Plans, I had plans. Only one problem with that sentence though isn't there? The word had. It's funny how you make these plans but sometimes never see them through, like planning your entire life out as a little girl; yeah that most definitely does not happen according to the made plan. And that's just too bad, but we still try for the life we dreamt of, planned during our years of growth, but changing our minds time and time again, thinking this time it's perfect. And that's what I thought you were, my perfectness. Guess most of the time I was high on delirium.

Fighting Of Losing, Chapter 3.

Normally it is your eyes to open first thing in the morning, but not this morning, for me it was my nose. The blockage stench still lingered around the room, it wasn't as overwhelming as last night but still enough to give you morning nausea, I grabbed my friendly spray and pressed down the clip till the room filled with freshness. I was to start a new today and the only way to do that was to start with as smile, I tried but it was only a small one. Toeing my way to the bathroom I grimaced at the shower although it was now clean, it didn't feel like it. After showering and dressing, I left making sure I had my key. Seeing a vending machine on passing I stopped and selected a few items not the healthiest things for breakfast but I didn't care, and it didn't matter to me at the moment. Work was more than just a drag and a bore it was unbearable, focus wasn't my better of the day. I was still losing and I knew it.

"Are you going to lunch later Esme?" Elizabeth asked softly. My stomach felt ill but mentally I wasn't hungry.

"No, I'm not quite hungry, thank you." I smile a little, but my stomach had other ideas then me missing out on lunch.

"Well I think your body disagrees." Elizabeth laughs, and then turns serious. "I'm taking you out for lunch, so finish what you're doing, freshen up a little then come knock on my door, so we can go." Protesting would be no good, she was telling me, not asking me. My stomach growled again and I guess I was physically hungry.

If I were to say that this setting wasn't the least bit odd, then I would be lying. The whole arrangement was odd. Elizabeth never comes over and speaks to me, let alone going for lunch. So to tell you the truth this setting is and has definitely hit an odd patch, why should she want to be friends with me now, she been here for eight months and had ample opportunities to speak to me and make plenty conversations. It bugged me, did I seem like I needed a friend? A shoulder? But still why? I have been polite to her said the `hello's, goodbye's' did she need someone? Could I be there for her when I can barely get myself together? Right now I was wishing I had protested to coming, it would have been better sitting here looking at my lap.

"So what do you want?" Elizabeth smiled. I looked up to see our server waiting to take our orders; I picked up the menu and scanned quickly.

"Just a chicken wrap thanks."

"Ooh good choice, can I have two chicken wraps please." Odd. Even her tone sounded fake, not towards the server, but towards me. Odd.

"Would you like extra mayo with them?" the server asked, we shook our heads no.

"What drinks would you like?" the server didn't sound fake, but more of a forced effort, he seemed troubled.

"Still water please." I said quickly.

"Diet coke." Elizabeth asked. And with that he whisked away for our orders.

"So how are you?" she questions, not looking at me. I frown but answer as good as I could.

"Um...good, Fine, perfect, you?" I fumbled. Yeah, I didn't think it would go so great either.

"I'm alright it's you that doesn't seem It." she stared.

"What would make you say that? I mean what would make you think that? I'm absolutely fine." I don't think lying to yourself so much is good. But this time she doesn't stare neither is it gentle look, but more of an `are you derange?' look. I don't blame her I would look at myself like that; I need to grab my cool and quick, well I would if I knew where it was. I'm losing and I'm losing fast.

Thankfully the server was back with our drinks and wraps. "Is this okay ladies?" he asks, doing his job.

"Yes, thank you, how much would this be?" I say, he tells us and we pay for each of our own, he smiles when he see the tip he has earned and he thanks me. Again Elizabeth is staring at me.

"What?"

"Big tip much?"

"He was a good server, what can I say?" I sigh.

"Hmm he was right." she snorts.

"Pardon?"

"nothing." She smiles, but there was the fakeness again.

"No you said he was right, explain" I demanded. What was she on about?

"Honestly its nothing." She smiles again. Fake. I'd had enough of people being fake. Before I could question her again, an arm flew in front of my face.

"Sauceee please." A little boy no older than four asked. I couldn't see his whole face only his forehead and the hair on his head. His arm which was still in front of my face was quenching in reach for the `sauceee' as he called it. A familiar blonde man came over and claimed his?... I don't know what he was claiming.

"Jasper son, what have I told you, that it's rude to pester people, and I did say that we would get some sauce from our server. Sorry ladies, come on son, let's leave these ladies in peace." The blonde man picks up Jasper and smiles at him then to us. His eyes search mine. I recognised him. Does he recognise me?

"You're the lady from the other day right?" he asks politely. Yes he does.

"Yesterday actually." I say.

"Oh that's rights sorry, time just passes me by, half the time I have no idea what day it is." He explains.

"I know the feeling." I'm on automatic, that wasn't by far meant to leave my mouth but it did and I needed a quick recovery line. "I, uhh, well, I mean I'm not a paramedic but I'm guessing you find that a lot ...?" oh great recovery Esme, just great.

He smiles again, he's too nice. Surely he must see I'm an idiot? "No no, I'm not a paramedic, I'm a doctor, I was called for personally to come and collect them."

"That makes sense." Just shut up, Christ of course it does, he's a doctor, you heard him. I wish I were in a better state of mind.

"Well, we better go before, your food gets cold and in fact ours too, right little man?" jasper nodded his head.

"Bye ladies." And with that he leaves.

"Ooh what was that about?" Elizabeth chides. I almost forgot she was here. Shame she was.

"Nothing. Like you said." I'm being childish and I know it.

"Oh come one Esme. This clearly is something have you seen how hot he is, and you are on the market, you should go for it." She winks. I frown.

"And your nothing was clearly a something to, and how do you know I'm single?" like I said I don't talk to Elizabeth much, so how would she know? Suspicions started to build up.

"Again nothing and nothing you just seemed upset lately so, I assumed that... well yeah, you get it." This time she wasn't fake, but only she couldn't look at me whilst she said this.

"I don't believe you, you know something, and I know you do." I accuse.

"I consider you to be a friend to me Esme." I scoff. "But I just can't tell you this he would have my head, well not literally, but he would be angry. And there she goes with the he again. But this time I have worked it out.

"Edward!" I exclaimed. She looks worried. "It is, tell me what is going on now!" demanding wasn't the word, I practically screamed. Yeah, I'm still losing.

"Will you keep your voice down, people are looking. And firstly it's none of your business what he does now, you're not together anymore it's not my fault he found you boring. Second it's not my fault he found you boring." Wow. This felt like a kick in the teeth. No a kick in the teeth would be less painful.

"No your right I guess it's not, but he said he wasn't with anyone, and that we weren't just working out for him." And with that I felt stupid, humiliated and naive. "you." Was all I had to say, could say for the moment.

"yeah." She sighs. She fucking sighs. Does she have no remorse?

"What do you mean yeah? And you better give me a straight answer because I'm not messing around here now." I say, offering her something I shouldn't have a life line.

"I guess I'm the reason why he is not with you anymore."...

"Yes we have established that, well I have. What else?"

Was I being unreasonable? Yes. No. Probably? Am I in my rights to know why? No. Yes.

"put it this way he enjoyed more of a fuck with me then with you, like I said he found you boring, oh and that your parents had quite a bit of money so that meant you probably did too." She quoted and shrugged.

"He left me because he found me boring in the bedroom?" I beyond whispered. I was more then embarrassed and wish I had not asked. I ignored the other quote it wasn't worth it, it wasn't my fault my parents had money from being successful.

"Yeah he said, you wouldn't let him do half the stuff I let him do." I felt sick and her smirking wasn't helping.

"So what is this whole getting together, friendly friendly shit? To rub it in? Guilt? See what I'm like to so you will not be like me so you won't have to get your heart broken?" I cried. Yeah, I'm crying and I can't stop. I don't know how. And to top it off she doesn't answer me. "Don't talk to me ever again. I just, I can't believe, you know what it doesn't matter, its already happened." I walk away as fast as I can. Only thinking it does matter. And yeah, I've lost.

ahahaha I know this sounds really depressing at the moment but it will pick up eventually, when I can not tell you I'm kinda just writing stuff as I go along things I didnt even plan on going in here. ahahah ahh well, but yeah it will pick up. :D

I dont own twilight, and I will just have to learn to accept that ;]

I hope you enjoy and I beg you please please please review. I dont wanna feel as though I'm writing this for no reason, so if you wanna spread your love around, save some for me and review XD ~ Pixie :D