Chapter 3

Is it true what they say you won't give it away?

And I don't know what to do to get next to you, next to you.

Every night, every day you just push me away.

Tell me what should I do to get next to you, next to you?

I've been trying all night long and I wanna get next to you.

I wrote about you baby in this song 'cause I wanna get next to you.

Next to you!

Better than koolaid sweet my buttercup, baby's got a pretty face.

I got to have it, it's another bad habit and I hope I'm not here too late.

Next to you by Buck Cherry

They had just set up camp on the outskirts of the Wounded Coast after tracking and taking care of a group of unruly fellows for some Brother named Sebastian. Anders was surprised that Tish had asked him to join her on this mission, given how strained things had been between them. They hardly spoke and when they did it was only because she needed his help as a healer, or a fighter. He really wanted to try and patch things up. He wanted to be her friend. She had helped him and he wanted to continue helping her all he could. Justice kept telling him that it was good that they weren't so close, there was much less chance that they could hurt her or turn her world upside down, but in truth, not being near her was turning his world upside down.

Anders was frustrated and he needed some peace and quiet to try and gain control of his emotions. He wasn't in the mood for one of Isabela's jokes or to sit and listen to Varric as he came up with another way to gain some coin for Bartrand's Deep Roads expedition. He got up and decided to go for a walk, clear his mind of the endless repetition of questions. Would he be able to just be friends with Tish, would they be able to look past their feelings and just work together, and more importantly, would he be able to handle it if she chose to be with someone else?

He wondered around for a while, consulting with Justice about other ways they could help the mage underground, or how they could improve the clinic to aid more people. He rounded a corner and saw a vision that made his heart leap out of his chest and his head spin. Tish, was alone, leaning against a tree and looking like an angel as the late afternoon sun set her dark red hair aglow.

She was twirling something in her hand, he couldn't make out what it was and thought it was the perfect reason to walk over and talk to her. He was also happy that she was alone; he needed to talk to her without the others eavesdropping and commenting on everything. As he got closer to her, Anders saw her wiping a stray tear from her cheek. He wanted so badly to take her in his arms, hold her close and never let her go. He hated seeing her upset.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked cautiously.

Tish spun round and faced him with a startled expression. "What? uhm... No, it's nothing, I'm just being silly. Don't worry about it."

"I know something is bothering you and I hate seeing you like this, please talk to me." Anders pleaded.

"There's nothing to talk about, so just drop it, please, Anders. I am not in the mood right now, okay?" She sighed and looked out towards the ocean. She chuckled softly as she continued, "I wonder why they call it the Wounded Coast, it's such a funny name. Maybe we'll find some more while we're here, like 'The Injured Cliffs', 'Limping Hills' or how about 'Massive Head-Trauma Bay'?"

"You're avoiding the..." Anders started to say as he saw a spear flying rapidly in their direction.

He pulled Tish out of the way just as the spear shot into the tree next to her. Anders spun round only to see about two dozen Tal-Vashoth barreling down upon them. He knew they would not be able to beat them all, but he would try nonetheless. He had to protect her and keep her safe. She was more important than him or his cause.

"Nothing is more important than the cause," Justice reminded him.

"At the moment, living is more important than the cause,"

Both of them fought side by side as fast as they could. Shooting fireballs, stonefists, and cone of cold spells with all the energy they could muster, but the Tal-Vashoth just kept on coming. They were sprouting like weeds, there were so many. The attackers tried to encircle them as they moved closer, calculating their attacks to wear both of them down before actually killing them. Anders quickly looked around for anything he could do, or anything he could use, to save their lives, his mind reeling with possible outcomes. They might die, and he would never have the chance to tell her that he really did want her, need her and want to be with her. He knew time was running out. Anders was in front of her as he quickly came up with a risky plan that might end up killing them anyway, but it would be much better than dying at the hands of these merciless beings.

He pulled Tish into his arms and kissed her quickly but passionately. "I'm sorry." Anders said, as he broke the kiss.

"For what, kissing me?" she asked.

"No, for this!" He held her tightly and jumped off the cliff and into the raging water beneath.

Anders came up for air, he looked around and saw Tish a few yards away from him. She was unconscious and floating. He raced towards her and gripped her in his arm as he swam towards the shore as fast as he could. He pulled her out of the water and immediately started working on her, getting all the water out of her lungs. After a few minutes she finally gasped for breath and started coughing up water. Anders hugged her furiously.

"Thank the Maker, I would never have been able to forgive myself if I'd lost you." he breathed.

"Are you crazy? You could have warned me you were going to do a swan dive off the damn cliff!"

"I'm sorry, Tish. But we didn't exactly have a lot of options. Would you rather have been at the end of some Tal-Vashoth's pike?"

"No, of course not. I'm sorry I snapped at you, it's just that you caught me by surprise when you kissed me," Tish admitted with an apologetic smile. She started shivering and Anders cursed.

"We need to get back to camp, come on," he said, helping her up.

They walked on for a little while before realizing they were well and truly lost. The skies opened, pouring freezing rain over their already sodden clothes; finding any kind of shelter was now a high priority. The night was cold and they were both shivering violently.

They almost missed the cave entrance as they passed it in the dark, Anders caught it out of the corner of his eye. They entered cautiously, senses on high alert for any current inhabitants and were relieved to find it was unoccupied. It wasn't a large cave but they had enough room so they could stay at the back and be out of the rain. There wasn't anything to burn in here and anything out there would be soaking by now. Both mages were exhausted, out of power and, damn it, had no lyrium on them since they hadn't expected to be away from camp... or be in any fights.

After a few false attempts, Anders managed to summon a dim ball of light. Just enough to see each other by and he was shocked by Tish's appearance. She was drenched, so cold her teeth were chattering and her lips had taken on a blue tinge. Not good. Anders could only think of one thing that could help them in this situation. He started removing his robe.

"What the void are you doing?"

"You are freezing and we're out of mana, you need body heat to keep warm," he said as he stripped down to his small clothes. "Now get out of those wet robes of yours,"

"You didn't have to nearly drown me if you wanted to see me out of my robes. There were easier less painful ways to do that. Aaaaa-chew."

"Even witty while shivering and sneezing your delicious ass off, what do I need to do to get you out of those robes quicker?" Anders asked.

"U-under any other circumstances I would love to hear you utter those words, but considering all that has happened or better yet, not happened, between us I don't think that is the best idea, so I'll just sit over here on this rock and s-shiver until my mana returns" Tisha retorted as her teeth chattered.

"Oh would you just get undressed already? I don't want you getting sick or dying on me just because you were stubborn," he responded. "You could get hypothermia and your body could go into shock. Not that I want to sound like I'm preaching to you, but given our current circumstances and lack of mana, it would be a good idea just to follow my advice for once."

"Alright, already! Since you have me so nicely wrapped around your finger, oh wise and powerful one." Tish started getting undressed, teeth still chattering.

He moved closer to her as soon as she was out of her robes, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her as close to him as he could. Their body heat in the small space of the cave was doing much to restore them, but Anders was becoming increasingly aware of her form, snuggled up to his. Bare skin to bare skin with only their underclothes separating them. He tried to think of anything but that, but he was fighting a losing battle. Tish made a small sound and snuggled closer. Anders realized she was falling asleep and he lay them down into a comfortable sleeping position, letting her lie almost on top of him, his arms wrapped around her. He hoped she was asleep because his body was letting him know exactly how happy it was about the situation. She shifted slightly and mumbled as she tried to get closer to him. Oh fuck!Anders thought as he lifted his head, looked straight into her eyes, he immediately shifted his hips away from her.

"You're not shivering so much anymore, I'll take that as a good sign. Are you comfortable enough?" Anders asked.

"Uhm.. That depends, do I get a kiss good night?" Tish retorted sleepily.

"She really was trying to kill him," he thought.

"If she doesn't, I will. Stop thinking of her like that. Think of her as Oghren," Justice recommended.

Anders shuttered at the very thought.

"Are you okay?" she cooed as she pressed her back and bottom against him.

"Yes, I'm fine. We really should try to get some sleep, we've had a tough night." he replied, feeling some pressure building up in his groin.

"Is that a baby nug in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" she teased as she pressed her behind hard against him. He let out a low growl.

"T-tish, please...you're going...to be my undoing," he moaned as he tried to gain control of himself.

"If I carry on, will you undo me too?" she asked seductively.

He ran his fingers up her the side of her thigh, Maker it would be so easy to give in to what his heart and body wanted. She wanted him as much as he wanted her.

"ANDERS!" Justice yelled in his head. "Once you go down this path there is no turning back, there is no stopping what you will unleash. She will destroy everything that we have worked toward."

Anders fingers slid across her stomach and he heard her breath hitch. His hand was shaking, her skin felt like velvet and she smelled wonderful. At this moment he didn't care about the mission, the manifesto or anything but her.

"Anders, please," Justice pleaded. "The whole reason I am in you is because of all the injustices that you have seen done and experienced. Don't throw that away now, don't bring her into our world. A world that will destroy the essence of who she is, the person that you love will die a slow death if bring her into our plans. She is too beautiful to destroy. Please Anders!"

Anders knew he was right. He leaned over and gently kissed her cheek, "Tish, I want you, I have seen I first laid eyes on you, but..."

"Don't...don't say it Anders. I've heard it all before. Just hold me tonight, let me sleep in your arms just for one night," Tisha whispered and he could tell she was crying.

"I'm sorry, Tish." he whispered back, feeling like a prick for what he had just done.

Anders decided the templars knew nothing about torture. All they would have to do was put him in this situation and he would have broken like a twig. Justice was just a faint voice in the back of his mind now as his body yearned to be with her, to make love to her. Things he really shouldn't be thinking about but, Maker, he couldn't help it. It was driving him mad.

Finally her warmth lulled him to sleep and Justice had a final say before he entered the fade. Anders, you promised her you would go into the Deep Roads with her, but once we return you must distance yourself from her before you quench the light that is in her eyes. Anders nodded in agreement as sleep over took him.

He woke alone the next morning, stiff and a little cold but apparently they had survived the night. He wondered where Tish had gone and as he woke up a little more, he could hear the sound of a crackling fire. He looked for his robe but it was missing and he sighed. At least his underwear had dried from his own body heat. He crawled to the edge of the cave and peered out. Tish was sitting in her small clothes, hugging her knees to her in front of a small fire. Their robes were hanging near it, supported by some tree branches. She seemed lost in thought. He sternly told his body behave as he walked over and knelt beside her, trying to get some warmth from the fire. She turned and looked at him with a saddened expression.

"Whatever you were thinking of saying, just don't. I really don't have the strength to hear it again, so just drop it." Tish stated as she got up and grabbed her robe.

Anders watched sadly as Tisha dragged on her robes and stormed off. He got dressed, put out the fire with a thought and went after her. They weren't actually that far from camp but in the dark they would have missed it. Or killed themselves falling over a cliff. They came to a rocky slope that would take them back up to the level of the camp and finally some food and clean dry clothing.

He had just helped her climb up a steep set of rocks, when Carver came running down the hill with an unconscious Isabela in his arms and Varric following close behind, muttering under her breath. Carver laid Isabela down gently, cursing under his breath. Tish gave Anders a pleading look while trying to chant a healing spell at Isabela.

"We need help over here, if you're done gaping at my sister," Carver said in an irritated fashion.

Anders composed himself quickly and moved to Isabela, "Right, sorry." he said as he started running his hands over Isabela's body. He could see she had some minor injuries, but all of them combined was life-threatening. "I can take it from here," he said while not moving his gaze from the patient in front of him.

Blue light emanated from his hands as he started healing Isabela, within minutes she jumped up and started coughing and gasping for breath. Tish threw herself onto Isabela, almost knocking the wind out of her again and gripping her in a fierce hug while whispering, "Thank you," over and over again. Anders wasn't sure who the thank you was meant for but tried not to dwell on it as he saw the tears steaming down her cheeks. She may just be trying to make me jealous, if that's the case, it sure as hell is working, he thought.

Anders felt both anger and jealousy bubble up from inside him. How could she do this to him? She was really trying to hurt him, as he had obviously hurt her. Justice reminded him that he should not feel the way he does and not get angry if in fact she was pulling away from him. This was a good thing for them, it would mean that they can't hurt her, they can't corrupt her and they can't cause her any harm. Anders wondered if Justice felt the same way he did about Tish and was just too afraid or confused to admit it.

After everything settled down, Isabela thanked him and offered to buy him a night full of drinks at the Hanged Man for saving her life. Tish asked Carver if he would help carry Isabela back to the Hanged Man to make sure she got there safely and without any further injury. Carver inquired why Tish wasn't going with them and she just bluntly stated that she and Varric had to go and sell all the items that they had collected and she would see him at Gamlin's house later.

xxXxx

A month later, Anders was pacing back and forth in his clinic, he was experiencing another night of restless sleep. No matter how hard he tried to focus, he couldn't keep his mind off Tish. She was always there, her face constantly on his mind. He wanted her so badly it hurt, but she had once again pulled away from him. Once again tried to shield herself as she emotionally closed off from him. As much as it hurt him, he was grateful to Tish. He was grateful that she had the strength to stay away from him and keep as much distance between them as possible. Justice kept telling him that it was a good thing, because they would only end up hurting her and that was the last thing either of them wanted. He let out a frustrated sigh and decided that a sleeping draught might be the only thing that could help him get some rest. He walked over to his work bench and started brewing the mix. Once finished, he looked at it for a long moment before swallowing it in one big gulp. Minutes later he started feeling a little woozy, and his bed was sorely needed. He walked into his make shift bedroom and threw himself on his bed, blissfully allowing sleep to overtake him.

There she was, surrounded by flowers in a field that looked as if it was made just for them. She was standing under a tree, her beautiful dark hair swept up by the blowing breeze. He walked towards her, not really knowing what he would say or do once he was close enough. Tish spun round and smiled when she saw him. It made his heart leap with joy just at the mere sight of her. She was perfect, in every sense of the word.

Before he could utter a word, Tish cupped his face in her hands. "Anders," her voice became serious as she spoke. "I know you think you will hurt me, but you're hurting me now. I know you want me, I know you need me and I know that you care about me, but every time you reject me you slice a little deeper into my heart. Don't you understand, Anders, I love you." She leaned forward and softly pressed her lips to his. Her tongue begged and this time he willingly granted her request. Her mouth was so warm, so sweet...Maker she tasted like honey and chocolate. Her soft velvety tongue danced playfully with his and his body began to react to the feel of her supple body pressed against his.

He pulled away slightly and stared into her sparkling green eyes. Anders feathered light kisses against her lips as he whispered, "I love you." Tish paused, looking at him with hope in her eyes as he continued. "I was afraid to say it and I'm sorry. I was afraid of hurting you. I know I can never give you a normal life. Who knows how much time we will actually have together, but I want to spend that time with you."

All of his senses went flying out the proverbial window as she claimed his lips with her own. She tasted so sweet, he could get lost forever in the feel of her mouth against his. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly against him as he deepened their kiss, he explored every inch of her mouth with an insane hunger that was quickly growing out of control. He needed her, he needed all of her. Not breaking their kiss, he slowly backed her up against the tree, running his fingers through her hair, while he continued to completely ravage her mouth. She felt so good in his arms, it was as if she was made only for him. He felt her hands exploring his chest and undoing his robe slowly, pushing it off his shoulders and letting it drop to the ground. A part of him knew he needed to stop, that they were going too far, but he was too lost in her to care.

His need for her fueled a passionate flame that spiraled though him. He had to have her, and make her his. He pulled back slightly giving her better access to his trousers, which she removed without much trouble, along with his smalls, releasing his very throbbing and painful erection. He broke their kiss and found his way to her collarbone, placing soft kisses all the way onto her neck. He was thrilled to discover that it excited her further. He skillfully undid her robe, also letting it slide off her shoulders and onto the ground and quickly removing her breast-band, taking his time to marvel at her beautiful body. Her breasts are perfection; his imagination hadn't done the pert, taut mounds justice. He leaned in a took the hard nub into his mouth while his hand caressed and pinched the other breast. A loud moan escaped her lips as she pressed her hips against him, he groaned as he felt the heat coming from her moist center.

He ran his hands down her waist, he loved the feel of her soft skin under his fingertips, finding their way to her beautiful well-rounded backside. He grasped her bottom, lifted her up and pinned her against the tree as Tish wrapped her legs around his waist, teasing his shaft with the contact of her skin and making his hips buck involuntarily into her. He wanted to take his time, exploring every inch of her perfection, but his need for her over powered all else. He again claimed one of her breasts with his mouth while running his hand down her stomach all the way to her core. She was wet with anticipation, so he teased and stroked her with his fingers, exciting a moan to escape her lips before he inserted his finger into her warm wetness.

She gripped his shoulder to steady herself and pulled her fingers through his hair, drawing him closer as he was devouring her breasts, sucking and nibbling at them. She cried out his name and arched her back as if begging him to fill her completely, but as badly as he wanted her he wasn't ready to take her just yet. Anders slid two and then three fingers in and out of her, while stroking her pearl with his thumb, reveling in her muffled cries as her walls started closing in around his fingers. Maker she felt incredible, he imagined her tight wet walls enveloping him and a animistic groan ripped from his throat. He buried his face against her neck as he tried to gain control of himself.

He finally he was in control again, he pulled back to look into her beautiful green eyes before he captured her lips once more, their tongues dancing in perfect unison with each other as he continued to stroke and tease her. She lifted her hips away from him for a brief second, removing his hand and grabbing his length, guiding it slowly into her. A guttural groan left his lips as her tight warmth enveloped him. He started thrusting slowly, so painfully slow that she pushed against him to add pressure. Soon enough he started to pick up the pace, thrusting into her harder and deeper as she threw her head back and guided his lips to her breasts once more. Tish started to shudder as she started climaxing again, clamping her legs tighter around his waist. He felt his own release drawing closer as she milked him, he gave one final thrust as he spilt all of himself into her. Anders fell against her as their bodies shuddered against each other, enjoying the afterglow of their coupling. He kissed her passionately before gazing deep into her eyes. He felt his heart beating wildly in his chest as she confessed her...

Anders jolted up off his bed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he realized what he had just dreamed. His sleeping trousers were proving the point as well as his painful erection that demanded more attention. His mind drifted back to the dream of Tish; it had felt so incredibly real. She had felt so real. His heart was pounding in his chest; fuck, the one woman he wanted more than anything was now not only driving him insane in his waking hours, but now was tantalizingly haunting his dreams. He knew it was just a dream, but Maker he could still recall the sweet honey taste of her mouth, seeing her perfect body wrapped around him and feel the hot tight center close in around him as she took him in so completely. Justice was once again reminding him to clear his thoughts of her.

"Well, fuck Justice, that's easier said then done. Did you see any of that dream? Maker how am I supposed to forget that?"

"Yes, I saw it and her, but Anders that wasn't her. That was just your projected image of her. The dream is over, now you must put it behind you."

He knew Justice was right. He pushed the images out his mind, he got up, went to relieve himself as well as taking a much needed bath before getting dressed and starting another day of healing all who needed it. Thorough out the day his thoughts kept drifting to his dream, to Tish, and Justice would help him force the memories away. She had stayed away from him for so long and he ached to be near her once again. He wanted to be friends with her, more than friends if he was honest with himself. He just could not take that chance as Justice kept reminding him, this was a good thing. If they stayed away from her, they could not hurt her.

She started hanging around with Isabela more after she got injured at the Wounded Coast. Tish started drinking more and hanging out at the Hanged Man, only a fool would have been so blind not to see that she was in pain and something was bothering her. Anders knew she felt something for him, just as he did for her. But there was nothing he could do about it and it certainly didn't help him at all to keep thinking about it or about her.

He needed to distract himself before he drove himself around the bend with all this uncertainty. He walked towards his desk and sat down to start working on his manifesto when he heard her entering.

"Sorry, am I interrupting you?" she asked cautiously.

"No, not at all. I was just finishing up some last minute things before closing the doors," Anders expressed. "Do you need help with anything? You aren't injured, are you?"

"No, no, I'm not injured," Tish turned to Anders with a serious expression across her face, "I know you owe me nothing and normally I wouldn't even ask but I need you to help me with something, it's important and only you can help me," Tisha explained.

"I'll do anything I can to help you, you know that. What do you need?" Anders asked.

"I need to to teach me advanced healing, I can only do minor healing spells but nothing even remotely to what you can do." She let out a sigh and started pacing. "I don't want to risk losing anyone again, we almost lost Isabela that day and I could have saved her if I had the knowledge. Will you teach me, Anders? Please, teach me how to heal better," she pleaded.

"I could teach you, yes, but I have a better idea. Take me with you when you go out on missions. Then you can have the best of both. I'll teach you advanced healing and you'll always have me there and not have to worry about losing anyone." Anders reasoned.

She breathed out a frustrated sigh and shook her head. "I really don't get you, Anders. You say that we can't be together, that you will break my heart, but instead of just teaching me, you want to accompany me on my quests again." Her lower lip trembled as she gathered her strength, "I don't know how much more I take. You know how I feel and that won't change. I cant' take all the innuendos, teasing and knowing smiles. It's cruel, Anders. If we can't be together I can accept that, but you can't keep leading me on either. If are are to be friends than you must treat as you would any other friend. Can you do that?" Tish asked with a twinge of hope in her voice.

"I want us to be friends at least. You are very important to me Tish and I want to do anything I can to ensure your safety. I will teach you, but then you have to promise to take me with you when you go gallivanting into dangerous places again," Anders expressed.

Tisha sighed as pain rippled across her face, "Fine, if that is what you want."

"What are you doing? Can't you see the pain you are causing this poor girl?" Justice demanded.

"Can't you feel my pain? The ache, the longing is becoming unbearable," Anders countered.

"If you truly love her Anders you will leave her alone and give her peace," Justice advised. .

"Well, then I'm a selfish prick, but I can't stay away from her. Even if I can't have her, I need to be near her. She is my saving grace, she is my healer, she makes me feel and normal. I can't live without her; she is like oxygen to me," Anders replied sadly.

Justice just sighed, "Then the battle in you mind is already lost and it is only a matter of time before the body obeys the mind's desire."

A/N - Thank you to everyone that has added this story to their alert and favs lists. We are so glad that you like our story. Also a big shout out to those that took the time to drop a line in our box and share your thoughts with us.

Also, huge thanks to the betalicious team of Kira Tamarion & RandomWittering. Thanks for your help, support and ideas. You ladies are the best!

*Our lovable co-author Isabella Monroe has started a new story called Disarray. It's awesometastic so check it out asap. Here's the summary **Maker, she had Amell's eyes. When the rogue fixed her gaze on him and smiled an impish grin at him, his fragile world that he had built around him crumbled in complete disarray. Anders struggles to overcome his past while the future collides into him.** Ht tp: / /w ww. Fan fiction. net/s/ 7041 795/ 1/ Disarray (remove the spaces)