Okay, wow…to think I would actually be able to go on with this is quite amazing. Once again, I thank all of you reviewers out there…all three of you…and if you read this without reviewing, you run the risk of me finding you and sending my trained apes after you. I know a guy. He works in a zoo. He smells. I'm lookin' at you, person-who-favorited-without-reviewing!...I have problems with names, all right?
Whose POV is this, you ask? Well, you'll just have to find out for yourself.
Disclaimer: I don't own KH. Or, for that matter, Zexion or Demyx, Larxene or Namine, Axel or Roxas, or anyone else mentioned in this chapter. Oh, but I want to…I've been single way too long.
After being dragged through Aerith's Rose bushes (note to self: get lots of flower bulbs for Aerith) with thorns in full bloom, and paying Leon the ridiculous amount of 90 for my H Mags, I sauntered back into my kitchen, hoping it wasn't obvious where he fell on me and tried to crush me. Sure, he told me it was an "accident"-that he was "exhausted"-but you can never really be sure of anything around Leon. It came as a surprise-a very unpleasant one-to find Mr. Closeted himself at the table, drinking something I could only assume was booze. Or shoe polish. I would, too, if I were closeted.
"So," I said, trying to be tactful around his stupid opinions, "why would Leon want my H Mags?"
"How the hell would I know, queer?" he shot back. Ouch. Leon must not be all that good, to put someone in this sort of mood. At least, that's what Roxas tells me. He's awfully chipper on my best days. Anyhoodles, I decided to use "logic". He would have a hard time against that.
"Uhh…you gave them to him. Leon told me everything after I paid him 90, which I really couldn't afford to do, seeing as I've lost my wallet again. Anyhoo, I don't really care, or want to know about your sex life, but come on, really…Leon? Tall, dark, and brain-dead?"
Zexion glared at me, but I really couldn't care less, seeing as I was on a roll. "Let me tell you one more thing, big brother," I went on. "Larxene and I saw you at the Life Café yesterday." I could see that he gave a little twitch. This stung him, and that was good. "You see, that cute guy you were having eyesex with? His name's Demyx. Demyx Ocean. He's been playing guitar since 7th grade, lives with his mom and granddad, hell, he goes to our school. He's a year older than me; he's in your grade! Didn't you recognize him? He probably recognized you, but I don't know what he sees in you."
Ol' Zexion slammed down on the table, and something about the look in his eye gave me the feeling he was annoyed. "Listen, fag," he hissed. Suspicions confirmed: he was annoyed. "I am not one of you. You're a bunch of AIDS-infected, child-molesting sick perverts. What you do is unnatural. Now get the hell out of here."
Then I did something I never thought I would do-I smiled. I was actually laughing at him losing his cool, and whatever he thought didn't matter at all to me. "I'm not afraid of you," I said.
It was hard to read Zexion right then. He just turned around and stormed out.
Two days later, at the Life Café.
Larxene and I had decided to meet up at the café with Roxas and Namine. We figured it would take some work to get our-dare I say it-brother out of the closet.
"So," said my amazingly cute boyfriend Roxas, "as we've all heard, Zexion is flammable. That should make our job much easier, but we need someone who can set him off." Kong: "Flammable" is semantics for someone who's closeted but their hormones can be set off by an amazingly hot person. He sighed. "Does anyone have any ideas?"
Namine fidgeted. I never understood why she was with Larxene if she was so shy. "Umm…" she began, "you said he was having eyesex with Demyx, so maybe he should-"
Roxas and I had already thought of that, but we decided not to involve him out of respect for the fact that he was way too bubbly to really captivate Zexion, and we were afraid that he would just get crushed, like by that bastard Marluxia. At least, I thought so, and who was a better judge of relationships then me? Then again, Roxas thought it would be good for Demyx. Poor Roxas really needs to open his eyes and see that he just isn't made for this. I told Namine this; at least the first part.
"Hold on," she said, as I took a sip from the cappuccino, "Maybe we should reconsider it. I mean, we can never really be sure how they'll react, right?" Wait, was I going crazy? No, a crazy person wouldn't have been able to see the truth in her words. She seemed to have the most powerful, persuasive argument I'd ever heard, and I banished all thoughts of arguing. "Best case," she went on, "both Demyx and Zexion are happier than they've ever been, and Zexion is out of the closet and won't treat you like crap. With Demyx's personality, I don't really see how this could fail." She was right, oh, there was no denying that now! It was impossible for me not to agree.
Roxas and Larxene agreed, their voices swelling to a crescendo of truth and light. I was all in for this plan; but suddenly I felt pretty tired. I decided to say goodbye to everyone, and I headed back home. It would all be perfect with Namine's brilliant planning.
Roxas turned to Larxene as Axel left, more than a little confused. "How much of the Persuasion drug did you give him?" he asked.
Larxene chuckled. "Just enough to make him look drunk and get him arrested," she said, as if she were speaking from experience. Roxas gave her an odd look, suddenly realizing why Axel had once needed to cancel a date unless he got together 5,000 for bail.
"Well," he said, unsure of how to treat the idea of marrying into this family, "I'll, uh, go break the news to Demyx that he's getting engaged. See ya."
I woke up the next morning on the couch, not sure what exactly had happened last night after the clowns invaded (I hate clowns-ugh) or why I was handcuffed to the coffee table.
Well, wasn't this an exciting chapter? No, it wasn't, but things are coming to a head now, and I'll try to get the next chapters up around my busy schedule.
Kong