I'm still fairly certain I don't own Harry Potter...You'd think I would know, wouldn't I?

The Room of Requirement had outdone itself. It had sprouted everything that Ellyn could possibly have needed to teach Harry how to act like a pureblood. It had a table area with the complete setting, a socializing area with tables to stand at and couches in clusters, and a gorgeous mahogany dance floor. There was even a small area that acted as a veranda of sorts, with a painting of the evening stars surrounding it in three directions. Ellyn looked on, proud of her precise instructions.

"Hey Ellyn, what time is Harry supposed to—" Ginny stopped in her tracks at the door. "Wow." Her mouth was open and her eyes bulged slightly.

Ellyn smirked. "You look like a codfish. Close your mouth," she teased. "He'll be here any minute, by the way, if you even remember what you were going to ask me. So, do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's brilliant. I didn't know it could be so...elegant." Ginny tried.

"Well, I didn't know what it could do, but I shouldn't have underestimated it. It gave what I asked for and more." Ellyn responded.

"It is pretty cool. But how will it help Harry to learn everything?" Ginny asked.

"It probably won't. He's too thick to notice any difference." Ellyn said scornfully.

Ginny examined her nails. "I notice that you never insult him so much when he's actually around..." She mentioned.

"Of course not. My manners are higher than that," Ellyn responded, flipping her blonde hair behind her shoulder dramatically, and otherwise acting aloof.

"Could it also be that he taught you everything you know about self-defense?" Ginny smirked. Ellyn tackled her, the room thoughtfully providing a mat on which for them to fall. They wrestled for a moment or two until—

"And this is the girl I'm supposed to learn manners from," said a voice from the doorway. "I trust that this is some ancient tradition, to attack the first person who says something remotely insulting."

"Harry!" Ginny jumped up, hair in disarray, hurrying to compose herself. "How are you?"

"Hey Ginny. I'm great, thanks." Harry turned to look at Ellyn, who was also composing herself, if in a slightly less exuberant fashion. "So how do we start this? By the way, thanks for doing this at such short notice," he apologized.

Ellyn offered him the back of her hand, smiling slightly, and saying "My pleasure, Mr. Potter," obviously expecting him to kiss it. He reached out, took her hand and turned it vertical, and proceeded to give it a firm shake. It was all Ginny could do to not giggle at the disgusted look on Ellyn's face.

"What is it?" Harry asked, also noticing.

"You were supposed to kiss it, that's what! Can you not recognize the signs when a girl wants her hand kissed?" Ellyn exploded.

"Er..." Harry looked blank. "Well, the way you were holding it seemed a bit off...is that it?" he asked.

"Yes. See the way I'm holding it horizontal? That means I want you to kiss it. If I hold it vertical, like this, it means I want you to shake it." Ellyn demonstrated. "Most girls are going to want you to kiss their hands, seeing as you're an available bachelor."

"I'm not available!" Harry shouted, alarmed.

Immediately, Ginny's ears perked up. "What? You're dating? Who?" Ginny asked, trying and failing not to sound too eager.

"No one, but, Ellyn, I'm not looking for a girlfriend, or a fiancé, or a wife, so, won't they just leave me alone?" Harry pleaded.

"Hmmm, unclaimed, famous, handsome bachelor with no strings attached...No, I don't believe they will leave you alone." Ellyn answered. "Sorry to play the devil's advocate."

"But they have to...Wait, you think I'm handsome?" Harry asked.

"Is this the only thing that boys think about? Themselves?" Ellyn asked. "I never should have said handsome..."

"No, you shouldn't have," Ginny muttered under her breath protectively.

"Enough of this. We came here to teach you, Harry. Not to screw around. Let's get started for real." Ellyn ordered.

"Okay, okay," Harry raised his hands in surrender. "Sorry."

"Right, well, the first thing to do is table manners, since the banquet will precede the dance," Ellyn told him. "I trust you know the basic manners? Working from the outside in and all that? Know not to belch at the table?"

"You mean I can't challenge anyone to a belching contest?" Harry asked, feigning indignance.

"If you joke like that at the party, you will be so embarrassed you will die," Ellyn warned him. "The purebloods will comment on it all night until you wish to Merlin that you had died before you said it."

"That's brilliant," Harry said sarcastically, looking dejected.

"Get used to it," Ellyn told him, an 'Oh, grow up' look on her face. "This is how pureblood society works. They have long memories."

"That's brilliant, too," Harry said in much the same tone as before.

"Anyways, as a rule, you wait for all those who are older than you to sit down before you do," Ellyn instructed, deciding to ignore that last comment. "Then, when they are all seated, you pull out the chair for your dinner date—"

"Date?" Harry interjected. "I have to invite a date! No way! Not a chance. I refuse. You remember what happened at the Yule Ball? I crashed and burned! I waited until the last instant I possibly could and—"

"Shut up!" Ellyn screeched over the torrent that had been getting louder and louder. "No, you do not have to invite a date. While you are socializing before the meal, the mother or father of a girl will introduce you to their daughter and suggest you have dinner with them. Then all you have to do is agree and lead her to dinner." She told him. "And I was getting to that part."

"Oh. Well, what do I do if I don't want to have dinner with her?" Harry asked, remarkably calmer.

"You do it anyways," Ellyn answered him. "The father will take it as an insult if you refuse. Never disrespect a lady in her father's presence. He will take it as a slight to his personal honor, and you will come out worse off, trust me." Harry gulped. "As I was saying, you hold the chair out for her before sitting yourself. Then, if she gets up at any point during the meal, stand to see her off. Then you may sit, but when she returns, get up, pull out her chair and help her sit again. Oh, yes, and make sure her belly is six inches from the table when you help her to scoot her chair in. Otherwise it would be difficult for her, seeing as it is rude to move her chair once she has been helped."

"Should I be taking notes?" Harry asked, overwhelmed.

"If you can't retain the knowledge, then yes." Ellyn answered him.

Harry sighed. "That's already almost a foot of notes and we haven't even begun the meal manners yet."

"Actually, that was all I was going to say on meal manners. I trust that you know the regular dinner manners. They are the same as the Muggles', I believe." Ellyn told him.

"Yeah, sure," Harry said.

"Excellent."

Hermione was sitting in the common room, curled up in an armchair by the fire, reading. Then she heard the shouting. "What on earth—"

"Yes, you have to use your napkin, Harry, what are you, a Neanderthal?" Ellyn's voice was easily recognizable from the distance.

"But why? I'm a very neat person by nature, I never use it! I just leave it by the side of my plate at dinner!" Harry's voice was equally loud and distinctive.

"That's beside the point! It's completely rude to not use it!" Ellyn was getting to the point where there would be no turning back.

"Why?" Harry asked her, voice thundering.

"Why?!" Hermione could almost hear Ellyn inflating. "Did I or did I not tell you that it is impossibly rude to not use every single thing that your hosts push in front of you? Not to mention that using a napkin is something that everyone on the planet does! Ugh!"

Ellyn stalked past Hermione, holding up her hand when Hermione started to speak. Seeing Harry approach, Hermione opened her mouth. "How did it—" was as far as she got before Harry walked past, too. "Oh, it was lovely, Hermione, I learned so much. Ellyn is a brilliant teacher..."

"Talking to yourself, Hermione?" asked Ginny, amused.

"No, I'm having a pleasant conversation with Harry that he didn't have time for," Hermione answered, "though you seem to be talking to me, so now I may as well have one with you. What happened?"

"Oh, it was bad," Ginny shuddered. "Harry was, at least, and Ellyn wasn't very patient with him. They don't make a very good pair."

"How did he treat you?" Hermione asked, immediately regretting it from the look on Ginny's face.

"He brushed me off, as usual," Ginny said, biting her lip and blinking back tears. "I just can't understand how he can't see how hard I am working to be nice to him."

"He always was a bit near-sighted," Hermione agreed. "But maybe that's just it. Maybe you shouldn't try so hard. Maybe you should just be yourself."

"My self tells me to run away and hide every time he comes within six feet of me," Ginny retorted angrily. "Do you think I should listen to it?"

"The feeling you get when he comes near you is not you," Hermione told her, determinedly calm. "That's nervousness, and believe me, I know you're not a naturally nervous person."

"Well, I am around him!" Ginny intoned, louder than before.

"Around who?" asked Ron, walking up. Not waiting for an answer, he continued. "Hermione, what's up with Harry? He won't even speak to me. Not a word!"

"His training session didn't go as well as he had hoped," Ginny interrupted in a contempt filled voice. "He, as Ellyn so wisely put it, is a Neanderthal." She stalked in the direction of the girls dorms, presumably to join Ellyn. Ron and Hermione exchanged a shrug and began again with what they had been doing before the disturbance.

Dinner was a very one-sided conversation between Ellyn and Ginny. Ginny was still sulking, angrily glaring at Harry every once in a while, but he was too busy just as angrily stabbing his food down the table to notice. Ellyn seemed to have forgiven Harry's previous behavior, but Ginny's pride would take a while to mend.

Someone cleared their throat from behind Ellyn. Seeing Ginny's stony face, she imagined she could guess who it was. She turned around. "Hi, Harry," she said sweetly."Please accept my greetings. Is there something with which I can assist you?" she was using formal pureblood speak and he knew it.

"My ...greetings as well," Harry stuttered. "I wish to request that you begin my lessons on the proper behavior once more."

"I was unaware that anything had brought them to a close. We have, after all, only had one session," Ellyn slipped easily into character.

"I assumed we had stopped because of the...the..."Harry paused. "How do you want me to say fight in pureblood?"

"Our disagreement?" Ellyn asked, pretending she hadn't heard the last comment. "It was of no consequence. The lessons will resume."

"Great, thanks, Ellyn," said Harry dropping out of his badly shown pureblood manners. "See you, Ginny." He left, rejoining Hermione and Ron.

Ellyn turned and looked at Ginny, opening her mouth to say something, but she never got quite that far. She was too busy laughing. Ginny's face showed an exited elation and her mouth formed the words 'see you Ginny' over and over.

"He spoke to me!" she whispered, ignoring Ellyn. "I didn't prompt him to and he spoke to me!"

Ellyn stopped laughing long enough to inform Ginny, "You are lovesick, my dear. You're so lovesick, you've practically caught your death of it!"

"I don't care," was Ginny's dreamy answer, obviously not listening to Ellyn. "Oh, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Har—"

"Ginny? Shut up."

"Sorry."

Ellyn and Harry make quite the explosive pair, wouldn't you say? Hehehe. They were never meant for each other anyways.

So, what do you all think? Awesome, good, mediocre, bad? Terrible?

Read and Review please—your encouragement is how I go on!

Love,

~Boston