Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Summary: It scared me. Something changed in your son. Something that he didn't tell me at the time. And I wouldn't find out until six days ago. And that was when my secret problem for your son became known to him.

_Journal Entry Three _

Journal Entry 3

August 5, 1995

Let's start a couple months before the end of your son's third year at Hogwarts.

Alright, so Harry, Hermione, and Ron – oh! You don't know them do you? Hermione's a headstrong muggleborn, brightest witch of her age. Ron's a Weasley: pureblooded, a bit on the poor side, with five brothers and a sister.

His father's nice; kind of muggle obsessed though, and works at the Ministry for the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts or something like that. His mother, however, is a she-dragon I swear! She's worse than Lily and your parents combined! And she has some deep seated hatred for me for some reason. I think she suspects something which is a terrifying prospect. Even though Harry's more mine than hers.

Anyway, so the Golden Trio – that's what those three are called around the school – had just witnessed Buckbeack being "executed". Um, Buckbeack is Hagrid's pet hippogriff. That man gets weirder every year. But yeah, so Harry, Hermione, and Ron had seen the "execution" when Wormtail, who was named Scabbers while with the Weasley's, bit Ron because he saw me nearby.

He ran to the Whomping Willow but Ron was able to catch him. And, well, you know how I am. I recklessly grabbed onto Ron as Padfoot, and dragged them into the tree until we reached the Shrieking Shack.

I'd just changed out of my animagus form when Hermione and Harry got there. And oh God James, your son had looked at me with such hatred. I couldn't stand it then and I know that if he ever gazed at me with those verdant eyes holding that emotion in them, my heart would tear.

His hair was in disarray, and he was breathing through his teeth. That was the only time I've ever seen him look like you.

He'd been about to curse me when Moony came in. God, I love that man sometimes. I never would have thought it possible to be scared of a thirteen year old. But there I had been, on the floor with your son on top of me, wand at my throat. Of course I'd taunted him a bit; can't say I was all that sane at the time.

Anyway, so with Remus' help, we explained to Harry and the other two what had really happened that dreadful Halloween. Or, at least, we were able to after Snivellus was thrown into a wall. Ha, he came in and we bantered a bit before your son blasted him through the bed and into the wall.

Then we'd explained. We managed to get the three to believe us after we got Pettigrew out of his animagus form. Moony and I had him at wand point, ready to kill him, when Harry stepped in. I'd been irritated since it had been Wormtail's fault that I had spent thirteen years in Azkaban in the first place. However, your son has quite the intelligence. I saw a bit of Lily in him that day too.

He said that if we killed him, not only would I be going back to that dreaded prison but so would Remus. He said that it would be better if we just brought him into Hogwarts so that the Dementors could deal with him. Oh! That's right, you don't know. Dementors were placed around the school to keep me out. Ha! As if that could work.

But anyway, Harry and I helped Ron out while Moony had Pettigrew. You see, I kind of bit on Ron's leg too hard so he couldn't really walk. But in my defense, I was more insane at that point than I'd like to admit.

When we got outside, I took Harry a ways from the group to talk to him about living with me once my name was cleared. However, before he could answer Hermione screamed his name. She was pointing at the sky where the moon was becoming full. It would seem that all of us had forgotten that that night was a full moon, and as such, Remus hadn't taken his potion.

Wormtail had gotten away that night as I had been too busy keeping Moony from the others. Snivellus came out and stood in front of them, and though I am loathe to admit it, he was always quite the wizard so I knew they'd be alright.

However, I had lost Remus at one point, and found myself at the lake surrounded my Dementors. I was unconscious the whole time but from what Harry has told me, they almost ate my soul.

A scary thing to be a victim of, but when he told me I had been worried about him. I had no idea what was going on, but he'd been watching. However, they obviously did not succeed as here I am, telling a man who was once my very best friend my most personal and terrifying story.

Your son was vague about the whole thing, but apparently Hermione had been given a Time Turner to get to all her classes – she's a studious one that girl – and they had used it to help me and Buckbeak live. You see, the Harry that had gone back in time had saved the other Harry and I with the Dementors by casting one hell of a Patronus. And the Harry that had been with me at the time had lost consciousness as soon as the other one had driven the last of the Dementors away.

The next time I woke up, I was in some tower awaiting the Dementors Kiss. But shortly after, Harry and Hermione show up on Buckbeak –your son's a reckless one – and Hermione blasted the cell gate away. I hoped on with them and we landed at the entrance yard.

I think it was at that moment that I – that I – oh James I want to say it! You know I do! But I just – can't bring myself to.

His verdant eyes had been vibrant at that moment, still high on adrenaline. His midnight hair had been a right mess, and he couldn't seem to get that goofy smile off his face.

I said my goodbyes and thank yous before taking off on Buckbeak. That journey back to my old house was the hardest one I'd ever made because once again I was leaving Harry. I'd made myself promise while I was in Azkaban that if I ever made it out of there, and if I found my godson, I would never leave him again. But sometimes you have to improvise I suppose.

Dumbledore had found me, and he believed me too. I love that old crack pot. Even if he did leave Harry with the Dursley's. I let him use the house as the Headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix. And that summer – this summer – Harry arrived.

But he looked so different from that night a mere four months ago. Dulled emeralds with only a spark of mirth are what had looked up at him early July. His hair hung lank around his pale face, and his smile was small.

It scared me. Something changed in your son. Something that he didn't tell me at the time. And I wouldn't find out until six days ago. And that was when my secret problem for your son became known to him.

© 2008 Inyx Dawn