Author's Notes- I just wanted you all to know that I am really thankful to all of my faithful reviewers, readers, and email-pals. Please don't stop? Oh, and also, if you have any questions or just want to waste time, please email me (with a subject header of "FanFiction") and I'll always receive it! n.n
Destiny Of A Not-So Final Fantasy
Chapter 3: Fish and Treasures Lead to More
The main character of this story (if you don't know who this person is by now, you are unfortunately SSSLLLOOOWWW) landed with a hard thud on his ass, ending up in the center of a narrow, stone platform. A nearby bluebird flew up toward his aching body, chirping happily.
Three actions were in order.
The first action consisted of screaming in pain and rubbing his ass vigorously, which I am very sorry to say, forced the bluebird to scream in horror. The second action consisted of yawning robustly and waking up the snoring Tidus that lay sprawled out beside him, which I am also very sorry to say, forced the poor bluebird to cringe in terror. And the third action consisted of rubbing his ass some more, which I am TERRIBLY sorry to say, forced the little bluebird to grab a nearby chainsaw and commit a bloody suicide.
Looking around, Darius scanned the area, and became conscious of where he was. There were various stone platforms floating around, all surrounded by a very clear-looking water. There were only two possible explanations for this scenery.
Explanation number one: Darius was just outside of the Al Bhed territory.
Explanation number two: The author of this story is completely insane.
'Probably both,' Darius mused to himself, still scanning the area. Walking to the edge of the platform (and past the unconscious Tidus that lay next to him), he gazed at the clear water, and was able to see his own wavy reflection. He stared at it for a while and then finally asked it, "What's going on?"
Naturally, the mirror image only mimicked his baffled expression.
Darius grew angry and started bashing it ferociously with his feet, splashing water everywhere. "You ugly freak!" he exclaimed, still whacking it wildly. "Answer my goddamn question!"
"Having fun?" Tidus said, finally standing up, half-yawning. He broke out laughing when he saw Darius sitting there, smacking the living daylights out of his mirror image.
"And just WHAT is so funny?"
"You!" Tidus snickered, leaving hair-raising echoes bouncing off the walls.
(But wait, there weren't any walls there, now were there? Okay, well, hopefully you have an imagination, because if you don't.)
"Hey, where are you going?" Tidus suddenly asked, noticing that the fourteen-year-old had already dove into the water while he was busy laughing his ass off. "Come BACK, you!"
'I'M THE BLITZBALL PLAYER HERE,' thought Tidus bitterly as he swam after the potentially insane fourteen-year-old ahead of him. "Where are you going!" he repeated, loud enough for Darius's mother to hear.
"I'm checking out that building over there, you butt-nasty blonde!" Darius cried over his shoulder.
Tidus was going to reply to the blonde comment, but stopped himself. Instead, he looked toward Darius's direction and yelled, "WHAT building?"
Darius didn't respond, but instead ascended up the steps leading toward another set of platforms.
Tidus walked up behind him, shaking the water out of his hair. "What's this?" he asked, pointing toward a gold treasure chest.
The younger boy looked at Tidus curiously. "Um . . . a gold treasure chest . . ."
"No. I mean, what do you think is inside?"
Darius wasn't sure.
"Hey, maybe it's a hot girl being held hostage. Open it up!" he said. But then, as Tidus bent down to open the latch, Darius realized something. "But then again, it could be Michael Jackson or something."
Tidus began to back away from the evil chest.
"But on the otherhand, it could be a million dollars . . ."
Tidus bent down to open the latch again.
"But on the other hand, it could be an old, recorded tape of BLUE'S CLUES!"
Tidus screamed thunderously and backed away from the treasure chest again.
"But wait, then again, it could be—"
"Forget it, Darius, I'm opening it," Tidus finally said, laughing. He unfastened the bolt, and inside was . . . ONE gil?
"WHAT!" Tidus exclaimed angrily, chucking the box into the water.
Luckily, however, there was another treasure chest sitting quietly next to it, and Darius decided to open it as well. "Yeah, Tidus! I found some potions!" he exclaimed, grinning. "Hey, Tidus? Hellooo?"
'Where in the crap did that dumb blonde go to now?' Darius groaned mentally, noticing that the teen was no longer standing next to him. Then, he looked down into the water below him, and saw an unclear image of a tall, slim boy whacking the living daylights out of three ravenous "sahagins" (A.K.A. ugly fish).
"TIDUS!" he screeched at the water. "HOLD ON!"
With that, the boy pocketed the two potions (and the one gil), thinking he may need them for the upcoming battle (a small, minor battle, but a battle nonetheless) and dove head-first into the water. Which may not have been such a good idea . . .
Instead of ending up in the middle of the open sea, where he could easily whip out his longsword and beat the crap out of those sad excuses for "fish", Darius ended up bashing his head into Tidus's right arm, forcing him to drop his sword.
The two watched it sink deeper and deeper into a black pit of nothingness, and then, Tidus gave the other boy a look that seemed to say, "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, and more shit. How am I supposed to fight NOW?"
Since Darius couldn't speak under the water (hey, can YOU?) he gave Tidus a look that said, "Eheh . . . my bad. Uhh, you might wanna go get that sword, before it floats down into everlasting hell. Don't worry, I'm SKILLED enough to defeat these fish while you're gone."
Darius wasn't able to see what kind of look Tidus was giving back to him, for he noticed the fish communicating with each other (which was odd). The largest one gave the others a look that said, "I'll pin him down, while you two go for his crotch," while the others responded with a look that said, "Okay, but when we kill him, we want to eat the ass."
Darius gave them all a look that said, "That's NASTY, you unattractive rapists!" and swam with all effort towards the three.
Just before he could pull out his sword and slash the sahagins in half, a much larger, fatter, un-sexier, nastier, HUGER, GREENER MONSTER swam up to them all and, with one enormous gulp, swallowed the fish mercilessly.
Tidus, who had now fetched his sword, looked around at what had happened, thinking that the huge fiend standing in front of him and Darius had just save their lives (well, the sahagins didn't pose much of a threat, now did they?). He gave it a grateful looked that said, "Heh! Thanks for—"
But whatever he was trying to say was rudely interrupted as the monster flung its massive fin toward the two, creating a great wave of water, which eventually subsided. Darius wasn't too surprised. He knew from the beginning what it was:
Geosgaeno.
He forced his way through the water and swung his teeny-weeny-sized blade at the fish, thinking it would keel over and die immediately. But instead of dying (or even keeling over), the vast fiend merely batted him aside, as if he were nothing but a mere fly.
It was Tidus's turn. He smashed his fist into the fiend's rib cage (literally, a CAGE) and nearly broke his hand. He gave the monster a whimpering expression and then decided it was time to do things his way:
RUN!
Darius was right behind Tidus, swimming toward the entrance to the temple as fast as humanly possible, with the fat fish right behind him. Tidus summoned all of his strength to swing open the door and slip inside, all the while thinking, 'No pressure . . . no pressure . . . no pressure . . .'
But then Darius gave him an annoyed look that seemed say, "Get the DAMN HELL outta my way!" as he swung the doors open and closed them just in time for Geosgaeno to come crashing into the blocked entrance.
He was sure to give the monster the solitary attention of his middle finger before blacking out for the third time that day.
Later. . . .
Darius didn't wake up for quite a while.
Why? I don't know, how about YOU spend countless hours forcing a fourteen-year-old to tell you his life story so that YOU can write a FanFiction! HUH? Yeah, that's what I thought. Now, back to the story. Umm, where was I again? Oh YEAH, the dream . . . Okay, let's start this paragraph over again.
Darius didn't wake up for quite a while.
Why?
He was having . . . strange dreams. Very strange dreams indeed.
As he twisted and turned in his doze, Darius could make out a small boy (probably four or five years old) and an older woman (probably a trillion or two trillion years old . . . okay, okay so she looked more like fourty) speaking to each other. The little boy held a tissue in his hands and was ferociously coughing up green stuff into it . . .Or was it yellow? Darius couldn't tell; mucus comes in so many different colors.
"Are you okay?" asked the older lady, steadily backing away from the boy. "Maybe you need more tissues…"
"No, I'm fine. I just want my daddy."
The woman stared into the boy's eyes. "I'm sorry. Your daddy is not here."
"When will he be here?"
" . . . . .Never. But you know, Darius, you were named after him, right? Your father's name was Darius, too," the woman said.
The boy's eyes brightened. "Really?"
"No wait, your father's name was Graham. Darius was his pig."
"WHAT! I was named after a PIG?" the enraged boy shouted angrily, pulling out his chainsaw.
Darius awoke to the sound of a blazing fire flaming across the area. (In this sentence, the word "flaming" means "extremely small".) But Darius didn't really care whether or not the fire was "roaring" or not—he was too hungry to care. Hungry. Famished. Ravenous. Starving. Yeah, that's it, he felt hungry, famished, ravenous, AND starving. (But wait, they all mean the same thing . . . . . . ..)
"I . . . need . . . food . . . ," Tidus shivered from the other side of the fire.
Darius hadn't noticed the blonde lying a few feet across from him before, but when he did, he didn't seem at all too surprised. He had met this guy at Zanarkand, and had met him again just outside of Baaj Temple. What was next, Heaven? Lately, Darius had feeling that this Tidus-Look-A-Like was stalking him. Either that, or it was all one HUGE coincidence. Or could it havev been destiny?
At the moment, Darius didn't know. He was too lazy to know.
"Hey, you're awake," Tidus said, smiling, as he finally looked over to notice the younger boy sitting across from him.
'No, I'm not awake, I'm just sleeping with my eyes open, Tidus,' Darius thought unpleasantly, poking his leg out of sheer boredom.
He noticed two ants crawl up beside him—one red, one black. The black one was carrying some kind of food crumb on his back, and the red ant seemed to be fighting him for it. While the red ant became angry and pulled out his chainsaw (or not), Darius decided to cheer for the black ant! 'Whoo, black ant!' Eventually, the red ant jumped on the black one, forcing it to drop the crumb of food on it's back, and Darius decided to go for the kill. (Hey, he was hungry anyway) Darius threw his hand down, snatched the crumb away from both ants and chucked it into his dry mouth, munching happily.
Then, seeing the jealous look on Tidus's face, Darius decided 'What the hell!' and hurled the two ants into the nearby fire to cook as well.
"Supper!" Tidus grinned, rubbing his hands together.
All was good and well . . . .
Dinner was cooking, Darius didn't have to worry about Algebra homework, and Tidus had just farted. Big time.
How could life get any better?
The blonde seventeen-year-old was just about to munch on the yummy ants when the fire went out, leaving nothing but the distinct sight of darkness to loom about the room.
But what was that noise?
Breathing?
Yeah, it must've been breathing. Not his breathing. Not Darius's breathing, either. It was too close to be Darius's breathing. It was from someone else—or something else. All Tidus could feel was the nauseating sense of a large fiend respiring in his ear.
"RAPE!"
-S