Thank you again for all the favourites, follows and mostly reviews! I'm glad everyone is enjoy this because I love writing it. I don't know how many more parts there with be, probably 1 or 2. Enjoy.
The Precipice
Part III
The next morning when Hanna wakes up she has a mild panic, forgetting that she'd stayed at Paige's house.
When she finally manages to calm her breathing she tosses the blanket aside.
Her arms come into view and it should repulse her looking at the cuts, but instead it almost soothes her, each one a reminder of how worthless she is.
Her head throbs the same as if she'd drank herself into oblivion, but even through the pain she can't help being the tiniest bit proud of herself.
She'd kept her promise not to drown in the bottom of a bottle.
For a second a smug thought runs through her mind.
Take that Aria.
But as fast as it comes it's gone, replaced by the empty ache in her chest at the loss of one of her best friends.
It's at that moment Paige comes into the room, hair done, clothes on, backpack in hand.
She offers Hanna a small smile.
"Morning. Did you sleep okay?"
Hanna just shrugs.
Paige moves over to the couch and sits down next to her, offering her a pair of jeans and a band t-shirt.
"I thought you might want to change before school… you still have enough time to shower if you'd like. I didn't figure you'd want to go home…"
Before the girl can finish her sentence Hanna interrupts.
"I can't go to school today, I can't see the others I can't deal with them ignoring me, I'm not ready, how would I ever manage to get through the day when I'm completely alone!?"
Panic swells in her chest, tears stinging her eyes.
"Hey, hey, it's okay… You're stronger than you think Hanna, and you aren't alone. I'll stay with you all day if you'd like."
The blonde looks back to Paige in surprise. It's not as if she'd forgotten everything Paige said and did last night, it's just that she hadn't really expected her to stick around, because she knows that she's poison.
"You'd do that for me?"
Paige places her hand on top of Hanna's.
"I wasn't kidding last night, you matter Hanna, you're worth so much more than this. I'm not doing this out of pity or guilt or anything else; I'm doing this because I care about you, even if you don't care about yourself."
Tears start to sting the blonde's eyes again, but this time it's not out of pain, but out of amazement.
Paige wipes the lone tear that falls.
"Now, come on, go get ready. I'll make us breakfast. Oh, and I asked Caleb to pick your car up for the Montgomery's and take it home."
"Thanks Paige."
"Anytime."
An hour later Paige and Hanna arrive at the school, with only a few minutes until classes start they part ways, the taller girl promising that she'll walk the blonde to her next class.
Grabbing her choir music and notebook, Hanna set off for the music room. She stops in front of the door, peering in the class window. Aria, Emily and Spencer are sitting together, the later talking animatedly. Alison is behind Emily but Hanna can tell she isn't involved in the conversation. Instead her eyes are trained on ex-swimmer's back her gaze far away.
She's hit with a wave of nausea, and her hand automatically moves to her jacket pocket. That's when she remembers tossing her blade over the cliff. She silently curses herself; she'll just have to find another one later.
Slowly she takes a deep breath and pushes the door open. Instantly she hears Spencer's voice trail off, she can feel four sets of eyes on her, but she keeps her head down gaze fixed on the floor. She takes a seat as far away from the other's as possible and wills this day to go by faster.
When the bell rings signalling the end of choir she nearly trips in her hast to get out of the suffocating room. And just like when she entered she feels eyes follow her on her way out and their gazes' burn like white hot flames.
It takes her less than 30 seconds to power-walk to her locker, her mind turning every which way. She's frantic for another fix, another release from the pain, and she remembers stashing a second blade somewhere in her locker.
Her arms burn, her throat constricting as the mantra from the night before starts to replay in her mind.
Hanna's fat, Hanna's stupid, Hanna's a blabber mouth, Hanna's a bitch, Hanna's a fuck up, Hanna is worthless.
Desperately she rummages through her locker, until she feels a hand on her shoulder.
She nearly panics until she turns around and sees Paige staring back at her. Blue eyes are wide and wild; Paige can see the demons resurfacing. She reaches out a hand to steady Hanna's shoulders but the other girl nearly throws herself into the taller girl's arms, needing something to centre her.
The brunette doesn't say anything but instead wraps her arms tightly around the small girl and squeezes back with all her strength.
Hanna clings on, holding onto Paige like she's her lifeline, which she kind of is.
Down the hall, two tall brunettes stare opened mouthed as the scene unfolds in front of them.
Emily and Spencer watch as Paige taps Hanna's shoulder and the blonde turns around, nearly collapsing into the swimmer's strong arms. They stand frozen as the pair finally breaks apart. Paige reaches over and closes the blonde's locker before they set off down the hallway together, shoulder to shoulder.
Spencer turns to Emily a mixture of confusion and disgust on her face.
"What the hell was that about?"
Emily can't even respond, she's too stunned as she watches the two familiar figures disappear.
Since she doesn't have any of the other girls in her second, third or fourth period classes, Hanna is able to control her anxiety and desire to cut. But when the lunch bell rings her pulse quickens, her heart pounding loudly in her chest.
Eating has been hard enough lately but now with the prospect of facing the other girls in the cafeteria she begins to panic again.
Hanna's always sat with the others, or with Mona when they were still friends. She'd never had to think about the shameful moment of not having someone to sit with at lunch. Trying to swallow the bile in her throat she picks up a lunch tray getting an apple, a small salad and a bottle of water.
Taking a deep breath she turns to face the room at large. Her former friends are sitting at their usual table, and it's painful to watch because even though she knows they don't care about her, it hurts seeing them act like they don't even notice her empty seat.
Just as she's about to toss her food in the trash and run back to her locker she sees a familiar pair of hazel eyes. Paige is sitting alone, two tables behind the girls. She'll have to walk right by them to sit with her.
It takes every ounce of strength in her body to lift her chin and move towards the table.
Hanna passes by Aria, Alison, Spencer and Emily without even looking at them, seeing the disgusted looks that are probably on their faces is too much, so instead she keeps looking straight ahead.
They all stare as she passes, but it isn't disgust on their faces, its shock and confusion. Looking back and forth between one another until Aria speaks up.
"We got in a fight."
The other girls turn to look at her, waiting for her to elaborate. Aria proceeds to tell them about her blow up at Hanna last night, although she leaves out the part about Zack. Instead she focuses on the fact that the blond rated them out in the brew and now they're all in more danger than ever.
"She looked pretty upset when she left my house, and her car sat outside almost all night. Caleb came and got it this morning so I figured she'd stayed with him. I didn't mean to be so bitch I just kind of lost it."
Emily shakes her head.
"Aria, even if yelled at her, that doesn't explain why she's with Paige, why she's wearing Paige's shirt! I mean it makes sense why she didn't talk to us or sit with us, but why Paige?"
The other girl's all shrug, just as perplexed as Emily.
They spend the next 30 minutes of their lunch discussing possible theories in whispers. Aria continuously glances over at Hanna, guilt building up inside of her over the fight, and the lie she told the others. Sure she's still angry at the blonde, but she still cares about her.
While the four liars converse, Paige and Hanna eat their lunch together in silence, occasionally sharing a glance at each other. It should be awkward, but it isn't. They don't need words to communicate. Paige knows Hanna is struggling, and she's glad she can be of some comfort. Even if Caleb hadn't asked her to help Hanna, she would've done it anyways because they share something no one else understands… And even if Hanna doesn't know it, she's helping Paige too, because she's not the only one trying to ward off demons.
By the end of the day Hanna can't stand it anymore, her arms burn, her heart races, the pain overwhelming her again. She hasn't seen Paige since lunch and she's loosing what little progress the girl helped her make.
She'd spent the last two periods having to look at Alison and Emily, and it was more than enough to send her spiralling again. Right now she needs release, needs the sting of the cool metal or the burn of the liquor in her throat.
She wishes Paige was here, she's the only one that seems to be able to help keep the demons at bay, but she's heading off to practice and Hanna won't be able to see her until she's finished.
Mentally cursing herself for being stupid, needy and weak she tosses open her locker door and grabs the blade she'd managed to find earlier.
When her fingers wrap around the metal she feels like she can breathe again.
Quickly she shoves her books into her locker and rushes into the nearest bathroom locking herself in the largest stall.
Taking deep breaths she rolls up her sleeves and touches the blade to her already mangled skin.
Across the school in the girl's locker room, Paige pulls on her swim suit, ties her hair back and shoves her stuff into her bag.
She's the last one in the room, taking her time getting ready so she can have a moment of peace.
The brunette is deep in thought when she hears someone behind her.
"Hey."
The voice startles her, and she jumps up from her seat, turning around quickly.
Usually seeing the tall, athletic girl in front of her makes her heart race, but this time she feels bitterness bubble up inside of her as she looks at Emily.
She doesn't say anything, and instead turns to leave the locker room.
As she passes by Emily the girl grabs her upper arm.
"Paige wait."
Sighing she looks at the girl again.
"What do you want Emily? I need to go to practice."
She can hear the hostile tone in her voice, and apparently the other girl notices it too.
"I think they can live without you for a few minutes."
Paige resists the urge to roll her eyes; she doesn't have the patience for this. She isn't on the best of terms with Emily after their break up and Alison's return, but now, after everything with Hanna, she can barely even look at the girl.
But she knows how persistent Emily is so she raises her eyebrows, waiting for whatever the girl has to say.
"Why are you suddenly spending so much time with Hanna, I didn't think you guys were friends?"
The girl's tone is accusatory, but Paige takes a breath, trying to keep her cool.
"Last time I checked I didn't need to answer to you, but for your information, Hanna is my friend."
"Since when?"
"Since we both realized we could use one."
"What is that supposed to mean, Hanna has friends…"
This time Paige does roll her eyes, her patience is damn near gone.
"Look Emily, Hanna needed someone, she's not okay, she's hurting and unlike some people, I actually care."
That seems to catch Emily off guard, and Paige can tell she's getting mad, but she is also trying to keep her composure.
"Look I know Hanna is having problems with Alison being back but…"
Before Emily can say more Paige lets out a humourless laugh.
"You know Emily, as much as I'd like to blame Alison for this, and trust me I'd love that, this time isn't her fault, not completely anyways. She may be a cold hearted bitch but at least she's trying to make things right with Hanna."
"Then what the hell are you talking about? Just tell me the truth."
Infuriated, Paige can't help raising her voice.
"You want the truth?! Well here is it, Hanna's messed up, she's utterly broken! After Aria decided to be a bitch the other night Hanna wandered into the woods, alone."
Shock replaces the look of anger on the taller brunette's face.
"I found her standing at Devil's ridge, she was so close to the edge, alone and crying at one in the morning. I've never seen someone look so defeated, and you know that's a lot coming from me."
"But I don't understand…"
"Stop acting all innocent. You asked for this, so here it is. Alison didn't break Hanna, YOU did. You and Aria and Spencer…"
Emily just stares.
Paige lets out an angry snort as she shakes her head.
"For the first time since I've known you, I'm actually disappointed in you Emily. I used to think you were above all of this crap, I really thought you cared about your friends, especially Hanna… guess I was wrong. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go swim my laps so I can get back to her."
With that Paige pushes past Emily, bumping roughly into the girl's un-injured shoulder.
Emily feels hot tears welling up in her eyes as Paige's words echo in her mind.
Alison didn't break Hanna, you did…
Back in the bathroom Hanna slides the blade across her skin for the tenth time. Blood is dripping down her arms, tears falling from her eyes, but she feels free.
The monster inside her purrs in contentment.
Good girl. You deserve this.
Her thoughts go back to the night before, part of her is grateful Paige found her, the other part is resentful, she was ready.
In the back of her mind she contemplates going back to the cliff, and finally ending her suffering.
Seconds pass and she's on her feet, throwing her jacket on to cover the cuts, ready to follow the trail back into the woods, ready to finish what she started.
Just as she's about to unlock the stall door her phone beeps. She doesn't even flinch.
Struggling to keep the pain at bay she pulls out the device and notices not one but two texts. She opens the newest one.
October 13, 2014 3:35pm
From: Paige McCullers
Stay strong. Fight back. Don't let the demons win. See you soon.
Clicking the back button she opens the older message.
October 13, 2014 1:57pm
From: Caleb Rivers
I love you.
Hanna's legs shake, they can't' hold her weight anymore and she sinks to her knees.
Over and over she re-reads the messages. The words block out the roaring monster inside of her, and she feels that strange unfamiliar thing again… hope.
She knows she's still on the precipice, but this time maybe she's not alone.
I'd love to hear what you guys think! I'm really trying to capture both Hanna and Paige's feelings without making it seem romantic. Because you know, Haleb is always gonna be endgame :)