Me: Man these chapters come fast! Maybe its because I wanna get to ch 4 real bad haha.

Also if you have any ideas for the story please help me! My crack glands (the parts of my brain that hels me write) haven't been working lately and I need all the help I can get.

Disclaimer: Chihaya belongs to Hikari, Devon belongs to... Devon and Naruto dose not belong to me. I own all other OC's and any demonic rodents in this story.

Chapter 3: Akatsuki house cleaning wars!

"Okay everyone." Pein yelled, giving everyone a early start. It was 6 am and they had a big day ahead of them. "We are cleaning today, no if buts or complaints about it. Sasori, you're pluming in the kitchen while Deidara cleans it up. Hidan, get rid of the rats in the craw space. Kakuzu, the first upstairs bathroom. Itachi, Kisame, you two get Zetsu and clean up the backyard. Konan left already ot buy us food and utilities."

"What about you?" Hidan had the gall to ask. Pein glared at him before sharply answering.

"I bought a laptop to put important information on. I'll be spending all day working on it. So don't bother me.

And thus the war began

"Danna" Deidara looked questionably at the "Pluming for Dummies" book on Sasori's hand. "Are you sure you know how to fix pipes and stuff?"

"No." Sasori flipped quickly through the pages, skimming through the contents. "But how hard can it be."

"Are you sure you can do this?" Deidara stared at his can of bug killer. His job was to kill all the bugs. A very hard task considering all the cockroaches that keep running about.

"Deidara." Sasori tossed his book aside. "I have turned humans into puppets. Surely I can fix a few water pipes.

"If you say so." Deidara sprayed a wave of bug kill at the floor. Watching the bugs scurry for shelter.

Kakuzu opened his bottle of bleach, pouring the white substance over the brown and green floor of the first bathroom. How it got the color no one knows.

"Damn it." Hidan cursed, kicking the side of the house. "Why do they make me do all the hard jobs. Mother fucking heathens. Hidan kicked open the door to the craw space and started inside, not bothering to put a mask on over his face.

He didn't have to go far until he found his first find.

"What the hell!" He crawled forward and found a pile of nude, forged paintings. After making porno graphic jokes about the nude woman Hidan continued his perilous journey. The next thing he found was even weirder than the first.

It was an old record player, Hidan put the needle on and turned the crank. The record started to play but instead of beautiful music calls of bloody murder screeched from the player and Hidan smacked the needle off.

"Damn that gave me a heart attack." Hidan kept crawling, preparing for whatever else he'll find down her.

Hidan did find a third crazy thing but it was so disgustingly gross that the authoress decided to save the readers stomaches and not put what it was in the story. Lets just say Hidan wished he was as lucky as you readers are. Not only did he have to see it but he also had to touch and smell it.

He passed out from the experience and will have nightmares for the next few weeks.

"Is this a jungle, or a back yard." Kisame asked as the three of them stood on the back porch. Kisame looked to Zetsu for answers but the plant man was talking with a wild rose bush. "Okay... Well I guess its up to you and me Itachi."

Itachi glared at Kisame before siting down in a white lawn chair.

Kisame sighed and picked up a rake. "Just me then..." So one man... er... one fish man talked the garden from hell.

Spray

Spraaaaay

Spraaaaaaaaaaaay

Deidara gritted his teeth as he finished off his 7th can of bug spray. He swore that the cockroaches had little gas masks or something because they just wouldn't die. Fumes filled the air and he started to fell a little woozy.

Meanwhile Sasori has started working on the pipes, staring down at the tools in his hands. He still had no clue what to do and the more he looked the harder and harder the pipes appeared. So Sasori did the best thing he could think of and just started randomly attacking the pipes.

Hidan cleared out the crawl space of all unnecessary objects and continued to crawl further and further down. Up ahead was a large KPS (Konoha Postal Service) box. Hidan saw a small brown rat run past him and into a hole in the box.

"Gotcha." Hidan smirked, pulling his pike from his belt. "Time to die rat bitches. I've had anger issues with rodents ever since that demon squirrel got the best of me. It's pay back time."

Kisame was deep into the hell of their back yard. So far, the long grass has destroyed two lawn mowers and the bushes ate (yes ate) three of the bush tirmers. Now he faced the challenge of man eating plants. The sharp toothed pods snapped at Kisame's feet and he fought them off with Samehada.

"Don't do that." Zetsu appeared from the ground. "That is a rare species of carnivorous plant.... and my sisters ex girlfriend...."

"Dude." Kisame shook his head. "You have a more messed up family than I do."

"Shsssh, He's touchy about that."

"I am not touchy. You're going to die for that fish man. I'll roast you live over a fire."

"... Itachi.... I need back up..."

(from far away) "You lack balls, Kisame.

Kakuzu finally got the floors all white and pretty, though the room with filled with the noxious smell of bleach. He was shuffling though the medicine cabinet.

"Hmm, whats this?" He pulled out a dust covered box. Blowing it off he discovered that it was a box of Bayer Asprin dated from 1959. He shook the box. "Still full....." He pocketed the box for use later. Hey? Why waste money when you have a full box already?

the entire kitchen was white with smoke as Deidara sprayed the cockroaches. 12 can's he's gone though and not one dead bug yet. Frustrated beyond belife he pulled his clay out and made hundreds of miniature bombs.

"Eat C2 you cockfuckers!" And the kitchen exploded in a burst of fire and rubble. Sasori who was working on the pipes was thrown into the very pipes he was attempting to fix and not only did he tear them all out but he also hit the "water back up to the bathroom" lever. Now why such a thing is there? The authoress would be glad to answer any questions on the subject. Just call 1-800-I GOTZQUESTIOSN ANDIWANTANSWERSNAO. A secretary will answer your call and tell you to hold.

With sadistic glee Hidan stabbed the KPS box, opening hole after hole. The pitiful little rat sequels of death was like music to his ears.

"Die bitches" Hidan laughed and laughed as the rat slaughter continued. Just as he felt he had finished the job something growled from beside him. Hidan turned to his side and saw a rat the size of a cat, its teeth bared. "So the queen bitch has decided to come out." Hidan griped his pike tighter. "Well? Come at me bitch."

The rat lunged forward with lightning speed and bit off Hidan's entire nose. He screamed and crawled back, the rat ran off into the KPS box, its trophy in tow. Hidan fumbled out of the crawlspace and layed there on the ground.

"Fucking... bitch" he swore.

Kakuzu was idly looking at all the pipes under the sink when her hear a low rumbling sound. It was faint at first but gradually grew louder and louder.

A thin trickle of water oozed out from one of the pipe joins and then all hell broke lose. The pipes burst and water rushed out, hitting Kakuzu square in the chest. He was flung back and out the lard open window. Now a fall from the second story window and be a bad thing, even for an Akatsuki. Thankfully for Kakuzu he had a nice landing spot.

Yes folks, Kakuzu landed on Hidan, who was still recovering from his unfortunate rat attack.

Itachi tried to ignore Kisame's pleas of help as Zetsu chased him around the garden with a chainsaw. But the bitchen stops now. Activating his sharringan Itachi stared down the plants and grass.

"Plants... you lack hated." His eyes spun Kisame and Zetsu just barely missed the power Ameratsu attack as the black fire burned the whole back yard to a crisp.

"Itachi!! What the hell do you think you're doing!" Kisame cried in anguish as the wild green was consumed by the hungry black fire.

"Helping." Itachi says simply, using his fire jutsu to speed up the process.

"Put it out! You'll burn down the neighbors yards too!"

Itachi ignored Kisame, why? Because Uchiha's don't make mistakes thats why.

"Whats going on out there?" Pein called from the window, laptop in hand. "WHAT THE HELL!!" Pein stared as the back yard disappeared in a wave of fire. "ITACHI!!!" He jumped out from the window but failed to see Hidan and Kakuzu still on the ground.

As soon as he made the jump he tripped on them both and the laptop went flying from his hand and into the neighbors yard.

"No!" Pein walked up to the side of the tall fence. "That had all of the Akatsuki secrets on it!! Alright new mission! Get everyone together and go get that laptop back! But I don't want any bloodshed! Get it back peacefully!!"

The Akatsuki nodded and rushed inside to get Deidara and Sasori before heading over next door.

Their nightmare was just about to begin.

Next time! Chapter 4: The mysterious Hime's haunted house!

Me: Yosh! Did this chapter have enough humor for ya? I've been trying so hard for this to be crack but I guess my crack glands are failing me. I'll keep trying but you have to keep reviewing!!!