Thank you all!
Cone of Depression: Yes and no. Yes, people are gonna have some nasty rumours about him. No, this is not mpreg. He is not really pregnant. He takes this all as a joke.
New chapter! We don't get to the ball yet, but I am introducing you Frida, a daughter of a Danish merchant. She will have a role in next few chapters and she is here to bring some contrast on how Denmark is being a "weird" woman (according that time period's standards).
Third chapter: Being a mistress
Denmark had got a new hobby. He liked it a lot. Norway found it highly annoying, but he couldn't say anything because it was his fault in the first place that the Dane had got a chance to develop his new hobby. His peace of mind was a small price to pay after he had accidentally led the people believe that his so believed betrothed was expecting a child.
Norway had hoped that Mrs. Dumberg had enough sense to keep the thing between them, but he had been horribly wrong and it had taken only a day for the rumour to spread all over the court. People were whispering behind Norway's back and some bravest ones even encountered him directly, asking more and less subtle questions about his lady that rarely showed herself in the court. Because it was well known fact that the strange Norwegian lord was in close relationship with the even stranger Danish lord with lot of power and much friendlier attitude, people also directed their questions and comments to him. Denmark thought it was the most amusing thing ever happened to him and, for Norway's disappointment, he did nothing to stop the rumours. Everything was just encouraging him to keep up his new hobby of using the situation to make Norway ashamed.
And why he wanted to make his love of life ashamed? It was simply because it was rare to see the Norwegian like that. He never felt shame, or so Denmark had believed until this day, and the reaction was just too adorable. His cheeks would turn red from blush and he would look away when he explained with strangely quiet tone that he was sorry about the rumours. Denmark really didn't mind about people thinking that Dagmar was pregnant, but he was not going to drop it now that he could make the Norwegian do the adorable expression.
Norway firmly believed that Denmark was a man with low-standards and questionable habits, and after he figured out the Dane kept mentioning the rumours only to make him feel ashamed, Norway took care that the Dane knew his opinion about him. Even that didn't make the Dane stop, though he started to kiss the Norwegian after making fun of him. He seemed to think that made things better. Norway disagreed, but accepted the kisses anyway and didn't scold the Dane.
"Nor? Can you hand me that paper?" Denmark asked when he sat at his desk and wrote letter to a lord that was to be summoned into the court. Norway glanced up from the sewing works he had been doing. Iceland had grown up a bit again and needed more fitting clothes. Because he tended to not grow or act like normal human children, Norway and Denmark kept him mostly hided from the humans and couldn't really to walk to any tailor for getting new clothes for him. Their fear of what would happen if some more cruel leaders ever found out the Icelandic nation had a personification, also made them be more protective over him.
"You can get up and go to fetch it yourself", Norway replied.
"But you made me pregnant", the Dane said and smirked. This has been going on already for a long time, so Norway blushed only slightly and sighed.
"When the ball is over, we are going to countryside", he said, "and by countryside, I mean we are going up to my land. Somewhere to the fjords."
"Holiday?" Denmark asked with an excited voice.
"Not for you", Norway replied dryly, "you will stay here. I am taking only Island with me."
"Elskede, why?" Denmark complained, but Norway had already decided.
"It only makes sense and is the only way to ensure that the rumours will be forgotten", he explained, "after all. We can't really get a child and you can't live double life as a woman for ever. After the ball, I will tell people that Dagmar feels too over-whelmed in the court so, as I am a loving husband, I will take her to my homeland to raise our child in peace. Nobody there cares about the stupid rumours of Danes so everything will be forgotten soon and no questions asked when Dagmar disappears."
"But…"
"You can not come", Norway interrupted, "after all, why would my 'friend' follow me and my wife?"
"But Island…"
"Island is my little brother, of course he will come with", Norway noted. Denmark closed his month and pouted. He knew that wasn't going to help, but if he was lucky Norway would find mercy in his heart. It seemed to work somehow because the Norwegian moved the sewing on side and got up, picking up the needed paper on his way to the Dane.
"Maybe if you behave well", he said and placed the paper on the desk when he leaned over and kissed the Dane's forehead, caressing the messy hair with his free hand, "you can come and visit us. Maybe even stay longer after year or so."
"You tease", Denmark said and smiled when he placed his arms around the Norwegian's waist and pulled him closer.
"You are the one annoying me like there is no tomorrow", Norway replied, "aren't you supposed to go for your lesson soon?" Denmark rubbed his face against the Norwegian's chest and let a sad sigh that was enough to reply for the question. Though he loved his new hobby to shame the Norwegian and he was more than okay with the illusion, there was something he had grown to hate. It was the lessons held by Mrs. Dumberg.
"I don't like her", he muttered angrily and Norway nodded.
"I kind of got that feeling from the way how you have been complaining", he noted, "also, she keeps sending me letters about how uncultured and insolence fiancée I have."
"She is a witch", Denmark said, "all she speaks about is either how I should be grateful for you not kicking me out, how I should be obeying your every wish because, ah, husbands are always right, and I should shut up and let people push me around only because I am a woman. Or I look like one. I got a feeling that she thinks my only duty is to make you a child." Norway showed comfort by petting the man's hair and giving him another kiss.
"Don't worry, my heart", he said, "I would never expect you to be a quiet and obeying maid, though I have to admit it would be nice if you listened my advice at least occasionally."
"I do listen your advice!"
"But you only follow them when we are already in the troubles", Norway said and chuckled softly, "well, you go to face the horrible Mrs. Dumberg and I will go to see Island. Meet me for dinner?"
"Yes. I will not miss that", Denmark said and glanced down to his lap that was now covered with deep blue satin as the Norwegian had once again made the illusion over him, "can't you make my dress red next time? I like red more."
"Mrs. Dumberg said it is a scandalous colour", Norway noted.
"Even more reasons to like red, then!" Norway chuckled and kindly changed the dress' colour from blue to a shade of dark red he knew the Dane liked.
Several hours later Norway and Iceland were enjoying their dinner in the small dining hall they usually used for their meal times. The servants had already left as Norway preferred to have dinners for family only and was even ready to wash the dishes by himself afterwards if that was needed for achieving it. Denmark was late, but Norway took it calmly and trusted that the man would show up any moment. He was right because they had barely started eating when he heard the door slamming shut and quick steps coming closer, accompanied with the sound of heavy dress moving against the legs. Norway was rather proud of how well he had made the noise included into the illusion, making it even more realistic though he was still trying to find the best way to cover Denmark's speech. He had got it sounding good, but he had noted that sometimes it went down, showing traces of the Dane's own voice under the illusion.
But now when he was sitting at the dinner table, he didn't waste too many thoughts on making the illusion perfect. He knew Denmark well and he realized only from the angry, quick steps that the Dane was furious. So Norway did what anybody would have done in the same situation. He placed his cutlery back on the plate and glanced at his brother, who was trying to secretly feed his pet bird.
"Island", Norway said and the Icelander startled, dropping the piece of carrot on the floor, "Dan is back home. Would you be nice and go to check if there are any roasted nuts in the kitchen? The sweet ones he likes? I believe he would like to have something nice to eat today." Iceland nodded and jumped down from the chair, the puffing following close behind. He left the room just when Denmark stepped in from another door.
"Good evening, Dan", Norway said when the man, wearing the illusion of woman, skipped to him and almost climbed up to his lap in order to hug him.
"Norge!" he said with slightly angry tone, "can you believe if I tell you I was very close to commit a murder today?"
"I have no problems with believing that", Norway replied honestly, "what did Mrs. Dumberg do this time?"
"She had organized a Ladies' evening", Denmark replied, "which meant that we were having a tea with some of other ladies, who were just as snob."
"I think I can see where this is going", Norway nodded and gave the Dan comforting pat on back, "they were not really nice?"
"Not really nice is underestimation", Denmark replied, "they are cruel. All of them. You know how terrified we have been sometimes because of our leaders? Well, it is women we should have been afraid of all this time."
"How so?"
"They can make you feel bad even if you haven't done anything", Denmark continued, "and they can destroy you with only words. Hell, I am not even pregnant for real and I still feel like I have betrayed the whole womanhood and become the filthiest being in the earth only because I let a man to take me."
"That is…"
"And do you know what is the most horrible?" Denmark asked and continued before Norway managed to reply "nobody ever blames you. They only blame Dagmar for getting knocked up and praise you for making her an honourable woman by marriage. Nobody asks if Dagmar wants to marry or if she was s willing partner."
"Danmark…"
"I don't care about myself. I know damn well we are both willing to share a bed", the Dane said quickly, "but what about others? There gotta be hundreds, maybe thousands of women in this same situation. What if they are forced to marry? Who is gonna help them?" Norway blinked few times and stared at the Dane when he realized that instead of being angry about his own situation, he was angry for others. Norway had followed his struggle now for couple of days, but never had he thought there was more behind the Dane's frustration.
"My sweet Dane", he said gently and hugged the man, offering all the comfort he just could, "you never cease to amaze me." Denmark leaned on him and sighed.
"I think I will talk with my queen about this", he muttered, "she should understand."
"I am sure she will", Norway said and decided to change the topic a bit to cheer up the man, "say, did you piss of anybody today?"
"Of course, I did", Denmark replied with a slight smirk that didn't completely sweep away the angry look, but made it softer at least, "I think you will get yet one letter from Mrs. Dumberg."
"I am looking forward to that", Norway muttered, "I need something to use to set the fire on the fireplace in our room. What was it about today?"
"There was this one young lady", Denmark said, "quiet, dark hair, seems to get lost into her own thoughts most of time, and Mrs. Dumberg thinks it is great to pick on her"
"I thought she was focusing on you."
"Oh no", Denmark replied with a grin, "she tried. I told her to stop. Now she picks on the other ladies that are not as ready to defend themselves as I am."
"You told her?"
"She didn't write about it to you?" Denmark asked back and Norway shrugged.
"Probably did, but I stopped opening her letters after the first one", he replied, "I didn't enjoy the way how she descripted you and your quirks."
"Oh, you like my quirks!" Denmark said and smiled happily.
"I have grown to accept them, yes", Norway said, "what was it about this quiet, dark haired lady?"
"Well, her name is Frida. She is a daughter or a merchant, I think", the Dane explained, "and that old witch almost made her cry today so I decided to change the topic for something much better so she doesn't need to struggle with picking up the right damn spoon from the table. Who even needs so many different spoons?"
"Some people seems to find the number of spoons significant", Norway nodded, "pray tell me, which kind of topic you deemed more suitable for ladies' evening tea?"
"I started on how to kill a pig and then it kinda went on to best ways to deliver the critical hit on man's important parts", Denmark said happily, "I thought that would be something they needs to know."
"I agree", Norway said with a nod, "but I believe Mrs. Dumberg did not?"
"She was furious", the Dane said with a happy tone, "and she couldn't do anything for it because she has absolutely no power over me! All she said was", he took a breath and started to imitate the woman's voice with surprisingly good accuracy, "I will tell the lord about this, young lady! He has honourably agreed to marry you and raise your unborn child without the shame and this is how you repay! I will tell him and we see what happens to you!" Norway couldn't hold his laugh, so he let it go. His voice easily filled up the room and made the Dane even happier.
"I promise I will never kick you out. Only gods know which kind of troubles you will end up if I am not watching after you", he told the Dane, "but I wonder why she hadn't kick you out from the lessons yet."
"I knew you love me too much to let me go", the Dane said and placed a quick peck on the man's lips, "I think you are paying her so much that she really doesn't dare to let that kind of money to go. Also, we only have one lesson left."
"Are you okay with going there?" Norway asked, "I can always tell her that we are done with her teaching."
"If this gives me a chance to dance with you in a ballroom, I will do it happily", Denmark said, "I am also bit worried about Frida. I will have to show her how to survive this world."
"By telling her how to efficiently kick men?"
"Exactly", Denmark nodded.
"Are you actually learning anything there?" Norway asked, and the Dane nodded.
"Surprising lot, actually", he said and grinned, "I know now how to sit right, how to dance the woman's part and how to be quiet and obedient."
"The last one must be a lie", Norway said, "or I seriously wonder which kind of curse she has set on you."
"I can be quiet when I want to", Denmark said.
"Yes, you can", the Norwegian nodded, "but only couple of minutes. We tried this once, you remember? You held your breath to keep yourself from talking and eventually passed out."
"But I was very quiet!"
"I had to give you mouth to mouth to make you breathe again."
"Wasn't it a great excuse to kiss me?" Norway stared at the smiling Dane and slowly shook his head. Denmark looked like he had something more to say, but he was interrupted with surprising hard kick on his shin. He yelped and looked down at the Icelander who had managed to sneak in without anybody noticing him.
"Stupid lady, get away from my brother", he said and tried to push the Dane away though their height and weight difference made it impossible task.
"No, Is, I am Danmark", he said and dodged another kick, "stop, Island, no… I can be near Norge. He allows it, I swear! Norge!" Norway followed them with amusement, but when the Dane almost tripped on the heavy dress he was still wearing, the illusion making it so realistic that even when the cloth was not really here, the brains reacted for it and literally made the man stumble down, he lifted the spell. The small Icelander halted his attack and stared at the man.
"It is okay, Island", Norway said, "just bit of magic. Didn't I tell you that the Dane got stupid ideas again?" Iceland nodded and gave Denmark the last suspicious look before he turned and took his place at the table.
"How he can kick so hard", Denmark complained.
"Good training, I believe", Norway replied and smiled at the Icelander, "just as my brother should have." Denmark nodded and smirked to show that he fully agreed. He made his way to his usual spot on Norway's right side, and his smile widened when he was a small jar the Iceland had brought with him from the kitchen.
"Honey roasted nuts!" he said, "my favourite!" Norway and Iceland both nodded and the dinner time continued like normal.
"The ladies should…", Mrs. Dumberg ranted with a strong voice. Two of the three ladies were listening him carefully and keeping up their perfect pose while the older woman listed all the things the ladies were supposed to do and were not supposed to do in any situation. They were sitting in a salon and the sun made the temperature in the closed room way too high to bear. Still, the determinate teacher didn't allow them to leave and for sure didn't let them drop the act of a perfect lady.
Denmark didn't care at all. While two of his fate mates listened and learnt, he idly thought about his own things. He had learnt to close off Mrs. Dumberg's voice already and it didn't bother him while his thoughts were on his favourite topic; Norway.
"Just one day more", he thought and smiled, "one day more and I can dance with him, and I will seduce him and I will kiss him in front of everybody and nobody will say it is wrong!"
"Dagmar!"
"Oh, right, that bitch", Denmark turned his head to see the older woman glaring at him, "yes?"
"Yes what?"
"Yes, Mrs. Dumberg?" the Dane said and kept his smile sweet and innocent, because he had learnt that pissed of the older woman most. Being annoying was also the reason why he most of time followed the rules like sitting with a pose, keeping his leg closed, talking only when addressed, only to drop it all at the perfect moment. It seemed that Mrs. Dumberg knew what he was doing and that made her even more furious.
"Could you tell us, what lady should do when her husband wishes something from her?" Mrs. Dumberg asked. Denmark smiled so sweetly he could and nodded. Of course, he knew what person should do when their partner asked for something.
"The lady should do always whatever her husband wishes for", the Dane said, "but if the lady wishes not to do so, she can change her husband's mind easily with a carefully placed kick."
"Lady Dagmar, we will not…" Mrs. Dumberg started to say with an angry tone and easily Denmark blogged her voice of his mind, but instead of thinking about his Norwegian, he glanced at the two other ladies. Usually they didn't do anything interesting, but this time the one sitting on right, lady Ingrid that was a daughter of a minor noble, reached to Frida and whispered something to her. Lady Ingrid looked smug, but Frida had a shocked look on her face. Denmark watched them and frowned. He had to find out what lady Ingrid had said.
Mrs. Dumberg wasn't ready with the lesson yet and she kept going for a long time, but when they were finally free to leave, Denmark joined Frida on the way out. He had taken it as a habit to exchange few words with the shy woman every day when they had lesson, so Frida wasn't surprised when she found the wild natured Dane next to her.
"So, tell me", he said with an easy tone he used to win people's trust, "what you think about our lessons?"
"They are well needed, I believe", Frida replied with a shy, but friendly smile, "but it seems you have your interest elsewhere?"
"True that", Denmark said, "and did I see right that our fair lady Ingrid was whispering with you. Pray tell me, what she had to say?" A slight blush of embarrassment spread over the woman's skin.
"Dagmar…" she started.
"Dag, Frida, I have told you to call me Dag", Denmark said gently.
"But that is a man's name!"
"So what?" the nation replied and Frida gave him a weird look, before she continued with the previous topic.
"The things she said were far from nice", she told the man posing as woman, "I wish to not repeat it."
"I insist", Denmark said, "and I promise it will stay between us. My curiosity is simply killing me." Frida hesitated, but then she stopped and gestured the Dane to come closer. Her lips were almost touching his ear when she whispered what lady Ingrid had said her.
"She said she wonders how much… How much lord Sigurd paid you", she said with almost scared voice.
"Paid me?"
"Paid to…", she muttered, "to bed you." It took a moment for Denmark to understand and when he did, he laughed.
"That is funniest thing I have heard for a while!" he declared to a surprised woman, who had expected completely different reaction, "I can't wait to tell Sigurd about this."
"But Dagmar…"
"He didn't pay me", Denmark said, "I actually used years to seduce him and now that I finally got him, I am not going to let go." Frida gave him confused look and seemed to be shocked about the straightforward style, but Denmark just smiled and told her that he had to go. On the way home, he wondered how much Norway would laugh to hear the new rumour, and if it would be possible to draw out that adorable blush from him with this twist too.
...And now they think he was a prostitute too...
Like usually, this story is also starting to go to its own direction. Next chapter will be about the ball, but this is not ending there. Maybe three chapters more? Sweden will also show up (probably in ch. 5) and Norway is gonna have a big problems while Denmark gets a new job.
Are you still with me?