Erwin just can't focus on anything. He tries, he really tries but he always gets back to Levi in his thoughts.
The certain corporal is sleeping right now in his room in the hospital.
Erwin can't wait for the end of work today. For the last four days Levi's been in the treatment of healers. He still has a heavy fever. When he regains consciousness, it's only for few minutes and he hallucinates.
Healers say it's normal for people who lose a limb. They say Levi's body fights infection. In these days it will show if Levi survives of dies.
And Erwin must be there – in his office and the only thing that keeps him company is paperwork until he's done for today. He wants to be with Levi and waits for him to wake up. Because Erwin knows that he's not going to die.
But Erwin also knows it's not going to be easy.
The blond puts a pencil down next to one of the paper and gets up. After he leaves the office, he shuts the door and heads to the hospital – again.
There have always been rumors about him and Levi but now Erwin finally confirms it by his behavior. He visits Levi as often as he can. It's almost a miracle the healers manage to talk him to leave.
Even blind can now see that Erwin and Levi are lovers. And Erwin doesn't give a shit about that.
People on the halls looks at him as he's walk through. They salute to him and in the moment they think he can't hear them they talk about him and Levi. How it's unfortunate what happened to Levi.
Erwin knows if it would be him in the hospital and Levi walking through hall, he would start giving terrifying looks and everybody would shut up. But he isn't Levi. He learned ignore things which piss him off.
After few minutes of walking, when he enters hospital, a nurse is already waiting for him. It's the same nurse that assisted during Levi's operation. Erwin learned that her name is Elisha and she is in charge of the department Levi is in.
"Hello." she smiles at him.
Erwin only nods before asking: "How is he?"
"The fever has gone down during this night and day." Elisha smiles even more. "Mr. Miller was here just about an hour ago. He said corporal is going to make it."
Erwin feels huge relief. He wants to grab a chair and just sit on it hiding his face in his hands and sit there until he's able to stand again.
But he can't do that. He's the commander. So he just nods.
Finally he enters Levi's room. The corporal sleeps again; pillows support his back so he is half-sitting half-lying. The healer – Miller – said that it's necessary for the ribs to heal properly. He has bandage almost everywhere; on his head, his chest and his legs but Erwin can't see them because most of them are under a white blanket.
Levi is still pale and sweaty but it's not as bad as it's been until today.
"I'll leave you alone." Elisha says.
"Yes, thank you." Erwin doesn't look at her as she leaves.
He waits until he hears silent sound of closed door. Then he takes a chair from corner of the room and puts it right next to Levi's bed. He sits and slowly reaches out his hand to Levi's. It's warm and it reminds Erwin his lover is still alive. It also helps Erwin not to hear Levi's screams again and again in his mind.
The blond feels so tired. He hasn't slept well until now.
Erwin looks at Levi's hand. It looks really small and delicate in his much larger hands.
The blond softly smiles because Levi's not delicate, not weak, either.
Everything's going to be alright, not right away but they'll make it. Just like always.
When Erwin wakes up, it's already night. Behind windows is darkness and the only source of light is a kerosene lamp somebody had to light while he was sleeping.
He has his head leaned on Levi's mattress so he slowly straightens his back. He also has some serious pain in his neck. He raises his hands to massage the place but he stops in the moment he sees Levi's silver eyes open.
The corporal doesn't look at him, though. He looks through the window. His face shows no expression like always.
Erwin is usually very good at knowing other's people thoughts but it's different with Levi.
With normal people he sees everything – what they're thinking, their potential, everything. He is able to communicate with them and manipulate them to do what he wants without their noticing. But with Levi, it's like standing on a hill in the dark, and then a lightning lights the scenery up and Erwin is able to see everything; what is Levi thinking, what is he feeling, but only for few seconds. After that there is only darkness again and Erwin has to move only according to his memory; carefully and hoping he doesn't make a bad step.
That's the way his and Levi's relationship is. Levi isn't a sharing type and when he finally shows his feeling to Erwin, it's only for a few minutes, and then Erwin must improvise. On one side he hates the uncertainty about Levi but on other side it's something Erwin always admires about him.
"Levi." Erwin says silently. He gently rubs Lavi's hand which he hasn't let go even in his sleep.
Levi doesn't say anything and Erwin doesn't force him to.
They just stay like this for few minutes before the lance corporal squeezes his hand and that's the lightning Erwin needed to see. It lights the scenery up and he knows what he has to do.
So the blond gets up during which he let go of Levi's hand and then sits carefully next to him. Even more carefully he let his hand wrap around Levi's shoulders. He tries not to put his weight on Levi as he sits.
Erwin kisses his temple and Levi leans to him but only a little. His chest is probably still hurting. He's also very hot because of fever but the healer was right – it's not as bad as it was.
They just are like that for some time. It looks like hours for Erwin but it can be actually only few minutes.
"Do you remember our conversation?" Levi says all of sudden.
"Which one?" Erwin asks although he thinks he knows.
"Don't play dumb." the blond can tell Levi's numbness has changed into anger – Levi's always been moody – but anger is good, Erwin can deal with anger. "You know I've once told you I would rather die than be a fucking cripple."
That's truth. Levi told Erwin he doesn't want to live if a titan eats some of his limbs. It was one of those dark conversations in middle of the night Levi can't sleep and they just lie in the bed and talk.
"Yeah, I remember that." Erwin answers.
"You should let me die." Levi grumbles at him.
The blond tights embrace but not that it hurts. "That's what you want to but it's not my wish. I want you to live." he says.
Levi is silent for few minutes before: "You're such a selfish bastard."
Erwin smiles a little: "I know. You make sure I remember that."
Another silent minutes pass and it's Levi once again who breaks the silence: "When I can go home?"
Erwin takes a deep breath before answering: "Your left leg will take two, three weeks. Healing your ribs will take some more time and you also shouldn't move much until that. You must stay still in this position – Half-sitting, half-lying."
"Stupid." Levi says.
Erwin smiles and because he feels sentimental, he leans to Levi, turns around Levi's head and softly kisses him.
Levi returns the kiss and after few seconds leans to Erwin more but hisses instantly and jerks
The blond immediately pulls away.
"Fucking ribs." Levi growls before Erwin can ask if he's alright.
Once again silence falls upon them.
Erwin almost falls asleep but just before he does Levi's movement makes his eyes wide open. He watches Levi as the smaller male tries to throws his leg over the edge of the bed.
"What are you doing?" Erwin asks.
"Nothing." Levi says but doesn't stop trying to get up.
"It doesn't seem like nothing to me. Levi you can't just-"
"I need to piss." Levi male interrupts him.
"Oh." Erwin swallows. "Well, then let me hel-"
"I don't need your help!" the corporal hisses.
Erwin raises eyebrows. "Levi, one of your legs has been amputated and the other one is still broken and unhealed. Of course you need my help."
Levi stays silent for few seconds. "I still feel it, you know? My right leg. Why do I still feel it if it's gone? It hurts like hell."
Erwin gets up and walks around the bed so he stands in front of Levi. "It's called a phantom limb. Patients who have lost their limbs can still feel them. Sometimes it might also hurt you."
Levi looks Erwin in the eyes. "I'm sorry." Erwin says. "I should be there with you. I should-"
"If you say one more thing I swear to god I'll choke you, blond bastard!" Levi growls. "You should stop acting like Mr. It's-All-My-Fault and better help me. I still need to piss, you piece of shit."
Erwin smiles a bit. "You are as charming as always, Levi." He says before he gently lifts Levi up.
"I said shut up."