Title: Verum Quod Eventus
Chapter: 03. Desiderata
Author: stolenxsanity
Characters/Pairings: JasperxEdward
Rating: M/NC-17
Spoilers: None; AH/AU
Summary: Jasper has a fated meeting one night that finally allows him to let go. But, will it only be temporary? Originally written for the "Tattward and Inkella One-Shot" Contest. OOC. Slash. JxE
Disclaimer: Twilight and all recognizable characters belong to SMeyer, Verum Quod Eventus belongs to me.
A/N: First off, thank you so very fucking much to Le Beta, RAEcouter for reading through my ramblings, making sense of my tangents and prettying up my words. I love you something fierce, bb. To my Unofficial Preview Crew, naelany and PolkaDotMama, thank you for going over this and offering reassurances when I was just … unsure about it all. Special thanks to gypsysue and ahizelm for putting up with my incessant ramblings via GChat and the constant and giving me nudges and pushes and sometimes just flat out kicking me in the ass to finish this chapter. I would not have been able to get this done without all of you. And lastly, to the wonderful AngstGoddess003 for the beautiful banner that she made for this story; I absolutely fucking adore it and you, bb!
"To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's life. It is no less than a denial of the soul." – Oscar Wilde
[JPOV]
I stared blankly at the red glow of numbers on my alarm clock as they cast odd shadows across my desktop. There were still fifteen minutes left before it would sound indicating that it was finally a suitable hour for me to get out of bed and go for a run. I'd already been awake for the past three hours after my harsh pants broke the still air in my room so aggressively I was jolted into consciousness. Edward in all his inked and naked glory did that, and perpetuated my alert state even now.
My entire body was covered in a fine sheen of sweat as my mind replayed every moment I'd spent in his company; every touch, every word, every searing gaze of his jade and onyx colored eyes. I was so fucking hard, uncomfortably aching, and it took every ounce of resolve that I possessed not to take care of it myself. But fuck, I wanted him right now, more than I'd ever wanted anything or anyone in my entire life. The overwhelming need to rid myself of the excess energy I'd built up over the past few hours was strong, an entity of its own. Instead, I tried desperately to cease the continuous flow of thoughts about him in an attempt to ease my erection so I could run.
My phone grabbed my attention as the screen lit up, signaling that it had completed charging, and I briefly considered calling Edward, giving in to my body's desire for him. Somehow, though, I managed to stop my hand from grabbing it, regardless of how much I wanted to, and I really fucking wanted to. I needed to get my head straight, clear it from the incessant onslaught of conflicting information, figure out what I really wanted out of this situation from Edward, and calling him right now wouldn't help me figure that out.
With a resigned sigh, I sat up and unplugged the charger from the wall before tucking my Quickfire into the desk drawer. Out of sight, out of mind, I thought to myself as the temptation to call Edward dissolved minutely. There were still ten minutes until six, but I couldn't lie in bed any longer lost in memories and fantasies. Rising quickly, abundantly mindful of the noise I made with each step; I walked across the room to my dresser. I took my time getting changed into basketball shorts and a worn Army t-shirt, my movements slow and lazy as I kept one eye trained on the clock, trying to let enough time lapsed to seem reasonable for me to be up and around. I slipped my shoes on hastily as the digital numbers flashed from fifty-five to fifty-six and made my way back to the desk to turn it off. With one last glance around the room, I plucked my keys off the nightstand and after a moment of consideration, grabbed my phone. After all, I told myself, Alice might call.
The early morning air was frigid, biting as it hit my bare arms, and I groaned aloud as I bustled down the stairs and across the parking lot. I paused a few feet away from my sleek, black sixty-nine Chevy Impala and considered the benefits of running here on post as opposed to heading to the park a little ways down the road. After a moment of deliberation, I decided that the park would be my best bet if I wanted to avoid interacting with any co-workers or superiors and closed the distance between myself and my car. I quickly unlocked the door and slid into the driver side seat, smiling to myself as she purred to life. I laughed silently as I caressed her steering wheel, thinking about how my baby was the only female capable of actually getting me hard before I threw the gearshift in reverse and pulled out of the stall.
Thirty minutes into my run, I started to feel that familiar burn as it flowed through my muscles, relaxing and invigorating me as my thoughts drifted to Edward again. It was unnerving how much my body yearned for him and how much of my time he occupied when it had been less than forty-eight hours since we'd parted ways. In an effort to keep my thoughts focused on anything but him, I pushed myself harder, faster, throwing everything I had vigorously into each of my movements. The strain of such efforts had perspiration dripping down my face and soaking through my clothes.
The attempt was futile, though, and the more I sought a reprieve from my imaginings of Edward, the more they came at me; swift, demanding and fucking relentless. I paused at the far end of the park and stood beneath the boughs of a monkeypod tree, bent over at the waist as I caught my breath, sweat rivets falling from my face onto the grass below. The persistent itch and sting across my left forearm was a tangible reminder of what I was trying to avoid, and with a deep groan, I dropped to the ground, arms crossed over my knees. This was getting ridiculous. I couldn't even workout without thinking about him – about Edward – and it was appallingly pathetic. I had gone years denying myself these pleasures – denying myself – and after one night I was pining away like some silly little schoolgirl would over her first crush. Pitiful, my mind taunted as it laughed at my quandary.
I sat and watched as the first rays of the morning sun lightened the field, inching along the verdant hills leisurely as the birds in the trees behind me sang. My options flickered through my mind non-stop, a constant reminder of what I had now and what I could have if I wanted it badly enough to walk away from this life and, quite possibly, from my own family. Disgruntled, exhausted and drenched, I stood with a sharp exhale and made my way back across the park.
Each footfall was slow and languid, as my mind vacillated between the possible scenarios at breakneck speed. There was a part of me – a small but increasingly persistent part – that didn't care about the what if's or the innumerable consequences that I would be faced with. This line of thought resulted from the part of me that just wanted him – wanted Edward – with no doubts and no questions. The other part, the bigger and more insistent component that demanded I adhere to societal norms to protect my job and my family, couldn't grasp the idea of deviating from the path that I'd be on for years; the path that I'd chosen willingly.
Fuck, you're getting absolutely nowhere, I thought to myself, frustrated and seething, as I drove through town. You keep coming back to the same conclusions, the same place that you started from; for fucks sake, get it together Whitlock!
Since talking to myself didn't seem to be working – fucking good for nothing internal monologue – I decided to call the one person that I knew I could count on. Alice. I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed, praying to any God that would listen that she'd be available to meet me for breakfast. I needed someone to help me sort through this clusterfuck that was my life and there was no one in the world that I trusted more than Alice.
Her phone rang five times before it clicked over to voicemail, the prerecorded, standard greeting telling me that I had reached Alice Brandon's phone and to leave a message. With a frustrated huff, I tossed my phone into the passenger seat and continued driving; taking the less used back roads to avoid the Sunday traffic that dotted the streets. It was impossible, though, to completely wipe Edward from my thoughts and as I continued to drive, images of him flashed through my mind in a steady, ceaseless flow. With every blink, I was assaulted by fantasy after fantasy; his naked body below mine as I pound into him relentlessly, both of us covered in sweat. God, how I wish I could be doing that right now, fucking him, owning him completely. I groaned out loud as I pictured his mouth around my cock, the way that fucking tongue ring felt as it ran up my shaft causing my knees to buckle, giving into the delicious sensations that coursed through me. The memory alone had me hard and fucking aching for him; his hands and those full, delectable lips; his fucking eyes and voice and the way he had shuddered beneath me when he came in my mouth.
"Fuck," I muttered to myself as my hands clenched around the steering wheel, gripping so tight that my knuckles had turned white. "This is fucking insane." I couldn't take it anymore and had to pull over until I could get my mind on something else, anything else. As soon as I had put the car in park and cut the engine, the message alert on my phone beeped at me - Alice - and I hastily grabbed it from where it had landed to read the message, feeling a frown mar my face at her words.
J ~ Busy today. I'll call you later. ~ A
How the fuck did you get here, I mentally questioned myself as I tapped on the dashboard monotonously. One night and you've turned into a fucking girl, Whitlock. He was just one guy and you're losing your shit over him? He wasn't just one guy, though, my less rational, more emotionally-driven side argued back vehemently. I was conflicted, completely unable to function with the throbbing in my groin and the tumultuous onslaught in my head waging a war for dominance. After a few moments, I was able to calm myself down enough to start driving again and started the car back up and pulled away from the curb, quickly glancing to make sure the road was clear. The grip I had on the steering wheel was resolute as I drove, eyes narrowed and jaw tight. Whether it was in anticipation or irritation I wasn't quite certain, but I had a decision to make, and soon. To call or not to call, I had his number and every sidelong glance at my phone tempted me; reminding me of what I'd had, what I'd done, what he had done to me. Not helping, I reminded myself as I shifted slightly in my seat, trying to get comfortable.
As I reached the front gate at post, I plucked my wallet from my pocket and angled my body so that my erection was hidden from view as I held my ID out the window. It really was an absolute pain in the ass that we had to do this every time we drove back on post, even if the guards on duty knew who you were, but I could understand why it was a necessary, albeit annoying, practice. This time, the guard was one I recognized and I smiled in acknowledgment as she made her way to my car, eyes squinted from the sun's glare.
"You're out early today, Whitlock." She grinned at me as she made a show of surveying both my ID and my face, head tilted as if she were deep in thought, nose crinkled in disgust. "And you smell, too." I couldn't help but laugh at her observation as I gestured toward myself with my free hand.
"That's what happens when you work out, Swan," I replied with a chuckle before retrieving the card from her outstretched hand. "This body takes work, you know?" Her joyous laughter resounded in the interior of my car as she leaned forward and removed her hat, arms crossed over the edge of the door. The posture was achingly familiar and, as I glanced at her face again, I realized that her features were as well. Everything from the auburn streaks that colored her hair to the subtle slant of her eyes, the playful glint behind the brown similar to what I had seen in a pair of jade irises and the way her full lips curved into a crooked smile screamed Edward.
You have officially lost it, Whitlock.
I could see her mouth moving as she talked, but I couldn't make out the words, my brain working overtime to process the sight before me as flashes of Edward played over and over in my head, again. Hastily, and probably really fucking rudely, I made some excuse to get away and continued on, constantly reminding myself that I needed to follow the posted speed limit but desperate to get back to my room. Everything was beginning to remind me of Edward - even the gate guard - and I was seriously in need of a long, hot shower. Or a nice, hard fuck. I parked the car in my usual spot, taking note that the bike James drove was missing, and headed up to my room.
I once again contemplated calling Edward as I paced back and forth, my hands repeatedly running over my face in aggravation. What good would calling him do when all I really wanted was to lay him beneath me and fuck him senseless? I sat on my bed after a moment as a low, disgruntled groan emanated from my throat. If nothing else, I needed to talk to him and find out what exactly it was that he wanted before I made any life-altering decisions. My career wasn't worth a random fuck here and there, even if he was a fucking God. And, if that was all he wanted, then all my thinking and over analyzing would have been in vain. There were very few things that I could honestly say that I would put my career on the line for and a fuck buddy was not one of them. I was soon on my feet again, my steps taking me back and forth across my room as thoughts of Edward endlessly assaulted me. Apparently, considering whether or not I should call him wasn't going to be of any help and, with a muttered 'fuck it,' I gathered my gear and headed toward the shower hoping that it would help ease my muscles and clear my head. At the very least, though, it would get rid of the stench of sweat that covered me.
The water cascaded down my naked back as I leaned against the shower wall, fist clenched tightly beside my head and eyes clamped shut. Being in here, naked and hard, just made things worse. The images of bronze hair and deep green irises flashed in front of me, interspersed with sweaty, pale flesh. The graphic visuals of him had become unbearably painful and I could feel my hand curling and unfurling in a steady rhythm as I tried, futilely, to fight the urge, will it down and bury it away. I thought of everything I could to just forget about Edward and the effect he had on me, but it was in vain.
Without conscious thought, my free hand found its way down my torso and began stroking my erect shaft as I thought about Edward touching me. A muffled moan escaped my mouth as my hand continued to move up and down in a slow, steady motion causing beads of pearly liquid to form on the tip and my head to drop back in pleasure. All the while, visions of Edward played behind my closed lids; his mouth and the way it felt around my cock as his tongue licked up from base to tip, the cool metal of his tongue ring a stark contrast to my heated skin, circling the tip in languid, teasing strokes. I groaned out loud as I pictured him on his knees in front of me, looking up through fluttering eyelashes while licking his lips before engulfing me in his hot, wet mouth. I could almost literally feel the foreign metal ball that would be igniting the underside of my length with every hungry pump and the way his eyes glinted playfully as he moved back and forth, his hand matching the motions of his mouth.
My hand picked up speed as my vision changed to me fucking him, penetrating his tight ass with hard, deep thrusts. My breaths were ragged and shallow as his voice echoed in my head, begging me to take him harder and screaming my name. I could picture his arched back perfectly, the wings standing out against his skin as my eyes devoured the taut straining muscles across his shoulders and down to his hips. It was complete sensory overload and, with a strangled moan I came hard against the wall, my knees buckling at the force of my orgasm.
"Fuck me," I sighed out breathlessly as I tried to steady myself against the wet tile, my entire body limp from the release.
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
As I returned to my room, running the towel roughly over my head while I walked, I could hear James talking on the phone and my forehead creased in confusion. What the fuck is he doing in my room now? I silently pondered as I walked through the door and quirked an eyebrow at him straddling my desk chair, ear pressed to my phone.
"Is there a reason you're in my room, James?" I asked as I sat on my bed looking at him. "Furthermore, is there a reason why you're on my phone?" I waited as he told whoever was on the line to hold on and turned to me with that slight condescending smile he was known for.
"It was ringing and you were otherwise occupied," he paused a moment to let me absorb that information. Though I knew what he meant, my irritation with him outweighed any embarrassment and I gestured for him to continue. At least I knew that I hadn't uttered Edward's name out loud so anything he had heard was not unlike the things I'd been forced to endure in the past. Clearly annoyed with my response, or lack thereof, as it were, he huffed and placed the phone face down on my desk before returning his attention to me, fingers tented beneath his chin. "Like I said, it was ringing and you were busy so I came in here to see who was calling, wondering if maybe it was the friend you were out with Friday night. Unfortunately, though, I was flat out of luck as the name flashing on the screen began with an R and not an E. Still, though, I answered and I'm happy to report that your sister sounds like a sex line operator."
At the mention of Rose, I kicked James out and grabbed my phone off the desk. "Rosie?" I knew that my tone was curt and annoyed, but it couldn't be helped. James was a fucking class-A bastard and he was lucky that I didn't just kick his ass for that fucking comment he had made. Soon enough though, my anger gave way to worry as I realized that Rose wasn't the type to initiate contact unless there was a problem of some sort and I collapsed onto my bed, eyes closed, as I tried to ready myself for any possible bad news that she would have. If it was something serious, I would have to put in for emergency leave, though it couldn't have been a life or death situation since my command would have already been alerted. With these thoughts running through my mind, I'd almost forgotten that my sister was on the phone and was startled from my end-of-world contemplations by her annoyed huff.
"Jasper Hale Whitlock, are you even paying attention to me?" Her voice was filled with exasperation and contempt as she spoke, clearly displeased with the conversation between her and James.
"Sorry, I'm listening now. Is everything okay? Are you okay? What about dad and mom?" As each question left my mouth a new one abruptly popped into my head just as quickly.
"Jesus fucking Christ, Jazz. If you would just shut up for a moment I'd be able to answer you," Rose stated after I'd finally stopped rambling. "Everyone is fine, I swear. I just called because I've got some vacation days coming up and I was thinking about coming out to visit you."
"Oh." There you go, Whitlock, always so fucking eloquent.
"Oh? That's all you have to say, Jazz? No, 'Oh hey, that sounds great. Of course you can visit,' or 'Sure, anytime you want. You know I'm always happy to see you, Rosie.'" That was the Rosalie Lillian Whitlock that I knew; the devil herself, probably already decked out in these seasons hottest Prada swimsuits. Without giving me a chance to respond, she launched into her plans and I chuckled softly at my thoughts as I rolled to my side so I could get comfortable.
"Here's the thing, J. I need a vacation and Tanya – you remember Tanya, right? – Well, she needs a vacation as well. And, we both decided that there is no better place to go on vacation than Hawai'i. And, of course, since my baby brother lives in Hawai'i that just sweetens the deal, wouldn't you agree?"
"I suppose," I replied slowly, uncertain what exactly it was that I was agreeing to. "So, you're both coming here to visit or is that just what you're telling dad and mom?"
"Oh, stop being such a dick, Jasper. Of course we'll be visiting you; it's just an added bonus that you happen to reside in Paradise right now." Rose sounded so fucking proud of herself for her deductive reasoning skills that it took a whole lot of self-control for me not to burst out laughing at that moment.
"So when do you two plan on visiting and what exactly do you need me to do? You know that I haven't got any place for you to stay and it wouldn't have made a damn bit of difference to me if you called me today or from the fucking airport when you arrived."
"Can't you get a deal at that one hotel that we stayed at the last time we all came to visit? I can't remember the name of it right now, but I know that it was somehow military affiliated."
"Tell me, dear sister, what exactly is in it for me if I do this?" I couldn't help fucking with her. She just made it too damn easy and even though I knew that she was only bringing that harpy bitch Tanya with her to try and play matchmaker – not likely, Sis, not fucking likely – she knew as well as I did that I'd do this for her.
"What the hell do you mean 'What's in it for you'," she retaliated swiftly, her voice nothing more than a high-pitched, fury-filled squeak. "Did you miss the part where I said that I would be visiting you?"
I snorted out loud as she continued to blather on about herself. Rose's anger, though legendary throughout our little hometown, was nothing more than insanely humorous to me. I'd grown up with her so I'd somehow become immune to it over the years, much to her displeasure, and quickly composed myself so that I'd be able to respond. "Aren't you just the humble one today?" I asked, switching my phone to speaker so that I could put it down and continue talking. "Seriously, though, what am I getting out of this, Rosie?"
I heard the rush of breath from her end as she huffed out in aggravation. "Jazz, just get me a hotel room and shut the fuck up." I couldn't help the laughter that escaped me at her exasperated tone; having her visit would be, at the very least, amusing. Our conversation continued on like that for another ten minutes, her arguing that just seeing her should be enough of an incentive while I demanded more. It wasn't that I didn't love my sister - despite the fact that she could be a bitch at times - this was just how we were with one another and I hadn't realized just how much I'd missed our bantering until she'd called.
"Fine, Rosie, I'll do it and email you the details. When are y'all planning on coming out?" I cringed at my word choice, realizing that, at some point during our conversation I'd gotten out of bed and was searching for my car keys again. I could hear the slight rustle of papers and the telltale sounds of Rose's nails tapping against her keyboard as I pulled my shoes back on and grabbed a shirt from the closet. I was hungry and, seeing as how there'd be no food to find around here, was going to run out and get something to eat.
"How do you feel about two weeks from now? We'll both be on vacation by then." I hummed in acknowledgment as I walked through the parking lot, deciding at the last minute to walk to the commissary instead of drive. "I'll book the flights now and email you the itinerary, okay?"
"That sounds good; I'll keep an eye out for it and set everything up as soon as I get it." We ended the call a few moments later and I made quick work of ordering a sub sandwich and a coke before heading back to my barracks room. James' bike was missing from the parking area once again, and I let out a relieved sigh while I ran up the stairs slightly invigorated. Dropping my rations atop my bed, I realized that since Rose had called, I hadn't thought about Edward once. Of course, that realization had my thoughts rushing back to him, but it was good to know that he didn't monopolize all of my time. I can definitely work with that, I thought to myself before settling in at my desk to eat.
I could feel my phone burning a hole in my pocket, though; its mounting presence a tangible weight on me as I shifted in my seat, trying to block out the heady desperation that I felt. It was useless, an act of futility. Exhaling sharply, I plucked the tiny, unassuming object out and placed it on the desk before me. It wouldn't take much; a few clicks were the only thing, besides my binding sense of duty, that stood in the way. That and about twenty-five miles, I thought dejectedly as the pad of my thumb brushed lazily over the keys, tracing the edges of each numbered button. I could feel my heart thudding, pulsating erratically in my chest at just the thought of hearing his voice, the crushed velvet intonation grinding my already frayed nerves. Was I ready for that or would the sound of his sweet dulcet tones threaten my resolve to take the time to think this through properly?
My fingers continued their journey over the face of the phone as my mind ran in circles, constantly vacillating between whether or not I should just fucking do it – bite the proverbial bullet and dial his damn number. Of course, I could just take the easy way out and send a text message, but then I'd be left with the issue of trying to figure out what to say. 'Hey Edward, Wanna fuck?' I snorted out loud at that thought as my movements stilled and I actually contemplated the idea before tossing it aside. Honesty wasn't always the best policy.
Slightly annoyed with myself, I stood and gathered the trash from lunch, planning on disposing of it. In the process of moving, though, I knocked my phone from the desktop and without thinking, dropped everything in my hand to catch it before it hit the floor. I didn't exactly want to have to go through the process of getting it replaced yet again since it was no longer insured.
I placed the phone back in its spot and continued my task, heading out to the kitchen to dump everything and grab something to drink. Making my way back to my room, I picked the cell up again for what seemed like the millionth time and was shocked to hear a soft, albeit slightly confused, voice coming through the speaker.
"Holy fuck," I muttered lowly, palms suddenly sweating as I stared disbelievingly at Edwards name clearly displayed on the screen.
A/N: Alright, it's done and posted and you've read it and … I left y'all hanging. However, could you please refrain from the throwing of rotten fruit and any other inanimate objects, por favor? Gracias! Pero, your thoughts would be wonderful so if you would be so kind as to click that little 'review' button down there, I'll love you forever! Any pertinent links to this chapter will be up on the profile.
Desiderata: "Desired Things" or "To Desire"
Lastly: I vacillated between whether or not I should do this and decided that maybe it was necessary. To anyone who PM'ed me questioning my knowledge on all things military, please rest assured that I do know what I'm talking about. I am an Army brat – quite literally born into it – and former Air Force myself. The military was the biggest part of my life for twenty-seven years; I'm only twenty-nine. I have no problem answering your questions but I would appreciate it if you would refrain from insulting my intelligence. Thank you.