I expected this to be written much earlier. Sorry :( I had this mush in my head (mostly revolving around France in an apron) but it was too mushy and eventually it all turned into to banana bread and got eaten. So...no France in apron in this one. Or in the next one. But do not fear. Someone will appear in an apron. Eventually.
Thank you for all the wonderful reviews and favorites! I squeed embarrassingly.
I don't know if this one is as good as the last two. But I tried?
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Rien. Damn right I said it in French.
France hauls the basket of clean, unfolded laundry out of the laundry room and into the living room.
He sets the basket down and goes to pick up the ringing phone.
"Oh, bonjour, Alfred! Arthur's not here right now. He ran out of the house yelling something about deceit and revenge about an hour ago. He does it every Thursday morning. You should know that."
"Oh~ You wish to speak with moi?"
"But then you would still be quite alive, non?"
France holds the phone away from his ear at the jumbled shrieking noise that pours out of the phone.
"I see. Juste un moment, s'il vous plait."
France sits down and puts the phone on speaker, dumping the laundry onto the floor and beginning to fold.
"What was it that you were saying, Alfred? Something about tea and death?"
"How did you manage to feed all of his tea to Mathieu's polar bear on accident?"
"I fail to see what that has to do with anything right now."
"Fine! How did you manage to feed all of his tea to Mathieu's polar bear and Gilbert's pet bird on accident?"
"Denmark?"
"Umm...let me think...non. Non, non, non. You know what Arthur does when he's angry, Alfred. He cooks. And who is living with him? Moi. Who will be forced to eat his food? Moi. Je suis très désolé, Alfred, but I value my life more than yours."
...
"Quoi? Il a fait quoi?" Francis's voice is cool and extremely scary.
"Ah. Well. Il va allez être très, très mort, très, très bientôt."
France puts all the folded clothes back into the basket (it would be a terrible waste if those clothes got unfolded, after all) and calmly goes into the kitchen in search of his machete.
Il a fait quoi? - He did what?
Il va allez être très, très mort, très, très bientôt - He is going to be very, very dead, very, very soon.
I really like writing these :) I'll probably keep updating these as long as my muse cooperates. And I uploaded Alfred's side of the conversation too, because this one makes almost no sense like this.
Why did I not just write this like a normal conversation, you wonder?
Because I didn't want to. Yeah.
Review! For a polar bear and a Gilbird hyped up on tea?