Chapter three

Sakuno curled herself tighter into the blanket she was in. She'd been lying there since Sunday, not wanting to eat, but doing so when her grandmother brought her stuff up. She'd thrown up several more times, because she kept making herself sick with what she'd done. Her grandmother knew the signs of one of Sakuno's panic attacks, she would over worry until she made herself ill but when she threw up once or twice she'd calm down. Yet this time Sakuno wasn't calming down she was getting worse and she wouldn't tell her what it was, making her just that more worried. A doorbell brought Sumire, Sakuno's grandmother, out of her worried state as she went to see who it was.

When she opened the door, Ryoma was standing there, a worried look on his face. "What do you need Ryoma?"

"I came to see Sakuno, is it all right if I see her?" Sumire nodded, she could see that Ryoma was upset, and that he really wanted to see Sakuno. She hoped that whatever it was that was bothering Sakuno, Ryoma could make it better. Ryoma nodded in thanks, walking behind her and taking his shoes off before heading towards Sakuno's room. It was quiet in the hallway, Sakuno's usual amount of music silent. He knocked on the door, and opened it when he heard the low murmur of 'come in.' When he caught sight of Sakuno, Ryoma's guilt increased. She was pale and drawn, looking like she hadn't slept in two nights. She didn't seem aware that it was him, until he entered the room and shut the door. When the door's lock sounded she glanced away for the wall she was looking at and to Ryoma. Panic shown on her face when she saw him, sitting up and pulling her blankets more firmly around herself. Ryoma walked closer to her sitting down on the every edge at the end of her bed, the furthest away from where she leaned against the headboard and wall.

"Why are you here Ryoma?" She asked, she throat dry from all the puke.

"I came to see how you are, I was told you called in sick today." Sakuno nodded. "How are you feeling, I mean are you still in pain?" Sakuno blushed, but she answered anyway.

"I am still a little sore, but that's to be expected for your first time."

"And how are you feeling?"

"I'm still sick, but I think I'm finally coming to grips with it. I mean it could have been a lot worse." Ryoma winced and Sakuno's immediate response was to make him feel better. "Ryoma it's not your fault, it's mine I could have stopped you but I didn't. I wanted it, I just should have been more aware of what I was doing." Sakuno leaned forward and placed her hand on his. She was surprised, as was Ryoma, that she actually made the move to touch him. But she didn't pull away; she felt that she needed him, and that it was right he be here with her. They were silent just letting their hands touch.

When Ryoma turned his hand over to intertwine their fingers and to bring himself closer, he confessed. "I wasn't sure you'd even want to see me right now." Here he brought his head up to look straight into her eyes. "I just want to make this better for you, I don't know what I can do but I feel I needed to be with you."

"I felt that too." She whispered, "I guess we need the closure. Ryoma…" Sakuno didn't finish she didn't know what to say. After several minutes, she pulled on their hands, wanting to bring Ryoma closer to her. He gave a questioning look, but didn't pull away, as she brought him to her in a hug. "Ryoma can you hold me for a bit?" Ryoma nodded and shifted to where he was the one leaning against the headboard, Sakuno held in his arms, and he felt right. It felt right, like this was how it should have been that night, instead of how it was. Examine your feelings… Sakuno needs comfort, and a confidence that only you can give her. You need to support her. The words Tezuka had said came to mind. 'Examine my feelings. How do I feel towards her?' I love her as a friend, but I don't know if I'm in lover with her?... She's my best friend, and I don't want to lose that…. So what was different about this time?... You love your siblings, and your family, but it's a different kind of love. …I love her as a friend, but I don't know if I'm in lover with her? She's my best friend, and I don't want to lose that. I love her as a friend, but I don't know if I'm in lover with her…. I love her…. I love her. 'I love her, I'm in love her. I love Sakuno!'

The thought shook Ryoma to his foundation. Why hadn't it been obvious, how had he not realized that he loved her. She was the most important person to him, she was always there when he needed her, she supported him, made sure he was okay, checked up on him, he could talk to her for hours, or not say anything at all and she never seemed to mind. She knew more about him than anyone but his family. He called her when he was lonely or bored, he went to her for advice, and he was sure she did the same. He knew more about her than he did about anyone, he always tried to support her, and he cared when she was sick or not around, he got mad when she dated other guys and comforted her when she had a bad break up. And he'd been totally thrilled when he'd found out she hadn't had sex with anyone. Well she'd never had sex with anyone but him, him. "I don't plan on having sex until I'm… with someone I love."

'Could she love me and not realize it? We're not engaged, but does she love me enough that she let her guard down. Could that be why she let it continue?'Ryoma's brain whirled as thoughts formed and shifted. The guilt subsided, as hope flared, but should he tell her? Ryoma looked down at Sakuno, her eyes closed as she continued to hold on to him. He tightened his grip and let all his inhibitions go, he let himself feel letting his emotions take action. He leaned down, shifting and bringing her away from him so that their eyes met. She looked curiously up at him, wondering what the look in his eyes meant.

"Sakuno, do you love me?" He asked Sakuno's face brightened to a dark shade of red. "Do you?"

"Of course I do, you're my friend. How could I not care for you?" Ryoma shook his head.

"No I mean are you in love with me?" Silence came as Sakuno's eyes shifted, her face darkening even more, she seemed to be trying to get her thoughts in order, yet she still didn't answer. "Sakuno, do you!" He asked more forcefully.

"Y-Yes, I do." She said quickly to his action. She didn't look at him, she looked towards the wall. Ryoma's heart beat, as he brought his hands up from around her to cup her face and make her look towards him. She was crying again, and he used his thumbs to catch and wipe them away each one as they started to fall. Then he leaned forward and kissed her, a kiss not as unsimilar as the one that had gotten them into this mess. She tried to pull away, but he kept her still with his hands, bringing her closer to where she was practically laying on him. She hands supporting her on his chest, she tried a few more feeble times to push away, but soon they stopped. Her mouth opened to his administrations, and she moved even closer, bringing her hands up to hold his shoulders as well as support her.

When air became a problem, Ryoma brought his head up to look at her. The tears she'd been crying were still flowing, but a worried look now filled her eyes instead of the sadness as before. He moved his hand to caress her face, his other one sliding down her arm to her back, where he stilled it; his eyes never leaving hers so as not to scare her.

"Sakuno, I love you. I wish I'd said it before, but I didn't know myself. I never meant to hurt you, it's the last thing I ever want to do, but I love you, I want you. The other night, we got ahead of ourselves and that was a mistake on my part. I should have taken it slow and done it right. I've loved you for a long time, but I hid that away because I didn't think you felt the same. I thought you just wanted to be friends, and that's what I wanted too. But I want more than that, I don't want to lose you to anyone else, ever. I want to have you to myself and have that stay that way. I want to live with you and hold you, touch you, and be the only one that has the right too. Do you understand what I mean?" Sakuno's eyes held confusion and worry, but they also held the same feelings he felt in himself. "Do you feel the same?"

Sakuno nodded her head, letting it rest in the palm of his hand. "I felt that way for a long time, but you never seemed to care weather I dated someone or not, I felt you just wanted me as a friend, and I was honored that you wanted me as one. You don't seem to let many people get to know as well as I've been able too. And I didn't want to lose that." Ryoma leaned his head against hers, his hand moving from her face to the back of her neck, curling his fingers into her hair.

"Will you stay with me Sakuno? Will you be with me, forever?"

"I will." Sakuno said, bringing her head up as their lips met, kissing slowly, easily and with all love they could muster; forming a bond stronger than any sexual act could. They moved apart, smiling small smiles as the love they shared showed in their eyes for them to see. "I love you Ryoma."

"I love you too, Sakuno. And I want you to marry me." Sakuno moved back a little, forming a protest, but Ryoma cut her to the chase. "Not right now, but in the future, I'm going to take it slow like I should have, but I want you to know that in the end, that's my intention. I want to marry you, and spend the rest of my life making a new one for us to share. Will you share the rest of your life with me; will you marry me, Sakuno?" Ryoma watched as she exhaled, and then inhale. She smiled a beautiful smile that seemed to brighten her face and push away all the effects of her illness to the background.

"Yes. Yes I do." She giggled as Ryoma embraced her and laughed, feeling better and happier than she ever had in her life.

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