After August
Our Knowledge (Chapter 3 of 10)
Koushiro sat at his bedroom desk, staring at data he had collected in the Digital World. The blinds on his window were shut, blocking the harsh summer sunlight. His brain churned, neurons firing faster than he could consciously follow. The sensation of his mind alight, freed from distractions and danger, was a high unlike any other he knew. The Chosen had only returned to earth about two weeks ago, but he was determined to decipher all of the Digital World coding language he had discovered by the end of August.
He was so focused that he didn't notice his mother entering the room, and he twitched when Kae called him. The spell of concentration broke with a snap that caused a pang in his brain. Koushiro rubbed his forehead as he turned his chair to face Kae.
"Yes, Mom?" Although he wasn't fond of interruptions, Koushiro couldn't help smiling. There was so much to discover and to fear in the Digital World that Koushiro wasn't often aware of how much he missed his parents. Now that he was back on earth and the air had cleared between him and his adoptive family, Koushiro had a new appreciation for Kae and Masami.
And it didn't hurt that she was carrying a tray bearing watermelon slices, crackers, and a glass of oolong tea. She placed it on the desk, then squinted down at him, likely trying to adjust to the low lighting.
"Koushiro… Listen." The boy fought the urge to inch back. He recognized Kae's expression, a mixture of reluctance and worry, and knew what it foretold. "I'm sure your old routines are comforting, after everything that happened. But… you've hardly left your bedroom since you came back. We're worried about you. If you're willing to talk about it, I'd like to hear how you're feeling."
Koushiro blinked, then glanced towards his screen. Even at the best of times, he wasn't interested in or well-equipped for emotional discussions. His data was much more inviting, but…
His mind transported him back to the trolley during his last hours in the Digital World. Tentomon stood beside him as he worked, waiting for an opportunity to say goodbye, but unwilling to force that conversation. Koushiro did his best, but he was never able to articulate how much Tentomon meant to him, nor how grateful he was for his protection and companionship. Tentomon didn't press; instead, he accepted him, social clumsiness and all.
That acceptance was a blessing, and yet… Koushiro couldn't let it become an excuse to stop growing. He wanted to better express his gratitude for Tentomon when they met again, so he couldn't shy away from this discussion with his mother.
But though he had conviction, Koushiro wasn't feeling particularly capable. His fingers curled around the edge of his chair, an attempt to ground himself. "I… miss Tentomon. And, although it was dangerous, I miss the Digital World. I miss seeing and learning all of those new things. I miss… feeling…"
His courage floundered, and his eyes fell from his mother's. Her hand landed on his shoulder, a soft, supportive touch. "The other children relied on you. I saw them crowd around you when that… thing…"
"When I received the prophecy from Gennai-san," Koushiro supplied. Vamdemon's siege on Odaiba had shaken the populace. Kae understood the situation more than most people, but that was small consolation when her son was in danger. The pressure on his shoulder grew as her hand squeezed.
"R-right. But being useful to everyone felt good, didn't it? The fighting terrified me, but watching you shine… I'm so proud of you. So is your father."
Color crept across Koushiro's face. "T-thank you. I do miss functioning as part of a team."
Kae squatted, placing her face level with his. "And that's why I think you should go talk to your Chosen friends. Have you seen any of them other than Eimi-chan and Jyou-kun since then?"
Koushiro hesitated. For everyone's sake, he was eager to return to his work, but he couldn't lie to Kae, not after his disastrous attempt to hide Tentomon from her. "No, I haven't."
Eimi and Jyou lived in the same apartment mansion as the Izumis. Eimi visited often, and Jyou had popped in to check on him and ask nagging questions about his sleep schedule and diet. Koushiro had only contacted the others via email.
Kae's brow crinkled, causing a pinch of guilt. Gently, she tipped his face towards hers. "It's hard to see in the dark, but… Are there shadows under your eyes? Are you getting enough sleep?"
Koushiro tried not to react, but he felt his body's betrayal in the form of a tiny twitch. "I'm not tired," he replied, which was true enough. Focus and the thrill of discovery could propel him through an almost endless loop of 'I'll work for just one more hour,' especially when his goal was so important.
"Koushiro… Won't you please rest? Take a break for the rest of the day. You could visit Eimi-chan. Or how about Taichi-kun?"
Koushiro tipped his head. Eimi was at physical therapy, and he wasn't sure what he would discuss with the rest of the Chosen when he had no new data or theories to share. Furthermore, the project he had been engrossed in since his return was too important to delay.
But then… did it make sense to work on behalf of his friends while cutting social contact? I can offer more to them through my work than my company, though…
An image of Tentomon flashed through his mind, and Koushiro swallowed hard. If he allowed those old habits and thoughts to continue, how would he grow into someone who could make his feelings understood? If he ignored his mother's feelings, what did that say about him as a son? And what kind of friend assumed that his friends wanted him around just for tech support?
"Alright," he said, ignoring the waver in his voice. "I'll visit Taichi-san and Hikari-san." Kae's pleased smile wiped away his hesitance, and he mirrored it, happy to have given comfort instead of worry.
"That's great. Eat your snacks first, okay?" She left his bedroom, and Koushiro turned back to his computer.
He closed his programs, reverting his laptop's display to the desktop. The photo from the Digital World was his wallpaper, and he stared at everyone, nibbling on a slice of watermelon. Sometimes, having that image so close at hand was difficult. It was hard to look at the digimon that he missed, and he couldn't help wondering how everyone was doing, especially after that visit from Sora and Yamato.
I'm sure they're fine. They're all so strong. His eyes landed on Tentomon, and his next bite was harder to swallow.
Koushiro pulled his Digital World coding language notes back up, reviewing them as he ate. Soon, he'd go out and be social. Until then, he'd learn everything he could about the tools that might lead him back to Tentomon and the others.
XXX
Koushiro walked down the sidewalks of Odaiba with his backpack slung over his shoulders. He always had a habit of carting computer equipment to unorthodox places, but after the Digital World, that penchant cemented into dogma. What if an entrance to the Digital World opened on his laptop while he was away from it? He couldn't risk losing a chance to see Tentomon.
The August heat was intense, but Koushiro's mind was caught up in ideas for his program. He preferred working to walking, but light exertion and a change in scenery could spark new ideas and help him see connections that hadn't occurred to him at his desk. He rode a happy current of thought while his legs moved, following the flow of pedestrians.
Beep beep beep beep.
Koushiro stopped so quickly that the child behind him struck his back. "P-pardon me," he gasped. He slid his backpack off and moved to the edge of the sidewalk. With shaking hands, he opened the outer flap and felt around inside for his digivice.
The beeping continued, and his heart rate increased, pounding his chest with an almost painful mixture of excitement and urgency. At last, his fingers closed around his digivice, and he pulled it free, expecting a flashing screen and the high-pitched keening that heralded the opening of a Digital World portal.
That tiny screen was blank, and the device was silent. Koushiro stared, so frazzled that he considered the Taichi-like tactic of smacking the gadget. Where was the noise coming from, if not his digivice?
"Would you answer it, already? The beeping is getting to me."
Koushiro's head spun around, turning towards a pair of businessmen sipping iced coffees outside a nearby cafe. "Sorry," the other sighed, digging into his pocket. He pulled out a beeper, scowling down at the screen. "Gods, I step out for two seconds, and my boss is on my case…"
"Yikes," his friend replied. "Better get back, then."
"Yeah, yeah…"
Koushiro closed his backpack, unable to watch them any longer. He tried and failed to secure the outer flap, then startled when he realized that his vision was blurred. He wiped his eyes, then shrugged the backpack on. Had that beeper actually sounded identical to his digivice, or was he too eager to hear what he wanted to hear? Worse still, was he already forgetting the sounds of the Digital World?
As he continued on his way, Koushiro decided that he simply needed more sleep. After all, he hadn't slept normally since returning to earth. There was too much to do, too much at stake.
The child of knowledge walked on, unwilling to leave his future in the hands of fate.
XXX
Taichi used to love this cartoon.
He was lying across the entire living room sofa, staring at the television with Miko curled up by his feet. Sometimes, when he was tired of thinking of more serious things in the Digital World, he had fretted over missing the ending of this anime. He knew his stupid club mates would spoil it long before the VHS tapes were released.
Now here he was, watching the show without missing a single episode, since it released weekly and he hadn't been gone that long in earth terms. At first, that seemed like a good thing, something to look forward to. But now… Was it his imagination, or was this show kind of… stupid?
He watched a protagonist with spiky hair give his comrades a speech before a battle. Taichi's brow rose and rose as the character repeated typical phrases, words that didn't have much to do with his team and how far they had come.
Taichi was reaching for the remote when someone knocked on the front door. He peeked over the edge of the couch, expecting his mother to answer it. It took him a few seconds to recall that he was home alone. Feeling a bit awkward, he rose and walked down the hall.
Koushiro stood on the other side of the door, his round face red and sweaty. Taichi stepped back, giving him room to enter. "Uh, hi," he said, baffled by his friend's sudden appearance.
Koushiro removed his sneakers and stored them in the genkan's shoe rack. "Good afternoon. I hope you don't mind my stopping by." He scowled, and lines indented his forehead. "Pardon me. I should have called you first."
"Nah," Taichi said, shrugging. "You're good. I'm the only one here, though. Mom's shopping, and Hikari's at a friend's apartment. What's up?"
A sudden surge of hope overtook him, the first Taichi had felt in days. Koushiro didn't often make social calls, which meant- "Did you find something out? About the Digital World?!"
Taichi couldn't quite decipher the look on Koushiro's face, but he sensed that he had said the wrong thing. The boy looked away, eyes suddenly trained to the floor. "I'm afraid not. I'm visiting because my mother wants me to leave the apartment. She said I've been working too hard."
A pinch of guilt registered. Wasn't he glad to see his friend, even if he didn't have any news about the Digital World? Taichi saw Koushiro as far more than a tech expert, and yet, he couldn't help hoping…
"It's summer break," Taichi said at last. "What are you working on? I've just been bumming around here." He gestured towards the television, where a climactic battle was raging. Koushiro looked at the screen and tipped his head.
"I apologize if I came at a bad time. Would you like to watch your show? I remember you mentioning an anime in the Digital World."
Taichi watched the protagonist rush the villain, screaming a battle cry as he raised his sword. Somehow, the scene felt like thousands that he had already seen. "Nah," he said, turning off the TV. "D'ya wanna talk in my room?"
"Sure," Koushiro replied. "May I have a glass of water?"
"Oh, yeah. We might have some tea." He led Koushiro to the fridge and grabbed a soda. Koushiro poured himself a glass of oolong, and they carried their drinks to his bedroom.
Taichi plopped onto Hikari's bed, and Koushiro pulled up a desk chair. "How have you been, Taichi-san?"
Taichi shrugged, but not out of defensiveness. He didn't feel as guarded around Koushiro as he had around Sora. For one, he felt less embarrassed and hurt by his struggles, thanks to time and Sora's help. Plus, Koushiro was less likely to push for an emotional discussion. "Eh. It sucks, you know? But at least we have summer break to… I dunno, adjust."
Koushiro stared at him with a mixture of scrutiny and hesitance that Taichi couldn't explain. "Er- something wrong?"
Koushiro sighed and fell against the chair's backrest. "I suppose I should be forthcoming. She didn't say anything directly, but Hikari-san seemed concerned about you when she picked up your copies of the Digital World photograph a few weeks ago. And Sora-san and Yamato-san said that they haven't heard from you since then. Eimi hasn't mentioned meeting up with you either, which struck me as odd."
Taichi fought the urge to slap his forehead. "Do you all gossip about me like old women?" he growled. He could have added that he had seen Sora since then, but the last thing he wanted was to discuss that visit.
"We're concerned." There was an unusual edge to Koushiro's voice, a lack of polite softness that caught Taichi's attention. He focused and recognized Koushiro's 'you-know-better' expression. In other circumstances, he might have laughed at Koushiro's attempt to look serious and strict.
"Look," Taichi sighed. "Like I said, it sucks. I miss Agumon. It feels really weird to be here after all that time in the Digital World, almost as weird as it felt to be there, at first. But… I dunno, it will get better."
A thick, red eyebrow rose. "Hm. And how is Hikari-san?"
"Oh, uh." Taichi tried not to reveal his sudden surprise and discomfort. "She… seems alright? I mean, she hasn't said much about it, but… You know, she doesn't talk much about herself." But now that Koushiro mentioned it, shouldn't he have checked on her? True, neither of them seemed to want to talk about the Digital World, but…
As he hesitated, Koushiro's unwavering gaze grew more uncomfortable. "You haven't inquired about Eimi's health," he pointed out at last. This time, Taichi couldn't suppress a reaction. His shoulders snapped up and in, edging towards his ears.
Crap. He swallowed hard, trying not to picture Eimi's red, swollen palms. "Er- what did the doctor say about her burns?"
Koushiro winced and gazed at his own hands, likely also visualizing her injuries. "Her hands are heavily bandaged, and she can't use them much. But the doctors say that, with physical therapy, scarring is the only permanent damage."
Taichi's shoulders shifted from tense to gooey, slumping so far down that they seemed to be trying to ooze to the floor. "Hell," he sighed. "Physical therapy? Is she managing okay?"
Koushiro took a long drink from his glass, then placed it on the floor. "I'm afraid it puts her in a delicate situation. She's reliant on her mother for help for some basic, daily self-upkeep, and with her family situation… Well, she spends a lot of time in my apartment."
Taichi stared at the floor, almost wishing that he could fall through and end up somewhere else. Surely the Digital World was a more difficult place to be than earth, and yet… He knew that some of the Chosen faced tension at home, for various reasons. Had he given any thought to how they were reintegrating?
He tried to block the answer out before it came, but he knew his mind had been too full of his own sense of loss to worry about anyone else's problems. "Thanks for being there for her."
"Taichi-san…" Something in Koushiro's voice softened. "Um… I realize that I might not be equipped to… I'm not sure how to ask? But… I like to think that I came to know you well in the Digital World. Something's wrong. I'd like to help, if I can."
Strangely, a laugh bubbled up Taichi's throat. The soda can popped as his grip tightened, and Taichi placed it on the floor. "Are you serious? I always end up dumping my problems on you."
"I'm happy to listen." Taichi looked up at last, trying to gauge Koushiro's mood. His face was composed, save for the concerned press of his brow. There was no judgment, no frustration, no expectation, no visible storm forming from his own feelings. Taichi appreciated that his friends were concerned for him, and he was grateful for Sora's visit. But somehow, Koushiro… He was just so easy to talk to.
Taichi rested his elbows on his thighs, desperate to support a body that felt so heavy. "I… God. I wanna say that, you know. We're back home! We have food and AC and beds and video games and our families. It should be great, right? And yeah, of course we miss… We miss them, but… I should be able to deal, right?"
Koushiro's lips parted, but he offered no comment. Groaning, Taichi rubbed his forehead, trying to push away the pain building in his temple. "Man, when I was in the Digital World, especially in the beginning? All I wanted was to go home. And even towards the end, I would think, 'this will be over soon, and Hikari and all of us will be safe.' And we did it, and here we are, and now…"
His voice wavered, and Taichi waited for a sting of shame that never came. Koushiro merely nodded; either he hadn't noticed the signs of Taichi's emotions slipping beyond control, or he simply wasn't judging. Comforted, Taichi continued, "All I can think about is Agumon. Is he okay? Is he too lonely? Are the others with him?"
"We're all thinking of them, Taichi-san. There's no way we couldn't."
Somehow, Koushiro's rational kindness was suddenly irritating. "I know!" Taichi cried. "I know that but- Are the others having this much trouble? You all make it sound like you're… You know, getting out, doing stuff. I can't… I just don't… I don't want to go out there. It's like I can't… See the point? Or I'm not up to it? I dunno…"
Koushiro's calm gaze finally shifted to troubled. "Please don't assume that you're handling things worse than anyone else. There's a reason my mother asked me to leave our apartment. We're all struggling in our own way. The important thing, I think, is to keep moving forward, and you excel at forward momentum. I'm sure that, in time, you'll fall back into your stride."
"That's the thing. I don't feel like I did before, either in the Digital World or before that. I feel- I feel-" He came to an abrupt stop. Taichi knew that Koushiro thought highly of him, maybe even looked up to him. He was suddenly reluctant to tarnish that image, leaving him faltering.
"I'm no expert," Koushiro said, breaking the silence. "But after such a huge change, it's likely normal to feel lost. That's… probably why I've been working so hard. It's familiar. It provides a sense of forward momentum, even… if it is just a sense."
Taichi blinked, then swallowed a curse. Koushiro seemed so calm, so capable and independent. But he had gone through just as much as Taichi in the Digital World, and he was a year younger, too. It was crass to assume that he was fine because he was composed and mature. "I'm an idiot," Taichi sighed. "I didn't even ask how you're doing. Sorry, Koushiro."
Koushiro was silent for a long interval, and Taichi wondered if he was sorting through emotions that weren't quite reaching his face. "There's not much to tell," he replied at last. "In many ways, I'm happy to be home. I can't say I miss the danger or the exposure to the elements we faced. Odaiba's reliable power sources and strong internet signals are bonuses."
Taichi managed a weak laugh. "Was that a joke? Are you trying to cheer me up?"
Smiling, Koushiro asked, "Is it working? Regardless, as much as I appreciate being home, I… The separation from Tentomon, the loss of purpose among the Chosen, the lack of daily opportunities for discoveries… The Digital World is incredibly important to me. I can't help wanting to return." He frowned and scratched the back of his head. "Which is all natural, I should think, except that… I'm afraid it's veering towards obsession."
"Obsession? Wait- So whatever you're working on is related to the Digital World?"
That familiar spark of excitement lit Koushiro's eyes. Taichi leaned closer, expecting vital information to follow. After all, amazing things happened when the child of knowledge was primed.
But Koushiro edged back, stepping away from that place of joyous enthusiasm. "I wasn't planning on telling anyone. Eimi guessed, but I asked her to keep it quiet. I'm not sure if I can actually accomplish this, so getting everyone's hopes up… I don't want to disappoint anyone."
And suddenly, Taichi was on his feet. He stood over Koushiro, grabbing his shoulders. "Koushiro, you never disappoint. You can figure out anything. You always have." An anxious elation buzzed down his nerves, a weird combination of hope and distress. What if Koushiro was doing what he thought he was doing? What if he wasn't?
Those dark eyes widened, then glanced away. "Taichi-san… Have I ever thanked you for this?"
"Huh?" Taichi fought the urge to shake the smaller boy. Couldn't whatever this was wait? "For what?"
"For your confidence in me. Without it, I… I don't know if I could have faced the challenges the Digital World presented. And I doubt if I would have dared take on the task I'm attempting now."
With a deep breath, Taichi forced down his building impatience. "Don't thank me. We wouldn't have survived ten minutes without you."
"Me?" Koushiro echoed, sounding as flabbergasted as Taichi felt. "Taichi-san, we fell apart as soon as you were forced to leave our group. If any of us were essential-"
Taichi waved a hand. "Stop. We're a team; everyone was needed. The point is, you're amazing, and I wanna know what you're working on."
Faint color appeared on Koushiro's face. "Er- T-thank you. But please, I'm so far from completing this goal. The task is monumental, I don't want to raise anyone's hopes-"
"Koushiro," Taichi growled. "You're killing me."
Those thin shoulders squared beneath his hands. And suddenly, the tech expert that had guided them through the Digital World stared up at him, all confidence and determination. "I'm working on a gate to the Digital World."
His knees buckled, and Koushiro was squished into the chair as Taichi dropped his weight on him. "T-Taichi-san, you're heavy-"
"Are, are you serious?" Taichi wheezed. "You can do that?!"
"I'm not sure," Koushiro admitted. "In the past, we were often… Taken into the Digital World by means beyond our control. The tidal wave at the campsite, the rainbow path… You said you were simply pulled into the sky, correct?"
Taichi nodded, chin jerking like a bobble head. "Y-yeah. But the gate in Vamdemon's castle…"
"Exactly. There's at least one formal entrance between the worlds. Since the Digital World is made of data, and since you told me that you once saw a digitama materialize through a computer screen years ago, it stands to reason that I can code a gate. I collected bits of Digital World coding language during our journeys. I've been trying to decipher more of it since our return."
"K-koushiro." Taichi felt his eyes burning, could see the buildup of liquid. He didn't want to cry in front of Koushiro, but what could he do? "You're really serious?"
Koushiro's mouth twisted into an uncomfortable squiggle. "I'm serious about the attempt, but I can't promise results. That's why I don't want to tell the others yet."
A tear leaked out of his eye as Taichi rubbed his forehead. It felt like his thoughts and feelings were trying to pop out of his skull, too loud and powerful to be contained. "O-kay," he stuttered, sounding dazed. "I won't say anything. But, Koushiro- you can do this. I know you can."
"T-thank you. Given the coding language I've deciphered thus far and the evidence, I do think this is possible. However… Please, don't expect results soon. It will take weeks, maybe months, just to assemble a rudimentary gate, one that can theoretically pass messages between worlds. It could take years before digimon or people can travel through it. My hope is that I'll be able to contact Gennai-san through my efforts, and he can assist me."
"Hasn't he emailed you in the past? While you were in our world, I mean."
"Yes, but… It seems that conditions beyond my current control have to be right, and that they aren't now. Perhaps now that our worlds are cut off from one another again, all contact is lost?" Koushiro ran his fingers through his mop of hair, looking frustrated. "Just one message to Gennai-san could prove instrumental!"
Taichi's eyes pinched shut. He fought for control, sensing that something needed to be said. The Chosen relied so heavily on Koushiro, Taichi most of all. But though he had skills that the others lacked, and though he was working for himself as well as the group, Taichi couldn't allow Koushiro to carry everyone's hopes on his shoulders. He knew that pressure firsthand, and it could be crushing.
Taichi forced a grin as he eased back from Koushiro. "Hey, listen. Don't you dare beat yourself up; you've done so much for us. Take care of yourself, and don't push too hard. I know you'll find the solution."
Koushiro's mouth popped open, and Taichi fought the urge to tap his chin up, shutting it again. He waited while Koushiro processed his words, looking overwhelmed and a little embarrassed. "A-alright," he murmured. "But you need to take care, too. Please try to feel better, Taichi-san. I realize you can't manufacture emotional wellness, but… We're worried."
Taichi grinned. "Yeah, yeah. I'll make you a deal: I'll get out there if you will, too." He jerked his finger over his shoulder, indicating the Odaiba skyline beyond his balcony door. "Obviously, I want that Digital World gate, but… You come first. You have to take care of yourself. Promise me you'll get enough sleep."
"Alright. If you'll excuse me, Eimi will be out of physical therapy soon. I promised my mother that I'd get ice cream with her."
Taichi rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. "Is she still arranging play dates for you? What are you, five?"
"Taichi-san," Koushiro sighed. "My mother is worried about her. And, as I said, she's been encouraging me to leave my bedroom and spend time away from my work."
Taichi patted him on the back. "I know. I was teasing. Say hi to Eimi for me, alright?"
"I will. You can call her yourself, though."
"Eh." Taichi shrugged. "She'd rather hear from you."
"Hm." Koushiro's brow rose, granting him an unimpressed air. "Perhaps you're the one who needs an arranged play date."
Taichi couldn't help it; a barking laugh popped free, and he grabbed the door frame for support. "Listen to you!" he gasped. "If that's how you're gonna be, get out of here!"
"Gladly, if you'd kindly allow me."
They stared at one another, and Taichi wondered if his grin looked as stupid as Koushiro's. His friend said goodbye and headed for the genkan. Although he didn't want to prolong a farewell that was already ridiculous, Taichi had an urge to follow him outside. It was hot as hell, but ice cream with Eimi and this little snot didn't sound half bad.
"Are you still standing there?" Koushiro's voice called, echoing down the hall. "You're welcome to join us."
Taichi's arm slid down the door frame, and he nearly toppled. He hesitated, torn between the desire to go and the familiar heaviness that kept him contained in his bedroom.
You know you can't stay in here forever. Summer break is almost over. Maybe you can think of this as a trial run, or something.
"Fine," Taichi said, jogging down the hall. "But if anyone says 'play date' again, I'm out."
Koushiro's laughing face came into view as he approached the genkan. Taichi tsked and pushed him, clearing a path to his sneakers. When Koushiro's laughter increased in volume, Taichi muttered, "I should make you pay, since you invited me."
Koushiro's amusement came to an abrupt end. "Hm. Perhaps I should inform Eimi that you forgot about her injuries."
Taichi grinned and grabbed his sneakers. "You are the worst."
He followed Koushiro outside, renewed with hope that more than Odaiba waited for them.
Author's Notes:
Have I mentioned that I love Koushiro? Because I do. Look at this Good Boy, working so hard for everyone…!
Our Honesty is next! Please look forward to it, and remember to leave me a review. Thank you so much!