Chapter 3

Anger

At 18 weeks she was finally calming and they felt that she was gaining a sense of normalcy in her life. Her friends and family were taking time to be with her when Ren wasn't home and she was finally venturing out occasionally. After Yashiro and Ren had initially made her stay home and rest from acting, she had lost the will to act. It wasn't a permanent loss, she just felt that she couldn't at the moment and wasn't sure when the desire would come back.

"Kyoko, why don't you just start by looking over some of these offers for guest appearances or, modeling? You might find something that catches your eye." Yashiro suggested.

"I don't know Yuki." She answered as she picked up one of the folders he had handed to her.

Yuki patted her on the shoulder. "Just think about it. Oh... Um, You might want to look at this one too." He handed her a familiar pink and black folder. "They really want you back and they have a new maternity line they want you for."

She flinched at the word maternity. The baby was still a sensitive topic for her. She was keeping the baby and she already developed an attachment to it, but she still thought of Take every time it was mentioned. She absentmindedly caressed her small belly. There was a strange bubbling feeling.

Yashiro watched her stroke her belly. "When's your next appointment?" He smiled gently.

"It's tomorrow. I thought you knew." She told him with a bit of surprise.

Yashiro shook his head. "No, Ren's been taking care of all that stuff."

She sighed. "He's been doing so much. I must be such a burden to him." Her voice sounded full of regret.

"No Kyoko, you aren't. You aren't for any of us and don't ever try to tell yourself that you are. We are here for you happily and willingly." He told her as he rubbed her shoulder. "Now... Will you at least consider Hush-Hush? They even doubled their offer to get you back."

She nodded. "Fine, I'll try it, but I don't know what they could possibly want me to model in this condition." She chuckled wryly.

Yashiro ignored her last comment. "I'll call and let them know you'll do it." He told her firmly. "Now any of the others?"

All had been quiet in the apartment. Kyoko had settled in for a nap, Yashiro and Ren were at a drama taping and Kanae had left her in the care of Lory for the rest of the afternoon until Ren finished. Lory had settled in to enjoy a new romance novel he had found, written by his favorite author and then it began.

The loud crashing of something hitting a wall and the sound of breaking glass filled the apartment before her screams of anguish. "NO! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU STUPID WHORE! IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU... HE'D STILL BE HERE!" She screamed, tears streaming down her ivory cheeks as she threw the crystal vase at her makeup vanity. The crystal vase and glass from the large mirror shattered together, leaving shards everywhere.

Lory ran into her room and quickly took her into his arms, holding her tightly. "No! No Kyoko... Don't do this! It's not your fault..." He told her, rocking back and forth like a father would comfort a child.

She went limp in his arms and sobbed piteously. "He was killed because of me. He died because of me... I'm... I'm a murderer."

Lory had heard these words before and it cut into him. There was only one person that could help her through this and it certainly wasn't him. Someone that knew how she felt. "Shh, Shh... No you aren't." He didn't know what to tell her that was any different than what she had already been told. He didn't know what she would listen to.

Ren entered the apartment to find utter silence. He quickly made his way to her bedroom to check on her to find her quietly sobbing in Lory's arms, repeating the words "It's all my fault..." over and over.

Lory stood and Ren slipped into his place. "It's all my fault Ren... I killed him. He'd still be alive if he'd never met me. I'm a murderer." Ren felt as if he had been kicked in the chest. He knew this feeling and she was getting closer and closer to that point.

"Kyoko..." He whispered to her as Lory left the room. Lory knew what was coming next. "Kyoko, you aren't a murderer. He pushed you out of the way because he couldn't imagine a world without you..." He turned her face to him gently and looked into her eyes. "I would have done the same thing. It's not your fault."

Her brow furrowed and her mouth screwed into an angry frown. "How would you know?!" She hissed. "How the hell would you know?!" Her voice low and filled with anger. How dare he think he knows what I'm going through...

He knew she was hurting and knew that she didn't mean to be hateful. He held his temper back. "Because Kyoko... I've been where you are right now. My best friend... A man that was like a brother to me... Did the same thing as Take did for you." He showed her the scars on his wrist that had been covered by Rick's watch for so many years. "Look... I don't want you to go to this place too." He told her gently as her eyes went wide. "What happened to Take wasn't your fault and what happened to Rick wasn't mine. Those that should take the blame are the ones that murdered them with their cars. Not us..." He finished in tears as her fingers gently brushed the scars on his wrist and her tears silently falling onto the skin that had been covered.

"I'm sorry..." She whimpered repeatedly with her face buried in his chest.

"Shh... It's okay. You don't need to apologize." He told her as he stroked her hair. "I understand."

He realized the truth in his own words as he spoke them to her. He finally understood. He pulled her in tightly to him and they held each other in the serenity of her bedroom, both drawing comfort from the other, both falling to sleep in the arms of someone who understood the pain.

When all had finally quieted down, Lory peaked into the silent room and found his two favorite broken people in the arms of one another, sleeping more peacefully than he had seen in quite some time. He quietly flipped off the light switch and gently shut the door, then sighed in relief. Perhaps this needed to happen. He thought sadly to himself, then went back to the living room to finish reading his book.

She slept peacefully in Ren's arms. The pain ebbed away in her dreams as Take held her closely.

"Take... I missed you so much." She hugged him tightly.

"I know Sweetheart... I missed you too." He told her as he gently stroked her hair.

"I thought you died. It was so painful. I don't want to live without you." She told him.

Take sighed and held her closely. "Kyoko... Please don't say things like that or, it will have been for nothing."

She looked on in pain and horror as he faded. "Take! Don't go! Please stay! I'll do anything! Please don't go!" She whimpered in her sleep.

Thankfully Ren had awakened before her in the late evening and called for some take-out for their dinner. He didn't want to even think about what would have happened in her torn mind and soul if she had awakened in his arms. He felt that the guilt alone would be crippling for her.

She awakened to a darkened room and empty bed. She curled into a tight ball and let her lonely tears of anguish fall silently until sleep took her once again. Perhaps he would come to her again in her dreams and hold her like he did before.