Personal Log
Dr. Carson Beckett, MD
29 days since my re-awakening
As I write this, I'm still in the process of re-packing my things after an exhausting debriefing at the SGC. Who do these military types think they are, trying to lecture me about all the things I'm not allowed to tell my family when I go home? I know the rules. I know Atlantis and Michael and all of my research are classified, and I know I signed a non-disclosure agreement to ensure it is kept secret. It wasn't necessary for those bloody paper-pushing bureaucrats to so forcefully remind me.
I also paid a visit to the SGC's infirmary where Dr. Keller's assessment was confirmed; while my internal organs are showing improvement, it's still going be some time before my body is completely recovered from my ordeal. I've been given a treatment plan to slowly wean myself off my body's addiction to the Wraith enzyme, and I've been told to watch my diet, exercise gently, and take it easy to give my internal organs a proper chance to heal up.
I managed to find some time to call my mum this morning as well. Hearing her break into tears at the sound of my voice, even over the phone, very nearly pushed me over the edge with her. After all, it's been two years since I even had any hope at all of seeing my family again, and they'd been told I'd died in that explosion early last year. 'Dear Lord! But I gave away your budgie!' had been the first words she'd said after I'd reassured her that I was indeed not dead, that I'd instead been kidnapped. And as I spoke to her today, it started to feel so casual and normal that it was almost easy to just pretend that nothing had happened at all.
I reassured her that my flight would arrive in Scotland well in time for tea, and she promised to see that at least one of my brothers would come to greet me when I arrived. Then there was an awkward silence during which I wished I could have told her more... but instead, I just told her I loved her before I hung up. It would do no good to worry her before even having a chance to see her again.
So I'll just have to settle for this diary as my only outlet for the time being. I thought that the tricky part would be deciding what should be said and what should not be said, but since I'm probably the only one who will ever see this, the challenge becomes being motivated enough to actually sit down and finish my story. It's too easy to let bad feelings ruin your enjoyment of life, and so I must have an outlet somewhere. My family doesn't deserve to be burdened with these thoughts and feelings right now.