Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
AN: Thank you thank you for the reviews. They definitely make my day :)
Chapter 3: Broken Hearts Club
I'm thankful that it's still early enough that no one will see me with tears dripping down my cheeks as I run through the school hallway toward the bathroom. I can't stop berating myself for leaving Lilly behind like that without an explanation, she deserves so much better than that. She deserves more than I could ever hope to give her and I want to give her everything.
Bracing my hands on the sides of the sink, I look into the mirror and see that my eyes are red and puffy. My make-up is marred by tear tracks and my hair is a disheveled mess. I look quite pitiful. Turning on the faucet, I quickly splash cool water onto my face in an attempt to wash away the mascara marks and to cool my eyes. After getting my make-up washed off, I use the brown paper that is supposed to pass for tissue to dry my face and hands. I guess today will be a no make-up day. Reaching in my backpack, I grab my hairbrush and slowly start to brush my hair into something more manageable.
I stood staring into the mirror as girls came and left the bathroom, many just to fix their make-up and hair as well. Other's just to gossip about boys and grumble about the general unfairness of their lives.
You just gotta love teenage angst. Oh, who am I kidding, I'm chockfull of it right now.
As the warning bell sounds to signal that class will be starting in 5 minutes, I take one last shuddering breath before making my way towards my first class of the day. One I just so happen to share with one Lillian Marie Truscott. This ought to be real interesting.
Taking my seat with seconds to spare, I'm surprised and a little worried to find that Lilly isn't here yet.
As the minutes pass by, I get more worried that she still has yet to arrive.
The teacher is rambling on about something or another that I have no clue about because I can't seem to make myself focus. Lilly's hurt face this morning keeps flashing in my mind and no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to shake the image.
I wonder if I'm doing the right thing by being with Jake. Should I tell him I can't be with him and try to get him and Lilly together? I know what seeing them together would do to me, but isn't Lilly's happiness more important to me? As Lilly, Jake, and Lilly and Jake float through my mind, I come to the simple conclusion, that yes, Lilly's happiness means more to me than anything. I want her to be so happy, even if it's not with me. So with that thought in mind, I know what I'm doing first thing at lunch; I'm breaking it off with Jake!
After watching Miley run off like she did, I could do nothing but stand there stunned and deeply hurt. We've always walked to and from school together, even if we were fighting. We never left the other behind…until now I guess.
I take a seat on the curb and wrap my arms around my knees. I tuck my face into the little nook my arms have made and continue to silently sob. I don't even notice it when I hear someone sit down right next to me.
Knowing Miley came back for me actually lifts my spirits a little bit. I knew she would never leave me behind. Lifting my head and looking to my right, I'm shocked and saddened to find it isn't Miley after all. Quickly wiping my face with my hands, I turn to greet my surprising company.
"Hey Sarah," I say dully. I couldn't seem to muster anything better than that.
"Hey Lilly. Are you ok?" She asks while placing a comforting hand on my forearm.
"Oh, yeah, I'm good. Thanks for asking," also said without much emotion.
"Lilly, you don't have to lie to me. I saw you crying. I know we don't know each other really well, and I know I'm not Miley, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm here," She says compassionately.
God, she really is a Saint, isn't she. I look at the hopeful and compassionate look on her face, then at the hand on my arm, and I feel my resolve breaking, bit by bit. I'm extremely surprised that she's even sitting here knowing classes will be starting in less than 5 minutes. She is a bit of a goody-goody.
"Are you sure you want to listen? Classes will be starting soon," I say looking in the direction of the school. I figure I would give her an out just in case she was only asking to be polite.
"Lilly, I wouldn't have stopped, sat next to you, and asked if I wasn't willing to listen. I really am a good listener you know," she responds giving my arm a light squeeze. "Besides, it's the beginning of the year, I won't be missing much in class, so I'm here as long as you need me. Did something happen between you and Miley or Oliver?"
I contemplate on just what to tell her. Do I tell her I'm in love with my best female friend, or do I just tell her I'm afraid I'll lose Miley to Jake and leave out the part about actually liking her? I don't know, but seeing the open and honest look on her face, I feel I can tell her the whole story, and she won't judge me. Taking a deep breath, I begin my tale.
"…And now she thinks that I'm upset cause I like Jake," I finish my story with a deep sigh.
My tears had stopped leaking down my face about half way through the recollection, but I could still feel them drying on my face leaving my cheeks and chin itchy. I lift the hand not being held by hers and use my sleeve to dry and scratch my face, relieving the itching. Right after I'd started my story, her hand left its place on my forearm and made it's way into my hand, interlocking our fingers. The small action actually gave me the courage to continue.
"Lilly…."
I look up from our joined hands at the sound of my name to find her lips on mine. It's such a surprise that I can only sit there wide-eyed and dumbfounded while she softly kisses me. She slowly deepens it and I feel my eyes start to flutter close at the contact. Loosening my hand from her grasp, I reach up to place my hands on each side of her face as she places her hands on my sides.
Never had I ever thought that I'd be sitting here kissing Saint Sarah. I never even knew she swung that way. I guess you just really never know.
I feel her tongue lightly running along my bottom lip and take the hint to open my mouth. Our tongues gently dual with each other's and I can't help but think that this is sooo much better than kissing a boy. She's not trying to jam her tongue down my throat or trying to overly dominate my mouth. It's so soft and gentle and caring that I have to wonder why all women aren't lesbians.
Breathing through our noses we kiss for about another minute before slowly pulling back. I also notice that I don't have to wipe away a layer of saliva from around my mouth, as she wasn't trying to cover my entire mouth with hers like what's his name did last year.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you. It's just, I've kind of liked you for a while now, but I know that you're in love with Miley and I probably have no chance what-so-ever, and I'd never try to come between you and Miley anyway, so we should probably just forget the kiss ever happened," She quickly finishes looking down into her lap.
I know I should probably respond to her ramble right now to reassure her in some way, but I can't stop staring at her. I'm seeing so many things that I've never noticed before. Like the light shade of blue her eyes are and the patterns her freckles make on her cheeks.
I can't help but think that maybe Sarah is just the person that could help me get over Miley, and I can't believe I'm even contemplating the thought, but Miley has been my life for so long now that I think it's time to stop living for her, and to start living for me. I know I'll love Miley for the rest of my life, but maybe there's room in my heart for someone else. Someone that will actually return my love in the way I need.
"Sarah, I'm not going to lie, you already know I'm in love with Miley, but- that ship will never sail. She's not like that and it's time for me to move on. I think that if you want to give me a chance despite knowing all that, I could come to care for you just as well," I say while noticing her slightly perk up at my last sentence.
"I'd really like to give this a shot, but are you sure this isn't too soon for you? I don't want to rush you and I know you need time to get over Miley," she says a little unsurely, almost as if she couldn't believe she was letting me off the hook.
I pause to give her protest a moments thought. Is this too soon? Should I give myself time to get over Miley? I think that maybe I should, but at the same time, I can't see her with Jake, and Sarah could actually be very good for me. And what better way to get over someone than to have someone new to help you get over them. I mean, Sarah's not bad at all. She's a little gung ho about the environment sometimes, but really, is that such a bad thing? She has a great heart and is so caring.
"Maybe it is too soon, maybe it isn't. I was never with Miley and I've always known I never will be, so it's not like I have to get over a bad break-up or anything," I see the look on her face and think maybe I'm not getting my point across very well. "Look, I'd really like to get to know you, and I think that you could really be good for me and I could even be good for you. Miley really isn't an issue. Yes, there are feelings there, but nothing will ever happen, but something good could happen right now, between us, and I'd like to give it a shot too." I finish, looking her directly in the eyes.
She launches herself at me and gives me a chaste kiss on the lips in response. I guess it's a yes.
"But let's take this slow, ok? I still don't want to rush you," she simply states with a look of adoration on her face.
I respond with a deeper kiss in kind. She really does have soft lips.
"Sounds good to me. Slow is good," I say while standing up and holding my hand out for hers. "So how about we get to school now, I think we've missed enough."
She takes my hand to stand up and doesn't let go as we finish making our way towards the school, and I find I don't mind at all.
Right before we reach the school doors, she gently tugs on my arm to get me to stop.
"We didn't really talk about this, but I kind of want to know, just so I know limits and stuff. I know we said we'd take this slow and all," she says hesitantly.
I have no clue what she's talking about and I guess the look on my face has given away my confusion cause she quickly adds, "I mean, are we going to tell people about us? Can I hold your hand in the hallways? Stuff like that."
Oh, OH. I hadn't even thought about that. Do I want people to know that I'm a lesbian? More importantly, do I want Miley to know? I know she's southern and has southern ideals and values but I really don't think she'd have a problem with it. I know Oliver won't have a problem with it. He'll probably just ask that I let him videotape me or something.
You know what, screw it.
"Yeah, let's go ahead and tell people. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I do want to tell Miley and Oliver though, before word gets around. They should hear this from me, not from someone else," I say, grabbing her hand again and marching into the school with her right beside me.
Today is definitely going to be an interesting day. At lunch, I'm going to tell Miley and Oliver.
TBC
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