Title: TH Thranduil's Promise
Chapter 3: Reveal
Spoiler Alert: The Hobbit and LOTR (books, maps and movies)
Warnings: Language, Sexual Situations, Violence, AU (not all canon)
Pairing: Thranduil/Unnamed Elfmaiden from Rivendell (I'm giving her a name.)
Summary: Ship AU: Thranduil must allow one of Elrond's Elfmaidens into his realm to assist him with a mutual foe. He does not want her aid nor does he desire the feelings that her arrival stirs inside him.
A/N: I'm playing loose with canon timeframes and facts in this AU. I did an edit of ch 2 to change a few things because I want Thranduil to find out about her in a different way. If you have not read the revision, you might want too because it ends in a more romantic way. *rubs hands together* I think we all need to focus on the Thrandy kiss.
Over the next two weeks, they worked together from morning till sunset ridding the land of the retched giant spiders. They became more relaxed with how the other operated, so they didn't have to communicate much to get the job done.
During week three, Thranduil woke just before dawn to the sound of Carrma screaming.
Thranduil's brilliant gray/blue eyes opened as he rose to his feet – black sword in hand ready to kill whatever was harming her.
His eyes darted around. No enemies. Nothing moved save her.
Thranduil quickly sheathed his sword and went to her side.
Carrma thrashed causing her hood to completely fall back from her face. Her eyes were closed, and her face was caught in a grimace of pain.
A nightmare, Thranduil thought. "Wake up."
No response.
He touched her shoulder as he had out on the field. "You need to wake up."
She jerked back from his touch. "No. It burns!"
Thranduil flinched and froze in mid breath. He remembered his own tormented sleep where flames reach out to melt his body. "Wake up!" He shook her feeling his own anxiety surfacing.
"What?" Carrma's unfocused eyes blinked up at him. She grabbed his arms as if she were drowning, and he was the only thing not submerged.
Eventually, her eyes focused then glanced around. "Where?"
"We are in the trees. You are safe." Thranduil sat on the edge of the hammock still feeling her bare fingers digging into his skin. She hadn't willingly touched him like this before and the sparse words that were spoken were more than they had in the last few days.
"The fire. I was her. It was coming for me." She let go of his arms and pulled the blanket up as tears fell from her eyes. "You weren't there. The world ended in flames."
Thranduil scrutinized her tears not understanding what she was talking about. He was use to barking orders and interrogation not calming one's fears. He thought of his own then spoke. "It was only your thoughts forming a dream."
Her eyes locked on his. "It felt real. I could feel the heat."
Thranduil rested his hand on the hammock on the other side of her to balance it out as he leaned closer. Her usual bravado was gone, and he did not know how to help her get it back. "It is over now."
Carrma watched the intensity of his blue eyes and remembered how he had tried to shield her when the large group of spiders attacked them the first day of their hunt. She guessed it was the cause of her dream. In the nightmare, she was her mother out in the field and the spiders spit fire at her, but Thranduil could not help as he already lay dead at her feet. She dreamed she lost control of her own spiders and both descended on her then destroyed the world forming a fiery desolation.
"Just a dream," She felt calmer as she said it out loud.
Carrma nodded and pushed the blanket back to welcome the cool morning air on her face and arms. She didn't bother trying to hide her face because he had already seen her, and due to her glamour if someone was watching, they could not see her face. She thought about asking him again how he managed to see through her glamour.
She moved to sit and the hammock shifted causing her to roll more toward him to the point that her hip rested against him. She could feel the heat of his much larger muscular body penetrating the fabric she wore.
When she was younger, she had fantasized about the Elvenking galloping to her rescue while he rode a massive animal. When she became an adult, her imagination changed to have her as the savior and him the one in need of her help. The situation she was currently in was closer to the latter fantasy.
The reality of her hip pressed against him was disconcerting to say the least – maddeningly sinful to say the worst. Part of her mind offered it wouldn't be that difficult for him to lean down and kiss her while the other part questioned why he hadn't stood up already.
Carrma folded her hands over her abdomen and tried not to think about his long braid that was now touching her arm. Instead, she thought about the fact that he was alive despite her horrific dream where he died and the world burned in flames.
Carrma felt the light graze of his mind then he pulled his mental search back.
"You are quiet." He tipped his head. "What are you thinking?"
Carrma knew it was a concession for him as he probably just pushed into people's minds at will and listened to whatever he wanted. The thought made her panic return. If he had pushed to the point of actually hearing her thoughts, he would have known she was thinking about his closeness.
She decided to go with her dream. "You burning to death."
He stood up causing the hammock to be unbalanced, and she almost fell to the floor. His voice came out none to gently. "Can you divine the future?"
She shook her head and sat up on the edge where he had been. "No, I can't see the future. It's just a dream."
Thranduil slowly paced. "Are you empathic?"
"No."
He thought about how ironic it was that she had the same hair color as the other Necromage, that she didn't want him in her mind, and that she now had a dream about him burning in fire. A young beautiful Elvenmaiden of power who still had an air of innocence. How convenient.
He stopped pacing and turned to her. "Elrond sent you?"
"He did."
Thranduil saw the truth of it on her face. "Did you ask to be sent here?"
Carrma paused. "I…You needed assistance, and I was the best suited. I don't need additional help."
Thranduil squinted at her.
"Yes. I did." She added before he felt the need to push at her mind again. She thought the last thing she needed was for him to see her fantasies where they rolled around naked together with his shimmering hair wrapped around her flushed body.
"Did someone tell you to persuade Elrond to send you?" Thranduil stepped closer to her.
Carrma watched his form that was backlit by the morning sun. His hair glowed and his dark clothing seemed to give him a more sinister air than it usually did. "Not really."
"Elaborate." His hands were now clasped behind his back.
Carrma didn't know how she was going to explain that her grandfather had told her if she ever had a chance to speak with the Elvenking to take opportunity. He told her to see if he still wore the ring and to check if he was fully healed.
She stood and put her hands out to the side fully intending to explain.
Thranduil gripped her by her neck and slammed her into the wall knocking the air from her lungs.
Carrma gaped at him.
Thranduil clamped his hand over her mouth and pressed harder against her. "No. There will be no chanting up magic to help you. I have been watching you. Your magic works by chanting. There will be none of that now. Did someone tell you to get into Elrond's good graces so you could go on this mission so you could get close enough to me to kill me?"
Thranduil contemplated she could have easily killed him over the last three weeks and the fact that his spies had never seen her before. "Or were you sent here to seduce me with your power and beauty? Were you sent here to infiltrate my kingdom and gain my confidence maybe even to be the next Elvenqueen then to kill me? Are you after my throne?"
Carrma shook her head as best she could as newly formed bruises healed.
"Then why are you here?" Thranduil watched her eyes knowing that he could wait a moment then as she thought over everything he wanted to know he would look into her mind.
Carrma thought about the question. Why was she there? His sacrifice. She knew no one in their right mind would get near a Necromage of her mother's power when she was practicing in battle. He had. He went so far as to step in front of a wall of flame knowing it would melt his skin, muscles, and char his bones black while he was still alive to feel it all. His body struggled at regenerating itself as he held himself in place feeling every blast of fire from the demon serpent.
Thranduil pressed on her mind into her conscious thoughts and saw himself across a field with a dragon breathing fire in his direction. His shield melted, his armor failed him, and finally his body took the full force. The pendent he wore that had been his Elvenqueen's dug into flesh to press against bone.
Thranduil quickly pulled his mind back. He loosened his grip on her mouth and throat. He pitched forward so that his arms gripped the wall. It took several moments before his eyes were able to see her face in front of his.
"How?" He inquired as he pushed back his anxiety at seeing the memory in her mind. Here he was face to face with one if his greatest fears and in her mind was the memory of his second greatest fear. Fire. He raced over the fact that Necromages could transplant their memories into another, but he didn't remember another being that close. Yes, later reports said at that point all Necromages were dead but her. The dragons had targeted them, and she had been the only one capable of that type of magic on that scale. I protected her with my life. This isn't possible unless…
Carrma's voice came out scratchy. "I was there."
"You would have been a small child."
"I was."
Thranduil thought about her words. He searched his memory and did not remember any children there, but he knew he had been struggling with staying conscious.
"You kept her alive till she could finish and release the spirits from the dead dragon bodies. You carried her to the healers. Because of that, she had a second to see me and send me a message. My mother loved me." She hated that her voice came out sounding as small as a helpless child she once was.
Thranduil watched her wondering why he didn't put it together before. There appearance was very similar, and it made sense. "Then why are you here…other than the spiders? Who sent you other than Elrond? Who are you helping?"
Carrma felt angry at him that he went back into her mind, but at the same time she wanted him to wrap his arms around her. "My grandfather wanted to know if you wore the ring." She thought turn about was fair play, and she pushed at his glamour.
Her anger faded when she saw the ruin of the left side of his face. The rest of him was healed, but there was a shimmer to the wound that let her know the dragon had cast a spell in the fire that prevented this part from healing. They can be sadistic creatures.
Carrma reached her hand up to let it hover an inch over the side of his face. "And this." She chanted out words to release magical bonds then spells of healing.
Thranduil jerked back. He cupped his face as zapping vibrations radiated over the damaged tissue that even the greatest healers in the land couldn't do anything with. After a couple of minutes, he could feel the muscle forming and skin growing back into place.
Thanduil's vision in that eye cleared to perfection.
He was whole.
Thranduil did not know what to say to her. She was the daughter of the Necromage that saved his people, and she herself had come to help with the Giant Spiders that kept killing his people and the animals of his kingdom and Elrond's. And now, he had insulted her, had accused her of some nefarious plot to seduce him then kill him to gain his throne, and had physically and mentally assaulted her.
"I would apologize my lady." Thranduil offered the best he could do.
"You would…if you were not the Elvenking." Carrma knew the words did not come out as kind as she had thought them, but her neck had just finished healing and her temper was up. She chided herself at remembering again what he had gone through for her mother's sake. All these years of her life, he had walked around with the physical pain and the mental ones. "That's enough. What's done is done. Lets move on." Carrma started to pull the hood over her face.
"As you wish."
Carrma let it fall back, and she watched him. Her childhood fantasies of him were shattered. In life and death situations in battle, he protected those he felt were inferior or weaker than him. That was honorable, but the romanticism was gone. He was a cold and calculating Elvenking who had ruled for thousands of years and would for thousands more. She guessed his paranoia and isolationist views served him and his people well. She had no doubt they would live on even if the world was destroyed around them.
Thranduil knew he had never apologized for anything in his entire life, and knew if he was going to do it now that he was not doing it half way.
Thranduil did a sweeping bow as he spoke. "I apologize for my actions and my words." He waited in the lowest part of the bow for a heartbeat, which he thought was a long time for him to hold himself in abeyance. "And thank you my Lady." His hand touched the side of his face as he straightened.
It took Carrma a few moments to understand what she just saw and heard. Thranduil Elvenking of Mirkwood had just apologized to her. She would not have been more shocked if warrior Orcs clothed in pink and white frilly dresses with umbrellas danced by singing about the virtues of cleanliness.
Carrma's lips moved a few times before sound came out. "Just stop pushing at my mind. I'm not use to attention from men let along you." She stepped away from the wall and couldn't stop herself from blathering on. "You usually act like I don't exist when you're around me. I prefer that to ummm." In her pause, she realized that was not true. She would prefer his attention – a great deal of it.
"We have met before?" Thranduil leaned forward studying her face. His eyes kept going to the metallic gold hue of her hair, which was unique and more hypnotizing to him then a room filled with white gems and silver glimmering with the light of a thousand stars.
"Yes. Every time you come to Rivendell. One time, I gave you my wine at the dinner table."
Thranduil searched his memory and came back blank. "I do not recall."
"I know. A little glamour to make my hair appear dull brown and for some reason that makes me invisible to men. I'm fine with that I guess." Carrma glanced away from him to the Wisps that were hovering outside the room. She couldn't believe she had just said that. She walked to the edge of the room peering out knowing her face was turning red.
The room broke apart going back to trees and the mock platform lowered them to the ground.
Thranduil stepped off onto ground and thought about her. Brown hair, in Elrond's house…memory flickered…a young girl giggling with Arwen. He now remembered who she was. She was Arwen's playmate that Elrond had adopted when her…mother…died. "I remember you." Regret tugged at him over the way he had treated her and what he said.
Carrma nodded and strode farther away from the river.
Thranduil pulled out lembas and passed some to her. He tried not to think about her having nightmares with him in it and that she knew he had still been damaged – that she saw the ruin of his face. "How did you know I was not fully healed?"
"When I mentally slapped you when you tried to get into my mind." Carrma extended her hands and used her magic to levitate over several boulders and uneven ground. "The Wisps saw it too. When you grabbed me, they wanted to come into the room and make the rest of you look the same way. I told them to stay out and that it was alright."
Thranduil easily leaped from one to the other and landed beside her. He absently thought from a distance, he might appear to be Legolas on one of his adventures. "You could not chant. How were you communicating with them?"
"You are forgetting the usual rules don't apply to me. Saying the words helps me focus, but I don't have to say them." Carrma glanced up ahead then back to him.
Thranduil watched as Wisps flickered forward and fanned out. "I see. When I grabbed you, they could have killed me at any time." Thranduil thought himself an idiot for grabbing a Necromage thinking himself safe because she could not chant. He clenched his teeth knowing that being near her distracted him from thinking rationally.
"Yes, but I don't rely on them." Her eyes bored into his.
Thranduil found himself flying backwards. He twisted to kick off a tree so that he didn't slam into it. He bounded up and leapt from tree to tree then landed ahead of her. "Spells, move things with your mind, draw spirits into bodies making them do your bidding, leave your body and travel with spirits, and the gray fog that turns black helps you levitate and confuse opponents. What else can you do?"
"Isn't that enough?" She picked some green plants that were nutritious and nibbled as she walked.
Thranduil moved beside her watching her face knowing she did not give a direct answer. It meant that she didn't want to say. The idea of not looking in her mind and her avoiding a question intrigued him.
Carrma was a puzzle he couldn't easily solve. He grinned knowing she was not the spy assassin he thought her to be. But she possessed every quality that the Valar could have promised to put him on his best behavior, and Sauron could have tempted him with to make him fall prey to his darker sides.
Carrma tried to focus on the Wisps and failed. Her mind wandered over what he accused her of being. He spoke of her beauty and power seducing him into taking her as his new Elvenqueen. The thought made her heart thunder.
Thranduil heard the pace of her heart quicken, and he wondered if the Wisps found something. "What is it?"
"What's what?"
He stopped knowing it was not the Wisps. "What you are thinking that has your heart beating that fast?"
"I was umm." Carrma knew she couldn't tell him, oh I like that you might like me. She unconsciously ran her hand over her neck where he grabbed her. Her face turned pink when she realized what she was doing, so she let her hand pull on the cord round her neck hoping it masked her actions. She knew she would sometimes twist it around her finger to calm herself.
Thranduil saw her touch her neck, and he remembered the way her body felt pressed against his. He contemplated the bulky cloak did nothing to hide the curves of her form. He took a few steps closer to her.
Carrma ignored the Wisps and tugged harder on the cord around her neck winding it more.
Thranduil stopped in mid stride when he saw the pendant that hung from the cord around her neck. It was the circular silver pendant his Elvenqueen gave to him when they were bonded. She had died during battle protecting their son, and he wore it in remembrance of her. He ended up giving it to Legolas when he became an adult. He returned from travels one time without it.
Thranduil remembered being furious until Legolas explained he had given his virtue to an Elvenmaiden who had also given hers to him.
Now in the forest with Carrma, his dark hungry glair turned to stoic ice. Of all the women Legolas could have slept with…it had to be her.
Thranduil now had no intention of suggesting he was the cause of her fluttering heart. "There are more spiders?"
Carrma wondered if she had just dreamt up his reaction because of how blank his face appeared now. She had thought he was coming to kiss her. "Yes. Over there. Two of them. They heard us walking and turned this way."
Thranduil nodded and took off in that direction.
Carrma let out a deep breath when he disappeared across a field and over a hill. She pressed her hand down on her chest and felt metal. She toyed with the pendant wondering if he saw it. She tapped it remembering the girl who sported it around saying how an Elfprince had given it to her after staying an evening with her. The girl was known for telling visiting Elves that she was related to Elrond then would have sex with them.
Carrma didn't mind that in the least, but knew it to be the pendant that Thranduil wore in battle the day her mother died. Even now, she could see it embedded in his flesh. She had offered the girl a hefty sum for it and the girl passed it over like it was not important anymore. The girl was happy with her gold, and Carrma secretly wore it under her clothes every day from that to this.
A Wisp flickered in front of her letting her know that the spiders were dead.
"Yes, that's just great. Thanks. You're a lot of help."
The Wisp fluttered around in a circle trying to ascertain the source of her anxiety it could feel.
"It's alright." She knew that was a lie. "I just have something else to explain to him, and I have no idea how to explain it. Oh yes, your son slept with this girl and gave her your necklace. I bought it from her and wear it because I find you the most fascinating man in Middle Earth, and I fantasize about kissing you all the time. Yes, that doesn't sound obsessive at all."
The Wisp bounced up and down making a beep sound only she could hear.
Carrma held her breath and turned to see Thranduil standing on a branch high up in the trees watching and listening to her. "Well, at least that was easier than I thought."
Thranduil leaped out of the tree landing on the other side of a clearing. He stalked toward her speaking in his normal voice knowing her Elven ears could hear him. "When I saw the pendant, I thought it was you he gave it too. I thought the flush was for him."
"No." Carrma watched the way his body moved under the black material. She couldn't imagine being given free rein to touch him, to taste him, to beg him for more, and have his full attention as he gave it to wrap around him feeling his muscles flex and strain. He could be so controlled one moment then volatile the next.
"Good. That will make this much simpler."
"What?" Carrma tried to make sense of what he meant. The only thing she could come up with was that he wanted his pendant back and if it had been a gift from his son then Legolas could become upset. She nodded knowing that it was sold to her, so it wouldn't be an issue.
Carrma kept watching his body then noticed he knew she was, so she glanced down and reached back to undo the necklace.
"No."
Carrma took a step back remembering last time he barked the word as an order he had slammed her into the wall. She absently thought it was a shame that there were no walls around. She stepped back again and bumped into a tree. That'll do.
Carrma swallowed feeling trapped as he closed the distance. She expected him to touch her roughly again, and her body sang with the anticipation especially because of the dark hooded glare he was giving her. His eyes spoke of his desire to claim her; she had never before witnessed a man looking at her even remotely like that. She knew she would never get this image out of her mind.
Instead of touching her, he stopped a foot away.
Carrma wanted to lean forward against him, but feared that was not what he wanted. She decided the man was more complicated than Elrond's gardens and the Lord had a butterfly herder to make sure they flapped their wings in the right directions depending on the time of day.
One of his hands leaned against the massive tree and the other lifted to her face. He gently touched the bottom of her chin and lifted her gaze to his as he leaned down then he let her chin go.
Carrma closed her eyes in anticipation of his lips touching hers, but they didn't. Her eyes opened to find his lips a couple of inches away from hers.
She peered into the depth of his dominant blue eyes then over the perfection of his face to pause on his lips again.
Still he did nothing, but watched her expressions.
"I don't understand." Carrma breathed in and out rather quickly and felt his breath mingling with her own. She wanted to reach out and put her hands on his chest to feel the hardness of his muscles under the soft fabric, but he wasn't touching her now. He was a king, so she thought if he wanted something like this from her then he would take things farther. After all, he wasn't known for holding back when he wanted something.
"That is what I am afraid of." Thranduil watched the confusion on her face then leaned his other hand on the other side of her. He knew she was valiant in battle, and she spoke of wanting to kiss him, but he now wondered based on what she said earlier if she had any experience with men. He went to kiss her, but she held perfectly still and closed her eyes as if waiting for impact. He thought about the way he treated her earlier and controlled himself.
"Afraid? You? There is only one thing that gives you pause and one of those things is not here. The Wisps would know. They hate them too." Carrma had no idea what she just said as she was lost in the blue pools of his eyes. Her hand reached up on its own and pressed against his vest.
She realized what she did but couldn't remove her hand because he gently pressed his to the back of hers. His lips slowly moved closer. She tipped her head down, but he angled his head more and leaned closer.
Her eyes fluttered as if afraid to close. She thought if she did then he might back away again, but staring into his eyes at this short a distance was far too intimidating. He was powerful, he was dangerous, and he was much too close; she loved it.
Her eyes closed on contact when his lips lightly pressed against hers. Her head spun with the knowledge that he was kissing her even if it was only a gentle press.
Thranduil almost trembled with controlling himself not to maul her. He wanted to taste her skin and grind his body against hers, but he wasn't sure how she would react to him if he did. After all, he now knew she could kill him with her mind it was the most intoxicating thought he had ever had.
The light press of lips was a torture he told himself he would have to endure until she showed him how much she was willing to ask for and get in return. He was the Elvenking after all and he never wanted a woman to feel as if she had to humor his attentions.
Usually, he peered into their minds and gleaned what he needed, but he knew he couldn't with her. He had relied on his ability for so long that he didn't trust his instincts with her now. He didn't want to make any mistakes with her like he did when he completely blundered about in the room she made. Things about her confused him, and he wanted her all the more for it.
As he pulled back, her mind offered that he was being delicate with her.
The kiss stirred up a memory from years ago when another Necromage took some interest in her. He was sweet and played musical instruments in soft tones to seduce her. Then after he would make love to her in his bedroom. He was always very proper and reverent. He was the ideal gentleman probably because he was afraid she would kill him otherwise. He bored her to death; she couldn't reach climax because of his overly delicate treatment of her.
Thranduil caught on that something was wrong and watched her.
Carrma remembered back then she was almost thankful to go back to being alone after that Elf. She much more preferred her fantasies about barbarian Dwarves or the Elvenking being so overcome with desire for her that they ignored decency and devoured her with their passion. She had always wondered what it would be like to desire a man beyond your ability to think only to see on his face that he felt the same. She needed that.
And now, here she was with the Elvenking of legend, and he was being calm and careful as if she would break. Tentative. She wanted to scream.
Carrma removed her hand from his chest. She fretted that he was doing this to placate her because of his earlier behavior.
Thranduil watched her face not sure if she wanted that kind of attention from him or not. Since he could not listen to her mind, he resorted to talking. "You seem distracted. What are you thinking about?"
She answered honestly forgetting to filter her words. "The Elf I slept with. He bored me to death."
I kiss her and she thinks about another elf? A boring elf? Thranduil asked quickly. "And?"
"Umm and you don't have to do this if you don't want too." She tipped her head thinking that her fantasies about him devouring her were dwindling due to the reality of the kiss. She pushed back at the disappointing frustration that was turning to anger. "Barbarian Dwarves are fine enough with me. They'll do instead."
Fucking Dwarves! He paused a moment not knowing if he was cursing them or needing to say it out loud to her as a question. "You have slept with Dwarves?"
"No."
"You think I do not want you or do you think Dwarves would be better at pleasuring a woman than I am?"
"Ummm yes." I'm an idiot, she thought to herself, I look into his eyes and I am a mindless idiot. It would have been bad enough to have picked one, but she announced both. "Just don't try to kill me again, and I will pretend this never happened. Let's go back to killing things."
Carrma didn't want to pretend. She didn't want pretend fantasies in her head, and she didn't want to pretend the kiss was non-existent. She kept her mouth shut and prayed she didn't make it worse. What she wanted was his greedy hands running over her naked skin. What she needed was the passion she saw earlier when he was angry. She thought about slapping him to elicit the response she wanted. She shook her head knowing that was a crazy thought. She tried to look anywhere but his eyes. Yes, his 'come worship my body' eyes were messing with her mind she determined.
All she needed was somewhere else to look. His chest. No, she remembered pressing her hand to his perfection. His shoulders. No, definitely no, she just wanted to bite them. His hair? Her mind went blank because she could almost feel herself undoing the braid to let it fan out over her exposed skin as he thrust over her. Damn it!
Carrma shifted her stance feeling uncomfortable. She held her breath and blew it out a few times.
"You want me." He proclaimed.
Carrma couldn't deny it. Even with the soft kiss and gentle touch, she still wanted him. "Yes."
"Then why do I make you think of boring elves and of how Dwarves must have greater skill than I?"
Carrma folded her arms around herself thankful that her hands were lost in her cloak because she didn't know what to do with them. They kept trying to reach out for him. "Because…because you kiss the way a father would kiss a child."
Thranduil Elvenking of Mirkwood's jaw dropped, and he openly gaped at her. That was something he had never been accused of in his entire life…out loud or in someone's thoughts. "I was trying to see if you wanted my attention, and I was not sure. I was trying to hold back and not hurt you like I did before."
"Maybe I liked what you did earlier." She knew that didn't sound right so she qualified, "…a little anyway."
She felt herself being lifted off the ground.
A/N: I'm shocked…changing a few sentences at the end of ch 2 turned into this. Dwarves? Heheheheeeee Alright, I better rate this as M. Feedback feeds the muse. I need to watch all the Hobbits again. I stayed up all night writing this. Literally, the sun is up. I need to sleep.