Chapter 3

I pushed the tears out of my eyes and wrapped my arms around myself. The pain rocked through me, stabbing at my insides like knives. My heart was racing, pushing the pain through every fiber of my being.

My skin was crawling, like bugs were running beneath my skin. I couldn't think, my mind sprinting in a thousand different directions. Haymitch's cruelty, Peeta's desperation, Cinna's dress, and my future-the bleakest of all topics. I felt betrayed by Haymitch. He was supposed to be... Supposed to be what?

He was done being my trainer; the Hunger Games were over. His responsibility to me, however strong or shaky before, were gone now. His job with Peeta and I was done.

Cinna walked up behind me, his hand finding a spot on my shoulder. "You will make it," he said, his voice soothing. "You have survived hell thus far, just a little bit farther to go." He didn't look at me, only gazed ahead unseeingly.

"I don't know what to do," I admitted, tears once again threatening to spill over.

He nodded his head. "You will be trained, after your first time." Cinna provided. His features hardened.

"Cinna," I began, my breath hitching, "be completely honest with me." I could see his emotions flitting across his eyes. Confusion, turmoil, pain, conflict all in the matter of seconds.

"They will sell your virginity first. You will most likely be raped. After that, they will assign you a trainer. They will ensure you stay in the upmost physical condition, but also that you lose some of your muscles and soften a little. They will also teach you how to be the best you can be at sex, so they will most likely be having sex with you." Cinna paused to catch a breath. "You will be forbidden to have a boyfriend, or to become romantically involved with anybody. You will be expected to have sex with the highest bidder, sometimes daily, sometimes weekly. It will all depend on Snow's decisions and your physical condition."

I blanched, my body vibrating with shock. Cinna's grip tightened on my shoulder as he directed me to a chair. I sat down shakily and took deep breaths to prevent myself from hyperventilating.

"I know it's hard," Cinna said. I felt like death had taken its grip on me. "But you can push through it," he urged. "A few years and you will be released, no longer a pawn of the Capitol."

I suppose he meant to give me some hope but I felt no such thing; I only felt a crippling fear. Years? Years? Y-E-A-R-S?

"Can't I just run away?" I asked, despair flooding through me and feeling desperate.

"Don't even say that!" Cinna barked, his tone becoming harder. "If they hear you..." He trailed off. I glanced at Cinna, his gaze softening into fear. I could feel concern radiating off of him. He turned me so that I was facing him. "If they hear you say that, then you lose everything. They will kill your family, your friend, and if you disobey too much, Peeta will be used against you."

The world stopped moving. I had no way out. I was trapped. It felt like the arena all over again.

Cinna continued on, urgency marking his every word. "You have to act Katniss. The people of Panem, especially those in the capitol need to want you if you want to live. Your life relies on tonights interview. I don't want to pressure you too much, but you need to understand how important this is."

I felt faint. "Right," my voice caught in my throat, "no pressure. Everyone I love just dies if I fail. No big deal."

Cinna couldn't help but grin slightly. "Only you would pull off humor in this situation Katniss. Stay strong. Be sexy. Be you." As he finished we could both hear Effie's voice calling us.

"Showtime," I muttered.