I believe I have officially made up my mind.

I hate fairies.

They must have gone extinct for a reason. My guess is that no one could stand them anymore, and everyone teamed up to wipe the miniature candles off the face of the earth.

But how did this one survive?

"Link! Hurry up and get out of the hot springs! We need to go now!"

I just got out of the last damn temple, and already she wants me to go find another one? Women...

"Calm down, Navi, let the old boy get some rest." Shad didn't even look up from his book that he was reading. Trust him to bathe and read at the same time.

I smiled in thanks at Shad even though he wasn't looking; I could always count on him to have my back.

Navi didn't seem pleased though. "Well we are by Kakariko! We might as well get the fire temple over and done with!"

"Why do we even need to go there?" I asked her irritably.

She slowly started turning yellow. "Weren't we just discussing about how these 'instincts' of yours were pulling you toward these places? That was always a good indication in the past that you should search them out and try to get to the bottom of things."

"She does have a point," Shad said, once again not looking up from his book. "If the Goddess herself graced you with her presence, it must be for a reason. Perhaps it would be wise to continue on."

I ducked my head under the water and tried to block the both of them out.

"Link if you don't get out now I'm stealing your clothes!"

I'm pretty sure the village elder wouldn't want a naked hero running around the village. So I stood and prepared myself to get out of the springs.

"Hello hero..."

I yelped and ducked back under the water, reaching behind me for my sword.

"Calm down silly hero... I've come to help you on your quest..."

Holy shit. This goddess needed to put more clothing on... Was she even wearing anything? I don't count tiny red ribbons as clothing articles.

Shad must have had the same thoughts. He was completely red and holding his book up to block her from view.

I wish I had that option.

"Hehe... Is something bothering you?"

"No," I said awkwardly. She's doing this on purpose isn't she? I thought the goddesses were supposed to be nice.

Well... the last one was anyway.

"Oh come on... I must be having some affect... A young handsome man like yourself shouldn't be able to resist me for long..."

She waved and winked at me.

"Navi... Is this the goddess Din?" Her hair does look like fire, so I'm probably correct.

She landed on my shoulder and fluttered her wings against my cheek. "No really? I would have thought the red color was a dead giveaway."

I guess I'm rubbing off on her. "Sarcasm is my department light bulb."

"What sarcasm? You don't even talk!"

"Agreed," Shad managed to squeak out from behind his hiding spot.

"Um... Hero?"

"Oh right. Sorry."

"As I was saying... My sister gave you the gift of magic... And I shall give you the gift of adaption..."

Great, what good will something like that do?

"It will allow you to adapt to any situation you're in... For example... If you are in a very cold place... Your body would generate heat to keep you warm..."

Navi bounced excitedly. "That means it won't be too hot inside the Fire Temple!"

Great, this is another excuse to leave now, so I might as well get it over with.

"So hero... Will you accept the gift...?"

Sure why not?

"Yes."

This time a red light surrounded me. And unlike the last light which was pleasantly warm, this one was extremely hot.

Not good. Was she trying to piss me off?

I was panting and shaking from the heat, it felt like I was going to burn into a pile of ash.

I could hear the bug flying around my head in worry. She was screaming things that I couldn't hear.

I wonder if it looks like I'm on fire.

And then as suddenly as the heat had come. It stopped.

"Hehe... There you go hero... Until next time..."

Hopefully there won't be a next time ribbon girl.

After that incredibly awkward and embarrassing encounter, both Shad and I decided to leave the hot springs as fast as possible.

"Good luck on your expedition, old boy!" Shad patted me on the shoulder and smiled. "I'm going to stick around here for a bit longer and then maybe head back to Castle Town. Perhaps we'll meet again there?"

I smiled back and nodded. I was going to miss him; he was the only sane voice in the midst of chaos.

I made my way toward the path that lead up to Death Mountain, already missing the comfort of the hot spring.

Just one nap, that's all I wanted right now.

"Do you know where the Fire Temple is, because I've already conquered the one inside the Goron's place?" We were walking along the path to the Goron's home, I was skillfully dodging all the blasts of steam, but Navi kept getting blown away by them.

"Wow! I think that's the biggest sentence you've ever said!" She flew into my hat as we passed another surprise steam attack.

If only she knew what went on in my head.

"Are you going to answer the question?"

She tugged on my hair. "Well since you went through the trouble of speaking!"

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

"The temple is located underneath the mountain, from what you've told me it's a different place from where you went before! There should be an elevator of some sorts that will get us down there!"

"You mean the one by the hot springs?"

"Probably!"

I must have been concentrating on the conversation more than I was on where I was going. My boot got caught on a rock and I fell all the way down the hill landing in a heap at the bottom.

Damn my stupid body, I hate how un-coordinated I am.

"Are you alright, brother?"

I looked up to see the always impressive form of a Goron.

Nodding my head twice, I sighed.

"Link! Link!"

Of course she was flying around my head again in circles.

"Are you alright! Jeez! Maybe you do take after your ancestor more then I first thought. You're a klutz!"

Or maybe it's your power to distract people, you annoying glow stick.

I got onto my feet and brushed the dirt off my clothes. The Goron was still laughing at me.

My pride is disintegrating a little bit more every hour.

Navi grabbed my sleeve and pulled me away. Which is surprising since you wouldn't think someone like her would have a lot of strength.

"Come on! Lead the way to the elevator!"

"It's kind of hard to lead when you're pulling me." Stupid fairy.

"Oh right!"

She flew behind me and started pushing me instead.

"Off we go! And let's hope Volvagia isn't alive…Or one of his children!"

That name sounds slightly frightening.

"Who's Volvagia?"

"He's the fire dragon who used to live in the fire temple! Link killed him! Well... It took him a while! He had to carry around that stupid hammer!"

Damn it. I didn't want to use that thing.

"Is the hammer the only thing that can kill him?" What was the point of asking the question? The answer would always be the one I don't like.

"Well yeah! Volvagia's head had armor on it that was hard as a rock! And the only way to break it was to smash it with the hammer!"

I knew it. Is it too late to turn back to the Shadow Temple?

She pulled on my ear. "Why do you look so depressed now? You don't like the Megaton Hammer?"

What a fitting name for it. "I don't like carrying around with me." I gestured towards the spot on my back where it was hidden.

"Didn't you get the magic pouch from Link's stuff?"

"The old bag?"

"Yeah! Well that thing is magical! You can put anything in it and it won't get heavy or full!"

I stopped walking to glare at her. "And why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

"Oh! You didn't know that? I was wondering why you were carrying everything around!"

I began throwing everything on the ground in search of the magical bag that would give me some back pain relief.

Stupid candle.

After finding it and placing everything inside it, we started for the hot springs again. And that brings up the question of why they didn't fix the steam things? Someone could get seriously hurt.

And why do I care?

"Link! Is that the elevator?"

I watched as she flew around the inside of the box that could be an elevator, but was more like a death trap. "What? You couldn't tell?"

"No! It looks kind of dangerous to use..."

"Really? I think it looks perfectly safe to me."

"You're being sarcastic."

"Yes."

She flew over and bumped into my forehead angrily. "Come on! Let's go!"

Can't I have a five minute break? No of course not. That would be awkward.

I stepped into the box of doom and hit the switch.

"It's going the wrong way! Flick the switch again!"

I nodded and flicked it.

"Brother! Don't! It's not-

The thing started falling so fast, I flew up and hit my head on the top of it. Ouch.

Navi was plastered to the top, screaming she was going to die over and over again.

And me? I was floating. And rather enjoying myself. I almost started dosing off.

Almost.

The elevator quickly slowed down, and I hit the floor hard.

Double ouch.

I heard the clunk as it touched bottom, it shook a couple times before going still.

Light bulb floated onto the ground.

She wasn't talking. Maybe the goddesses have decided I've been through enough torture and they were going to give me a break.

She popped up off the ground and laughed. "Whoa! That was scary!"

Or not.

"It wasn't that scary. I quite enjoyed myself. Well, except for the slamming in to floor and smashing my head part."

I was still lying on the ground, trying to catch my breath.

She flew up, and I watched as she stumbled around in the air like Bo after he had one too many drinks at the tavern.

"Why is the ground moving like that?!"

I pushed myself into a sitting position. I was feeling a little lightheaded too.

"Just stay still, it will pass."

She flew back to the ground and sat.

"Hey! Link! Where's your hat?"

Shit.

Reaching to feel around the top of my head and feeling nothing there I started to panic. That was the hero's hat; the one the hero of legend wore.

Wait.

That's really gross if you think about it. Hopefully they just meant it was designed after his when they gave it to me.

"It's not like you'll need the hat to fight off the demons that live in here!"

I could have guessed that, but I still liked the damn thing!

Then I spotted it, stuck to the ceiling part of the elevator, it looked so lonely up there.

I'll get it when my head stops spinning.

"How do we 'conquer' a temple anyways?"

"You know! I was just thinking that! You see, I've been sensing a lot of evil in Hyrule for the last week, and most of it's coming from the directions of the five temples! So if you defeat the evil in all the temples, you're basically conquering the temples!"

Well that sounds easy. For me anyways.

I got to my feet, not really feeling lightheaded anymore.

I reached up and grabbed the hero's hat before turning and motioning for her to follow.

"We're leaving?"

"I want to see what this temple looks like." I wonder if there are any talking walls.

I opened the door and a gust of heat greeted me. Well I didn't find it hot. That new ability I had was coming in handy.

But Puff ball did.

"Link! It's too hot for me!" She flew over to me and pulled on the front of my tunic.

What was I going to do now?

"The other Link would let me stay in his hat! It was always cool there!"

I flattened the hat on my head and glared at her. There was no way I would let her do something that would make it easier for it to fall off my head.

"You men and your hats! Just let me inside your tunic for a while then!"

I opened up my shirt a little and she flew in, I would do anything to shut her up at this point. Hopefully I would accidentally trip well walking through the temple and splat! No more fairy!

Yeah right...

It was then I noticed where I was.

"Damn..."

I sounded impressed, and I was. If I thought the creepy Shadow Temple was well decorated, it had nothing on this place.

The walls were made of not rock or wood, but hardened magma. They had pillars shooting out lava all over the place too.

Now that was cool.

And the floor which was made of some kind of stone had some awesome red dust that would fly everywhere when I moved.

I hope it's not poisonous.

The room I was standing in was huge too.

And were those two doors at the end of it? Who puts doors down in the bottom of a volcano? And wouldn't your hand melt when you touched the handle?

Our ancestors were a bunch of twisted freaks.

The door to the right was completely covered by collapsed rocks; it looked like it would be impossible to get in there.

"Oh no! That's the boss room, and it's where the evil is coming from! Now we have to find another way in!" Navi turned a scary shade of yellow and circled around my head.

"So how do we get in there now?" It hurt me to actually ask her for help.

"Just go through the door on the left!"

I wish she would calm down; she was starting to scare me...

"And how do you expect me to touch the door?"

"I don't know! You place your hand on the door knob and turn it!"

I sighed in frustration and walked up the stairs towards the door.

Hey they even bothered to put stairs in a volcano too!

The door was locked. Damn. That means more searching the temple. I went for the other door, which was not locked I might add.

I'm not stupid. I know exactly when to stop pushing my luck when I'm doing anything. So I ripped a piece of my tunic sleeve off and put it on the door knob. And I was not at all surprised when it went up in flames.

"Navi the door knob is too hot to touch."

"What are you talking about? You have the gauntlets on! They should protect you from the heat!"

I looked at my hands. I did have gauntlets on but they only covered my palms, except for the one on my right hand which had leather covering my pointer and middle finger so I could shoot my bow without worrying about tearing the skin off them. That still doesn't help.

So I backed up a few paces and took out my shield.

"What are you doing Link?"

I put my shield in front of me and ran full speed towards the door with a loud battle cry.

The door must have been old or something because when I hit it, it shattered into pieces.

Maybe I shouldn't have used so much momentum…

And since I was still running at full speed, I just kept running.

No really, I can't stop.

My foot got caught on something again, and I fell flat on my face.

"You idiot! Why did you do that? They invented door knobs for a reason you know!"

She wiggled her way out of my shirt and flew into my face angrily.

I stood up and checked out the room. It was... Big... Full of lava... And rocks... And were those... Wooden bridges?

You've got to be kidding me.

"Link the chest is on the other side of the room! Let's go get it!"

Yeah, the other side of the room. Meaning I have to either cross the wooden bridges, or find some other way, which wasn't impossible but it looked difficult. The lava wasn't helping the problem at all.

"Are you too chicken to cross?"

"No."

Yes.

I would never admit it out loud though.

"Race ya!" She fluttered off, a trail of light following behind her.

I took one last look at the old bridge before I booked it.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, there was no 'foot breaking through rotten wood plank and falling to immediate death' like I thought there would be, but I did almost miss the giant hole in the middle of it, but I managed to jump over just in time.

And before I knew it, my foot touched the stone platform on the other side of the room. I was still alive. But I had to check my pulse just to make sure, so I quickly pressed my fingers to my jugular vein and sighed in relief when I felt a small flutter.

Navi flew into my face and bounced lightly off my forehead. "See! Nothing to be scared of!"

There was a loud snap behind me, I swerved around and watched as the ropes holding the bridge finally caught on fire. I watched as it hit the lava, going up in flames and raising the temperature a bit.

Navi ducked back into my shirt.

Well at least it wasn't as bad as being slime raped by a bunch of dead souls.

Did I just jinx myself?