August 20
This past month was pure bliss for me. With Sahoko being away to a boarding school for a period of time, I was able to return to my normal pace. Of course I still had to work for my dad's company and every morning passing through those gates I remembered the future that laid before me and what I had to lose but somehow at the end of the day I managed to push those thoughts aside and pretend none of it ever happened .
I was able to pretend because upon arriving home I would always find Kotoko greeting me with a slight blush and even a small smile if I was lucky. Even though those smiles are so rare these days,when I see one,those perfect cherry lips going upwards of my sake, I feel all the weight lift of my chest. I feel so easy,so natural,bathing in the warmth of her smile,small as it is,that I forget all my problems,and for a few seconds I can see how my life would have been with her,so carefree and so perfect. I can see myself making my everyday goal to make her smile for me. After that she would sit at her usually place at the dinner table and listen to her chatter and how she always seems to get herself into troubles.
This is how I learnt that she secretly took English classes for some time and that's how she was able to win a scholarship to a literature department at some university in New York. So my Kotoko finally found her path in life. But why secretly ?and why literature? I don't know and I can't ask her. I have to keep the pretense, I have to keep my walls up and strong.
It was her life,I can't meddle in,I have no right to and still can't wrap my head around it.
My Kotoko studying in America,how did that happend?
My Kotoko spreading her wings to fly away from me. I am so proud of her.
I can't think about her leaving me anymore, I still have a week till the end of the month.