SBS Time!
M.G: In Gamfax II: Solid Snake, since the Smashers' bounties are removed due to them having done a good deed, does that mean Master Hand and Crazy Hand no longer have to worry about Big Brother's goal?
Game2002: Questions regarding the Armageddon won't be answered at this moment.
M.G: How did Master Hand and Crazy Hand know about the situation going on in Alias Lobby in Armageddon: The Corruption?
Game2002: They're keeping an eye on things related to the Armageddon, so they know. Also, if it's not too hard for you, please try to use better grammar.
Chapter 3
Umbra Witch of the Evil Lords
The Evil Lords' appearance made its way onto news reports. Footages of the Evil Lords' attempt at terrorizing Midgar recorded by some of the onlookers there were also shown during the broadcast. Everything the Evil Lords did made themselves look like slapstick comedians. When the people of Midgar were interviewed, they all said they didn't feel at all scared or threatened by the presence of those aliens and felt as if they were watching a public performance of sorts. Some even thought it was actually a public performance.
"I knew it… The Evil Lords have arrived at this planet…" said Incrediblus while watching the news with some Smashers.
"Didn't look like they were successful in what they wanted to do…" commented Mr. Game & Watch.
"Are you sure they're not a bunch of comedians performing…?" asked Bowser.
"You should never underestimate the Evil Lords," said Incrediblus. "They may have failed to take over that place called Midgar, but that doesn't mean they are not dangerous. Despite their constant failures, they never give up, and that is one aspect that makes them highly dangerous. If they keep on trying, they will eventually succeed, no matter how low the probability is."
Captain Falcon whispered to Mewtwo, "Are you sure there's nothing suspicious about Incrediblus when you read his mind?"
"No, there is nothing shady about him," replied the Pokemon. "Everything he said is the truth, other than the Evil Lords being dangerous people part. They only seem dangerous to him because he's… really weak and can't fight them properly… His victories are either through sheer luck or the Evil Lords' own incompetence…"
"That explains everything…" commented Captain Falcon.
After the news report about what happened at Midgar was over, it went on to bring up a report of what was currently happening at Station Square. It was currently under attack by a giant mechanical spider.
"Not good, Eggman!" Sonic said to the giant, mechanical spider standing before him. "You know it's not nice to attack innocent people without a good goal in your mind!"
The mechanical spider had a round body that was mostly red in color, with bits of black on it. At the front of it was a pair of silver mandibles that had small holes at their tips. The robot's four legs consisted of thick, gray wires that came out from the body's sides and arced into the air before coming down onto the pavement, ending with x-shaped feet. The whole thing stood about thirty meters tall.
"Shut up, Sonic! I don't need you to lecture me!" Eggman angrily said to his archenemy from the cockpit at the top. "If anything, I should be the one lecturing you for ruining my plans all the time! Why do I need a goal to do something bad? Why can't I decide to cause trouble because I want to try out my newest invention, the Daddy Long Egg, against you?"
"Daddy Long Egg? Ha! That's one hilarious-sounding name!" commented Sonic in laughter.
"Didn't pass biology, did you?" Eggman asked him. "It's named after the Daddy Longlegs spiders. They have the most powerful venom among all spiders, but they lack strong fangs for biting people. Fortunately, the Daddy Long Egg is big enough to give off nasty poisonous bites! Yes, I've got poison pumped into this thing!"
"You're the one who should be taking biology class," said a bespectacled woman as she walked up towards Eggman and stopped next to Sonic. "Daddy Longlegs being highly poisonous is nothing but a myth!" She had short, black hair and wore what appeared to be a black jumpsuit. She was armed with a pair of red guns, and attached to the back of each of her high-heeled shoes were blue guns.
"Knew you would show up, Bayonetta!" Sonic said to the woman.
"Since I went through all the trouble of coming here for some relaxation, I figured I might as well do some intense workout too," said the woman—Bayonetta—with a smile.
"Who are you?" Eggman asked her.
"Just a lovely lady who is annoyed that you interrupted her shopping trip," she replied.
"Well, then you should ignore me and go on ahead… before I destroy the mall!" said the evil scientist.
"How about we make a bet on who gives him the final blow first?" the woman asked Sonic.
"Sounds good!" Sonic said to her.
"Just make sure you don't throw tantrums if you lose!" Bayonetta told him with a wink.
"I'm no sore loser, but I don't plan on losing!" said Sonic. "We can decide what the loser has to do after…"
Before he could finish speaking, Eggman said in frustration, "Enough! I'm going to crush the both of you and anyone who dares stand up against me!"
BGM: Daytime Boss (Sonic Unleashed)
He pressed a button that caused the bottom of the mech's body to release a missile launcher that launched several missile at them. Sonic and Bayonetta jumped to the sides to avoid them, and then the former ran at a fast speed up the side of a building.
He jumped off the wall and towards the cockpit when he was at the same level as it. However, while he was still in the air, the side of the mech's body opened, and a turret came out and fired at him. Acting quick, Sonic moved his body to the side so that the bullet grazed him harmlessly. He curled into a ball as he continued heading for the robot and slammed into the turret, destroying it in a single hit.
"Don't get too cocky just because you destroyed one!" Eggman said to him. "They can automatically repair themselves!" His computer then told him that he was being attacked from the other side, so he looked and saw Bayonetta flying in the air using black wings and firing her guns at the mech.
Multiple turrets appeared from that side of the body and fired at her, but she dodged them while firing at them to destroy them.
Sonic, who was on top of the building he ran up the side of, jumped and launched himself at the cockpit at a fast speed, striking it with such a force that Eggman felt his seat shaking, but no damage was done to the glass. Bayonetta aimed for Eggman, but her bullets were bouncing off the glass.
Growling in frustration, Eggman moved the Daddy Long Egg backwards at a fast speed and got to a safer distance before firing missiles at them. The two dodged them while closing in on him.
While the fight was going on, the flying saucer belonging to the Evil Lords showed up and landed on a nearby building. However, Sonic, Bayonetta, and Eggman were too busy fighting each other to notice them.
"It seems that this planet has its own evil mastermind," said Lord Underestimateron while watching a hologram on the decagon-shaped table that showed the fight.
"How predicable…" commented Lord Hindsight.
"Which one? This planet having a bad guy of its own or the fact that we're seeing a spiny blue creature and a flying human fighting a giant mechanical spider?" Lord A asked him.
"Both," replied Lord Hindsight. "Every civilized planet is bound to have its own evildoers. Spiders tend to be associated with creepiness and evilness, so a villain creating a mechanical spider to terrorize people makes sense. It's no surprise that there would be a blue, spiny creature and a human that can fly, because every planet has its share of strange people. I can't believe none of you found any of these obvious. I saw this coming from afar."
"Why did I even bother asking…?" said Lord A.
"Isn't that obvious?" said Lord Hindsight.
"The fact that you even asked that proves that you are not as good as you think you are!" Lord Hasbrain said to Lord A. "You call yourself smart when you ask Lord Hindsight a question that you already know the answer to! This proves that you lack a high quality brain like me!"
Standing up from his seat, Lord A angrily said to him, "Trying to claim that you're smarter than me again, you arrogant b******?!"
"Of course I have always been better than you!" Lord Hasbrain told him. "You simply refuse to believe it! You're deluding yourself into thinking that you are the best of the best when you fail to realize that there is someone else here, me, better than you! People can see my brain, which is proof that I have an awesome brain that makes me the best of the best! I can't see your brain, so I wonder if you even have one!"
The two were about to get into a fight, but the others held them back. While they were doing this, Lord What said with a smile, "Gwok!"
Bayonetta was suddenly sent flying in their ship's direction when she got swatted by one of Daddy Long Egg's legs. She was able to reposition herself in a way so that her feet landed against the ship's side, and then she kicked off it to launch herself at Eggman. In doing so, the flying saucer was pushed back from its position a bit. The Evil Lords felt it.
"What happened just now?" asked Lord Oblivion while looking around.
"Looks like we're getting dragged into their fight," said Lord Exaggeratron while watching the hologram of the fight outside. "I say we hightail out of here. Look at the way they're fighting! There is no way…"
"Screw you!" said Scumlord angrily. "If those people are going to mess with us, then let us show them that we are not to be messed with! They think their technology and bad guys are awesome? We'll show them that what we have is a lot more awesome than anything they have!"
Scumlord then went into the navigation room, followed by all the other Evil Lords. In there, he pressed some buttons on the control panel while saying, "Let's give them a taste of our Super Big Bang Cannon!"
"Is there a need to use something so powerful against weaklings like them?" asked Lord Underestimateron. "I see this as a waste of firepower."
"Who cares? You'll have to give them a good scare if you want to be able to rule over them!" said Scumlord. After he was done pressing buttons, one side of the flying saucer's disk opened, and out came pieces of machineries that assembled themselves until they merged together to become a cannon shaped like a trumpet.
"Time to die! Behold the Super Big Bang Cannon!" said Scumlord before pressing a black button with the picture of a yellow cannon on it.
When he did so, a loud robotic sound saying "bang, bang, bang" loudly came out of the cannon nonstop. Sonic, Eggman, and Bayonetta didn't hear it, though.
Most of the Evil Lords were confused, as they were expecting a powerful energy blast to be fired. "I just remembered I performed checkup on the Super Big Bang Cannon last week," said Lord No-Brain. "It was running low on energy, and due to lack of resources, I replaced the ammo with the next best thing—my voice."
"So… what is your voice supposed to do?" Scumlord asked him calmly.
"Make things go bang," replied the robot, to which Scumlord responded by kicking it onto the floor.
"I OUGHT TO HAVE YOU SCRAPPED AND THEN MELTED IN FIRE!" Scumlord shouted at it angrily while stomping it over and over.
"Ha! I knew something like this was going to happen, so I made precautions!" said Lord Hasbrain as he went to the control panel to press various buttons. "Fear not! I have prepared substitute ammo for the Super Big Bang Cannon that is just as good as the original! Watch and be amazed!"
After pressing the fire button, bright light came out from the turret like it was charging up a powerful attack. After a few seconds of charging up, there was an explosion that blew up the cannon without firing anything. This finally caught the attention of Sonic, Bayonetta, and Eggman.
Most of the Evil Lords were at a loss of words, and then Lord Hindsight, who obviously wasn't surprised, said, "Of course, you're going to fail to make it work properly! This was to be expected!"
Lord A placed his hand on his forehead and said, "Remind me to never let Lord No-Brain and Lord Hasbrain anywhere near anything mechanical again…"
"At least it's not as bad as whatever you might come up with!" Lord Hasbrain said to him, causing the latter to snap a bit.
Outside, Sonic looked at the flying saucer and asked, "What's that?"
"I flew into that and kicked off it just now, but didn't bother to give it a better look," said Bayonetta. She then noticed Eggman swinging one of his mech's legs at her, so she made a large hand seemingly made of hair appear next to her just in time to block it. "Cheap shots are fun, isn't it?"
The hand disappeared, and then she flew higher into the air and said to the evil scientist, "I'm in a hurry to get to the mall for its big sale, so I hope you have no hard feelings if I decide to end things right here and now!"
BGM Ends
BGM: Let's Hit the Climax! (Bayonetta)
She then struck a pose while chanting some unintelligible phrases. After doing so, a portal appeared behind the Daddy Long Egg, and much to the two's surprise, a large black spider wearing a crown of skulls appeared from it.
"What… What is that?!" asked Eggman. The spider let out a screech, revealing fire that burned constantly inside its mouth, before jumping onto the mech. Its legs struck the metallic surface with such a force that they went through it like it was butter. "Hey you! Get off my ride!"
Eggman moved the Daddy Long Egg around in an attempt to get the giant spider off, but the latter kept on slamming its legs against the mech to create more and more holes. As more holes were created, the less functional the mech became. Soon, the entire thing fell to the pavement with a crash, as its legs were no longer functional nor were they able to support the body.
Eggman growled in frustration and, as much as he hated to admit it, decide to retreat. The cockpit floated into the air, revealing itself to be the Egg Mobile all along, and flew away from the place. "Don't think you've seen the last of me!" he angrily said to Sonic and Bayonetta. "I'm going to come back with something bigger and…" Before he could finish speaking, the Egg Mobile came to a sudden halt. "What the?!" He looked around and found his ride caught in a large, black spider web that covered the front of another portal. "What in the world?!"
Smaller versions of the spider showed up on the web and slowly closed in on the panicking Eggman, who was trying with no avail to get his Egg Mobile moving. The spiders came in contact with the Egg Mobile and started damaging it with their mandibles and legs, so Eggman had only one thing to do left. He pressed a button that caused himself to be ejected from his ride.
Wings appeared at the back of his seat, while handles appeared around him, and then he used them to fly away from the place. "You'll pay for this!" he angrily shouted.
The spiders then retreated back into the portals, which closed as soon as they did.
BGM Ends
"Well, this is new…" commented Sonic after witnessing all that.
"And he never used any of the poison he claims to have. All barks and no bites…" said Bayonetta as she landed on the same building Sonic was on. "Well, looks like I won the bet!"
"Yeah, you did, but I still had fun fighting alongside you!" Sonic told her. "Feel free to ask me for anything. I'll do it as long as it's within my power!"
Bayonetta took out a notebook and showed it to him. "These are the things I was planning to buy, so if you will kindly get them all for me."
The Evil Lords witnessed everything, and after it was over, their flying saucer took off into the air and hurriedly left the place.
"There's no way we can attempt to take over this place!" said Lord Exaggeratron. "You've seen what those people are capable of! If there is anyone on this planet who can destroy the whole place, it's them! I have never seen such terrifying power before!"
"Bah! I've seen better things than that!" said Lord Underestimateron, unimpressed. "I don't need any more than my tube and some darts to destroy them all!"
"We'll have to find a place to fix the Super Big Bang Cannon," said Lord A. "I'm going to make sure that nothing like this happens again! How are we going to take over this planet if we don't have our weapons prepared? Geez… Nothing ever goes right with any of you people! You always need me to get the job done!"
"If we really do need you to get the job done, then why is it that we keep on failing?" Lord Hasbrain asked him. "Clearly it's because you all should be listening to me instead! My brain is so much better than all nine of yours combined! None of you here have the brains to realize that I'm the one fit to be the leader!"
And thus began the argument between Lord A and Lord Hasbrain…
"Oh yeah," said Sonic while looking around. "Where did that spaceship or whatever go?"
TO BE CONTINUED
I've made Sonic and Bayonetta meeting each other before, but we never got to see that moment. The both of them knowing each other is also a reference to them being owned by Sega.