It took forever, but what do you expect? I rewrote this thing five times, and I'm still not completely satisfied!
Ju's POV
"Can't anything be done?" Gaara-kun asked softly.
"You really are determined to help." He nodded, rather vigorously at that. I sighed, "If it makes you feel better, I could have your uncle see my arm." I was unsure of why he was so concerned for my injuries. Having such ailments as these was something quite usual for me. I was used to being covered in these minor injuries. I let them heal on their own.
"Let's go," he said, standing.
"Wait, now?" He held his hand out. I hesitated at first, and almost took it, but I noticed something on his other hand. It looked burned.
"Gaara-kun…you tried to touch me in that state. Why did you do that?" he glanced over at me, just as he was turning away. "Let me heal it." Gaara-kun gazed down at his injured hand. I realized that he had never been hurt before. I wondered if he knew that the sensation he must be feeling now was pain, the physical kind. He didn't answer at first. "I will forcefully do it to keep you from further harm."
"If you can heal people like my uncle," Gaara-kun asked, "why didn't you heal yourself before?"
Having him sit down, I knelt and took his burnt hand in my own; he winced at the feeling. "That is because I cure differently than other medics," and I deserve this pain for what crimes I have committed, I finished in my thoughts.
A sphere of white chakra engulfed Gaara-kun's hand, and little by little the blistery wound closed. As his injury disappeared, I felt it form on my own hand; it stung worse than an ordinary burn, because it was caused by my particular demon. So he would not see what I had done, I pushed it under my palm, and forced the red blotch up. The sensation of an injury being pulled across my skin was always unpleasant. It rested on my already wounded forearm. The beast cursed me for taking another's pain again. You can't be serious, he said. You'll kill yourself trying to make up that wretched debt you don't even owe.
I thought calmly, I will always owe him. There was no point for me to converse any longer with a helpless beast in a cage.
Foolish human…I heard him mutter, before silencing himself once more.
Gaara-kun did not question me when I stated I cured in another manner. I believed he still wondered about the strange new sensation that had just enveloped his hand.
"The burn is gone, but I advise against ever attempting to separate me from Monster, when I enter that state. It will do you no good," I warned him. He slowly indicated his agreement with a nod. Moments later, the questions I knew would come escaped his mouth, as we both stood.
"What makes that happen? Why did that chakra string come out? What was it, that link between you and Monster?" asked Gaara-kun curiously.
Hoping that answering, before his string of inquiries continued, would halt the flow of questions, I quickly explained what I dared, carefully measuring each word I said. "There is a power inside of me that sometimes grows too strong for me to handle. You were quite correct when you said that the 'string' was made of chakra. It is a vile chakra, consisting of every unpleasant memory and feeling I have….A second is all it takes to take control, and I do not wish for it to dominate me.
"This is why Monster must be with me as often as possible. To take any extra strength that may be stored away. I would loathe to be manipulated around you. You would not take pleasure in seeing the scene of my transformation or rather, you would not like the outcome," I said. Though, I had heard tales of the past Jinchuuriki in their final state, from those that survived the encounters. They sounded no more pleasant. Continuing, I said, "That chakra link appears whenever there is a high amount of power that must be absorbed. You asked earlier why Monster is named so. It is because he is very much a demon of miniature stature, taking in the chakra I give him." I was worried that he would no longer wish to associate with me if he discovered my truth. I supposed that I lived on keeping my life restricted from the outside world. No matter how close I was to any one person, I would never wish for them to grieve over what has happened in my past.
"Does this mean you can't heal yourself, or you just don't want to?" Gaara-kun asked suddenly. I could not help but feel…contented that another in the world cared anything of me. It was a most unusual feeling albeit a pleasant one.
"I am unable to remove the wounds from myself," I murmured, after a few seconds passed. "Though, as long as I can stand and fight on my own, I do not need to be cured." Gaara-kun had an expression on his face that I did not recognize. Being around this boy, I realized how many things I did not know about in the universe: emotion, feelings, and bonds. There was more to understand than just jutsu after jutsu. There were more important things than only the knowledge of a scroll.
"Does it hurt? Those marks?" he inquired. He pointed at the arm he had seen. I lifted it. The burn that I had obtained from Gaara-kun hurt a bit, because it was new. I could handle something that small, though. The aggravating beast in me felt my silent thoughts.
"What a disgrace, you are, human," his thundering growl spoke.
"What do you want, Ryuu?" I snapped.
"I can't believe you care for this brat. He's no different than that brother of yours. Just another joke," he sneered. "When will you learn not to trust? When will the time come when you finally understand how pointless helping is? You should have left him with that burn I gave him. He deserves it for trying to stop me. Better yet, let me do away with him. This short time you've been with that brat has made you too soft for my liking. For him, I'll make it extra long."
"Just leave me alone. Gaara-kun may be nothing to you, but kind to me. If I could reach you inside my head, I would personally assassinate you for calling him a brat and daring to say that to me," I thought back.
"But remember, we're linked: linked by pain. Anything that happens to me, happens to you–"
"Yes, I know, and vice versa. You probably do not want me to take others pain, because you feel it too. I would go as far as bringing my own death if it meant I could get rid of you," I said. "After that, no other person would be stuck wit you in them."
"And you haven't yet. If you would die just to get rid of me, why are you alive, if your only purpose is to bring my disposal? How long will you fight me for control of this weak container? It's only because of that shape-shifting rat that you can hold me at all," Ryuu snarled. I was about to answer, when I heard a soft voice outside of my mind, and immediately cut our connection. I had been subconsciously aware of it the whole time, but did not respond to it. It seemed a gentle echo from afar.
"Ju-chan, please answer, Ju-chan!" Gaara-kun kept saying my name, trying to get my attention. I blinked up at him, from behind my dark curtain of hair. Through the veil, I saw the moon glowing bright. It must have been past midnight.
Pushing my tresses away from my eyes, I said, "Forgive me, Gaara-kun. I was having a 'conversation' with that power I spoke of before." I put my arms behind my back, and gave the new sore a light blow. I felt it sting me, but I also heard the beast groan as he suffered as well. I had trained myself not to grimace at pain. "It is aggravating me terribly."
"What is it?" he asked, earning a look of confusion. "What is the power you're talking about? Is it a demon, too?" his last question was quieter than the rest. Perhaps he did not wish to mention the topic of demons. For what I was taught the mediums of Shukaku must live through, I would not think badly of him for fearing such spirits. Despite what pain my village forced upon me, it was quite helpful with its large sum of information. Slowly, but surly, I nodded. I thought he would be upset that I kept that from him, that I did not tell him the first time I met him in the park. I felt another new feeling in front of him. It was not sadness or happiness. It was something else. It was something that told me I had done something wrong, but I don't know what.
"It spoke to you, didn't it?" Gaara-kun said. "What's it saying to you?"
"If you truly want to know, it wants me to kill you," I said quietly.
"You…aren't going to try, are you?" he whispered nervously. The bear he never let go of was compressed beneath his arms. If it were alive, it would be suffocating at this point.
"I, of course, will not comply with its wishes–"
"Would you stop calling me that? I'm not an 'it'!" Ryuu roared at me. I brushed him away.
"It is a murderous, psychopathic demon that raves on and on about how weak I am, despite never being able to escape me." When I said this, I was not looking at Gaara-kun, rather an empty space next to me, where I imagined a perturbed Ryuu to be. I could only imagine what I looked like.
Gaara-kun must have thought this amusing in some way. "That bit of air must be really bothersome to you," he said, a grin on his face. I thought his smile was…nice, unlike that smirk of Toshihiro's, with old, rotten teeth and wrinkly, chapped lips around it.
"Ryuu is quite aggravated with me for calling him an 'it.' That is all," I said in my stoical way.
"Ryuu…is that his name?" Gaara-kun asked.
I gave him the slightest of nods. "He can be irritating himself, also," I said, "but I can make him suffer in payment for displeasing me."
"Yeah, you can by injuring yourself. Instead of doing that, you should let me have a go at the red-head!"
"Shut up!" I snarled, not realizing I had said that out loud. I only recognized the mistake I had made when Gaara-kun had become…quieter than usual, and he looked at me with wide eyes. "I loathe having you in me…" I growled at Ryuu.
After a moment, I whispered, "Sorry…" The single word came out slow, as I did not apologize often. I stared at the ground. I had that feeling again. What was this emotion that Gaara-kun made me experience?
"Shu-Shukaku has never made me angry enough to make me yell like that. So, maybe…you have it even worse than me, as far as…demons." Gaara-kun knew that I had not shouted at him. Of this, I was glad. He would not be angry at me. "It…he never bothered you before, so…why is he now?"
"You are standing in my presence," I muttered quietly.
"I'm what?"
"You are standing. Meaning, you are alive. He does not wish for me to be fond of anyone. He doesn't want me to care. I am meant only to be an emotionless weapon. Being fond of someone is a feeling I should be without. I told you before; he wants me to kill you." At those words, his look became lost. I wished I could help him with whatever pain he felt, however I was not skilled in comforting another person.
"So you are…fond of me?" asked Gaara-kun with the smallest of grins, cocking his head to one side. It reminded me of something, something distant in my memory. I tried to remember, but I could not.
"Yes…I suppose I am." I slowly responded, rather surprised with myself, having said it out loud. I was also discontented. The last person I thought I was fond of…he tried to murder me, or perhaps he tried to kill Ryuu through me. Either way, he attempted to bring my death, despite my final attempt to save his life.
"Can I ask something else?" Gaara-kun asked after a few moments of silence.
"I suppose you deserve answers, but I would like one in return," he waited silently for my inquiry. "I have admitted to Ryuu being inside me, telling me his wishes, hoping for your death. Does yours think the same?"
He shook his head slowly. "No…he hasn't spoken at all since you came here," he said rather matter-of-factly.
"What? He has he ceased to speak?"
"He mutters to himself, so I can't understand him a lot, but I keep hearing the word dragon. I guess now I know why." I nodded silently. I knew that other demons must know about each other, but why would Shukaku silence himself at the presence of Ryuu, or how did he even know Ryuu was here? Could one demon sense the presence of another?
"We sure can, and that's another reason the get rid of the shorty. I can kill the One-tails as I'm deposing of that little brat! There'll be two dead for the torment of one! In all honesty, and, yes, I can be honest, that doesn't sound like that great a deal. I like doing my work on one individual at a time, but, seeing as that raccoon is shut up in the redhead, I can't get to him." I shoved him away.
"What was your question?"
"Well, I was…I just wondered if…"
"Yes?" I pressed.
"Since you said you were an assassin and…well, you sort of sound like you're supposed to…um…"
"What, Gaara-kun?"
"Did you come here to kill me?" I stared at him. Why would he think that? "I thought you had to kill the other hosts so that…you know…"
I shook my head. "I want you to know that I will never kill you, but please listen to this." Gaara-kun looked at me; waiting for whatever else I might tell him. "I want to warn you that if I think you are in real danger of me, I will leave without you knowing where. I want you to know that if I think he is too strong for Monster to control, or if I become too weak to hold him, I will tell you to run and expect you to do so without hesitation. Your sand is windblown dust compared to his full released strength.
"If ever there was a need to explain one thing, this is most important, even if there is no true understanding now. This statement will seem useless until you comprehend me, not as a person, but as his medium. As of now, I am dead. I will not live until pain has been repaid." I knew he wouldn't see why I told him that last part, but soon hoped that he would take it in. I had told him this, because I realized something and felt incredibly foolish for comprehending sooner. My heartless father would never be given the privilege to live in someone as pure as Gaara-kun, but someone else of my supposed family would have been. That strange way he smiled and tilted his head, it was something they had in common. They accepted me and didn't run, even when I began to lose control of the demon. And I had told him the phrase I only spoke to him.
Just so everyone knows, the entire next chapter is all one flashback.