliesen revealed to me that Rinna had accepted a bribe from the merchant, told him of our plan, I readily agreed that she needed to pay the price and agreed to let Taliesen kill her."
His voice broke again, as the tears that he'd been holding slowly fell down his cheeks, following the curve of his tattoos... Still, he managed to keep his breathing even, unable to allow himself to actually grieve, believing he didn't deserve to feel this kind of relief, not after what he did.
"Rinna begged me not to. On her knees, with tears in her eyes, she told me that she loved me and had not betrayed us. I laughed in her face and told her that even if it were true, I didn't care".
No, oh no... Neria thought, as she began to understand the strength of the guilt that haunted the young man... "But that wasn't true" she heard a distant voice say, giving voice to her fears... Until she realized that the voice had been her own.
"I convinced myself it was." he said, his filled with regret and self loathing "Taliesen cut her throat and I watched her bleed as she stared up at me. I spat on her for betraying the Crows".
Oh Zev...
"When Taliesen and I finally assassinated the merchant, we found the true source of his information. Rinna had not betrayed us after all."
"I'm so sorry." she whispered, though by now her friend looked lost in his memories, and she couldn't quite tell if he'd heard her.
"I... wanted to tell the Crows what we had done, our mistake. Taliesen convinced me not to. He said it would be a foolish waste. So we reported that Rinna had died in the attempt".
His voice became hard and bitter. "We needn't have bothered. The Crows knew what we had done. The master who disliked me told me so to my face. He said the Crows knew... and they didn't care. And one day my turn would come."
Neria gasped "Why would he do that?" Though why it had surprised her, she couldn't quite say. From what Zevran had told her so far, while the Crows were somewhat local heroes in Antiva, it seemed that the masters of the order treated their assassins with very little regard for their lives. The simple fact that a young elven boy of seven could be bought like some vulgar merchandise, and that the training also involved extensive torture sessions spoke volumes about what kind of life they were subjected to.
"To rub it in my face, perhaps. That I was nothing. That she was nothing." he stated, his tone devoid of any emotion. Looking into his eyes, she found that some part of him still believed it. Not that Rinna had been nothing, but that he, Zevran Arainai, didn't mean anything.
"You once asked why I wanted to leave the Crows. In truth, what I wanted was to die. What better way than to throw myself at one of the fabled Grey Wardens?"
By now, Neria was gently crying... Tears running down her cheeks without a sound...
"And then this happened. And here I am..." he said, signaling the end of his sad tale.
And here he was indeed... Nothing left to hide... Nowhere else to turn to... Neria suddenly understood that it was up to her now... She could remain his trusted friend, help him come to terms with his past and find new meaning in his life. Or she could condemn and break him.
She suddenly found herself incredibly frightened that someone would ever try to use this against him... And in that moment, she understood that she truly did love him. Oh, not the kind of love that she shared with Alistair. But the kind of love one might feel for a brother, or at the very least a best friend. A strong sense of kinship and belonging, and a deep feeling of protectiveness... A troubling thought crossed her mind though...
"Do you still want to die?" she asked in a small voice, almost wishing she could take it back. What if he said yes? What would she do then? She couldn't grant him his wish... Nor could she bear the thought of losing him through his own doing...
Gratefully, he didn't take long to give her a reply... He must have sensed her distress for he gently grabbed both of her hands, and looked at her deep in the eyes...
"No. What I want is to begin again." He smiled at her, perhaps the first true smile he had ever given her. Somehow, the fact that she had been able to listen to his confession without any sign that she was going to abandon him had lifted a great load off his very soul.
"Whatever I sought by leaving Antiva, I think I have found it. I owe you a great deal." He said, his voice filled with emotions. Gratitude, relief, love, devotion... No matter what happened now, she would always remain the one who saved him. The first one who ever gave him a real chance to become his own person.
She threw her small arms around his slightly larger frame and hugged him close for a few seconds... "I'm glad to have you with me." she said, and smiled as she felt his body relax and return the embrace.
Still, something kept bothering her... She pulled back slightly, so she could once again look at him straight in the eyes. "So, what happened today didn't have anything to do with you trying to fulfill some unspoken death wish?" she asked.
He laughed "Oh no my dear Warden. Though I won't lie to you..." never again, he thought "I do not want to die, but I wouldn't really mind if it happened..." his eyes widened as he saw her stance shift, looking like a great big cat ready to pounce.
"...But of course, seeing as you said that would make you feel miserable, I would hate to be the reason why you would look so, unhappy... That would be such an unflattering expression for such a lovely face..." he added quickly.
"Nice save..." she said with a predatory smile, making it clear that if he ever suggested that he might not care for his own safety again, she would be forced to take action. Perhaps tie him up to a branch high up above the battlefield... And wait until all danger had passed before bringing him down. Now that was an idea...
"But no, I swear to you that what happened today had nothing to do with my ever wishing to die. I just let myself get... distracted." he said with a heavy sigh, his eyes traveling back to Wynne's tent.
"Distracted enough that you couldn't feel a huge, bleeding gash across..." Oh... OH! Maker! How didn't she realize it... Of course! Now that would explain everything, wouldn't it? Before she could help it, she found herself harboring a large, stupid grin...
"You are in love with Leliana..." she said, trying to hide the giddiness in her voice.
"What?" Zevran replied, looking at her with a pure look of shock and horror.
"You do, you are in love with Leliana..." she almost singsonged to him... "That's why you wouldn't let go of her on our way back from the temple, and why you weren't able to notice anything else... You love her..."
"I..." he was speechless... He didn't know what to do, or what to say... After all, what was love supposed to mean to him? He believed that he had loved Rinna, or at least felt touched by her a great deal... It had frightened him it's true... But this, he thought, was different.
What he'd felt for Rinna may have, with time, evolved in what he felt for the wonderful woman sitting next to him. A dear, trusted friend… And a fellow elf that, by the way, kept looking at him with this big, happy, expectant smile... Oh maker, what was he supposed to do now?
But yes, he'd cared about Rinna a great deal. And still did... She had awakened a part of his heart that he had long believed dead...
But when he thought about the beautiful bard who now lay wounded in Wynne's tent, all of it seemed irrelevant... He had never known true fear until he saw Leliana thrown like a rag doll across that concrete wall, powerless to do anything to stop it... His heart had all but stopped in that single second... And yes, he remembered now, he'd completely frozen, paralyzed, ignoring the sudden blow he'd received in the abdomen... Everything in the world around him had completely vanished until all was left was her... And she needed him. Nothing else mattered.
He forced himself to truly think about it... Out of everyone they traveled with, no one made him feel more lost, or confused than that gorgeous red head. Each time he got a little closer to her, he would panic and instinctively push her away. He would relentlessly tease her; make fun of her beliefs, just to see that lovely blush across her cheeks. The way she would suddenly avert her eyes... How she would get mad at him and curl those beautiful, delicate hands into fists muttering "I... You... I simply..."
Each time he awoke any type of passion in her, even if it was anger, he couldn't help but feel delighted and laugh. He found great pleasure in making her lose countenance, even if it had nothing to do with sex. The prospect of engaging in any act of intimacy with the young woman terrorized him. He was so very scared of getting close... Scared of what it would mean to allow himself to caress her soft skin, kiss those luscious lips... If he did, he feared that he would forever lose himself in her... There would be no coming back... Not from his Leliana...
Maker! Did he just think of her as his... The realization hit hard... Was this what it meant to love? To hold someone else's life and happiness above anything having any worth to you in the world? To feel your heart race, your brain cloud, and your stomach turn by the mere thought of that person? To act stupidly or foolishly just to earn their attention? To want nothing more than to prove worthy of their affection? To be willing to sacrifice everything you are just to keep them safe?
He groaned, putting his head between his hands, keeping his eyes closed.
"I grew up among those who sold the illusion of love, and then I was trained to make my heart cold in favor of the kill. Everything I have been taught says that what I feel is wrong." he explained, his voice sounding miserable.
He felt Neria put a comforting arm around his shoulders, and allowed himself to relax...
"Yet I cannot help it. Ever since I first saw her on that fateful day I tried to kill you... Or actually, you know..." he said, not wanting to go there again "...I have been nothing but confused".
He lifted his head up, meeting his friend's gaze "Do you understand me at all?" he asked, feeling like a complete fool, not making any sense.
Neria giggled a little, though her eyes showed nothing but understanding and compassion. "Oh Zev, I do... More than you know..." she added, thinking about her own fool of a templar sleeping in their tent.
He had been so incredibly adorable courting her. Seduction may have been an art... But when it came to true love, all rules became lost, and everyone was entitled to act like a complete idiot. It wasn't a chase with predator and prey... But some clumsy, silly dance between two creatures that suddenly found themselves with half-a-brain until they finally managed to overcome their fears and nervousness, and came together in some glorious, much anticipated act of joining.
And then, the whole world changed... Your brain returned, but it now thought in terms of we instead of I... The solitary dreams you used to have became something to share... You still acted completely silly sometimes, but there was no longer any fear or shame attached to it. Loneliness became some far away concept...
"Leliana must never know though..." he said sadly, the haunted look returning to his eyes.
"Why?" they heard another voice ask, making both of them jump and turn in its direction.
Zevran's heart was beating wildly, panicked at the thought that Leliana may have been listening to their whole conversation... Quite the rogue he was! Speaking not 3 feet away from the place where she slept... The loss of blood had made him reckless indeed!
"If you do love her, I believe that she would deserve to know..." Wynne said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
The Antivan initial feeling of dread and surprise quickly turned into... What? Dismay? Outrage? What the...
"Have you been listening to everything we just said?" he asked, at a loss of what to do or think.
"Overheard, actually... It was quite difficult to sleep with you two chatting the night away right next to my tent..." she began, then looked regretful "Still, I should probably have made my presence known earlier... I realize that you were discussing a very sensitive matter, and I apologize Zevran... We all have our faults apparently, and I just found out that mine, unfortunately, is curiosity..."
"I'll keep that in mind." he said matter-of-factly, his tone cold and hurt.
Wynne sighed... "Would you forgive me if I let you rest your head in my bosom?" she asked, giving him a small, contrite smile.
For some reason, the elf realized that he may have been good at many things, but holding a grudge wasn't one of them... Not to mention that he had done much worse in his life to ask forgiveness for...
He could also see the dried tear marks on Wynne's cheeks, and the tenderness and affection with which she now looked at him. Apparently, Neria chose her companions well, even though he wasn't quite ready yet to include himself in that statement. He may have underestimated them.
He sighed, feeling all resentment and anger drain from his body and mind... "My darling Wynne... Surely you must know that a bosom as magnificent as yours deserves to be worshiped properly, and never offered as penance. I wouldn't have it any other way." he said, winking at her before gallantly lifting her hand to his lips and kissing the back of it.
Try as she may, she couldn't help the blush that came across her cheeks. Terrible... That Antivan elf was just plain terrible...
"A-hem..." Neria cleared her throat, catching Wynne's attention. She now blushed furiously while Zevran gave her one of his knowing laughs, Neria joining in... Oh, she could very well slap any of these two annoying elves now...
She decided to salvage any bit of dignity she had left by bringing their attention back to the previous subject. "So, pray tell, why would it be so terrible to let Leliana know of your feelings? As far as I know, she seems pretty fond of you too..." she asked, seeing Zevran retreat back to a place of pain and darkness.
"Because that would put her life in danger..." he said, feeling his own heart break while uttering the words.
Before any of them could interrupt, he continued "Leliana deserves to be with someone she can love freely, and who will keep her safe... I may have made a choice to permanently leave the Crows, I also know that no one alive has ever managed to escape them. Save you, apparently, and we both know why that is. I am living on borrowed time. And since I made a promise to do anything in my power to stay safe..." he added pointedly, his intense gaze locking with Neria's "...I know that this condemns me to the life of a fugitive. And that the first person that the Crows would ever try to use to break me, is the woman I love... They almost succeeded with Rinna, and what I felt for her, though sincere, pales in comparison of my feelings for Leliana." he admitted, hoping to convince them.
"But Leliana also has a rather complicated past, and is being hunted by Marjolaine, how is that so different?" the Warden asked, not quite seeing his point.
A cold smile crept on the corners of Zevran's mouth, the murderous glint of the assassin dangerously shining in his eyes... "Ah, yes... Well, I did say that, assuming we stop the Blight, and assuming, of course, that I'm still there to see it. I was planning to travel... Hmmm... I wonder what Orlais looks like in the spring..."
Neria felt a deep shiver run down her spine, while Wynne kept staring at him, a pensive frown gracing her features. So that was the plan. If they all made it, Zevran planned to secretly leave and eliminate the threat to the pretty bard's life.
They both had mixed feelings about it. While Wynne didn't quite approve of the killing of another being in cold blood; she knew that Marjolaine would forever be a sword hanging over Leliana's head, completely unwilling to believe that the young woman had changed her ways and no longer posed any threat to her. No, she didn't feel sad for the potential loss of Marjolaine's life. She felt sad for what it would cost Zevran.
And while she understood his motivations, Neria wasn't too fond of his plan to take on Marjolaine all by himself... Not to mention having to spend the rest of his existence evading the Crows. Together, Leliana and Zevran would be a force to be reckoned with! Probably succeeding in keeping each other safe for much longer, perhaps even dissuading anyone who would dare come after them to even try!
Not to mention that if Alistair and she also made it, they could probably help. Once Eamon was healed, assuming that these ashes were any help that is, they may be able to form a plan to stop Loghain and regain control of Ferelden. Whatever happened, they may be able to provide protection for Zev and Leliana once everything was over.
But she could see that her friend wasn't ready to risk it, at least, not yet.
"Please..." he whispered, the fear and anguish in his voice almost too much for her to bear... "I may tell her some day, but not now... I'm just... Pretty overwhelmed, and I don't think that I could take it if Leliana was killed because she dared to love me. I can't let her become another Rinna".
Both Neria and Wynne felt any resolve they had left break... The Warden nodded weakly, while the elder mage sighed, and said "And so, the redeemed assassin fell in love with the beautiful maiden, secretly watching over her in the dark, and removing any threat from her existence, at the expense of his own heart..."
She offered him a sad, yet compassionate smile "Leliana is to find herself at the very heart of one of those tragic love stories she is so fond of... Fate, indeed, seems to have a strange sense of humor."
"So, what should we tell her?" Neria asked, knowing that the truth would inevitably make the young bard suspicious of Zevran's feelings.
"Tell her that you saved her life, and that Alistair is the one that carried her back to camp... The rest, she doesn't need to know..." he replied, unable to hide the pained edge in his voice. It was better this way, he managed to convince himself. Leliana would be safe, and she wouldn't be burdened with the knowledge that he was willing to do anything, risk anything for her.
"You do realize that we won't be able to do that if I don't explain the situation to Alistair..." the Warden asked, making sure this was really what her friend wanted, no matter how much it was breaking her heart.
He nodded, hoping that Alistair would react the same way that Wynne and Neria had, and remain a good friend... Or, if that wasn't the case, would at least agree to go along with their plan to keep Leliana safe from him.
"So, are we to expect some more lewd remarks, and shameless flirting from you?" Wynne asked, with a raised eyebrow...
"Of course! I wouldn't be much of a Zevran if I were to restrain myself, no?" he said, falling back into character with ease.
"Though all of this does make me wish to cry..." he added, letting his true emotions come back to the surface once again... "May I rest my head in your bosom?"
"No, no you may not" Wynne replied affectionately, pulling him into her arms. And for the first, and probably what would be the last time, Zevran allowed himself to cry on her shoulder instead.
To be continued...